Sometimes Goodbye Is A Second Chance
After 5 years of rebuilding his life and putting the pieces back together, everything falls apart once again when she comes storming back into his life. Alice/Jasper - AU and AH
Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me. I am not, will never be and never was Stephenie Meyer. This is an Alice Jasper AU and AH story. And also my first Twilight story.
9. Chapter 9
Rating 5/5 Word Count 4335 Review this Chapter
CHAPTER NINE: Her Story
Get your hands off the girl,
Can't you see that she belongs to me?
And I don't appreciate this excess company.
Though I can't satisfy all the needs she has
And so she starts to wander...
Can you blame her?
Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhhhhhhh.
Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhhhhhhh.
Perfect Situation by Weezer
When Jasper asked me out for a walk, I immediately accepted. I have wanted to wander off in the woods so many times already, but I didn’t want to go alone, because I was not sure if you could get lost in it and if I maybe needed help. So, I was glad Jasper asked.
We walked silently for a couple of minutes, him explaining this or that. I could feel something was building up and that this walk was not merely a walk. But he was biding his time, and I let him.
We had already turned around to go back, when he finally asked me what he probably wanted to all morning. If not longer.
“Alice, I was meaning to ask you something. I know you probably don’t want to talk about it, but after we had agreed upon your immediate future yesterday, I need to know something,” he said slowly and in a very calming manner.
I was not surprised this came up; I have been waiting for him to ask me this for a while now. Of course, I could have explained things on my own, but I felt too comfortable in my own little shell. But no more avoiding, we needed to get this over with. So, I smiled at him and answered. “I am surprised you didn’t ask me anything sooner. Always the gentleman.” I suddenly realized I didn’t know where to start. “What do you want to know?”
He seemed to ponder my question for a minute but then unleashed a series of question on me. “A lot of things actually, but most importantly, I want to know who the father of your baby is. I mean, should I expect him to come after you? Does he even know you are pregnant? I know this is none of my business, but …”
I interrupted him. This would be hard to explain and I had no idea how I would do it, but I had to try. “No, you have a right to know. I think it is best if I start from the beginning.”
He nodded and let me explain. “Well, after I left I was a complete mess.” I saw he wanted to ask me something, but I needed to do this on my own. It was going to be hard enough as it is, we never talked about our breakup before and now here we are skipping that part, concentrating only on the after. He never knew how I felt afterwards, I never said goodbye and he never saw me broken. He never knew how much he hurt me. “Just let me explain first.”
He looked confused but didn’t interrupt. “As I was saying, I went to Washington. I started working at some coffee shop and rented an apartment. But the money I had saved was soon gone, because the rent was high and my pay lousy. But I didn’t care about that because I felt numb and it really didn’t matter to me what would happen with me.”
I remember the first couple of months in Washington. They were pure hell. I felt so empty and alone all the time. I rented the first apartment available and tried to make it my home, but I always felt like a stranger in it.
The first month I didn’t do anything. I just lay in my bed and watched TV. Although I didn’t pay attention to it, I just needed to hear some voices beside the ones in my head; so I wouldn’t feel so alone and wouldn’t go crazy. There wasn’t a minute I didn’t think of him. I thought about everything - about how we met, how we went through high school together, how he has always been there for me, how we got together and how he betrayed me. After a couple of days I didn’t have any tears left to cry, so I just starred at the wall, hoping a hole would open up and swallow me.
After the first month passed and I didn’t fell any better at all, I tried something different. I went shopping, over and over again. I visited numerous stores, tried on clothes and shoes all day long, bought everything I needed and everything I didn’t need. I tried so desperately to fill the emptiness, but nothing helped. At the end of the day, I was sitting on my bed, surrounded by various things I bought, still devastated and broken as the first day I arrived.
The third month I found myself a job. I though getting out and being among people would help. I got a job at a coffee shop and I was actually good at it. Getting people drinks and coffee was not that hard. Observing people who were happy and smiling was hard. Seeing people in love was even harder. I think my heart would have broken every time I saw a couple happy, if it wasn’t for the fact that it had already been shattered in pieces.
But I kept working, because I needed the money. I have spent way too much in the previous month and when I rented that apartment, I wasn’t thinking straight, and I wasn’t thinking about the price at all. A couple of months later things changed. I met a familiar face from high school.
But Jasper didn’t need to know all this. I just need to tell him the basic facts. “Then a couple of months later I ran into Lauren,” I looked up at him. “Remember her from high school?”
“Lauren Mallory? Yeah, I remember her.” He frowned when I mentioned her name. He never liked her.
“Yeah, well I ran into her and we went to get some coffee. She told me about her job, said it was easy and made enough money. She also happened to be looking for a roommate and made an offer to me. And I accepted.”
I noticed Jasper was suspicious, but I didn’t want to elaborate, I just wanted him to know Lauren got me a better paying job and an apartment to share. I didn’t want him to know how awful it was.
When we met, Lauren told me she was looking for a roommate. I didn’t want to accept at first, but it would have been nice to share the costs with someone else and maybe not be alone with my thought all the time. She told me she was working in a club and made decent money. She also told me they were hiring new girls and she could get me in if I wanted to. I was good at my job in the coffee shop but I didn’t want to see people happy all the time anymore. I hoped this club was darker. It was what I needed.
“But why did you go with Lauren, Alice? We both know what she is like.” he didn’t understand and I didn’t expect him to.
“Well, I was more or less broke and it seemed like a way out. So, I accepted. She also got me a position at this club that she worked in. So, the deal was not bad. I got a job and apartment. Plus, I didn’t really care.” I tried to explain.
When Lauren took me to the club for the first time, I was shocked. It was not a regular club; it was a strip club. I wanted to get out at first, but then when Lauren explained the customers were rich people, who got off from watching girls dance; I gave her a chance to show me around. The truth was that I didn’t really care. If I did, I would have declined. But who was there to tell me what to do? Who was there to tell me it was wrong? If I have been thinking clearly, I would have known that myself, but I wasn’t.
This was a dance only club, no private customers and no private rooms in the back. And I could deal with that. I have always loved dancing and I have always been good at it, so why not use it to my advantage, I though to myself. I accepted the job and moved in with Lauren.
“And what did she get out of it?” Jasper asked.
“She got a friend. She got someone she could talk to, someone to hang out with. I didn’t actually mind it, you know. It was not that bad. At least I wasn’t alone.”
What I actually wanted to tell him was that she kept me busy from thinking about him all the time. Lauren dragged me around from one party to another, from one club to the other, and I let her. My life has changed a lot since I have started working at that club. My working day started in the evening and after I was finished I hung out with the girls. We partied, stayed out till mornings, slept throughout the day and went back to working in the evenings. My customers loved me; I was very good at what I did, although I never let anyone touch me. Taking almost all of clothes off was enough. Touching was always off limits.
I tried to forget him and move on. I wanted to forget. I started blaming him for everything that went wrong in my life. I wanted to find him and show him what he had done. But instead of doing that, I kept ruining my life. I just didn’t know how to get up and get better. And that went on for years.
“Tell me about the baby, Alice.” I urged me on. This was what he wanted to know most. But this was also the part I wanted to talk about the least.
“There is not much to tell. I hooked up with this guy a while ago and got pregnant. As you can probably imagine, it was unplanned. I decided I couldn’t work in that club anymore and hanging out with Lauren pregnant and unemployed was not really an option.” I smiled bitterly. And it was true, all I have told Jasper was true. There was not much to tell. Lauren and I went to a party and I got really drunk that night. And I wanted to feel something else that night, and when the opportunity presented itself, I took it.
After I have found out I was pregnant, I quit my job immediately. The baby might have been unplanned, and the circumstances weren’t by far ideal, but this was my baby and maybe this was my second chance to get back on my feet and start a new life. I didn’t consider my baby as a problem – it gave me hope.
“So suddenly I didn’t have many options left. I had no place to live anymore and no job and I didn’t know what to do and who to turn to. And I think you know the rest.” When I talked to Lauren about it, she wasn’t pleased and she wasn’t supportive. She even wanted me to get an abortion but I would hear none of it. So, I packed my stuff and left.
After unsuccessfully trying to get a couple of jobs, I ran out of money. It was when I realized I needed to go back home. But of course home refused to take me back and I found myself pregnant, homeless and without money.
It took me a while to decide what to do. I didn’t want to bother any of my old friends, I didn’t even know if anyone would take me back after I have left them, but I wasn’t thinking straight when I did that. I was just acting on my emotions.
And then I decided I would look up Jasper and make him help me. Afterwards it was his fault that I left in the first place, although it was my decision. But I didn’t see that then, I just needed someone to blame and an excuse to find a place to stay. It was a dangerous move, but it was a move I needed to make and a risk I needed to take.
“But what about the baby’s father, Alice? Does he know you are pregnant?”
I didn’t know what to answer immediately, but then I just told him the truth. “No, no he doesn’t.” And he didn’t. I never contacted him after that night; I didn’t even know his name. And I wanted it this way.
“Don’t you think he deserves to know? I mean, it is his baby, too.” I felt guilty, because the truth was that maybe he did deserve to know. But we didn’t even know each other; I had no idea who he was and where to find him. And I am sure he didn’t want to be burdened with me, and this baby would probably mess up his life. Not to mention it would have been awkward. Plus it was a one-night stand and I might have even screamed out another name, when we had sex. I was sure he never wanted to hear from me again. So despite the occasional guilt and doubts, I was sure this was my baby and mine alone.
“Who is the father Alice?” What was I suppose to say to this, I didn’t even know the answer myself. “Alice?”
I stopped in my tracks, looked him in the eyes and whispered, “I don’t know.”
Shock was written all over his face, and I was sure he didn’t expect that answer.
“What do you mean, you don’t know?” I started walking again, we were near the house already and I suddenly wanted to hide inside.
“What I mean is that I don’t know. It was a one-night stand; we didn’t keep in touch after that.” I hoped he would let this go. I started walking faster; I wanted to reach the house already.
“Alice, slow down,” he said and grabbed my arm. I slowed my pace, but didn’t stop walking.
Jasper kept walking beside me and after a couple of moments of thinking everything through, he asked me more questions.
“But why didn’t you call him when you found out?” He wanted to know.
“I didn’t have his phone number. Besides I only met him at the party.” I told him, but right after I said that out loud, I knew I said the wrong thing.
“You didn’t have his number? You could have asked the people from the party, I am sure you must have known someone there. And someone must have known him.” I knew he was right and if I really wanted to find him, I probably could have, but I didn’t want that.
“Fine. I didn’t want him to find out. I don’t know him Jasper; I have no idea who he is. I don’t even know his name,” I raised my voice. We reached the house and I went inside but Jasper followed me.
“But don’t you think he deserves to know? I know I would have wanted to know,” he insisted. I could see that he was upset, because his southern drawl showed when he spoke.
“Maybe. Probably. But I didn’t want to ruin his life and I wanted this baby for myself. Happy now?” I was upset. I didn’t want to be upset, but I couldn’t help myself. I didn’t want to talk about this with Jasper and when we started this conversation I thought it would go differently. But things never turn out the way you want them to.
“Why would you even get involved in a one-night stand? This is so not like you. It’s like I don’t know you anymore.” And then I exploded. Who was he to tell me what I was like? And who was he to tell me what I could and what I could not do?
“Because he looked like you,” I yelled. I covered my mouth with my hand in a snap and held my breath; this was not what I wanted to say. It just came out.
We just kept standing there for a couple of moments that seemed like an eternity to me. I have messed up; this was not information I wanted to share. But it was true. When I arrived at that party, there was this guy there that looked so much like Jasper.
I was mad at the whole world for putting me through this and got really drunk that night. I didn’t think straight, I wasn’t being responsible – I found him later and jumped him without saying a word. I think he wasn’t sober either and probably just came to the party because he wanted to get laid. And I granted him his wish. He didn’t resist at all, even after I have screamed Jasper’s name, he didn’t stop. He left right after he was finished; we never exchanged any words. I kept lying there for a while, before I grabbed another bottle of beet and went home.
Suddenly, Jaspers facial expression changed and he looked at me and said with a silent voice, “Alice.” He looked at me strangely and I desperately tried to find out why. I looked down and saw a pool of water on the floor. I felt a sudden pain in my stomach and I panicked.
I noticed immediately when she went from stunned to panicked. What was I thinking? I got upset right after she started answering my questions. I could see she has been through a lot and I knew she wasn’t telling me the half of it. She was keeping things from me, and I should have been ok with that, it was her prerogative, but I wasn’t. I wanted to know more.
And then when we started talking about her pregnancy, I freaked out. I got jealous, because I had this image in my head of some stranger touching Alice. He had no right, she was off-limits. Only that she wasn’t. And I got angry at myself, at the world and at her. Why did she do that? I wanted to know why? I wanted her to regret it. And so I wasn’t thinking, even thought I knew she had high blood pressure and the doctor warned her not to get upset. I just kept pushing and demanded more answers. Idiot.
And when she said she slept with that guy because he looked like me, the world stopped. We were caught frozen in the room, neither of us daring to breathe. I couldn’t think straight and I didn’t understand, so I wanted to ask her to explain, but then I noticed that her water broke. And she wasn’t even aware of it.
This was all my fault. I should have never put her in this position. What was I thinking? I went over to Alice and helped her sit down. I needed to focus and work out a strategy; I have always been good at that.
“Calm down Alice, you need to calm down. Breathe.” She looked so distressed. “I will call Peter and we need to get you to the hospital, ok?” I asked her.
She seemed so lost and looked up for me for reassurance. She just nodded.
“Ok, I need you to stay here, while I am going to go upstairs and get some of your things, ok?” I was afraid to leave her alone, but I needed to do this fast.
I could tell she was nervous, but she nodded anyway. I ran upstairs and packed a bag with her essentials. I didn’t know what else to bring. And I could return later and get more things if she needed them. I took some spare clothes too to replace her wet once before we went to the hospital.
I went back downstairs and could tell she was in pain. But this was her first child, and as far as I knew from dad, these usually took quite a while.
“Alice, do you want to change your clothes before we set off for the hospital?” I asked her. It would not be good for her to be all wet in this cold outside.
“Yeah, I am feeling a bit better now.” She took the clothes out of my hand and went to the bathroom.
“Tell me if you need any help,” I offered. I think I heard her mutter a yeah right. I ignored her and went to call Peter. Luckily he answered and told me to just bring her in. He chuckled and told me to stay calm, probably thinking I was overreacting. I though I was calm.
I went out, took the bag and got the car ready. When I came back, she just came out of the bathroom. I helped her get her shoes on and then the coat. I took her hand and helped her get into the car.
We drove off. She was sweating and breathing heavily. I was driving as fast as I could, but I didn’t want to risk flying off the road. I kept checking up on her, this was completely new to me, I wasn’t there when Rosalie was giving birth, I arrived when she was almost done already. I had no idea what I was doing.
“Are you ok?” I asked her. Maybe if we talked her attention would not be focused on the pain so much.
“Yeah, the pain is coming in intervals,” she smiled. She was being brave.
“Do you want me to call anyone? Your family? Or Carlisle? Do you want him to come, I am sure he would?” She needed people around her; it was an important day.
She didn’t answer for a moment; she probably couldn’t decide what to do. “I don’t know, maybe Carlisle. I would be very happy if he came.”
“Of course, I will call him right after we arrive.” I promised. Carlisle would come immediately, I was sure of that. And he would bring Esme; Alice was like a daughter to them.
I considering calling her family, too but I wasn’t sure that was a decision I could make on my own. I offered calling them, but she only asked for Carlisle.
“Jasper, I’m scared.” She admitted to me. I took her hand and looked her in the eyes.
”Everything is going to be ok, you’ll see.” I tried to reassure her.
“Don’t leave me, please,” she pleaded.
“I won’t, I promise.” And I wasn’t planning to.
I parked right next to the hospital this time. I got out of the car and ran around to open the door for Alice and help her out. Peter came out after he has seen my car and helped us.
“Hey there. Nice to see you again Alice.” He shook hands with Alice. “Jasper already called about the situation, so don’t worry ok, you are doing fine.”
“Ok,” Alice answered. I shook hands with Peter, too. I haven’t seen him in a while. Which was the case for most of the people I knew.
“So the little one is ready to come out, huh?”
“It appears so,” Alice tried to smile but failed miserably. We went inside and Peter pulled up a wheelchair, so that Alice wouldn’t need to walk.
“I checked your due date, and noticed this was a bit early.” Alice shot him a scared look.
“Don’t worry, it is not unusual, I just wanted to check if everything was ok or if you experienced any problems lately?”
“No, everything was fine. I just have high blood pressure and I might have gotten a little bit upset today.” She looked at the floor, while Peter shot me a look that said what have you done. I just shrugged my shoulders, this could wait.
“Ok, lets get you checked in. This will probably take a while.” He turned to take Alice away but then looked back at me. “Stay here for a bit, we’ll get her ready and put her in a bed and you can come in then.”
I nodded and said to Alice, “I’ll be right there, I am just going to call Carlisle first, ok? Don’t worry.” She nodded.
I took my cell out of my pocket and dialed the familiar number.
“Jasper, what’s up?” dad answered after a couple of rings.
“Hey dad. Are you at the hospital or at home?” I asked him, praying he was at home.
“At home. Why are you asking me this? Is something wrong?” he got concerned and I hurried to reassure him.
“No, everything is fine. It’s just that Alice is in the hospital; I just brought her here because her water broke. And I was wondering if you might come. She would like you to.” I have explained all about my situation to him when he called me after Rose had called him. So he was up to date.
“We are on our way. Mom wants to talk to you, too.” I could hear him handing the phone over to her.
“Hey sweetie, how are you?” she asked me. I could hear concern in her voice.
“I am fine mom. Are you coming with dad? I think Alice would be really happy to see you.” I told her, although I already knew the answer.
“Of course. I am already packing some things for her. Considering that you probably did the packing, since it was not her time yet, you probably forgot half of the things.” She chuckled. And I had to smile with her, she was probably right.
“How is she Jasper?” she asked. “I missed her so much, I can’t believe I am going to get to see her again. It has been so long.”
“She misses you too mom, I can see it in her eyes. And she is always asking about you.” I tried my best to reassure her. Mom was a real mother hen and her children, biologic or not, always came first.
I could hear dad in the background; telling mom he was ready. “You should go mom, I’ll see you soon. Call me when you get near and I will come out to meet you.”
“Ok sweetie, see you soon.” She hung up and I went to look for Alice.
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