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It's Kind OF A Funny Story

Summary:
Edward: a socially inept boy probably destined to become a hermet, even if he is really cute. Bella: a bad ass who just got kicked out of her sketchy life in arizona to her useless father's clumsy hands. now thet're both attending an upscale boarding school along with the rest of the Cullen/Hale crew. all human. rated teen for mature subject matter, viewer discretion is advised...lol, no for now it's just swearing and minior drug refernce, enjoy.


Notes:
yay all human!


4. Help I'm Alive, My Heart Keeps Beating Like A Hammer

Rating 0/5   Word Count 4408   Review this Chapter

Chapter Four:
Edward’s POV
Was it inappropriate for me to want to strangle the life out of that pesky Toby boy because he was talking to Bella? Yes, I decided from my slightly aggressive pose by the door, it was. And yet that did nothing to soothe my murderous feelings. What could they possibly be talking about for so long, I wondered. I mean the boy had publicly admitted to being a hormone filled idiot, what could he possibly be saying to her to hold her attention for five seconds? She was smart and witty and funny and beautiful. I could see why any guy could like her. But him? She chose to give him the time of day?
There just there! She laughed her infectious laugh and touched his arm. I could practically hear his few thoughts, bouncing around in that empty head of his. Another couple of seconds passed, some girl who’s name I immediately forgot, popped a jelly bean into her mouth in what I could only assume was a seductive way. She said something about next Friday so I nodded and kept watching Bella and that scum, that maggot, that ridiculous excuse for a human. I felt faintly that I would pay for my lack of attention later but I couldn’t make myself care.
All of a sudden Bella looked right at me. She winked and turned back to Toby. He handed her a piece of paper and she nodded. She waved over her shoulder at him and walked over to me. I felt my knees liquefy in my legs.
“C’mon Ed, we’re going to a party tomorrow night.” She grabbed my wrist and dragged me out the door.
Bella seemed to think I was some social charity case and for that I was thankful. She let me follow her into the lunch line and to a nice sunny spot on the grass despite my pleas to sit at a table provided by the school. Of course my personal brand of begging appeared to have no effect on her.
“Oh Edward, the grass is so much nicer.” She patted a spot right beside her and who was I to reject the invitation to listen to her voice. She finished her rather large pile of fries and lit a cigarette.
“You shouldn’t do that.” I said, pushing the pasta salad around with my plastic fork.
“Lie down?” she asked quizzically.
“No, that’s fine. I mean smoke.” I told her, still not looking at her. I could speak more coherently when not looking right at her. She smiled that funny little Bella smile.
“is that so?” she blew a smoke ring and watched the breeze wash it away.
“yeah Carlisle’s a doctor and I read his medical text books sometimes, when I’m home alone.” I admitted not wanting to let her know how often that was. “well I used to I guess, I won’t be near them for a while.” I corrected myself.
“you also might not be alone for a while.” She grinned again as my insides heated up most uncomfortably. “we’re going to be good friends now.” she said.
“Solid.” I said.
“Solid?” she bolted up laughing, “did you seriously just say ‘solid’? god you’re hilarious Edward.” she hit my knee, still laughing. I tried my best not blush but it happened, despite my best efforts.
Bella POV
Alice was ecstatic about the party. We had a class together after lunch at which time she texted Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper. She would have texted Edward but I said it wasn’t necessary as he was there when we got invited. Well technically the invitation was more directed at me and my “smokin’ hot friends’ but I figured it would be good to get Edward out of his room.
After school we met everyone at our room. Rosalie was technically a year or so older than us and thus wasn’t so eager to go to ‘some lame ass sophomore party’ but Emmett’s begging and pleading eventually won her over.
“I don’t like that guy.” Edward finally spoke up after about an hour of silence. His arms were crossed and he was sitting on one of Alice’s bar stools. “I mean the guy advertises his affection for girls’…” he looked like he was choking on the words.
“tits?” I asked, carrot stick still in hand, lying on my bed. Edward shot a look at me as if to say something like ‘how could a nice girl like you use a vulgar term like that?’. I laughed and told the gang about our drama class. They were all in hysterics as I imitated Edward and his egg confession.
“no no I didn’t mean that, I don’t like eggs, well I do but-“ I stopped to fake hyperventilate.
“shut up, I was caught off guard.” Edward muttered.
“aw muffin.” I got up and sauntered over to wrap him in my arms. “did my little baby have a hard day? Let it out honey.” I was pretty sure Emmett’s guffaw could be heard all through campus.
“god I’m so glad we found this kid.” Emmett jabbed his large thumb at me. “it was killing me to watch our little Eddie not embarrassed every second.” He hooted. Jasper snickered into Alice’s neck.
After a while, Alice and Jasper got up and dug through the mini fridge and newly stocked pantry. He appeared to be quite skilled in the kitchen. He whipped up a couple sandwiches and apologized for not being able to make a nice warm meal due to the lack of stoves.
“Excuses, excuses.” Rosalie sighed, grabbing herself and Emmett a sandwich.
“are you guys kidding?” I felt my eyes pop a bit. “the extent of my mom’s cooking barely covers ouderves. You know, bite sized finger food.” They all laughed. “yeah…heh heh heh. That was…totally a joke…” they laughed again.
“I think it’s time you boys got out of here.” Alice said after we had eaten. “us girl have some beauty sleep to complete.”
“boy oh boy, I’m glad somebody said it.” Emmett joked but he still got a slap from Rosalie, plus she got off his lap, in favor of grabbing her things.
“I’m leaving.” She said. I wished her a good night and laughed.
“I’ll walk you home.” He got up hurriedly.
“no, you won’t.” she stated calmly, swinging her pink metallic back pack over her shoulder. Her perfect body disappeared out the door, soon followed by Emmett yelling ‘sorry babe, you know you’re gorgeous! C’mon!’. we all laughed and thanked the sweet lord that we had Rosalie to keep him in line.
The last couple, Alice and Jasper, were stil curled up on the couch and were busy saying good bye to each other as if they wouldn’t see each other for a decade instead of just a few hours. It was peculiar to watch them because they communicated in almost perfect silence. I walked over to Edward since he was the only guy left who wasn’t tenderly coping a feel on my roommate.
“are they always this lovely-dovey.” I practically puked out the words.
“yep.” He twiddled his thumbs and still wouldn’t look at me.
“oh Edward, don’t tell my you’re still sore because of my little rendition of your silly drama fuck-up.” I took his chin in my fingers and pulled his gaze up to my eyes, it wasn’t greasy or stubbly, Just soft. “you know I’m just kidding.”
“could you not ‘kid’ at my expense so much then?” his voice was sad. It made me feel like I was a bad person. It made me feel nefarious. I dropped my hand.
“sure thing.” I smiledand he got up from the stool.
“c’mon Jasper, let’s go before you get carried away.” Edward opened the door.
“night.” Alice walked Jasper to the door. He whispered something in her ear and she shook her head. “I have a roommate now Jazzy!” she said, staring deeply into his eyes. He said fine and Edward dragged him right out the door, throwing a couple ‘good night’s over his shoulder. He smiled at me before the door swung shut. I knew he hoped I would go for a walk at night again, I couldn’t disappoint him.
When the guys showed up in the morning to walk us to class, they were wearing their uniforms. Grey pants, black jackets, white button downs and green and black ties. It was a very good morning already. Then Edward came in, panting and puffing.
“my alarm again.” He gasped slumping onto the couch. I giggled and he worked on regulating his breathing.
“don’t hurt yourself there bud.” I patted his back and tucked my long hair behind my ear. Jasper yanked a box out from inside his backpack and handed it to Alice who squealed something about LOVING presents.
“OH JAZZY!” her nimble fingers made short work of his careful wrapping job. “A HOT PLATE!” true enough, it was a hot plate. She tossed the gift to the couch and threw her small arms around him enthusiastically. When their lips weren’t touching anymore, he mumbled something about hot meals for her and us.
just the same, I got some milk out of the mini fridge and honey nut cheerios and ate out of some Tupperware because I couldn’t find those stupid bowls Alice got us. Jasper was busy cooking Alice up some love in the form of an omelet. So the couch was pretty much vacant, i dropped beside Edward. he smiled down at me.
“sleep well?” he was obviously remembering the previous night. I hadn’t wasted time walking around the whole campus, in favor of strolling right to the boys’ lawn. Of course he was waiting right there. I finished my cigarette as he told me more about the irrevocable damage I was doing to my lungs. He’d walked me right to my door again but looked very scared. He said he didn’t feel comfortable being in the girls’ dorms so late at night. He told me it was against rules. I told him to be cool and I kissed his cheek again. His face reddened beneath my lips. We smiled and he was gone.
“yeah I did.” I said truthfully. Edward’s company was having a weird effect on me. calming, it made we want to be better but I felt like I didn’t have to, like I was good like I was.
Edward POV
She looked really pretty in her uniform. In a typically me way, I felt ridiculously jealous of the guy she inevitably chose over me. she was cute but in a way that made me think cute wasn’t the word. She was wearing a lacy black tank top under her customary white button down. Her skirt was hanging off her hips, just barely held on by a studded belt. It seemed she’s rejected the idea of the black socks the school supplied, in favor of her own black and white stripped ones. Alice and Rosalie’s shirts were tucked carefully in. Bella’s was not. Alice was wearing plain black flats, Bella was not. she was instead wearing her black Chuck Taylor running shoes but she had fashioned spurs to them.
“going to a rodeo after school?” I asked looking pointedly at her shoes.
“nope. Why? Are you?” She replied before drinking the last of her cereal milk. she had a funny way of making me feel like an idiot for questions anyone would ask.
When we reached the building, the couple still hadn’t melded together, that meant Rose and Emmett were walking in front, Alice and jasper walking very close. That left me and Bella. Bella, thrashing her head around wildly and air drumming. Bella, embarrassing the hell out of me. Bella, tripping over a cobble stone and falling into my arms. I held her there for a moment.
“sorry,” she said.
“don’t worry, you looked really into…whatever that was.” I slowly brought her up until she was able to stand.
“Eryn Smith” she yanked out an ear bud. “wanna listen?” her eyebrows raised. I shrugged an okay and stuck the little earphone in my ear. It was shaped like a bumble bee. Suddenly some moderately hardcore drums assaulted my ear drum. The lead singer who had a slightly deranged voice, began yammering on about some girl he liked. It sounded like the girl (Eryn?) had some issues herself but she and the guy would probably make a pretty decent couple.
Strangely enough I enjoyed the music, mostly because keeping both of our headphones in meant walking very close to her. Our height differences (though relatively minor) proved harder to ignore. Our arms brushed with every step and I guess she got sick of my jerking myself away instinctively because she slipped her arm around my torso. My face burnt. Even touch as innocent as this was uncharted territory. I was Christopher Columbus, sailing the seas figuring out which touch was comfortable for her, taking numerous mental notes accordingly. I stuck my arm around her shoulders, hoping to god the lines had remained uncrossed.
In the science class that Bella and I shared, we sat together. There were little silver taps on the tables and I had to control the urge to turn them all.
Mr. Banner, the teacher, a roundish man, glared at us through narrowed eyes. He began our first day with a friendly lecture about how teenagers were wild animals with hormones and angst. he said he would not allow that sort of behavour in his class. The way he described us was kind of funny but mostly scary.
Bella pulled out her notebook as she’d done in the other class we had together and drew a cruel cartoon of the man before us. his body was mainly a circle and he had little claw like hands similar to that of gremlins attached to his sides. Steam poured from his ears. She grabbed the green highlighter from my hands and coloured him in until he was the typical shade of envy. “I’m both terrified and jealous of my students.”
We laughed but I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that this joke was probably more true than Bella had any idea. Other students looked over to our table with interest including one Mike Newton. He sat a couple rows back beside a boy falling asleep on his books. An obnoxious girl with brown hair and a fake tan frantically waved her hands in front of him in an effort to be noticed.
“Mike!” she hissed.
“not now Jess…” he waved her off. “who are they?” he narrowed his eyes at me then let them float over to Bella. I looked away uncomfortably. At least you can be happy with the fact that he’s not her type.It seemed like lately my voice of reason had been pitting me more than usual. It seemed appropriate considering how pathetic my life was. Mike Newton might be an Abercrombie and Fitch wearing, collar popping, hair gelling idiot but at least he was somebody’s idiot. I wasn’t anyone’s. I never had been.
“man crush Edward?” Bella laughed. It took me a minute to realize I had been starring sadly at that mike character. “careful or I’ll get jealous.” Whether she was joking or not was irrelevant. She had just implied we were together.
“no no, he’s not my type.” I grinned back.
“what you mean? you don’t like obnoxious hair gelers?” she faked shock. It was easy to joke with her, even if most of the time, jokes we at my expense.
The rest of the day went smoothly. She insisted on going to the room during lunch to get something or other. I liked being alone with her talking. It was exhilarating. I could still feel that nervous twinge at the back of my head stuttering when I looked at her but my words were becoming less awkward and shaky. When my sister called Bella looked sad and apologized before pushing me out, locking the door and running off to meet Alice for their class.
As it turned out, that Jessica girl and her friend were in a couple of my classes. They flitted around me asking personal questions
“so what’s it like in Chicago?” Jessica twirled her curly hair around her finger and watched me intently.
“it’s um nice.” I looked down, hating how nervous these silly girls made me just by nature of being a girl. They looked at me then to each other and giggled like I wouldn’t notice them mouthing ‘so cute’. It was painful.
“did you have a girlfriend?” Lauren leaned over my desk giving me a fairly clear view of her breasts. I looked anywhere else. If my childhood with Carlisle and Esme hadn’t taught me anything else it was a deep respect of women. They laughed again when I blushed.
“um no I didn’t.” I looked down, using my bangs to shield my face from their hormonal harassment. Please just go! I plead silently in my head.
Lauren and Jessica exchanged a look that worried me greatly. However, just as they were about to open their mouths to say something, the teacher arrived. Saying I was relieved to see the tall man at the door was a gross understatement.
“take your seats.” Mr. Lloyd walked into the classroom. He went straight to his desk and took attendance. He called out the list of names with a sharp, strangely scary tone. I wished I had jasper or Emmett in this class with me. even Rosalie, just one familiar face would make this class easier to endure.
Alice texted me during fourth period.
Bella and me are getting ready for the party. See you at 9
Fabulous I thought. My sister was already dragging Bella off into her world of over-preparation for social events. I flipped out the tiny keyboard on my phone (the one Alice insisted we all get) and typed back: okay. I didn’t even use the stupid phone much anyway. Only to receive texts from my family. My inbox was filled with nice thoughts from Esme, jokes from jasper and demands from Alice. It was sad.
I began walking to my room. I only got past the History building before another Alice text assaulted me.
Come over for din-din. We have Chinese.
Bella’s POV
“I think it’s time you boys got out of here.” Alice said after we had eaten. “us girls need to get ready for the big party.” I got the feeling Alice had been to bigger and better parties and could plan one in her sleep but was doing this for everyone elses benefit, hyping everything up.
“I think you look beautiful as you are.” jasper said quietly he had walked us home from class and was very unhappy with the idea of leaving her side. It was adorable how his eyes skimmed over the rest of us until they reached Alice, at which time the cleared and lightened and got fuller. He kissed her temple lightly as it was the part of her skin immediately closest to his mouth.
“oh Jazz…” she giggled and wrapped her arms around him lovingly. “but seriously, get out.” She said suddenly sober.
“c’mon Rosie, I’ll walk you to your dorm.” Emmett took her hand and pulled her up to his arms. He slid his arm around her and walked her out the door. “we’ll meet back here later” he threw over his shoulder as the door clicked closed.
Alice and Jasper gazed lovingly at each other, speaking telepathically it seemed. He smiled a little and brushed a black lock of hair off his lover’s hair. She closed her eyes and smiled. She kissed his nose. I was nauseated. I looked over to Edward who was crossing and uncrossing his legs uncomfortably in a chair.
“hey.” I dug my hands in my pocket. Why the hell was I feeling so nervous? I was supposed to be confident and bold, just like what all those yearbook messages said last year. whatever, I dismissed it as a slight case of soberness.
He peaked up at me through his eyelashes. “hi” the tiny word squeaked its way out.
“excited?” I grinned down at him.
“um..what’s the right answer?” he looked nervous too.
“that’s fine.” I assured him. We looked around the room nervously before he broke the silence.
“I got to go pry Jasper off my sister.” He walked over and did just that. His hand curled around Jasper’s arms and pulled him off. Once he reached the door, he turned to salute me. “until tonight.” He said and I was sure he’d regret it on the way home.
I brought my new bags of clothes up onto the bed where I sorted through and assessed an appropriate outfit. I looked across our smallish room and saw Alice doing the exact same thing.
“what did you think of that black dress I got yesterday?” she asked. “you know the one with all the fringes? Like a flapper from the 50s?”.
“I liked it but that’s too special for this lame shin-dig.” I said, rejecting a yellow tank top.
“you’re right, that Toby kid doesn’t deserve my nice clothes.”
Alice’s PO

I dragged my bag of new clothes to my bed and we both got ready. “so what do you think of Edward?” I asked. Esme was always saying I asked too many questions too soon, that I scared people but I knew Bella would answer. There was something about her, an honesty that told me it was fine.

“he’s nice I guess. But you’re his sister, why are you asking?” she got up and began pouring her new clothes out on the bed.

“our family cares about each other as individuals and for who we are, just because there’s blood.” I tried to explain.

“yeah I got that.” she whispered, a sad look washed across her face.

Edward’s POV

“what’s with you?” Jasper asked. “you seem a little anxious.” He said even though I had been working very hard at keeping my face blank. Jasper just happened to be very in touch with his emotions and the emotions of the people around him.

“I dunno. I guess I’m just nervous” I confessed. I liked Jasper, he may have been my sister’s boyfriend but he and I were still quite close. “I mean we are starting a new school.” I added despite the fact that our new location had nothing to do with my unease. He held the door of the boy’s building open for me.

“yeah, meeting new people” Jasper’s eyebrow raised at me, challenging me to argue with his assessment of the situation.

“sure, lots of new people.” I stumbled on my words.

“it’s okay that you like her you know,” he insisted “she seems nice enough, a little sarcastic but smart.” I nodded, thinking back to the mental images of Bella etched into my memory forever. “it’ll be fine this time.” he looked up at me, sympathy coloring his expression.

No, I wanted to yell, it couldn’t be better. I couldn’t be good enough. Not after last time. instead I nodded. I got my key out and opened the door to my room. “see you.” I ducked inside. I had only been able to assemble my bed so as to sleep on something the other night while other ikea products sat alone and in strangely shaped pieces.

I dug through the things until I found my suitcase with clothes in it. I found a pants and button up shirt combination Alice had once deemed ‘adequate.’ With a bunch of time on my hands, I set to work, building my CD shelf. This took fifteen minutes as I had built and taken it apart many times. I then set to work sorting my music alphabetically.

i sat on my bed, my head kept sneaking off the other bed I’d set up just this week. I tried not to think of how her hair shone and the sleeve of her shirt slipped down her shoulder at one point. What was wrong with me? I promised myself I would never get like this again but these feelings…they had almost surpassed the ones of last time. Bella’s unintentional hold on me was so strong, so binding, so new, it was the only description that fit. Love- I stopped myself before thinking that way again, obsession, infatuation. Yes, I decided, I was infatuated with this beautiful, charming girl. Nothing more than that, no need to alarm anyone. This might be uncomfortable for a week but it would fade and I could got back to my peaceful existence. I couldn’t ignore her, she was Alice’s roommate, soon to be best friend. It was inevitable that we would see each other often. I could only hope this time together would help immunize me to her better, sooner.

I just had to focus on her bad qualities. Did she have any? Yes of course she did1. she had to, didn’t she? She swears…yes, despite the fact that her voice sounds like a siren saying the words, they were still bad. That would help, weak as the argument was. I couldn’t fall in love with her.

There was a knock on the door. I opened it to find Bella, standing on the hallway linoleum. She was wearing a worn graphic t-shirt that she’d messily cut the neck out of and a pretty skirt that fanned out from her waist almost to her knees. Her lags were bare and ended in her high-top converse. She moved around me to slide into my room. I took this opportunity to check the time. wow, time had passed, it was 8:45.

“Alice says I should come pick you up.” She said not really to me, scanning critically through my music. I grew very self conscience, was it weird that I liked the soundtrack to the movie Romeo & Juliet with Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes? Was Owl City too poppy for her? Stutterfly too angty? What did she like? I wondered. Other than that weird Eryn Smith song.

“that seems kind of backwards” I stuttered.

“hmm?” she turned to me, taking a step towards me.

“the boy should pick the girl up?” I breathed, trying to force my eyes away from her.

“pick the girl up?” she raised her eyebrows at me taking another step closer, my cheek caught fire. I wished desperately I would be killed in the flame.
r32;“for a date” I muttered, regretting the words right after they left my mouth. she laughed freely, her hand flying to my chest where she leaned her forehead, still laughing.

“is that what you think this is?” she looked up at me, fighting a smile.

“NO” I growled defensively. I wished my brain was a separate person so I could kick its ass.

“oh sure get mad at me, Mr. Assumptions.” She muttered crossing her arms and looking far away from me.

“sorry” I said.

“let’s just get out of here.” she sighed grabbing my hand. I tried my absolute hardest not to smile hugely.