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Insomnia

Summary:
Edward never returned in New Moon. Bella is celebrating her 21st brithday & is finally ready to get on with her life. But then strange occurunces throught out the day, make her doubt her own sanity. Could Edward really be back?


Notes:
Ok so this story came to me over a period of Insomnia one night (hence the title). It started off as a oneshot, but then developed into so much more. I became so obsessed with the fic, in the next following weeks, that I even started to dream about it & infact chapter 10, is actually loosely based on a dream of mine. My first ever twilight fanfiction that I ever wrote, hope you like. =D


7. Chapter 7 Truth

Rating 3.3/5   Word Count 1535   Review this Chapter

“So, let me get this straight.” Sam said, picking up nuts from one of the several mixed nut bowls laid across the table. “This guy - shall we call him Jack - this Jack he’s your best friend. Yes am I right? And he asked you to marry him. But you can’t because you’re still in love with - shall we call him Joe - you’re still in love with Joe. And you haven’t seen Joe for over what 3 years.”

I hadn’t told him exactly my whole story, he probably thought I was crazy enough as it was, never mind If I started raving on about vampires & werewolves. I couldn’t even get myself to tell him the names, that would have just made it all the more personal. But I told him enough, how Edward had just left, how I could never really get over him, how Jacob had been there for me at my time of need & was now prepared to marry me. I had told this stranger, this violent looking beefy middle aged man who’s first name was all I knew about him, more than I’d told anyone else, more than I’d even told my Jacob. It was funny how in such a desperate time I found the comfort in a stranger.

As he told my worries back to me, it just showed even more how pathetic I must appear. I was the silly little girl, who couldn’t let go of the past, of some teenage fling, of a boy she hadn’t seen in years & for that denied the boy who truly loved her. Pathetic indeed. Yet somehow, I couldn’t put myself in those shoes even though it was almost definitely true. Edward was something more to me than just a fling, I did no still do love him & I had once believed that he had loved me back, it was foolish to think like that, but I truly had.

Sam waited silently & patiently for my answer, slowly chewing on another handful of nuts.

“Yeah, yeah, that’s pretty much it.”

It felt awful to admit it, like somebody had ripped my heart away completely but in a way it also felt quite good, I had finally got this worry off my chest & out in the open.

“Well, well then we do have a problem.”

I didn’t answer, more tears flowed from down my cheeks. He leaned his hand that didn’t hold the nuts over to my face & dried away the puddle that had formed in the bags underneath my eyes.

“I suppose you want my opinion,” He took his hand away from my face & tucked it into his trouser pocket, fumbling for something. He found it eventually. He showed me a crumpled old picture of a women, mid thirties maybe forties, she wasn’t pretty per se but quite unusual looking she had dark curly red hair & even in the photo you could see her piercing green eyes. I looked up to find Sam eyes were brimming with tears, this women was obviously something special to him. “This is my Barbara, my Babs she always went by Babs. Left me too, to cancer, it’ll be 16 years next June. 16 painful years. I’ll never love another women like my Babs. No, I’ll always love my Babs.”

The tears were now rushing down his cheeks, I felt that I was now the one to be caring for him. He too had lost the one he loved, but his story made mine seem stupid & childish, this was his wife, his soul mate, a women he had vowed to spend the rest of his life with, but she had left him unwillingly, taken away by a wretched disease. I felt guilty, ever so guilty & had been feeling sorry for myself, I had been selfish. It had never even crossed my mind, that there were others out there suffering so much more than I was & now one of those sat across me at my very table.

“But,” he continued. “Life is lonely, ever so lonely. I have my two sons. There’s Jimmy he’s a car mechanic, lives up in Seattle, has a wife & a baby, little Sammy Junior. Then there’s Dan, living the life of riley so I’ve heard over in New York it’s self. They visit from time to time but they have their own lives to lead don’t they.”

He wiped his eyes with his sleeve & picked up another handful of the soggy nuts.

“Course, I wouldn’t mind some company. No one could replace my Babs, I know that, I’ve always known that. But maybe I could ‘ave settled for another lost soul. Maybe the days wouldn’t feel as lonely as long & as tedious as they are. Babs didn’t want me to lead a lonely life, she wanted me to remarry but at the time such thoughts were excruciating to me. But now, now that I think about its she was right, well she was always right my Babs weren’t she. I could’ve remarried, learned to love another, maybe not love her the same way I did Babs but love her all the same.”

He warmly smiled at me, his eyes still red & wide from his previous tears.

“Of course.” he said in merely a whisper. “I’ll be 60 in a couple of months time. Its too late, way to late for me. I’ll just to keep on living the way I do. But lovey, Angela it’s not too late for you, you are young. Remember lovey time doesn’t heal your wombs, only doing something about them does.”

And somehow I knew exactly where this lonely old man was coming from. No one could ever replace my Edward but just like Sam’s Babs he had left me & he wasn’t coming back, it was the closest thing to as if he had died. I had to keep on living, though. He was right, I was still young. Marriage was perhaps a little too far, but If I just gave Jacob a chance, if I just saw him from a different perspective, had real dates with him, then maybe my life would not be wasted. Maybe, there was only one way of finding out.

“Thank you , thank you ever so much. Oh just thank you.” My words seemed so loud to how I had spoken earlier that it almost seemed like I was shouting. I kissed Sam’s forehead in gratefulness.

“Anytime Bella.” A wide smirk appeared across his face.

What, how huh? My thoughts were rapid. How did he know my name? Had I accidentally said it? Did I perhaps know him from somewhere? How on earth did this man know my name?

“It’s been a while, since I last saw Charlie. Helped me out with a bit of trouble I had down here a few years back. Didn’t change much, as you can see. Good man he is. Very good man, He...” He paused .He had obviously saw the horrified look that was now spread across my face. This man knows Charlie I thought so my secrets pretty much out. Now, what am I going to do? The very thought of it horrified me, Charlie finding out about this evening about all my very clandestine dark secrets. I shuddered to think what would happen.

Sam put his hands on my shoulder, gripping them slightly with his wide fingers.

“Don’t you worry know lovey. My lips are sealed. I promise. I don’t really think Charlie would be too pleased to hear his daughters been hanging around in bars, never mind her complicated love life. Yes, I believe it’s better off Charlie not knowing.”

“Thank you” was all I could manage to say.

“No problem now lovey. Now get your little ass out of here, you here me.”

I reached into my pocket for my purse, to pay him for the god-knows-how-many drinks I had, had. He gently pushed my hand away.

“On the house lovey. And I mean it.” He reached into his own jean pocket & produced a tattered brown wallet. He pulled out of his wallet two green notes. “Here this ought to do for a cab & don’t go all modest on me, take it, you deserve it”

He passed me the money, then walked over to a new cluster of people, that hadn’t been there when I had originally walked in which seemed like such a long time ago now, this time 4 men in there late twenties, all wearing the same blue hoodies. Some sort of club, I thought to myself.

I walked to the door, paused & turned to look around the bar. It seemed so much more harmless than it had done when I first walked in. This was Sam’s place, Sams Shed as it was rightly called, only a small little hut at the edge of town. It had a bad reputation & it certainly lived up to it, but somehow the place didn’t seem that bad to me. I would never return, I was certain of that, but an element of me felt sad about that fact. And I felt my eyes beginning to brim once again.

I walked through the door, out into the torrential rain pour, ready & certain to get a new start at life.