After Edward's sudden departure in New Moon, we all know how lost Bella felt. When Edward unexpectantly returns, will Bella welcome him with open arms or will she believe he is just a figment of her imagination?
4. Is this Goodbye?
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I ran back to Bella's house within two minutes. I climbed up to her window to see if she was awake. She was laying in bed wiping her tears. Why was she so upset?
I tapped on her window. We were broken up. I had no right to enter without her permission. She looked over at me and half frowned before she got up and opened the window.
"Edward what-", she started.
I pushed my lips to hers-gently of course.
She froze for a moment so I stopped.
"I'm sorry Bella. I really shouldn't have. That was an act without thought. I'll go now. I'm really-", I was interrupted when she pushed her lips to mine forcefully.
I kissed her back. She grabbed the back of my head as I did the same. After a minute, I pulled back figuring we'd have to breathe sometime. We both sat in silence with our foreheads together breathing heavily.
She grabbed my arm and tugged me in her room. I followed and closed the window behind me. I sat down beside her and she waited for me to start. My thoughts were jumbled after that kiss, that beautiful kiss that I longed for, for nearly six months.
"Bella", I started immediately feeling a sense of guilt. As much as I dislike Mike Newton, I was not a homewrecker. I had just kissed his girlfriend.
She waited. "Bella I'm so sorry I shouldn't have kissed you. That was wrong.", I apologized.
"Don't be sorry. Mike means absolutely nothing to me. Other than a loyal friend of course. I only got together with him for the sake of...well everyone else", Bella admitted.
Really? Could that be true? My Bella was always such a selfless person but would she go to such extremes?
"Really?", I asked.
"Yes. Really. I will never be able to find anyone that will complete me", she said. I was hurt in a way. I shouldn't have been, but she completed me so to know that it was not reciprocated, was hard.
I nodded. "So...not that I didn't appreciate it but why did you kiss me?", I asked feeling completely rude but I needed to know what her motives were.
She stared at me shocked, confused, maybe a little hurt? "Are you seriously asking me that?"
"Should I not?", I was confused now too.
She took a deep breath. "I'm going to look like an idiot but I've had this opportunity twice now and I didn't do it so I'll go for it. Edward...I can't live without you. There's no meaning to anything without you. I need you just for my own sanity. There is nothing in the world that will ever change that or even come close. Without you I am nothing", her eyes filled with tears. "I know I'm an insignificant little human to you but I feel so much love and emotion for you that will never fade. Not even the slightest..", she stopped suddenly when tears rolled down her cheeks. I was shocked. She thought I didn't care for her?
How could she ever doubt my love for her? This is my fault. She would still love and trust me if I hadn't hurt her the way I did.
"Bella you honestly believe I don't care for you?", I was angry.
"Edward I know you don't! You said that I was special to you and that you loved me. If you weren't lying, you wouldn't throw true love away like that", she was right.
"I did it for you. I wanted your happiness and safety. Bella you are my first priority. Like I said before I would hurt myself to keep from hurting you", I was honest.
"How can I believe that after you told me otherwise?", she asked. She had a point.
"I understand your distrust. If you truly loved me why'd you let me walk out of your life like that?", I asked sounding harsher than I meant to. I didn't want to hurt her, I should be proving myself to her not the other way around.
"Edward I love you. You said you didn't want me. I'm not going to go against your wishes for my own personal...needs", she said. I knew it was true.
"So we both love each other?", I asked knowing the answer.
"So why are we arguing? We should be happy that I'm back and we can be together forever", I gave in to my longing to put my arms around her and hold her like I used to.
She half smiled and hugged me.
"You're really not leaving?", she asked with disbelief in her tone.
"Never again will I walk away from my reason for everything. Nothing will ever mean as much to me as you do", I admitted putting my face in her hair. I took in the scent. How I missed it.
"I love you", she whispered looking up at me.
"I love you too", I smiled and kissed her.
She stopped mid kiss and frowned.
"What's wrong?", I worried.
"I have to break up with Mike tomorrow. That arrogant guy was so smug today when we weren't talking", she frowned.
"Why did you ignore me?", I asked changing the subject. I didn't want to be reminded that she was still with Mike.
"I..umm..", she smiled and stopped.
"What?", I asked curiously.
"I'll sound crazy", she smirked.
"Try me", I winked.
"I thought you were just in my crazy, lost, hopeless imagination. I honestly thought you were a hallucination. I didn't want to feed in to my lost mind", I was surprised by her response.
Bella was anything but crazy. Even if she thought she was, she was never crazy. Just spontaneous. I smiled at her lovingly.
"You aren't crazy, love....Just hopelessly in love. I knew you were as altered to you as I was", I smiled smugly.
She playfully hit me. "Ow", she reacted to my hard chest.
"I'm sorry love", I kissed her hand.
"It's worth it", she smiled.
"You should sleep now. I'll be here in the morning to pick you up.", I smiled laying her down.
"You won't stay?", she looked worried.
I shook my head. "I would love to but I have a feeling I have a sister at home that can't wait to hear what happened. That is, if she hasn't already.", I smiled.
"OK. I'll see you in the morning? Swear you won't go away again?", she looked genuinely worried.
"Never again. I'm too selfish to put myself through such agony again", I smiled.
"Alright. Good night", she closed her eyes.
"Good night love. Sweet dreams", I climbed out of her window.
With a sense of completeness, I ran back home to see Alice.