Sometimes Goodbye Is A Second Chance
After 5 years of rebuilding his life and putting the pieces back together, everything falls apart once again when she comes storming back into his life. Alice/Jasper - AU and AH
Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me. I am not, will never be and never was Stephenie Meyer. This is an Alice Jasper AU and AH story. And also my first Twilight story.
5. Chapter 5
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CHAPTER FIVE: And so the story continues
I can see the pain in you
I can see the love in you
but fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time
the angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
- Angels or Devils by Dishwalla
I was oddly tired when I woke up the next morning. I laid there in bed for a couple of more minutes, and then got up slowly. It took me five minutes to get myself out of the bed, not because I kept stalling but because I was getting heavier and more awkward every day.
“I guess you are growing, aren’t you baby?” I patted my stomach and moved to the closet to get my clothes. I noticed the book on the floor beside my bed. It must have fallen off the bed during the night, but I couldn’t bend over anymore and pick it up. I would just have to leave it there or ask Jasper later, if he could pick it up.
I hated being so dependant on another person. How did I let myself end up in this position? I guess I could have stayed in the city, but I didn’t want to raise my baby in that hellhole. I really owed Jasper now. At first I just assumed he would have the decency to help me and if he hadn’t, I would make him feel guilty or something similar. I expected this to be terrible but inevitable. Boy, was I wrong. Here he was, doing nice things for my baby and me. And he didn’t even ask questions nor did he bring up our past, and for that I was grateful.
I was also a bit confused because all my anger suddenly didn’t seem so appropriate anymore. If he could play nice, then so could I. Although maybe I would rather just get it over with, scream my lungs out at him and put the fight and sorrow behind me. But where would I stay then? I knew that once we started with all our unfinished business, I would have to leave but where would I go then? I needed to start figuring things out; I needed to find a solution. But first, I had to see the doctor.
I walked out of the guest room and noticed Jasper coming up the stairs. And I was only wearing a t-shirt. Great.
He pretended not to notice and I almost rolled my eyes at him. This was getting ridiculous.
“Hey, morning. I was just coming up to wake you.” He gave me a mischievous smile, knowing I hated being woken up in the mornings. I hated it when my parents used to wake me up at six o’clock or even earlier every morning. I usually stayed up late at night and wasn’t nearly prepared to face the day and all their grumpy faces so early in the morning.
“Lucky for me – and you, I am already up.” I smiled back at him. “I need to clean up first and then I’ll come downstairs, ok?”
“Sure. I only wanted to let you know that I called Peter and made an appointment for you. But we have to leave in an hour tops. So you better get cleaned up and … dressed.” He swallowed. “What do you want for breakfast?”
You. Where did that came from? Freaking hormones. Clearing my head and hoping I was not blushing too much, I looked at him and answered, “Cereal?” He just nodded and descended the stairs, while I kept staring at him.
I hurried into the bathroom and closed the door behind me swiftly. I haven’t had sex in a long time and all these hormones really did nothing to help the situation. I was going crazy. It had nothing to do with Jasper, he was just the one around and seeing him naked the previous night did me no good.
I fixed myself up and went to have breakfast. The food, not the guy.
I entered the kitchen; he was sitting behind the table, eating his cereal and reading a newspaper. The sports section probably. There was already a bowl filled with milk on the table, I only had to add the cereal. I said down and started eating.
“How did you get an appointment so fast?” I asked with a full mouth. He looked over to me from behind the paper and explained.
“Oh, Peter owes me. I got Rosalie to get him a good deal for a car he wanted.” I wondered what he did to persuade Rose to do it, because as far as I knew, she hated doing favors for people who were not her family.
“She owed me, too.” He smiled knowing what I must have wondered. “Plus it was not a bad deal. She sold a car; I just picked the person she sold it to.”
“Seems like someone owes you something all the time.” When I thought back, it has always been that way. Both Jasper and Edward were like this. Doing people favors, and when they needed something, they would get it easier. To them it was making life easier for themselves.
“Well it is better to be on this side than on the other, when it’s you having to owe somebody something. It always comes in handy one day.” He already stood up and put the bowl in the sink, pouring some water in it.
“Is it the same with me? Are you being nice and doing all this, so I’ll owe you?” I looked him straight in the eyes, accusingly.
He spun around, his smile disappeared from his face altogether and gave me a stern look. “You should know me better, Alice. What kind of person do you think I am?” All humor was gone from his voice.
I gulped, thinking that maybe I have pushed my luck too far. It was just that I didn’t know him anymore, I wasn’t even sure if I ever knew him at all. And his actions were confusing, I didn’t understand his kindness and I wanted an explanation. I wanted to know the reasons for his actions.
Instead of pressuring him into giving me an explanation, I apologized. I guess I had overstepped my bounds. “I am sorry. I just don’t know what to think. This whole situation is a little bit overwhelming.”
Overwhelming was an understatement. It was a freaking emotional roller coaster, one minute we were up and the next we were down again. And this circle kept repeating itself over and over again.
“Come on, let’s go.” He was already on the way to the hallway. I couldn’t decide if he was angry or hurt. Both probably. I followed him and put on my coat. It was cold outside and I didn’t want to risk catching a cold, again. I got my bag and started fiddling with the shoes. I couldn’t get them on, no matter how hard I tried.
“Oh, for God’s sake,” I muttered. Seriously, how more incapable could I get?
Jasper walked over, holding some gloves and a shawl in his hands. “Fresh snow fell during the night and it’s pretty cold out there. I found you some gloves and a shawl. They are Rosalie’s but I sure she won’t mind.” He looked up from his hands and shot me a strange look. “Alice, what are you doing?”
“I can’t get these damned shoes on,” I groaned. I tried to bend over and when that didn’t work, I tried to put them on without actually looking at them, but they were stubborn and wouldn’t comply.
He handed me the gloves and the shawl. “Here, let me help.” He chuckled and knelt in front on me and held the shoes in place, so I could slide my feet in them. I could almost see his grin on his face. I smirked.
“Thank you. I know this is ridiculous but I tried and you saw yourself how well that went.” I slipped on the gloves and put the shawl around my neck. I must have looked like a freaking pumpkin.
He just kept smiling at me. “Come on.” He opened the door and let me pass. “Just wait here for a moment, I’ll get the car.” He ran towards the garage.
It was still snowing softly and I stretched my hands towards the sky and let the snow fall down on my face. I could suddenly hear the engine and I stepped a step forward and waited. He pulled up beside me and I opened the door of the black Toyota. He was turning on the heat, when I finally managed to get in and closed the door. It took me a while, but he didn’t say anything.
We drove off and I turned the radio on. The frequency was not that clear, probably because of our location and all the newly fallen snow. “Do you have a CD somewhere?” I asked when he said at the same time, “There are some CDs in that drawer.”
I picked one that said Rock Compilation and put it in. “This one was a present from Edward,” he explained. We drove in silence while listening to the radio. I was looking at the surroundings through the window in order to get better acquainted with the place, since it was already dark when I came here a couple of nights ago. This place was in the middle of nowhere, but it was beautiful. The lush forest was covered with snow and for a second I could see a deer running between the trees.
We arrived in town thirty minutes later and parked the car. This time he helped me to get out of the car, which was welcoming; since I already had trouble standing up from the couch and the car was a little more complex.
“Here you go, pixie.” I grimaced at the nickname. I was so small and he has always been so tall. As if I weren’t aware of that without him pointing it out. “The clinic is just around the corner. Are you going to be ok if we walk there?”
“Sure. A walk will do me good.” He locked the car and we started walking towards the clinic. I was a little bit nervous, I hadn’t been to a doctor in a while and even though I hoped everything was fine, you could never be sure. But on the other hand I was excited too, cause I would finally be able to see the baby again.
There was some ice on the pavement in front of us and Jasper grabbed my arm, so I wouldn’t fall. It was not that I was clumsy, I have never been clumsy in my life, that was Bella’s job, but the ice seemed dangerous and it wouldn’t be good to fall in my condition. So I didn’t complain and let him hold my arm.
We came to the building in a couple of minutes. “You just go in. You have an appointment under your name in five minutes.” He told me after looking at the clock and let go of my arm. “I have some errands to run, but I’ll wait for you across the street in that café when you are done, ok?”
He seemed a little bit unsure, but I just nodded. “Ok, see you in a few.” I walked into the building and headed towards the gynecologic ward, straight to the nurse, explaining I was Alice Brandon and had an appointment. The nurse told me to sit down and wait for a couple of minutes, the doctor would be with me soon.
I sat down and took a look at all the magazines on the table. There were magazines about birth control, safe sex, pregnancy, motherhood and babies. I focused on the ones suitable for me. They seemed quite interesting and since there were so many of them, I decided to take a few with me, so I could read them later.
“Miss Brandon?” Hearing the doctor, I looked up. “Come with me.”
I followed him into the examination room and sat down. I was nervous and kept playing with my fingers. I think my knuckles were all white.
“How long has it been since you last examination?” I didn’t want to explain, but I would need to tell the truth. Or at least some of it.
“A couple of months. I know I should have kept my appointments more regular, but we had a family situation and it was impossible for me to get to a doctor.” I gave him my persuasive look, which was suppose to tell him to stay out of it and just get this over with.
He scribbled something down in my medical file. “Have you had any pains? And difficulties lately?” He asked a bit concerned.
“No, apart from the peeing and not being able to do anything myself anymore, I am fine. We both are.” I really had no problems. He performed some routine tests next.
“Ok, let’s get you up on the table.” I just nodded.
A couple of minutes later I was lying there on the table looking at my baby’s heart beating. It was amazing. I could see the baby, the heart rate was clear and evident. This was my baby, my little sunshine.
“Is everything ok?” I asked the doctor, suddenly anxious to hear him say the baby is fine.
“Yes, you can relax, everything is fine. Your baby seems healthy and content in there. Do you want to know the sex?” He asked me and I contemplated the question for a while. Did I? It would be nice to know who was coming into my life. But then I changed my mind, cause I wanted to be surprised.
“No, I think I’ll just wait a little while longer. It can’t be that long now.” I wanted to know, I did, but if I hadn’t known till then, I could wait a little longer.
“Ok. You are due in three weeks. I want to see you again in at least two. The nurse will make an appointment for you. What I want you to do Alice is stay calm and take it easy. Everything is alright, and all your test results are fine, except your blood pressure is a little big high and therefore I need you to stay calm for the baby ok? And rest.”
Great. No problem to stay calm all the time. I forced a smile on my face, “Sure doctor. I will do my best.” He asked me a couple more questions and told me again to come in once more in two weeks. I left his office and made a new appointment with the nurse.
Three weeks. Three weeks and the little one would arrive. What was I going to do? The realization suddenly came storming down on me. I was going to be a mom in three short weeks. Homeless and unemployed. It was true that I was staying with Jasper at that moment, but I couldn’t just stay there forever. But where was I to go? And what was I to do? Who would hire me in this condition and what could I even do? I couldn’t even put on my shoes. I headed out of the building, praying that everything would somehow turn out ok.
I didn’t actually have many errands to run. I only went to the bookstore; I needed some books for my research. Then I paid a visit to the music store, since I had the time. The truth was that I didn’t want to go in there with her.
She had been crying during the night, I’m not sure whether she was awake or if she did it in her sleep, but she was definitely crying. It all started with some whimpering that woke me up. I needed to go to the bathroom then and that was when I heard her cry. I kept standing outside her door and didn’t know whether I should go in or just stay there. I sat down outside her door and stayed put till she stopped crying.
I returned to bed afterwards, but realized I couldn’t sleep, again. Her crying bothered me. I desperately wanted to know the reason. Was she crying because of her current situation, because of me or did it have something to do with her past? Or maybe, the logical part of my brain told me, she was just having a bad dream and nothing else was wrong. It was just that I couldn’t stand to see her cry. She was Alice, happy and chipper Alice, and when she cried or broke down, the world just didn’t seem right.
Although, I almost regretted that decision in the morning when she accused me of using her. She accused me? I almost snapped at her, because my blood really boiled at that moment. Didn’t she know me at all? Who does she think I am? Plus, she came to me and sought refugee in my house, so how dare she accuse me of something like that?
I wanted to go away in that moment, grab a bottle or two of whiskey and not return. But I promised her I would bring her to the damn doctor, so I went to pick up a couple of things for her. And when I came back the sight in front of me was beyond adorable. She was dressed in her black coat, desperately trying to get her shoes on and failing miserably. My anger evaporated immediately. I helped her put on her shoes and we departed to town.
And there I was, standing across the street from the clinic, leaning on the wall of a coffee shop and waiting for Alice to come out. Damn, it was cold. I snuggled deeper into my coat, when I noticed her coming out of the clinic. She looked pensive and I hoped everything was ok with her and the baby. I waved to her and she made her way across the street.
I had to smile, because she looked adorable snuggled up in the coat, with the shawl around her throat and her hair over it. She was tiny but kind of intimidating. I lowered my gaze to her stomach, wondering how this would turn out. I still didn’t know who the father of the baby was, nor where he was. Did he even know? Would he come after her? I cringed at that thought, I didn’t want for someone to just come and whisk her away again. Whoever he was, he obviously didn’t treat her well before and I didn’t want her to go back to that. She deserved better, she needed to get well first and then move on with her life. I just couldn’t understand how someone could leave Alice.
I wondered if the baby was a boy or a girl. This whole mess was getting more complicated with every minute and I needed to ask Alice what her plans were. I already told her she could stay for as long as she wished, but I wanted a more exact answer.
“It is freaking cold here, lets go get some coffee,” I told her when she finally came over.
“Gladly,” she smiled back at me and we went into this little coffee shop. It was nothing fancy but it was comfortable and nice.
“So, you finished all your errands?” she asked me. I didn’t want to tell her the whole truth so I just nodded and pointed at the bag next to me.
The waitress brought us two coffees, decaf for Alice, of course, and some water. “So, how was your appointment? Everything alright?”
“The doctor says I have high blood pressure and need to stay calm,” she smirked and we both knew what that meant. “Otherwise everything is fine, I am due in about three weeks and need to come back here in two.”
I think that was the first time we both actually realized that things were going to change even more. She was pregnant and even though I wanted to ignore that little fact as much as I could, I couldn’t anymore. Not after today, not after she told me she was giving birth in practically three weeks. Cold dread washed over me and I suddenly got restless.
She looked down at her coffee cup, holding it with both her hands, trying to get them warm. “Jasper, we need to talk about this situation.”
I nodded, being aware that decisions were going to have to be made, I just didn’t know in which direction we would go from there. “That we do.”
“Alice, I need to know what you’re thinking. I can’t help you if you won’t talk to me. What are your plans? What do you intend to do?” I needed some answers and I wouldn’t push her much, especially since she apparently had high blood pressure, but I needed at least something.
“I know.” I could see she was struggling with something. “The fact is Jasper, however I turn this situation around, whatever decisions I want to make, I always make the same conclusions. I have nowhere to go.” She looked up at me. “I don’t know how I have ended up in this situation. All I know is that I never expected something like this to happen and when my family didn’t want me anymore, I turned to you.”
“I know Alice, you told me that. And I told you it was ok, you can stay for as long as you wish. Don’t worry about it.” She was proud and usually didn’t want to ask for help, thinking she could manage everything by herself - another consequence of her upbringing. But now she was in a position where she couldn’t help herself and that bothered her, I could see it clearly. She didn’t like to depend on someone.
“It is just that if I tried to find a job, no one would actually hire me in this condition. And even if I somehow managed to get a job, I still wouldn’t have any money for an apartment. And now when the baby is coming, I will need things for it too. I just don’t know what to do. I am so lost here, Jasper.” I could see the pain and desperation in her eyes.
“Well you don’t have to worry about that, silly.” The things were actually quite simple. I knew now that she was desperate to find a way out of her problems and just couldn’t do it. She couldn’t go home, and she wouldn’t go to my parents, I knew that. I could push the issue a little bit, but she would just suffer if she had to go live with them after she abandoned them. That would be too difficult and even if she was going to have to face them one day and make it up to them, this was not the way. It was easier with me, cause the whole mess that happened was somehow our fault and basically concerned only the two of us. And maybe this was a second chance to become friends again and move past all the pain and suffering. I know it seemed like I was the one helping her, but in truth she probably saved me – from myself.
“Alice, I told you before you can stay however long you wish. And you can’t really do anything now, so just let some time pass, find your way back and everything will work out somehow, you’ll see.” I saw hope showing in her eyes again.
“Are you sure? I don’t want to bother you and be in your way. And I don’t know how to ask this, so I am just going to ask you. Don’t you have a girlfriend, who would mind me around your house?” She hit a sore spot with her last question. I hadn’t had a girlfriend since she left me. That doesn’t mean I was celibate this whole time, God knows I wasn’t, but there were no relationships.
“I am sure, Alice, and I don’t.” The corners of her mouth turned up.
“Thank you, Jasper. You don’t know how much this means to me and I promise to pay you back somehow.”
I just waved it away. “Don’t worry about it Alice. I have the room and I have the money.” She kept smiling.
“So, now that we have established you’re staying, can we please return home, where it is warmer?” I joked.
She giggled and stood up. “Let’s go.” I paid for the drinks and we walked out, back into the cold.
This time we returned to the car on the other side of the road, which wouldn’t be anything special, if it weren’t for all the shops we would encounter on the way. I already knew what was coming and just waited for Alice to say something.
I saw her notice the first shop, her eyes lit up when she examined the dresses in the shop windows. But she said nothing. And I didn’t want to push my luck, so we just kept walking. The next shop we came along was a shoe store. I wanted to suggest that she maybe take a look, cause I didn’t got her any shoes last time. But she just kept walking to the next window. And stopped there.
Curiosity got the better of me, and I followed to see what caught her interest. A wooden crib stood there in the middle of the display window. I just stood there for a minute, not knowing what to say. I hoped she would say something first. This whole baby thing was still a bit uncomfortable for me.
“It’s beautiful,” she finally said. “I guess I’ll need to come up with some stuff for the baby soon.” She didn’t want to ask me directly but I know what she really meant was would you buy me some stuff for the baby.
“We can go buy some stuff later this week, if you want to,” I offered. “But this time you are coming with me, I had no idea what to buy last time.” Alice could never say no to shopping and today was no different.
“Sure. Thanks, I would love to go with you,” she said and I could feel excitement radiating of her. But she was trying to play it cool and stay, or better to say, act calm.
We arrived back at home a while later and she went up to change. I put on some music and prepared the Chinese we picked up on our way home. I didn’t feel like cooking today, so I had decided for some takeaway.
When I was in the middle of preparing the food, the phone rang. I put the plates in the oven for a little bit, so they would get warm and went to answer the phone.
“Hey you, it’s Rose.”
Oh, just great!
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