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Testing the Waters

Summary:
It has been a little over a year since Edward has left and Bella has MOVED on, or so she thinks. She is running from any form of true love, and running to any available guy. This means even pushing away Jacob. But after a shocking turn of events, Bella is forced to come to terms with the fact the Edward is gone and she is not over him. Based on Katy Perry's song "Thinking of You" BXJ BXOC BXE No smut or lemons, but it is insinuated.


Notes:
How do I get better
Once I've had the best
You said there's
Tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test
He kissed my lips
I taste your mouth
He pulled me in
I was disgusted with myself
"Thinking of You" By Katy Perry Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story since Stephenie Meyers made them. I also do not own the lyrics to "Thinking of You". They belong to Katy Perry.


1. You said move on, where do I go?

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 1090   Review this Chapter

26 months. 2 weeks. 2 days.

That's how long it had been since he left. I had given up all hope that he would come back. Why would he? Even if he did, would he still have wanted me after everything I had done? After everyone I had done.

It wasn't originally supposed to be like that. My plan to get better had gone terribly wrong. I was actually doing much better with the help of my personal sun - Jacob. He had helped me so much. I was even starting to fall for him until I ruined it. Of course Jacob didn't look at it that way. He thought that he had ruined it himself. But how could it have been Jacob's fault? He was my sun, my air. All he said was those three simple words that were universally spoken daily. Those three words that changed my life completely. Three words that broke me down and made me run and never stop running. I love you.

Those words became the death of me. I couldn't bear to hear them. I didn't deserve to hear them. I didn't deserve love. If I did he never would have left me in the forest broken, unwanted, and unloved. If I truly deserved love, then I would be with him.

But I didn't deserve love. That was why I was laying in bed next to some random guy I had met the night before named Ryan-I couldn't remember his name- staring at a poster of scantily clad girls all over some rapper. I was no better than those girls were;I just didn't have a poster to prove it. Instead, I had my pathetic reputation of being the slut to show the world who I was. Unloved? Check. Broken? Check. Unwanted? Countless nights like this one would prove otherwise.

Ryan-?- stirred next to me as the early morning light shined on his toned tan back. He was not as built as Jacob and definitely not as beautiful as Ed- him, but he would do for the moment.

I knew that I better leave before he woke up. This was my routine. Run before they could say anything. Run before they could make any faulty promises. Run before I got hurt. Run. Just like he did all those months ago.

I slipped out of the bed to pull my jeans back on. I had found my bra and shirt and was almost done with my last button when Ryan-I really should have figured out his name- put his arm around my waist in an attempt to pull me back into his bed.

"Leaving without saying goodbye?" he asked lazily with a lame smile on his face.

I hated this part. I never knew what to say. Thus, I made up a pathetic excuse.

"Yeah. I have an early class."

"Oh. Well last night was amazing! When am I going to see you again? Maybe we can grab lunch after my class-" he started to say, but I interrupted before I was tied to him anymore.

"Actually, I'm pretty busy today. But I'll see you around campus or something!" I tried to be cheerful with that last line.

"See you later Ryan!" I said as I grabbed my purse and headed out the door.

"My name is Micheal!" he cried out as I shut the door and hurried down the hallway.

Like I care. I thought to myself as I made my way out of Mercers Hall.

I walked quickly through the University of Washington's campus. I was in my freshman year here studying Pre-Law. The old Bella would have studied Literature, but the new Bella didn't enjoy reading anymore. There was hardly any of the old me left. The old me was desperately tried to hold onto the power of love. But not now. Now I had found a new power - lust. I definitely used this power frequently. I now dressed in the most figure flattering way as possible; I had to use this as part of my power. I had to be desirable to everyone, not just mythical creatures. I even started to work out and tan, furthering myself as much as possible from the old naive Bella.

As I got back to my room, my roommate Ashley was just getting out of bed. She gave me a sly look as I put my purse down and started putting my shower stuff together.

"So who was it this night? A football player? A med student? Or are you back on the artsy guy phase? I really am sick of going to those poetry readings with you. They're so pretentious!"

Ashley droned on some more about how awful poetry readings are and how horrible skinny jeans look on guys. She was so much like Jessica that I wanted to shoot myself sometimes, but the new Bella hung out with girls like this on a regular basis. It was all part of my new power.

When I came back to the room after my shower, I checked my cell for any new text messages. Most of them were from other guys like Ryan-I mean Micheal- who wanted to hang out, but one message made me stop and re-read.

Bells! Come home now! Charlie is in the hospital. I've been trying to call you all night. Please call me as soon as you get this.

Jake

I punched in Jacob's number furiously with my hot pink manicured nails.

"Bella!" Jacob picked up on the second ring. He must have waited for me to call.

"Why didn't you pick up your phone? I've been calling you all night!" Jake yelled into the phone.

Of course I wasn't about to tell him why I hadn't paid attention to my phone last night, so I directed the conversation to the real reason I had called.

"What's going on with Charlie?!" I demanded.

"He had a heart attack last night while he was at the Clearwater's house. He was rushed to the emergency room. He had to have triple bypass surgery. You need to come home now. He just got out of surgery, and now he is in the ICU." Jacob said in a very defeated tone.

I knew he really cared about Charlie, maybe even more than I did.

"Okay. I'm coming right now."

I grabbed some clothes and stuffed them in my duffel bag. I ran all the way to my car, jumped in, and headed to the one place I never planned to return - Forks.