Sometimes Goodbye Is A Second Chance

CHAPTER FOURTEEN: Our Story, part 2

I want you, just exactly like I used to

And baby this is only bringing me down

I said I want you, just exactly like I used to

And baby this is only bringing me down

- I Want You by Kings Of Leon

Jasper’s POV

I tried not to shut the door too loudly as I exited the bedroom, unfortunately I was unsuccessful. My emotions were a mess and I didn’t know what to think. I went downstairs, grabbed a shirt from the couch and proceeded straight out the door. I walked into the woods and hit the first tree I could find. I needed to get some of this anger out of me. All this time I had thought she had had enough of me and that I wasn’t good enough for her. Leaving in that way because she couldn’t admit it in my face; only to find out it wasn’t like that at all.

I knew that Maria was never any good, but I thought Alice knew that as well. She even worked with her, how could she not see through her? But Maria was a good actress; I had to admit that. I remember clearly how those weeks turned out. She had started harassing me right after Alice’s accident and wouldn’t take no for an answer. She kept pushing and pushing.

At first she just made small talk and was nice to me and I didn’t think much of it. But then she started touching me and meeting me everywhere and that was when I started to get suspicious. She pretended to be my friend, but let me know that she wanted more. She wasn’t very subtle about it. And after the flirtation she became bolder, making open advances; trying to make me slip up and actually sleep with her. Then she would have something she could hold against me. But I never gave in; the thought didn’t even ever cross my mind. Alice was all that mattered.

The next thing I knew, Maria was everywhere. She followed me around and started stalking me. I confronted her one day, telling her to stop or I would press charges; but she didn’t give up. I have been such an idiot for not telling Alice about it, but I didn’t want her to worry. She had enough problems as it was. Turns out to be the biggest mistake I ever made.

What I didn’t mention to Alice before was that Maria’s behavior got out of hand the last week before Alice left. She started threatening me; telling me Alice might end up hurt. That was what made me go to the police, but they didn’t take the threats seriously. They said nothing could be done, because I didn’t have any real proof and it was just my word against hers. Their hands were supposedly tied. And Maria played her cards well. She had a boy toy on the side, and he supported her story, so nothing could be done. I tried to figure something out on my own, because if the police wouldn’t deal with her, I would. I kept planning and thinking how to best deal with her, and didn’t pay much attention to Alice. If I had, maybe I would have noticed. And then suddenly, Alice was gone. And of course fates would have it that in the weeks that followed Alice’s disappearance; the Maria problem got solved as well.

“Damn you, Maria, for ever getting mixed up in our lives!” I yelled. She destroyed everything she came in touch with. But I would not give her all the credit; because even though she caused or started this, unfortunately, the mess was on Alice and I. I remember the last time I saw Maria; her doctor had come to take her away, back to Mexico. And I came to see her one last time; to get some closure on that chapter of my life. It was a couple of weeks after Alice left.

She looked up at me with her brown eyes. I have to admit she was quite an exotic beauty; if her heart wouldn’t be so black, she would be a catch.

“I see you’ve come to say goodbye,” she said sadly.

I nodded, “I have.”

“Why did you need to tell them about me? We could have been so happy together, Jazz.” She said, living in her fantasy. Her doctor told me her mind was protecting her from the reality and that she was living in the world she created. And even though on the outside she was stalking me and was obsessed with me; she really believed it was real and that the feeling was mutual. In cases like hers, the whole obsession starts with a simple, uneventful action or meeting. I might have smiled at her or said something to her that triggered an emotion in her; and she immediately thought I had feelings for her, too. And so the obsession started. No matter what I did, she thought it was all for her and that in the end we would be together and happy.

Maria was sick and in a way I was lucky because these obsessions usually escalate dangerously in time. If she wouldn’t get what she wanted, she would became bolder and more dangerous and a threat to everyone around me.

“Don’t call me, Jazz.” I warned her. It was a nickname only Alice was allowed to use, although the family liked to borrow it from time to time; at first only to tease me but then it just stuck.

“I’m sorry, I know you don’t like it. Will you come and visit me?” she asked. She was on medication and was therefore calm. It was the only way.

“No, this is the last time you will ever see me.” I explained. She looked up quickly, her eyes alarmed.

“But why? Don’t you love me? I know you love me just as much as I love you.” She whispered. And added before I could answer her, “I know what this is all about. You want our relationship to be a secret, right? You’re sending me away to the new house and will come after me, I know. It’s ok; I will wait for you. You go ahead and say goodbye to them and then come to me,” she smiled and suddenly looked like a little girl. “And until you come home, I will prepare everything for our wedding. Oh, Jasper, it will be so beautiful.” She sighed.

She was always nice and timid with me, almost shy. But when she interacted with others, she acted superior. It was like she was a little schizophrenic, too. “Goodbye, Maria,” I said and walked out. I almost felt pity for her, almost.

My mind drifted back to Alice. I felt so much regret, and I still couldn’t believe she didn’t even confront me; or asked me about all of it. She ran instead. And I was so angry, because it was my fault and it was her fault and we messed up so much. It had cost us our happiness. It hurt so much that she didn’t come to me, but I could understand how betrayed she felt. But why couldn’t she have just say something, indicated anything; I might caught on and prevented all of it.

I didn’t know how long I had been standing out there; it must have been a while. I suddenly noticed my hand was bleeding. I wiped it in my shirt and started to walk back towards the house. I started to wonder how things would have played out had I told her about Maria. Would we still be together? Would Amber be my child? We really screwed up.

I sighed and stepped back into the house. My exit before wasn’t very gentlemanly, but I couldn’t help myself. I was upset and I needed to think things through. I was just angry, because this whole mess happened due to a misunderstanding, or better to say because of the lack of communication. What was even more ironic was, that we were known for good communication. People always said we would just look at one another and know what the other was thinking. I snorted.

I went to the kitchen and poured myself a drink. I kept standing there, looking out the window, and contemplating everything.

“Damn it, Alice, why couldn’t you trust me more?” I whispered. She has been through so much, suffered as much as I did and because of what? Because we didn’t talk about it. I shouldn’t have given up looking for her; I should have tried harder. But my ego and pride wouldn’t let me; I was hurt and felt betrayed and gave up. Stupid, stupid!

I could hear her coming down the stairs slowly. She hesitated before stepping into the kitchen. I kept staring out of the window, my back turned to her. I couldn’t turn around and face her again; I was afraid what I would see in her face.

She stepped closer, but to my surprise turned and took something out of a cabinet. She went to the sink and turned the water on.

“Your hand is bleeding,” she said.

“I know,” I answered her and looked down at it. It didn’t bother me at all.

“Let me help you,” she said and took my hand in hers. She wiped the blood off it. I had to admit the cold felt good, although I couldn’t care less about my hand at that moment. I kept my hand still, and let her do what she wanted; my back still turned away from her.

“All better now,” she said and put the cloth on the counter.

“Thanks,” I said coldly.

“I’m sorry,” she said desperately. “I know now what a mess I’ve made and believe me, I have never been more sorry in my life. The weight of the regret and the truth is killing me, Jasper. And I need you to know how sorry I am.”

I finally turned around, looking her in the eyes for the first time since I left my bedroom.

“I know, Alice, believe me I know,” I sighed. She had been crying, her eyes were all puffy and red. And I did know, I understood, but that didn’t make it any easier or better. It might have even made it worse.

“I have been standing here, contemplating nothing else but why I didn’t tell you about Maria all along. It was the biggest mistake I have ever made.” I said touching her cheek. “I just thought you were upset because of the accident and didn’t want to add to your problems.”

She just nodded, another tear sliding down her cheek.

“I am really sorry, Alice, I thought I was protecting you.” I thought back on the pain and suffering I (we) went through and realized it was nothing compared to this. Now I knew I had lost her all that time ago and I knew it was all for nothing. It was a suffocating feeling.

“I guess in the end, she won,” Alice said sadly.

“Partly. She got us apart, but she never got me. And I like to think that in the end, she lost, too.” I said. She was locked up in a mental institution, and I hoped she would stay there forever. She didn’t deserve to come back out and cause more problems for people.

“I am glad she got what she deserved,” Alice said.

“Yeah, me too,” I answered. And I was. It was a good day, when they took her away. One of the better in that time. Now that I know she was behind all this, it made it even better. I hoped she was rotting in hell.

“Did you tell anyone about Maria?” Alice asked me.

“No, no one,” I laughed bitterly. “I was the only one that knew about her. Why?”

“I just wondered, because no one mentioned her since I came back. I guess that makes sense now.” Alice explained.

“I didn’t want to drag anyone else into that mess,” I elaborated.

“I get it. I was just thinking back at the words Rose said to me in the hospital. She tried to tell me I was wrong, you know, but I didn’t listen to her. I just thought she didn’t know enough and was wrong,” Alice said bitterly.

“I told her not to bother you and say anything,” I said annoyed.

“And you really thought she would listen to you?” Alice asked mockingly.

“I guess not.” I admitted. Rose was never good with taking orders.

“You didn’t mention her in your book either,” Alice continued.

”No, I didn’t. I wrote the book automatically, not actually thinking about anything, just writing. And I guess my focus was only on us, and my point of view of what happened. Maria seemed irrelevant at that time.” I explained to her.

“Everyone was trying to tell me I was wrong, even Emmett, but I didn’t believe any of them, not really. I don’t know how I could have been so blind,” Alice said, wiping the tears that threatened to fall.

“You were hurt and you didn’t even want to consider the possibility that you might be wrong. It was your defense mechanism, don’t worry about it.” I tried to reassure her.

“I should have known better now, Jasper. And I should have known better then. It was stupid of me to act the way I did; to disappear without saying anything. I was just hurt and proud and I couldn’t handle more and all I was considering was that I would be more hurt if I confronted you. I didn’t even think you might not be guilty by the end anymore. But I should have known better. Don’t you see that, Jasper? I should have known better!” Alice exclaimed angry.

“You did what you thought best, even if it was wrong. You should have known better, but you didn’t.” I tried to calm her down, but my words weren’t exactly chosen well. Even if I understood what she did and why she did it now; I still couldn’t get over the fact that she didn’t trust me. I was disappointed.

“That wasn’t very nice. I’m just hurt that you didn’t say anything, it will take me some time to get over it.” I apologized.

“I know. What do you want me to do?” she pleaded. And I looked at her. She was standing there so vulnerable, her deep blue eyes filled with tears. “Do you think I could even forgive myself? Because lets be honest here, even though you didn’t tell me; I did the biggest mistake. I am the reason we have been through all this; only because I didn’t want to get hurt more and didn’t even check the story out.” She covered her face with her hands. “I don’t know how anyone could be so stupid. I don’t know how I could have done that, what could I have I been thinking?”

“Why didn’t you say anything, Alice?” I asked her again. “A word would be enough.” I wanted to shake her, to scream some sense into her, but I couldn’t. I just gave into the situation and seeing her standing there so broken before me; I couldn’t be angry anymore. Just really disappointed.

“I don’t know. I didn’t know what to think and I couldn’t remember how things had been before the accident. I didn’t know if we were good before it or if we had problems; and I was afraid to ask you,” she confessed. “I wanted to ask you, I wanted to confront you; but I just couldn’t handle it. I was too afraid and too confused. And I am sorry.”

“Hey, it’s ok. We know now, it’s ok. Come here,” I said and pulled her into a hug.

“I’m so sorry, Jasper, so sorry. I only knew how we have been when we were younger, how you always protected me. I couldn’t remember the last months before the accident. I was afraid that you were only with me because you knew how much I loved you; and were a really good and well, overprotective friend.” Her words stung so much, but they weren’t very different from what I was thinking when she left. She cried into my shoulder. “I just jumped to conclusions and didn’t mention it to anyone. I was so scared.”

My shirt was wet from her tears, “I didn’t remember, Jasper, I didn’t remember.”

“It’s ok,” I kept whispering while gently stroking her hair. “It’s ok.”

“It’s not ok, look what I’ve done,” she sobbed. “I made such a mess, it’s all my fault.”

She looked up at me with her red teary eyes. I took her face into my hands and before I knew what I was doing, I started to kiss her. The kiss was slow, yet desperate. I wanted to be cautious, to give her a way out, but I couldn’t. I just wanted this and thought I deserved it. And I got no objection. She leaned into the kiss; her body pressing into mine.

She slowly opened her mouth and gave me access. I took possession of her mouth as she did of my senses. I hadn’t kissed her in so long, and I have missed her touch so much, her lips on mine, our tongues dancing a relentless dance.

She slowly pushed her hands upwards, moving them over my body into my hair. She speared her fingers slowly through the dark honey golden locks. With her fingers going through my hair, I probed her mouth even more open and kissed her deeper. She moaned in satisfaction.

I drew her as near as I could, her breasts pressed into me and her thighs tight against mine. I moved my hands from her face and locked them around her. Never breaking the kisses, I lifted her up and sat her on the counter.

I started tracing her face, moved my fingers gently down her jaw and back to her earlobe. I didn’t want to rush her or pressure her. I didn’t want her to run, this was all very emotional and I needed to be careful. She just gave birth a little over two months ago, and I was a little unsure where to put my hands.

She pulled away slowly and said, “Stop holding back, Jasper, I’m not made of glass.” And smiled wickedly, right before pulling my mouth back on hers.

The kiss got intoxicating, my lips became demanding, wanting more of the safe haven of her mouth. Her body tensed and she moved to the edge of the counter, seeking my closeness. My hands moved from her earlobe down to her breasts. I was hungry for her and I haven’t held her in my arms for so long. I wasn’t sure what would be able to sate my hunger, but I knew it wouldn’t be easy.

Alice’s breasts swelled under my tender touch and I wanted to take more, claim more, but still held back. Her fingers clenched when I fondled her breasts, lightly tracing back and forth across her swollen nipples. I was so hard already; I didn’t know how much more I could take. It felt like forever since I had felt a woman’s touch. I suddenly felt like a young boy, still green behind his ears.

Her hands moved down and started working on unbuttoning my shirt. I broke the kiss, desperately needing to come up for some air and I looked at her.

“What are you doing?” I asked her, while at the same time thanking God I was even able to utter a word aloud.

“What does it look like I am doing?” She acted innocently.

“Alice, are you sure?” I wanted her more than ever, but I didn’t want any regrets in the morning.

“I’m sure,” she whispered.

“And what about Amber?” I asked her again, while she started kissing me again.

“Upstairs,” kiss, “sleeping,” kiss.

“And what about you and your condition? Are you sure you’re ready already?” I asked her. I wanted to do this right, although my body told me to just jump her.

“Yup, the doctor said 6 to 8 weeks, and it has been 12 already. Now stop talking,” she explained and went back to kissing me. I happily obliged.

The taste of her mouth and the feeling of her tongue on mine shook me senseless. I wasn’t able to think anymore, all I could do was feel and enjoy. I gathered her in my arms, letting her press against me, and feeling how ready and hard I was for her. Let her know what an effect her luscious body had on me and feel my response. She moaned and pressed even closer, and almost caused my undoing.

I carried her upstairs, straight into my bedroom. She opened her nightgown and I claimed her breasts possessively. She gasped but never wavered, innocently demanding more. I deepened the kiss and continued to caress her.

I laid her down on the bed and lost my shirt, which was by now wide open. I helped her take off her nightgown and groaned at how beautiful she was. I leaned over her and started kissing down her throat. I knew she enjoyed necking and I intended to give her all the pleasure I could provide. I could feel the desire radiating off her and I slowly and teasingly moved me mouth lower, first to her right and then to her left breast. I started playing with her nipples, caressing them, kissing and licking. She pressed her hands around my shoulder and sighed.

I returned back up, kissing her deeply once more. She started removing my pants, followed by my boxers. She took my length into her hands and started stroking it gently, slowly at first, but building up the pace. It felt so good, I groaned. I pushed her onto her back, and started planting wet kisses down her belly. I sat up and removed her panties, which were completely wet already.

I wanted to taste her so badly. I slowly and carefully moved my mouth over her, slightly sucking and licking. She was so wet. She arched her back up and pushed her legs more apart to gave me better access. I entered her with my finger first, grazing her clit with the second finger, preparing her for more. She tightened around me and twisted her body. It was such a turn on; my erection became almost painful. Her breathing became frantic, and she wanted more. My fingers and mouth continue to work as a team, stroking and pushing, slow then fast, slow then fast again.

Lust was radiating off her and she pulled me to her.

“I want you so much.” She murmured.

I kept playing with her, kissing her senseless, knowing then when we kissed, she could taste herself in my mouth. I slowly moved over her, my manhood right in front her entrance. I gently pushed into her. She tightened around me and gasped. I tried not to move for a second, letting her adjust.

“It’s ok, go on.” She whispered with a husky voice. “I’m ready.”

I started to caress her again, while penetrating deeper. With my own breathing ragged, I started moving. She softly cried out and licked her swollen lips, her hands grabbing the sheets fiercely. I rocked my hips against her, the pressure and excitement building. I drew back and filled her again. Her eyes got darker and I just kept repeating the movements. She put her hands around my neck, bringing me closer. I kissed her deeply, with all the passion I had in me.

Our breaths raging, we perfected our rhythm. Our eyes connected, reflecting the passion we both felt. Her eyes were heavy with lust, but she never averted her gaze. I was so close, and I wanted to take this slower, but I couldn’t, so I kept moving into her, faster with every thrust, deeper with every kiss; until she shuddered, fractured and climaxed all around me with a strangled cry. And she took me right with her. I closed the distance between our lips, needing more contact.

The hot and fulfilling dance slowed, the aftermaths rippling through our bodies. We were lying there still locked together, sweaty and hot, breathing hard, our foreheads touching. I didn’t want to move and break the spell. Alice didn’t make an effort to shift or pull away either and so we just kept lying there for a couple more minutes.

She seemed dazed and vulnerable and when I lifted my head and looked into her blue pools, she blushed slightly.

“Are you alright?” I asked.

“I’m perfect,” she licked her lips and smiled.

I slowly and carefully pulled out of her, and laid next to her, pulling her with me. She leaned her head onto my shoulder, drifted closer, not saying a word. I was at a loss for words myself, and I just enjoyed lying there in bed with her. I soon noticed her breaths becoming slower and deeper. She drifted off to sleep. I let her be, knowing she needed her rest; since Amber would probably wake up soon.

I pulled the sheets over our tangled bodies, and held her close. I refused to think about anything, just wanting to savor the moment of her lying next to me. I kissed her forehead, and she murmured something incomprehensible. I chuckled and just kept looking at her. I noticed the baby monitor on the nightstand; she must have brought it with her earlier, when she came storming into my room. I turned it on, and closed my eyes as well, drifting off to the most peaceful sleep I had had in years.