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It's Kind OF A Funny Story

Edward: a socially inept boy probably destined to become a hermet, even if he is really cute. Bella: a bad ass who just got kicked out of her sketchy life in arizona to her useless father's clumsy hands. now thet're both attending an upscale boarding school along with the rest of the Cullen/Hale crew. all human. rated teen for mature subject matter, viewer discretion is advised...lol, no for now it's just swearing and minior drug refernce, enjoy.

yay all human!

3. Meet The Family...er-Families

Rating 5/5   Word Count 2650   Review this Chapter

Edward's POV

My cell phone buzzed harmoniously with my alarm clock, dragging me from my dreams. I flipped my phone open.

“Hello?” my voice was groggy and tired sounding.

“Good you’re up, we’re meeting Emmett, Rose, Jazz, Bella and me for breakfast. Meet me at my car in five.” Alice's' voice turned off as soon as it began. Oh great I lamented, I have to figure out how to look presentable in five minutes. As if it wasn't enough that it was my first day at a new school, I would be seeing Bella.

In a whirlwind of blushes and cringing, I remembered the day I’d spent with her yesterday. 'Fabulous.' I groan as I thought back to how I had watched her and the jokes that I had made. I tripped into a pair of straight legged jeans and a black t-shirt. Once I had slipped into my red converse all-stars, I grabbed my satchel and leather jacket and all but flew out the door.

I dodged the people around me like I was in some crazy video game. After making, like, thirty new enemies, I found Alice’s gleaming yellow porche. Our whole family had pitched in to buy if for her sweet sixteen. Through the windshield I could make out the shapes of Alice and Bella chatting animatedly and Jasper looking very tired in the back seat.

“Hey” I practically wheezed, collapsing into the back seat with Jasper.

“Edward I said no running, we can’t let you have an attack again!” Alice sighed muttering something about having to take care of absolutely everybody.

“What’s wrong with you?” Bella turned in the passenger seat to stare at me head on. Her gaze choked the words out of me.

“Edward has asthma.” Alice explained unsympathetically. “He’s pretty much the ultimate nerd. You’re lucky you met him after he got the head gear off.” She laughed mercilessly and to my disappointment, Bella laughed along with her.

“You’re lucky you’re my sister and I don’t pound you into paste” I glared at Alice.

Jasper punched me. “You’re lucky I know you’re kidding.” His eyes blazed protectively. Ugh, it was this type of behavior that Esme called ‘adorable’ and I called ‘nauseating’.

“Jesus guys, get a room” Bella pulled the mirror down from the roof of the car. She checked her black eyeliner and smudged it back into the way she liked it.

I slumped against the door of her car. “Are we just sitting here or are we going somewhere.” Had they honestly just woken me up to humiliate me in front of Bella? They could just do that while I’m not conscience.

“Nope, we’re going out for breakfast, it’s our first day of school so we’re going to find a nice diner or something!” Alice was over the whole nerd conversation in seconds and back to her regular un-rainable-parade attitude.

“Okay so let’s get out of here.” I mumbled.

“We’re waiting for Emmett and Rose.” Alice sighed, peering out of the window, “Bella hasn’t met them yet."

“Whatever, I can meet them later Alice, my stomach is getting homicidal.” Bella moaned clutching her belly theatrically. I laughed nervously, she smiled at me. I noticed my silver Volvo sitting further across the lot and was yet again thankful for Alice’s impatience and her tendency to coerce companies to give her special treatment. An example of said treatment was the fact that our cars had already arrived despite the mover’s earlier estimate of ‘within the week’.

“Well tell it to hold on, I think I see them.” Alice squinted a little in the sun.

Sure enough, Emmett’s rumbling laugh could be heard from across the lot. Soon they came into view, Emmett’s arm draped protectively around Rosalie’s waist. Her arms crossed over chest in a stance so typically Rosalie.

“What took you so long?” Jasper raised an eyebrow at the pair obviously knowing exactly what had made them late.

“I had to pick Rosie up.” He kissed her check while she bit back a smile. Rosalie was the type of girl who never wanted to be vulnerable with a boy. She had dated some creep before Emmett and he took advantage of her one night. Because of this, she was icy in public but I knew that in private, she was very sweet. “But seriously, you guys shouldn't have worried, as if we’d miss meeting Edward’s little girlfriend.” Everyone laughed and I turned the reddest red of all.

Bella POV

“Hi, you must be the loud mouth big brother.” I sneered holding my hand out to him. “I’ve just heard so much about you.” I fluttered my eyelashes angelically. My mind wandered back to the night before when Alice had told me her older brother had sucked his thumb until he was twelve. My eyes moved to his girlfriend critically, Rosalie. A more appropriate name might have been 'The Goddess Of All Lingerie Catalogues'.

Emmett’s brown eyes narrowed at me, challenging me too “Nice one Edward, you chose a girl with enough balls for the two of you.” everyone laughed again and Rosalie chuckled lightly.

I peeked at Edward’s reflection in the mirror. His eyes were fixed to mine in a way that felt like a caress. I looked away. I wasn’t going to feel anything for this Edward Cullen. He was too innocent to be a fuck, too cute to be a friend, too loving to be ignored. All I could do was flirt with him a little.

Alice stopped the car in front of some hotel. The name and logo on every available surface. The valet staff smirked at me but snapped back to their jobs when Alice jingled her keys.

“I seriously can’t afford this place.” I tugged her arm like a little kid. She shook my arm off and patted my back.

“I got this one Bella.” She grinned up at me. I smiled and looped my arm through hers. The whole place gleamed with what could only be described as class. Crystals shimmered and tinkled from the chandelier above us. It threw tiny rainbows all over the ceiling. Pillars of polished marble held the floor above us up successfully. I ran my fingers against the smooth surface as I passed. It was cold but it felt nice. I looked back at it but my eyes went straight for Edward. He smiled at me in a lopsided but very sweet way. I grinned back and slowed, allowing him to walk beside me.

“Aren’t you excited?” I asked elbowing him gently in the side.

“A little.” He smirked. “Though I get dragged to places like this all the time. My father is a doctor so he makes a lot of money,” Edward said sheepishly, like he was ashamed of being loaded. “My family likes to spend.” He finished, not looking at me.

“So that’s why Alice bought all that junk for me yesterday.” I laughed.

“Yeah, she loves dressing people up and a brand new Barbie doll just moved in with her.” He gestured to me. “You could say she’s happy.”

“But happy seems kind of typical for Alice” I smiled at him. He laughed and agreed.

Breakfast was lovely. The dinning wear was spotless but Alice did in fact locate a small water stain and had them bring her an all new setting. Rich folks-what can you do? But I laughed I mean how happy would Charlie be to find out that I'm not hanging out with the scum of the school anymore, that I used a salad fork properly (with Edward’s help). And he was helpful. Not like he wanted anything from me in exchange for his assistance, just to be nice. Like when the waiter came up behind me and put his hands on the back of my chair. Edward quickly whispered that the waiter was just going to push me in so I wasn’t so startled.

When the bill came Alice and Edward fought almost silently over who should pay for me. I gently recommended that I pay for me but Alice glared at me and told me to shut up.

Back at school, we endured some stupid assembly where some balding guy said he was our principal, emphasis on ‘pal’. He was a hand talker. “I want each one of you to know that you can always come to me if you need something, I take the open door policy thing very seriously”.

He went on to say how we were special kids, gifted and knowledge was power and we were going to change the world. I yanked out my notebook and drew an amusing comic version of him. The small speech bubble floating above his reflective head read “I am lonely.” Alice, who was sitting directly to my right looked over to my lap, she covered her mouth to hide her light giggle. Rosalie the future Victoria Secret Model raised an eyebrow questioningly.

Alice grabbed the book and passed it to Rosalie who smirked and passed it to Emmett. I wasn’t going to be embarrassed, no way I would not let myself feel all uncomfortable like that again. I was still new confident Bella.

Emmett strangled a guffaw and muttered a “sorry sir” when a teacher shot him a dirty look. He shook Edward and roughly showed him my cartoon too. It wasn’t even that funny, the poor guy, Mr. Lonely was probably starved for human contact. It was probably one of those tragic stories about how Mrs. Lonely had run off a number of years ago and now he went home to his fish. I couldn’t help but feel a little bad. It looked like Edward felt that too, a little smile from the humor of the picture but his eyebrows pulled together a little from the obvious truth of it. I felt weird as I watched Edward slowly look up to me blankly, across the bench. His hand passed the book to Jasper who smiled timidly and continued watching the man on the stage.

I felt like I didn’t want Edward seeing this sort of mean side of me. I wanted him to think of me as a nice girl, I wanted him to- no. I stopped myself. I wasn’t a nice girl and it was probably better a nice boy like Edward was warned of it now instead of later on when our feelings were more complicated.

We finally got up after the principle who’s name I forgot almost instantly said today was a free dress day since it was the first day of school. No uniforms. Damn, I thought to myself, I had forgotten about the plaid skirt I had to order from the school store.

Our funny little group separated after comparing schedules and me getting my book back. Rosalie found that we both had History first period. Even though we weren’t exactly best friends yet, we decided to go together. Our teacher seemed nice enough though not very confident. Ms. Lohan looked across the classroom of empty faces with a deer-caught-in-the-headlights-look. She nervously said we could pick our own seats. I liked her, these kinds of teachers want to be liked more than they want you to learn about WW2. Rosalie and I decided to sit together. Our seats were at the very back of the classroom. A large wooden two-seater desk sat equal-distant from all the others.

Ms. Lohan passed a thick pile of papers to the student in front of her, Emma somebody. The paper finally reached us and we found out we would be learning about the cold war. I grimaced and pulled my notebook back out. The character of Ms. Lohan was wearing a bathrobe and bunny slippers. “Please like me!” pleaded her speech bubble. I slid it to the beautiful girl to my right. She giggled delicately and quickly penned a note next to my picture.

“So are you an artist or something?” her script was kind of pointy.

"Something like that." I scribbled barely legible. "I'm more into video." I wrote.

"Oh that's cool" she wrote back. We made small talk but not on paper after we realized there would be no punishment for anything in this class.

The bell rang and I headed off to the basement according to my new schedule. Drama, a course I’d been coned in to taking by Renee because of my ‘dramatic flair’. Of course that really meant she thought I was a liar but I like actor better anyway. I spied Edward across the hall, nearly dropping all his books while trying to read his schedule.

“Hey loser” I greeted him, grabbing the paper he was studying with a confused face.

“Oh, hey Bella” his cheeks lit up like a Christmas tree. “I’m just having a bit of trouble figuring out where the drama room is.” His eyebrows were all screwed up in a face of true puzzlement.

“Im guessing right there.” I pointed to the door down the hall with the amusing masks above it, you know the type, the happy one and the sad one.

“Right.” he blushed again. “Well hopefully I’ll see you later.” He smiled at me.

“Or right now.” I suppressed a grin as I pointed to the little box that read “Drama, Clarke” on my sheet. He took on that embarrassed look again but as usual, it was adorable on him. He began muttering something to himself that sounded like “Don’t talk Edward, EVER!” so I laughed.

“You’re cute when you’re embarrassed.” I told him. “Just in case you were wondering.” He smiled crookedly at me and I felt that sweet warm feeling sweep through me.

As it was only the first day, we played some weak ass name game. We went around in a circle and said our name and one thing we like that starts with the first letter of our name.

“My name’s Rhonda and I like rainbows.” Confessed Rhonda as I thought about her super unfortunate name. I made a mental note to be extra nice to her since her parents obviously hated her as they had called her that.

“I’m Toby and I like tits.” The immature kid who said that exploded into a fit of childish giggles following his statement with his friends.

“Lesley, learning”

“Becca, baking”

"im Jessica but call me Jess." the girl had only just put her phone down after texting someone furiously. she either didn't understant the game or she was too stupid to handle it. my personal assement of her made me lean towards the later option.

"that's great hon but the game is to say your name and something you like that start with the first letter of your name." our surprisingly patient teacher said slowly.

"i don't get it." it was clear to me now that my drama class was mixed between us brainacs and the regular kids. this Jessica character obviously wasn't the gifted kind.

"close enough." he motioned with his hands that we should ignore her.

“Richard, rhubarb pie”

“Matt, morgues” Matt's expression was that of a serial killer who was still trying to blend into society before making a rather violent apearence in the headlines.

And then everyone turned to Edward who I had insisted sit next to me. “I’m Edward” he stuttered so I smiled at him encouragingly. “and I like…eggs..” his eyes widened in shock at what he had said. “no I mean I don’t like eggs, well eggs are fine but that’s not what I wanted to say. I mean I like-“

“Just stick with Eggs, Edward, you pass.” Mr. Clarke winked at Edward in what I'm sure he hoped was a reassuring way. It just made him more worked up. He cursed and hung his head adorably.

“Bella, I like Boys.” I smirked, blowing a kiss to that Toby kid across from me. Everyone laughed as Toby mimed reaching out and grabbing it. Edward blushed and watched the carpet intently. I wanted to reach out and touch him, to say he didn’t have to be embarrassed around me anymore but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t.