Sometimes Goodbye Is A Second Chance
After 5 years of rebuilding his life and putting the pieces back together, everything falls apart once again when she comes storming back into his life. Alice/Jasper - AU and AH
Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me. I am not, will never be and never was Stephenie Meyer. This is an Alice Jasper AU and AH story. And also my first Twilight story.
18. Chapter 18
Rating 5/5 Word Count 4524 Review this Chapter
CHAPTER 18: Nightmares
All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
- Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol
It was raining outside; I could hear the raindrops knocking on the window. But that wasn't what woke me up. I was alert in a second, trying to determine what disturbed my sleep. Everything was quiet, nothing out of the ordinary. Alice was sleeping beside me, with her back turned to me.
I got out of bed, deciding to check on Amber. Maybe she was crying and that woke me. I couldn't hear anything on the baby monitor, so I went to her room. Everything was quiet when I entered; Amber sleeping peacefully in her cradle. The blanket was only covering a half of her, she probably tossed it off while she slept. I tucked her back in, and quietly exited her room.
I was on the way downstairs to check if maybe a window was open and was making noise because of the wind and rain, when I suddenly heard a quiet scream from my bedroom. I ran back upstairs to see what happened. But when I entered the room, everything was quiet and Alice was still sleeping.
But then I remembered her crying every now and then before Amber was born. And when I moved closer, I could see her cheeks were wet. I never confronted her about her crying, having almost forgotten it already; since I hadn’t heard her cry since Amber was born. I mentally smacked myself for not noticing this earlier.
She whimpered and tossed, while letting out another cry. I climbed back into bed, and gently shook her, trying to wake her. She woke up with a start, tears flowing down her cheeks freely. She seemed terrified and was gasping for air.
“It’s ok, Alice, it was only a dream.” I whispered, trying to calm her down.
“You’re awake now, it’s ok.” I continued while gently massaging her back.
Her breathing started to slow down, while her gaze became clearer and somewhat more alert. She didn’t say anything, but refused to look away from me. She leaned forward with alarming speed and crushed her lips to mine. I was taken aback for a second or two but then responded. Whatever she dreamed of scared her, and she probably needed some contact and shelter. I was the last who would ever refuse her that.
I kissed her back and she urgently took my tongue into her mouth. I pulled her closer and she let out a content sight. Her hands started roaming over my back. I wasn’t wearing anything beside my boxers. I usually slept shirtless, sometimes wearing just pyjama pants and sometimes, when it was warmer, only boxers.
My brain wanted to comfort her and talk about her nightmares, while my body eagerly responded to her touch. I had missed her touch and I never wanted to lose it again. So, I readily gave in; there would be enough time to talk later.
I heard my name on her lips, lifted my head from hers and rolled her onto her back. Her hair lay on my pillow and I moved in to touch a silky strand. I took a minute to take her essence and fragrance in, to just savour the moment of her in my bed, lying beneath me. But she was impatient, and pulled me back to her; our lips once again colliding.
Her top was cute, but very much in the way. I wanted to feel her skin on mine, so I pulled away and removed it over her head. Clothing was overrated anyway. Her nipples hardened as the cold air touched them. I lowered my head to them, and took one in my mouth. She groaned in satisfaction and arched her back, bringing her body even closer.
Her breathing escalated, while I moved my attention to the left nipple. After torturing her for a few more minutes, I scooted back up. She opened her mouth, my tongue penetrating her with melting intimacy. My hand slowly slid down to her hip, then I ripped her panties off with one swift pull.
I looked her in the eyes, “Oops.”
She smiled with a spark and naughtily threatened me, “You’re going to pay for that.”
We rolled over, so she was on top. She started kissing me all over my body, leaving a wet trail down my abdomen. When she got to the boxers, she slowly and teasingly pulled them down. She explored my body further, giving much of her attention to everything and everywhere; except for where I wanted it most. I almost couldn’t take it.
After what seemed like forever, she gave my erection some very much-needed attention too. She started licking it slowly, planting kisses all over it. Then she took it into her mouth and started moving, gently sucking on it. She started stroking it, while licking its top. I couldn’t take it anymore, afraid she might kill me. I pulled her up, pining her beneath me and entered her. She was so soft, hot and very much wet.
She let out a gasp, sucking in a deep breath. My mouth immediately returned to hers, our tongues duelling in a devil’s dance. I rocked her gently, holding her close. Her body was still sensitive because of the birth, and I didn’t want to cause her any pain.
Alice clung to me, her breasts crushed against my chest, both robbed of our breaths. She started moving faster, digging her nails into my back. She buried her head into the crook of my neck, and then proceeded to gently lick my pulse.
That drove me mad and I started going faster, desperately searching for release. We rolled over once again, and she was back on top of me, riding me. I gave her complete reign and let her determine the pace. She was close; I could see that, so I started touching her. Her eyes holding mine, she called my name and climaxed. I was barely holding on, and seeing the pleasure on her face; I shattered into a million pieces.
Alice laid down on me, our breathing slowly returning to normal. I kissed her forehead, and pulled the covers over her. We stayed in that position for a while, neither wanting to move. I stroked her back, silently thanking the gods for bringing her back into my life. I noticed her breathing becoming evener and quieter. She drifted back to sleep.
I held her close, never intending to let her go. I didn’t realize that I have fallen asleep, when something woke me again. This time it was Amber, crying. Alice was already getting up.
“Just go back to sleep,” she said. “I’ll take care of her.”
While she was gone, I remembered the reason I woke up the first time tonight. Alice was crying and I haven’t even asked her why. I guess we had been a little too preoccupied. I was smiling when she came back a while later, and I held the covers open for her. She came readily, her cold legs immediately intertwining with mine.
“Did you go barefoot?” I asked her, shivering from her cold touch.
“I might have,” she admitted guiltily.
“I guess I’ll have to be your comforter then,” I smiled, rubbing my feet against hers, and she giggled.
“Alice, you were having a nightmare earlier. Do you remember what it was?” I asked casually.
She stiffened in my arms, so I immediately strengthened my hold. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“I guess today’s occurrences just got to me more than I thought,” she admitted.
“What did you dream about?” I asked.
“I don’t remember everything clearly. I just know that I had been standing on one side of the street, while my family stood on the other side. They were all looking at me disapprovingly, holding Cynthia’s hand and then walked away. I kept calling them, but nobody turned around. They were walking away, and yet I could see them all the time. And then you appeared next to me, with Amber in your arms. You gave me the strangest look and stepped back when I moved towards you. Then you turned around and walked away. I kept running after you, but you were always just out of my reach.”
I could hear the sadness in her voice, but didn’t know what to say. I have been so angry at her family for years, and even though they hadn’t been a big part of her life in so long, they kept hurting her. The pain never seemed to stop.
But what bothered me the most was the she was dreaming about me abandoning her, too. And taking Amber with me. Alice has always been a social person, so I understood her fear of being abandoned and left alone perfectly; especially after out history.
“Alice,” I said, turning her to face me in my arms, “I’ll never abandon you. I could never leave you, let alone take Amber away from you.”
I cupped her face in my hands and kissed her gently. “You don’t have to be afraid of that, I promise.”
“I know,” she answered. “It was just a dream. I guess I’m still afraid that all this isn’t real.”
“It’s real, Alice. And it’s not going away.” She smiled at me. “You have to believe me.”
She nodded. “Sorry for waking you.”
“I’m not,” I said, trying to hide my grin.
“Alice, you’ve been having nightmares before. When you came here, I often heard you cry at night. I just didn’t know what to do. And since we weren’t on such good terms, I never came to wake you up. I’m sorry.”
“I woke you? Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know you could hear me.” I waved her apology away.
“I’ve been having nightmares for years, I’ve gotten used to them by now.” Alice admitted.
“What were you dreaming about?” I asked, concerned.
“This and that. Usually it had something to do with you, sometimes with our friends and other times with my family. But mostly you.”
I felt bad about it and guilty. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, it’s not your fault.” I should be comforting Alice, not the other way around.
“Was it always the same dream, when you dreamed about me?” I asked.
“No. Sometimes you left me, other times you cheated on me. Then sometimes you would laugh at me, and then again sometimes you’d be happy without me.” She sighed. I knew this was hard for her, but I had to hear it.
I cursed and pulled her even closer, I wanted to comfort her somehow; tell her it was going to be okay and make it all better.
“Don’t worry about it, Jazz,” Alice said. “I have some abandonment issues, there is nothing you can do about it.” She laughed and tried to make the subject lighter and the problem smaller. “Plus, everything is my fault anyway. This would never have happened, if I hadn’t reacted the way I did.”
“Don’t say that. We have both screwed up so much, Ali. But I promise you that something like that won’t happen again, I won’t allow it. You don’t have to be afraid of me leaving you, cause I won’t, ok?” I tried to make my point.
“I know, but my subconscious has a mind of its own.” Alice sighed, while leaning her head on my shoulder.
“I know it’ll take a while to get better, but that’s ok. I’m in no hurry,” I stressed. “We’ll get through this together.”
“But you know what?” I said, suddenly remembering something, “you haven’t had a nightmare since Amber was born, maybe even longer; I’m not sure.”
Alice seemed to ponder for a minute, and then she looked at me surprised. “You’re right, I haven’t.”
She smiled a big bright smile, “I think what happened today only brought back bad memories and old fears.”
She had started to heal since she came back; we both have. As it was painfully obvious, it was a long way, but we were both on it; going forward hand in hand.
When I woke up in the early morning, I felt movements beside me. I slowly opened my eyes, not yet completely ready for a new day. The night has been quite exhausting, although not unpleasant; well, except for the dream. But everything else was amazing.
Jasper was lying on his side of the bed. He was perched on his elbow and was looking directly at me, bemused. I couldn’t tear my gaze away, but then I noticed he was holding a little arm and legs were kicking the air between us. I perched myself up, too and saw Amber lying on her back, gurgling happy. She looked at me, and gooed.
“Hey, peanut,” I said, kissing her on the forehead. “What are you doing here?”
“She woke up, so I went to get her. She’s been keeping me company ever since.” He answered, looking down at her chuckling.
“How long has she been awake?” I asked and yawned.
“About half an hour,” answered Jasper, and Amber looked at him. He winked at her.
“And I didn’t wake up?” I asked surprised. I have been really alert lately, since Amber woke every few hours.
“Seems like you had a busy night,” Jasper said and grinned.
I blushed, “I guess I did.”
I sat up and took Amber in my arms. “How are you doing this morning, peanut?” I asked her.
She made a noise as if to answer me and I kissed her and held her close.
I then heard Jasper say, pretending to be offended, “What, I don’t get a good morning kiss?”
I rolled my eyes and leaned down to him. I gave him a quick peck on the lips, but when I tried to pull back; he held me in place. The quick peck then turned into a yearning morning kiss. I didn’t complain.
“Good morning,” I said.
“Quite good,” he agreed.
“Satisfied?” I asked.
“Not quite, but it‘ll have to do.” He said in all seriousness.
“Come on, lets go get some breakfast,” I suggested. “You make something, while I feed Amber.” I didn’t need to change and wash her, because Jasper already had.
We got up and went downstairs. I sat down at the kitchen table, while Jasper took out some plates.
“What do you want?” he asked me.
I thought about it for a minute, “French toast. With cheese and ham.”
He smiled and went to work. I fed Amber while humming a lullaby. “Have you called Rose yet?” Jasper asked me.
“Nope,” I answered. “I was planning on doing that today.”
“I’ll call her and let her know,” he said and went to get the phone. “Knowing her, she won’t wait long for an answer.”
I put Amber in her table seat and went to get the toast. I had a sudden urge for some orange juice. Luckily, we were just shopping, so we had plenty.
I heard Jasper talking to Rose, explaining we would arrive Friday afternoon, around 6 pm and stay till Sunday. They made some other arrangements, too and I think he talked to Em, as well.
He came back into the kitchen and grabbed his toast.
“I’ve talked to Rose, she sounded really excited,” Jasper said. “Although I think Emmett is even happier.”
I chuckled, easily imagining an excited Emmett. I finished my toast and started playing with Amber a little. When Jasper was finished, he suggested, “We could go for a stroll.”
“Just let me get dressed properly,” I said. I was still wearing only my top and underwear.
“I don’t mind, you look fine to me,” Jasper grinned.
“We’ll be down in five,” I ignored him, already going upstairs.
“Sure,” I heard Jasper say. “I think I have the time to watch a whole game before you’ll be down.”
I rolled my eyes, determined to prove him wrong.
“We have to be quick about it,” I said to Amber. And then I tried something. “Daddy thinks he knows best, but he doesn’t.” It felt good, saying it out loud. I was reluctant to use the term before, but after we had talked about it the previous night, I had to try it out. It was the most natural thing to say. It just felt right.
We were back down in fifteen minutes. It wasn’t exactly five, but it was better than he expected from me. He had the stroller ready, although he was nowhere in sight, so I put Amber in it and called.
“Come on, don’t keep us waiting. I think you had enough time to get ready.” I chuckled.
He came out of the downstairs bathroom, “Trying to prove a point, huh?”
The weather was lovely, the sun slowly drying the grounds. It had been raining pretty heavily during the night, but we have woken to a beautiful, sunny morning. Some paths were still slippery and wet though, so I had to be careful.
“Do you remember when Bella got lost in these woods?” I asked.
“Yeah, she gave us all a scare. We even had to assemble a search party.”
When we were in the last year of high school, we took Bella to these woods, surprisingly, for the first time. We decided to have a small party in a meadow, but we forgot the beer so Edward went back to get it. Bella, of course being Bella, had to wander around. And got lost.
“And when Edward came back, he was terrified.” I continued.
“And yelled at all of us for getting her lost,” Jasper snickered. “Like we had something to do with it.”
“But then we found her more than an hour later,” I said.
“Sitting on a rock, annoyed with herself and everyone else,” Jasper added.
“She couldn’t believe she was stupid enough to get lost,” I repeated her words. “I will never forget to look on Edward’s face when we found her. The relief and love.”
“And I the one on Bella’s. The shame and guilt, some annoyance but also happiness.”
I laughed at the memory.
“Oh, look what a beautiful flower,” I said and handed the stroller over to Jasper. It was such a yellow daffodil; I had to go and get it.
“Be careful,” Jasper warned.
I skipped over to the flower and plucked it. When I turned to get back to Jasper and Amber, I slipped. I tried to regain my balance by holding on to something, but there was nothing and I fell backwards, right into the mud.
I heard Jasper call worried and in a second he appeared above me. “Are you alright?” he asked.
“I’m fine,” I hissed. And I was, I didn’t hurt myself, just my pride. I was muddy all over, and these were brand new clothes. Ugh.
Suddenly Jasper laughed. I looked up annoyed, but he just kept laughing. “You look so funny and a bit ridiculous.”
“Stop laughing and help me get up,” I snapped at him, angry with myself. He came to me right away, helping me up.
“Come on, lets go back home,” he said, still smiling like an idiot.
When we arrived home a good twenty minutes later, the mud had almost completely dried already. “This will never come out,” I complained.
Jasper put Amber in the bassinet downstairs; she was halfway asleep already. He put on some lullabies, which would seal the deal.
“Come on,” he picked me up, “lets get you in a shower.” He carried me upstairs, straight into the bathroom.
“You could probably use a shower, too,” I suggested, my mood better instantly. “Seeing as you’re carrying me upstairs and my clothes are muddy.”
“I think I just might,” he said seductively.
“And you have to consider all the activities you have been participating in lately, I think a shower would do you good.”
He smiled and took off my muddy clothes, put them all in a pile on the floor and I hopped in the shower. I turned on the water and savoured the hot spray running over my skin, when Jasper took me up on my offer and joined me. I felt his hands embrace me from behind.
He kissed my neck and reached for the shower gel. He then proceeded to wash every inch of my body, while I readily returned the favour. He continued with washing my hair, while at the same time kissing me gently. I leaned into him, enjoying his touch and kisses. We spent quite a while under the shower, and the water was slowly getting cold.
We reluctantly got out of the shower and dried off. Jasper put on some pants, while I grabbed his grey shirt. It was too long and too big, but I felt really comfortable in it. Plus, I didn’t have any clothes in the bathroom and didn’t want to leave yet.
Jasper was in the middle of shaving, when I reluctantly got up from the washing machine and went check on Amber.
“I’m just going to check on Amber,” I told him and went downstairs.
I continued downstairs barefoot, dressed only in his shirt. Amber was sleeping peacefully in her bassinet. I went into the kitchen to grab a glass of water. Then I went to turn on the computer, when there was a knock on the door.
Wondering who it could be, I went to open it. Bella and Edward, his arm secured around her, suddenly stood in front of me, looking at me curiously.
“Surprise,” Bella said fidgeting nervously and then looked at Edward, “This is all your fault.”.
“Bella! Edward!” I said. I have missed them so much and was taken aback a bit seeing them standing in front of me. I hugged them carefully, not knowing how things really were between us. And then I remember I wasn’t wearing much.
“Uh,” I quickly pulled back.
Jasper chose just this moment to come downstairs, wearing only his pants. I smiled nervously. Perfect. If we put both our clothes together, we could barely dress one person.
“Come in guys.” Bella looked at Edward carefully and they came in.
“I hope we’re not intruding,” Edward spoke for the first time that evening, seeming calm with a naughty twinkle in his eyes.
“Not at all, what are you taking about,” I tried to make them feel better. Or me.
“Hey you two,” Jasper greeted them. “Why are you standing there? Come on in.”
I was nervously glancing from Bella to Edward and back. They hadn’t changed one bit; they still looked the same. Well, almost. It was so great to finally see them again. I’ve spoken to them on the phone, but only briefly after Amber and I came home from the hospital.
“I’ll be right back, I just have to put something on,” I said and probably blushed. This was so awkward.
I ran upstairs as quickly as I could and closed the door behind me. I tried to calm down, but couldn’t. I went to the closet and took out some pants and a blue top. I was in the middle of putting everything on, when Jasper entered the room, already wearing a green T-shirt.
“Are you alright?” he asked me.
“I’m a bit nervous,” I told him truthfully. “I didn’t expect to see them yet and I don’t know how to act and what to do or say.”
He embraced me and kissed my forehead. “You’re going to be alright, you’ll see. They’re only Bells and Edward.”
I felt better immediately. Jasper always managed to calm me down. “Are you ready to go back downstairs?” he asked.
I nodded; with him by my side I was ready to face everything and everyone. We descended downstairs, where Bella and Edward were hovering over Amber.
Bella turned around, “She … she’s adorable, Alice.”
Edward looked at us in apology, “Look, I’m sorry that we came rather unannounced.”
Bella grumbled next to him and I looked at her strangely. She clarified, “He thought we would make a great surprise.”
I smiled. “You do, you know.”
“So, how are you doing?” Bella smiled gratefully and asked curiously. “Well, beside the obvious.” She blushed. It was funny how often she blushed. And I thought I was doing a pretty good job at it.
“I’m good, we’re good,” I said. Oh God, this was awkward. “Do you guys want some coffee?” I asked, looking for a way out.
“Please,” Edward answered. “I haven’t had any in hours, cause Bella wanted to get here as soon as possible and didn’t want to stop.”
Bella threw him a sharp look, but Edward just smiled teasingly.
I went to the kitchen and Bella followed. I heard Jasper ask Edward if they needed a place to stay and he declined, explaining they booked a room in the hotel for the night.
“We’ve missed you so much,” Bella said and then blushed again. “I would ask if you talked about the whole thing with Jasper already, before I would ask you myself; but I think that is rather obvious.”
She deserved an explanation, so I quietly told her what happened. She never interrupted me, but kept pacing while I was brewing coffee and listened to me. Jasper came into the kitchen in the middle of my monologue and took the coffee and went back to Edward, understanding I needed to explain things to Bella. He would probably do the same with Edward. When I was done, she didn’t say anything for a while, just thought about what I have told her.
I expected the ‘what’ and the ‘whys’, but got a different response. I think Edward prepared her for the conversation a bit, probably telling her not to judge and to be nice. That was Edward.
“I … I don’t know what to say to you that you haven’t heard already, but I want you to know that I’m sorry you had to go through all that and that you could have told me and I would’ve helped you.” I smiled.
“I know, but I didn’t want to include anyone else.” I explained and she looked a little disappointed.
“It’s just, there was so much I wanted to say and ask, but now, I don’t know. Your decision kind of seems logical, although really stupid at the same time,” she chuckled. “I think I’ll just leave it for now, I need to process things first.”
But then she added, “But you’re here to stay now, right?”
“Yes, I plan to.” Something changed then.
“Good,” she let out a sigh.
“Now tell me more about how you’ve been,” I asked her, curious about her life. And she started to talk about her and Edward’s life in Seattle and I told her about Amber and the progress Jasper and I had been making.
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