Sometimes Goodbye Is A Second Chance
After 5 years of rebuilding his life and putting the pieces back together, everything falls apart once again when she comes storming back into his life. Alice/Jasper - AU and AH
Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me. I am not, will never be and never was Stephenie Meyer. This is an Alice Jasper AU and AH story. And also my first Twilight story.
3. Chapter 3
Rating 4/5 Word Count 4759 Review this Chapter
CHAPTER THREE: The first morning
Burn all the candles out
Make a wish but not aloud
Relive the here and now
To see you now and then
- End Over End by Foo Fighters
I didn't sleep a wink. I had spent all night lying in my bed, thinking about the girl in the green room down the hall. I still couldn’t believe she was here. The previous day ended completely different than it began.
I analyzed every word she said and every move she had made the previous evening. Call me crazy, but it just wouldn’t leave me alone. First I had just wanted to provide her with the basic information about everyone. What had I been thinking? I should have known better. Basic formal answers were never good enough for Alice, and this time was no exception. She asked more, wanting to know about her friends. So I indulged her and told her about Edward and Bella noticing immediately how glad she was that they had stayed a couple and moved in together. We had even made a little joke about Bella's reading habits. Just like old times, well almost.
When I told her about Rosalie and Emmett and their situation, I could see how genuinely happy she was for them. She knew them both very well. Alice knew how much Rose wanted a family of her own and how much Emmett loved and adored Rosalie and would always do anything and everything for her. I saw concern when I told her about the problems they had trying to conceive. I bet she regretted not being there for Rosalie and Emmett.
Alice and Rosalie had been close. Hell, all six of us had once been very close. But with Rosalie it had been different. She didn’t let people in easily and most of the students at school had always been a bit intimidated by her. She was considered a perfect goddess, but never warm and goodhearted. That had always made me mad, cause no one even bothered to look beneath the surface. Yes, she was complex and yes, she was stubborn and determined, but she loved with a deep force and protected her friends and family with everything she had. And that made her special; and now also a good mother.
It was then that my gaze turned to Alice’s hand over her stomach. For a moment I wished everything was different. I wished she wouldn’t have left me. I wished we were still together, in love, untouchable and unbreakable, and that this were our baby. My eyes clouded over, I kept blinking so no tears would escape my eyes and told her to go to bed. I needed some time to myself. It was an excuse, but I could also see she was tired.
But she insisted on knowing more about dad and mom, too. I could feel her anxiousness and could see her distress and worry. So I told her how they were doing, what they were up to and how they adored the twins. I guess my answer was enough because she thanked me and went to bed. I knew she probably regretted leaving like she did. My parents were very worried after she left; she had been like a second daughter to them, and Alice knew that.
I sat in the kitchen for a couple of minutes more, letting the sadness take over. I felt a tear roll down my cheek as I tried to compose myself. Deciding that what happened happened and there was nothing to be done about it now, I went upstairs.
I took my clothes off in my bedroom, leaving only the boxers on. I could hear her exiting the bathroom, and I suddenly remembered I never told her where the guest room was. I heard her hesitate for a moment and then enter the right room.
I got into my bed and tried to fall into oblivion. No such luck. Damn. I knew these kind of nights well, when no matter what I did, sleep would not come. It was like universe playing some fucking trick on me.
Therefore, I did some more thinking instead. I couldn’t get her out of my head, she seemed to really have hit rock bottom. She tried to appear as normal as possible but I could see behind the pretense. I always could. She was sad, broken and desperate. Desperate enough to come to me. Although when I though about it, the fact that she came to me did made me feel better. But I didn’t want to think about that now.
Her hair was a little bit longer but her eyes were still the same blue. If possible, she was even thinner than before. She didn’t have any belongings with her which worried me. Her clothes were not in the best state either, and I wanted to do something about that.
I tossed and turned for a while. Nothing helped. The covers were suddenly too much and I pushed them off me and let the cold breeze blow over me.
Life had not treated her kindly and despite the fact that she put me through hell and was likely to do it again; I just had to help her. Whether I wanted to or not, I just had to. There was too much between us to just turn my back on her now; whether she deserved that or not. I could still be supportive and perhaps a friend. Don’t get me wrong, I hadn’t forgiven her, not at all, but I decided to put that matter to rest for a while and just help her and get her better.
Even if she had left me and put me through my personal hell, I didn’t hate her. I was disappointed in her. I was disappointed that she didn’t even talk to me or tell me to my face that she didn’t want to be with me; that she didn’t love me. I thought I had deserved at least that. Stop it Jasper, don’t get pulled into it again.
But at the moment, her health and the baby came first; all other unresolved matters would have to wait a bit. I promised to myself to confront her as soon as she got a bit better. There were things that needed to be said.
Sighing deeply, I looked at the clock. After realizing it was five in the morning, I got up, seeing no sense at all to keep lying in bed and staring at the ceiling. I was doing nothing but causing myself pain and regret. I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I looked like hell. Just peachy.
I washed my face and brushed my teeth. I was a mess but I could as least try to look presentable. I went back into my bedroom and pulled some clothes out of the closet, not taking care what I put on. I opened the windows and took a deep breath.
After making myself some strong fresh coffee – I was sure I was going to need it – I opened the refrigerator and noticed I didn’t have much food. I would definitely have to go to store; which was fine with me, cause I needed to get some stuff for Alice anyway.
I turned on the heat, so the house would get warmer and nobody would freeze. Winter was really cold in these parts and while I didn’t mind a bit of cold now and then, I needed to think of Alice and her condition now.
I got my coat, grabbed my wallet and walked out of the house. I locked the door behind me and got into the car. Foo Fighter’s “End Over End” was playing on the radio. Ironic. Just what I needed, more confusion. Humph.
I decided to go to the supermarket and buy some food and stuff first. I bought a cartoon of milk, some juice, fresh coffee, tea, bread, eggs. What else did I need? Some cheese and bacon. Some fruit. Vegetables maybe. Pasta. Meat and potatoes. Cereals. Wait, what if she decides to leave? Then I have way too much food. Ah, screw it. Salad. Yogurt.
After putting everything in my car, I went to the women’s clothing store nearby. I looked around trying to think of what to buy. I had never gone shopping for her before; she always used to do it herself. And enjoyed it way too much. I smiled and walk over to the saleslady. I just needed one or two things.
“Hello there, can I help you with something?” the saleslady, Carol it said on her name card, asked me after she turned from putting some t-shirts on a shelf.
“Hmm, yeah. I need some clothes for a woman. She is small and thin.” I showed her Alice’s height with my hand.
“Ok. What do you need? I mean which items? And in any special colors?” Carol asked.
“I, well, I …” What did I need? Ugh. I just remembered why I hated shopping. Food was fine, although I tended to buy too much but clothes and shoes were a nightmare. Oh God, shoes. That was even worse. Well, she could just wear some of the slippers I had at home. She needed to buy shoes herself.
“I see. Let me just choose some items for you and see if you like them, ok?” I just nodded.
“She is also pregnant. I don’t know how far along exactly she is, but she seems pretty far.” I must look like a dumbass. A dumbass or an adult acting like a nervous teenage boy. I wasn’t sure which one was worse.
She just nodded and picked out some pants and T-shirts. She added two sweaters and then turned her attention to choosing underwear. I turned away and pretended to look at some other stuff. Underwear was a touchy spot.
“Here you are sir.” I took a quick look at it and decided to take everything. She needed stuff anyway and I seriously had no idea what or how much. I paid and then went to one more store, buying some toiletries.
I went back to my car and after putting everything in, drove back home.
I pulled into the driveway, got out of the car, unlocked the door and went back to get the stuff from the car. I had to return twice to get everything. I scratched my head - I might have bought too much. I listened carefully but there was no sound coming from upstairs yet. I looked at the watch on the wall and it said ten minutes before nine a.m.
I refilled the fridge and the cupboards throwing some stuff away when I realized they had expired. The fridge and cupboards looked much better now. Satisfied with myself, I took her stuff upstairs and put it in the bathroom.
I could hear some movements in her room and decided to go back downstairs. Maybe fixing us both some breakfast wouldn’t be a bad idea. I needed to talk and she needed some nourishment.
That was the best sleep I have had in a long time. I didn't even remember falling asleep, the last thing I remembered was turning off the table light and trying to think about the day’s events. The next thing I remembered was waking up the next morning. I was confused for a minute not realizing where I was but then I remembered. I came to Jasper. As I lay there remembering the events of the previous evening, my heart started beating faster.
I successfully avoided all the questions last night, but I wasn't sure if I was going to be that lucky once more. I really didn't want to talk about the past, but I knew I would have to get it over with sooner or later. I just preferred later. Hopefully, he did too.
Of course laying in bed all day wasn't really an option. For one, I needed to go downstairs and face Jasper. And two, I needed to pee. I dragged myself out of bed and walked into the bathroom. Thankfully I haven’t bumped into Jasper. That would probably just have been another awkward moment.
What I saw caught me by surprise. There was a small bag with a new toothbrush, comb, shampoo, and deodorant in it. Next to it was a larger bag and when I look into it, I discovered clothes, and not only clothes, new fresh underwear, lovely black pants with that waist for pregnant woman and a beautiful blue sweater. There were additional T-shirts, another white sweater and pants – grey this time. And socks, warm and comfortable socks, but no shoes though. Probably had trouble figuring out my size. I didn’t know what to say. This was so thoughtful of him. Never in a million years did I expect a gesture like this. Oh, boy.
I took a quick shower, brushed my teeth and combed my freshly washed wet hair. The previous night I haven’t used any shampoo, cause I didn’t want to use his, so I just washed my hair with water. But this morning I could afford a little luxury, cause I actually had a new shampoo. I felt so much better. I slipped into my new clothes; they suited me almost perfectly. It was so nice to own such lovely things again and to feel comfortable and warm.
Taking a deep breath, I wondered why he was being so nice to me. I didn’t understand. I realized that deep beneath the surface I had counted on him, but I never expected this. Nobody had been this nice to me in a long time.
I went downstairs and could suddenly smell delicious aromas coming from the kitchen. He was making breakfast and my stomach immediately made a rumbling sound. I walked into the kitchen and saw him behind the stove.
“Good morning, I hope you slept well,” he said before I had the chance to say anything. He turned around, gave me a small smile and explained. “I was hungry and thought you might like some breakfast as well. I made eggs and bacon. There's fresh bread too.”
I smiled awkwardly “I did sleep well. And sure, I would love some breakfast.” He turned back to the stove but I needed him to look at me for a little bit longer. “Jasper,” I called to him and he turned to look at me. “Thank you. I found the new clothes and the toiletries in the bathroom, and I just wanted to thank you. You didn’t have to do that, especially since I barged in here last night out of nowhere and disturbed you. I am sorry for that.” I said looking at the floor.
“Why did you?” he asked. When I looked back at him, he was giving me a bemused look. “Come to me, I mean. Why did you?”
I didn’t know how to answer that. Or better to say, I didn’t know the answer to that myself. “I…” I started and kept thinking. “I …” He waited for a moment of two and then interrupted me.
“Come on, Alice, sit down and let’s eat. The food will get cold otherwise.” I just nodded and sat down. He put a plate of eggs with bacon in front of me and nothing had smelled so delicious in a long time. Even yesterday when I made myself the sandwich, and while it was not bad at all, it was cold. But this, this was heaven.
I didn’t even notice him pouring me orange juice in the glass beside my plate; I was so preoccupied with the food. I think the baby was happy too, cause I could feel a couple of soft kicks while I was eating.
When I was done, I realized he had probably been staring at me this whole time. What a lovely sight I must have been. Urgh. I never looked up to him during the meal, but his plate was empty. He was wearing a white shirt today, and it suited him nicely. I looked at his face and saw a thousand questions written all over it, and I was surprised he hadn’t started asking them yet. And then I remembered his last one.
I looked down at my empty plate and started to talk. “Like I said before, I had nowhere else to go. I desperately needed a place to stay, since I don’t have a home and you can see the condition I am in.” I looked up at him and he didn’t give anything away, no feelings and no emotions. He just waited for me to continue. And so I did.
“First, I came up with some money and called at home. I wanted to come back home and thankfully Cynthia answered the phone, cause if it were my mum or dad, they would probably have hung up on me.” I sighed, while I stroked my stomach.
“She told me that my parents gave me up the day I ran away and didn’t want to hear from me again. To them, I was dead.” A tear rolled down my cheek and I wiped it away with my hand. My glance flickered to Jasper and I could see him eyeing me carefully as if unsure whether he wanted to continue this conversation.
Cynthia was a dear sister, but still too young to make any decisions and to influence my parents in any way. When I though back on the times when I was younger, I realized that they always preferred Cynthia. They had always said I was too wild and hyper, too enthusiastic and excited. Funny, how I turned out.
“I tried to call a few more times, but either the calls were unanswered or Cynthia answered, always giving me the same answer. No. They just didn’t want me anymore, Jasper. I thought parents were supposed to take care of their children and forgive them. But they … they just gave me up. Why would they do that?” It was getting harder for me to stay calm.
He sighed and his face hardened. “It is ok, Alice, we don’t have to talk about it anymore.” I could see his anger, his face flared up the second I explained about them. He never liked them very much, that was always evident. He disliked how they have been treating me. It was not that they treated me badly, not at all. They were just a little bit too indifferent or not happy with me. And that used to bother Jasper a lot. He had always been protective, I have to admit that. Suddenly I wished things would have turned out differently. It would have been so much easier.
“No, it’s ok. I want to explain.” I needed to get this out and then not talk about it anymore. Once was enough. “When I realized going home was not an option, I tried to come up with a different solution. I thought about all my old friends, but they weren’t really a good option. You see, I haven’t stayed in contact with any of them, as you probably know. As stupid as this might seem to you, I just wanted to cut all ties back then. So, I didn’t know where anyone was, if they had moved, who was still together and who not. I could have always called your parents, I guess, and I know they would have taken me in; but I didn’t want to do that to them.” Tears were flowing freely now. I had hurt them so much and they didn’t deserve to have to clean up my mess. No, that was entirely my job. Because I had to admit that even if I left because of Jasper, the decisions I made afterward were my own.
I continued. “And one day, I saw your book behind a bookstore window. I was surprised; I didn’t know you were a writer or that you ever planned on being one.” I tried to explain without too much sobbing.
He passed me a tissue and explained. “I didn’t. Not really. It was just something I picked up and became good at.” He smiled. I knew there was more behind it but I needed to finish with my story. Well, part of it anyway.
“Well, then I googled you in a coffee shop and tried to find you. I read in an article that you were living in a secluded house, surrounded by a forest and I remembered this place. You use to talk about how you wanted to make a home out of it and I took a chance. I was hoping you wouldn’t turn me down, cause I really had nowhere else to go.” I was such a mess, I didn’t know what I was feeling at that moment nor what I wanted. I just needed some time to sort things out and clear my head. It was all too much.
“Look Alice,” he began, “I thought about this long and hard. I am sorry for how your family treated you. You know that, well, I never really liked them. No one has the right to treat a young lady like that.”
He tried to hold the anger back but I could hear it in his voice. Whenever he was angry or excited, you could hear his southern accent when he was speaking. I was suddenly afraid he was kicking me out. “What I want to say is that you can stay here for as long as you wish. The guest room is free anyway, might as well be occupied.”
Relief washed over me. For a moment there I thought this was it, I was alone again. But I shouldn’t have thought that; he bought me all that stuff and probably wouldn’t have done so, if he planned on kicking me out.
I could see it in his eyes that he wanted to talk about so much more and I knew we would have to get it over with one day and talk about it all. But so much had happened lately; I was not ready to go through the entire emotional trauma again yet and he knew it and wouldn’t pressure me. I was no fool though; I knew he would want to know it eventually. And I will tell him what I think and how he made my leave. I would.
For at that moment, I was safe. And I wasn’t stupid so I knew I should be thankful. “Thank you, Jasper. You don’t know how much this means to me. And I know this isn’t the easiest decision you’ve ever made.” I looked him truthfully in the eyes.
He just nodded. He has always been the quiet sort, although with a wicked sense of humor. I had always liked that about him. I also remembered how he used to made bets with Emmett, and about the silliest things too. But they had fun and that was all that mattered.
He told me about his family yesterday, but he never mentioned if he sees them often. Or at least hears from them regularly. They, or better to say, we had also been very close and spent a lot of time together. But I decided not to press the issue now, he gave me my way out and let it be, and I will do the same for him. For now.
This was a situation I never imagined myself to be in. Sitting there with him, talking about things no one wanted to talk about, but we both needed to hear it.
“I’m going to lie down a little bit, if you don’t mind. I’m a little tired and thought I might watch some TV,” I told him. The truth is I hadn’t watch TV in quite a while but I was emotionally drained and really needed to rest for a while.
“Sure, go ahead. I need to go out and chop some wood anyway. I’ll be behind the house, if you need me.” And off he went. He tried so hard and this was really difficult for him. I realized that I just couldn’t be so angry with him anymore, since he was so nice to me and let me stay.
I laid down on the couch and turned on the TV. Too many confusing thoughts were running through my head and I didn’t know what to think. It was just best to take one step at a time and see where we went from there.
I noticed there was a rerun of Moonlight on and although I never caught many episodes; I saw some of them some time ago and genuinely enjoyed the show. Mick St. John was a sexy devil and Josef had a perfectly wicked sarcastic sense of humor.
I thought about how it would be if I were a vampire. Wouldn’t it be nice not to be concerned about catching an illness and living forever, free, strong and immortal? But then I looked at my stomach and as far as I knew vampires usually didn’t and couldn’t have babies. And I loved my baby dearly. It was coming into a messy world and it would have a messy mother but I would always be there for him or her – I didn’t know the sex of the baby – and would love it with all my heart. Plus, living forever and being alone and lonely probably wouldn’t be very nice. But it had a nice sound to it, the whole idea was mysterious and exciting.
I hadn’t realized that I had fallen asleep but when I woke up it was already late in the afternoon and I was covered with a blanket. He must have covered me with it so I wouldn’t be cold. I blushed. Doing nice things really didn’t help me staying angry with him.
I listened and tried to locate him and I could hear some noises coming from the basement. I went to the bathroom, cause believe it or not, I needed to pee. I brushed my hair and decided to go out for a quick walk to stretch my legs a bit. I walked to the glass door when I noticed his I-Pod and a batch of cookies on the table besides the computer.
I lingered for a moment but then decided to take the I-Pod with me. I listened to a couple of songs – rock mostly, and took in the surroundings, while munching on some chocolate chip cookies. It was like a winter fairy tale, too bad it was getting dark already.
I moved around slowly, it was getting harder every day. I could hardly see my feet and my ankles got swollen a lot. But exercise did my body good and I circled the house and spent about 15 minutes outside.
Fresh air was so nice. Funny, how country air was different than city air. Here I was able to enjoy being outside, whereas in the city, everywhere were people and buildings and smoke. I went back inside and slowly ascended the stairs, listening to a favorite song of mine. I needed to go to the bathroom again. I opened the door, caught in the song and a bit tired already – I really got tired fast these days, and entered.
“Oh!” Jasper was inside the bathroom – naked. He had just stepped out of the shower and was still dripping wet. He quickly – too quickly – covered himself with a towel. We were just standing there, looking each other’s eyes. My heart was doing skips and I was breathing quickly. I tried desperately not to look at his body. I almost succeeded.
“I am so sorry; I was outside and had to come back in. I needed to go to the bathroom and borrowed your I-Pod.” Oops, I hope he doesn’t mind. “And I was listening to music and didn’t hear you were in here. Sorry. I should have knocked or something.” I couldn’t stop rambling.
“It’s ok.” And for first time since I arrived I heard him laugh. “There’s another bathroom downstairs.” He just kept laughing.
“Right. Of course there is. Bye.” I turned around and quickly exited the bathroom, blushing a deep vivid red. I would have to be more careful, I didn’t want to go into premature labor. My heart rate seriously needed to calm down but I couldn’t get his tall, lean and so very wet body out of my head. I was not usually timid or shy, but it had been a while and this was Jasper. And since we weren’t exactly on the same terms we had once been, this was different. And I was freaking hormonal and his sexy southern drawl this afternoon had not help at all. I tried to take deep breaths while descending the stairs slowly.
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