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Insomnia

Summary:
Edward never returned in New Moon. Bella is celebrating her 21st brithday & is finally ready to get on with her life. But then strange occurunces throught out the day, make her doubt her own sanity. Could Edward really be back?


Notes:
Ok so this story came to me over a period of Insomnia one night (hence the title). It started off as a oneshot, but then developed into so much more. I became so obsessed with the fic, in the next following weeks, that I even started to dream about it & infact chapter 10, is actually loosely based on a dream of mine. My first ever twilight fanfiction that I ever wrote, hope you like. =D


11. Chapter 11 - Dreaming

Rating 3.7/5   Word Count 2661   Review this Chapter

I wanted to dance, sing, laugh & cry all at once. I could hear the heart monitor beeping at an unusually fast pace next to me. I tried to lunge myself, yet again from the hospital bed, yet again forgetting all the things that were stuck into. This time I didn’t notice the pain as much, I was after all too distracted for that, but I did lean back in my bed, just to avoid anymore injuries.

He stood there by the door for several seconds. Doing exactly what I was doing at that very moment, taking in every aspect at the person before us. We didn’t speak, we didn’t have to. The moment just seemed perfect as it was. It reminded me of one of those old fashioned movies, the very thought of it made me feel warm inside.

He moved towards my bed slowly even for a human, especially for him. I watched him, he seemed so graceful, so beautiful, I heard & felt my heart flutter inside me. He never took his eyes off me either & for some reason, for this I felt a little shy, embarrassed. What a mess, I must have looked in front of him, the exquisite inhuman creature, but the way he looked at me, you would have thought I was the most beautiful person in the world. And what’s more, though there was still so much to ask, my mouth stayed clamped shut & my eyes could not look away, it was almost as if I actually was intoxicated by his presence.

He sat himself on the side of my bed. Again for several moments we just sat there and stared at each other. The instant should have been awkward but it was exactly the opposite, I felt at peace with it & probably the happiest I had ever felt.

Eventually, he lifted his hand and brushed a strand of hair behind my ear before returning to my cheek & gently stroking it. His touch was ice cold, yet it felt right, it felt nice, in a way I didn’t want it to stop. The heart monitor was now beeping faster & louder, I felt a little annoyance for my obviousness. He chuckled at it, the sound was gentle & harmonious. His eyes met back to mine.

“How are you feeling?” he said, his voice was exactly how I remembered it, it tickled my very insides.

There were a million things, that I wanted to say, wanted to ask, most of all, wanted to do, but I managed was…

“Good.”

He chuckled again & smiled my favourite crooked smile of his. What an idiot I must have seemed. I mean that was all I could come up with. I blamed the fact, that I was still very much intoxicated by his presence.

I decided that I needed to redeem myself a little.

“Edward you’re back but how…why…what…” It wasn’t exactly the way I wanted to ask it, but he seemed to understand where I was coming from.

He took his hand away from my cheek & instead cupped it under my chin.

“Isn’t it obvious I told you once that I couldn’t stay away, that I wasn’t strong enough. And the truth is I can’t. I’ve tried for so long but I really can not.”

He took his other hand & cupped it round my other cheek, there was barely inches between us.

“Where…where have…where have you been?” I stuttered, I was hardly breathing by his closeness.

“For the most part I was…” he paused he turned his face away from me & I was now facing the miniscule window. “I was tracking Victoria” I winced at the name. “But after she was eerr…dealt with. I have been moving around Europe for a while…alone.”

It took me a moment to take it all in. It made me feel a little queasy in my stomach. Edward had taken on Victoria, the women I had learned had wanted to kill me. I felt relieved that as he had said he had ‘dealt’ with her, but my mind starting switching the scenario, seeing Edward ending in her situation. It sickened me, the world without Edward, was unbearable to think of. He had also said that he had been alone, did that mean he had not seen his family? Had he really been alone? The thought sickened me even more.

“But what about Carlisle, Esme, Alice, your family?” I noticed that I was barely whispering & that my words were deep, as I felt I was on the brink of tears.

“I haven’t seen Carlisle or Esme or anyone else for nearly as long I last saw you. I visited at first every now & again, but it wasn’t the same. It’s been over 2 years now.”

His words stung. All this time, Edward had been alone, he had, had no one to turn to. He hadn’t had a home, a family, friends. I felt ashamed. I had considered my life terrible since he had left, but the truth was it must have been nothing compared to his.

My eyes were once again starting to swell with tears. I blinked furiously to stop them, but Edward brushed then away with his finger tips.

It was at that point that I noticed his eyes dark & raven black & he had shadows underneath them like that of a human who hadn’t slept. I knew what this meant, he hadn’t hunted. I felt another twinge of guilt.

“It’s ok now Bella.” He returned his hands to my chin. “I’m back Bella. And this time I’m not going anywhere. I told you I’m not strong enough, I’m truly not. I promise”

I was about to answer him. Tell him he couldn’t keep a promise like that. He had said that before & yet he had left. Just as I opened my mouth, he spoke again.

“Alice is in the waiting room. Carlisle & the others will be here later. They’ve all been missing you Bella”

I pictured Edwards beautiful family in my head. I had missed them all. I really had. Though I had missed Edward most, I had always wished to see his family again also. I wondered how I would react to them, it would be different to the way I had with Edward, but I would undoubtedly be happy to see them. Even Rosalie, even though we had never got along or even directly spoke, I felt excited at the thought of seeing her again. I wondered though, how she would react to me. Then there was also Jasper, I needed to see him most out of the family, I wanted him to understand that I had forgiven him, for what had happened & that he should not have felt guilty for it. And then there was Alice, quirky little, eccentric Alice. She had been the best friend anyone could’ve asked for. She was stubborn & loved to force me into things that I didn’t want to do, but well that was part of why I loved her so much. I felt a little guilty towards Rayen, that I considered a girl I hadn’t seen in 3 years my best friend.

This all seemed too unreal to be true. Edward here, Alice in the waiting room, the rest of the Cullen’s coming. Then the thought dawned on me, what if this wasn’t true, what if as cliché as it sounded this was all just a dream.

I bowed my head in shame. If I was dreaming then I wanted never to wake up, this was all too perfect.

Edward noticed the hurtful look in my eye, he stared at me confused. I silently wished that this could be real.

“This…it’s…this…I’m…” I was sobbing now, I couldn’t control the tears that ran down my face. “I’m dreaming aren’t. I’m dreaming. Oh god, I’m such a fool. I’m dreaming.”

He wiped away the tears from my eyes once more & the ones that were now teaming now my face. He moved himself even closer to me, now I was barely centimetres apart from his perfect face.

“Bella this isn’t a dream.” I could feel the scent of his breath against my face. It all seemed so lifelike so real. “I’m not a dream. I may be a nightmare but I’m not a dream. You must believe that Bella.”

“Yeah.” I said managing to gather myself to together a little. “That’s exactly what you would say in my dream.”

He laughed a little at that, but his eyes still smouldered me. I felt idiotic the moment the words left my lips. What must I have sounded like? I was never as good with words as he was.

“Bella what must I do, to make you believe you’re not dreaming?”

But I didn’t even get time to answer, as by the time I opened my mouth, he had already granted my wish. He pressed his ice cold lips against mine & instantly I replied to him. It wasn’t as passionate as the one we had shared in the alley way but that would have proved quite difficult whilst sitting in a hospital bed with needles stuck in my arms, but it was much less careful than the ones we had shared before it. I forgot about the concept of dreaming & thought only of him, of us. I didn’t want it to stop, not as soon, as it did, but I found myself feeling dizzy from the lack of oxygen. Edward gently pulled us apart. I was panting for my breath. If I was intoxicated by his presence before I was high now.

He was smirking slightly but his eyes still showed worried for me.

“Now do you believe that you’re not dreaming?” He raised an eyebrow to me.

Still feeling dizzy from moments ago, it took me a while to gather round my words but he didn’t seem annoyed by that, in fact he just sat patiently.

“So, Okay, I’m not dreaming.” I took at least the time to make light of the conversation. “And I’m not dead, am I?”

“No Bella, you’re most certainly not dead.” He chortled to himself.

“Hallucinating?”

“No, at least I don’t think so.”

“So the 3 singing smurfs in the corner are real too?”

We both laughed. I felt like I’d never laughed so much in a long time & in truth maybe I hadn’t. Just the thought of Edward here beside me, in person, the term I felt I could do back flips would be right, although that technically would be difficult at the moment, especially as it was me the girl who didn’t even master a roly-poly until she was 10.

Nevertheless, my mind started to wander slightly & I noticed I still had one important question, that still hadn’t been fully answered.

“But Edward I still don’t understand. Why?”

“Why what?” He looked confused.

“Why did you come back?”

“I told you Isabella Swan.” He started to brush his hands through my matted hair. “I can’t stay away from you.”

I shook my head, he wasn’t going to get away with just that.

“But I don’t understand. You said, that you didn’t love me the same anymore. You said that you didn’t want to pretend to be human. You said that you didn’t want me anymore. You said you would never returned, you promised you wouldn’t but now…why?”

“Bella.” He took my face in his hands once more. “It was all part of an act. I left Bella, to make it so you would be safe. So you could live a normal human life, a life you couldn’t lead with me in your life. That night with Jasper, well it just put everything into perspective for me.”

“But, but, you said…but…” I couldn’t get my words out, I was thankful when he interrupted me.

“It was a lie Bella. Everything I said to you Bella that night was a lie. I’m a good liar Bella, you know that. I was surprised though at how you believed me so easily. All the times I had said I loved you, all those times we had spent together. I’m ashamed at the way I did it Bella, I really am, but It was the only way you could let me go. The only way I could let you go. I was hoping you would hate me & move on with your life. Even though I knew, I never could.”

“But, the distractions. You said your kind could get distracted easily.” I managed to blurt out.

“Again another part of the lie.” He said. “We do have distractions that’s true but nothing could distract me from you. Would it sound to cliché to say that you were always on my mind.”

I wanted to believe him, so badly, but I couldn’t believe that he could love me, not in the way I loved him. I mean how could this god-like inhumanly gorgeous creature could ever love plain old Bella Swan. It didn’t add up, it wasn’t possible.

“But, you still have answered my question. Why did you come back? I mean you managed for this long.”

“Again you overestimate me Bella. For me it has not been a very long time at all, not really. And yet it has been pure torture. And I haven’t managed for this long, every September 13th for 3 years now, I have returned. As cowardly & pathetic as it may seem I wanted to see you actually enjoying your birthdays growing older but I decided this year would be my last, I had promised you & I intended to keep my promise. But then that morning, I heard your voice, it all came flushing back to me. I went to our meadow, I was believe it or not confused. And when I returned to bid you my last goodbye, I saw his…his thoughts…”

He clenched his eyes together, his eyebrows knitting together. He looked furious & yet at the same time on the brink of tears, even though I knew that was impossible. I held my hands out, I shook slightly at what his reaction might be, and pulled my arms round his neck.

He finally spoke again.

“I couldn’t let him do that to you. I was to save you & then leave but then when I saw you, I knew I couldn’t. I couldn’t leave you Bella. I can’t, like I said I’m simply not strong enough.”

“Oh, Edward.” Was all I could manage to say & I buried my head in his shoulder.

“But this time.” Edward said calmly. “Things will be different. As strange as it is for me to say, this whole experience has changed me, has made me grow up you could say. All the time before I did things only for what I thought was best for you, not what you actually wanted. Now things will change, I promise. And this time I intend to keep my promise. I will leave, only if you want me to leave. If you feel that you want to become like…like…like me, then I will grant you that wish. If you want to carry on with the life you currently lead, then I respect that also that. I only want you to be happy Bella, that’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

It took me some time to get my head around everything he had said. It was different to everything he had every said before. He had even offered to change me, but only if I wanted it. And his every single word dripped with honesty. There was no way I couldn’t believe him. I felt on top of the world, the aches in my body mattered no longer.

“Of course most of that can be discussed later. But I am curious to know, will you take me back?”

I really didn’t know how to answer, I wanted to say something witty & romantic, but couldn’t conjure anything to mind. So I just entangled my hands in his bronze coloured hair and pressed my lips firmly against his. He responded almost instantaneously, wrapping his arms around my waist. When the kiss finally ended, when I was in much need of air, I cursed my human lungs he spoke.

“I guess that’s a yes then.”