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Eternally Wounded

Summary:
Edward's POV of when he leaves Bella in the beginning of New Moon. Warning: most of the people who have read this have cried, including me! Tissues are definitely needed. Thanks to Oh_ Mike How will I go onfor the awesome banner. XD


Notes:
Got that box of tissues? If you don't, get it now before you proceed.


1. Chapter 1

Rating 5/5   Word Count 543   Review this Chapter

They say that time heals all wounds...
But to the immortal, time doesn't exist...
And if time doesn't exist...

...I guess not all wounds can heal....

I could not sleep.

I could not die.

I could not even move.

The memories assaulted me mercilessly. The pain and tears in those beautiful brown eyes. My throat constricting on every blasphemous word I'd spoken. The guilt and pain clogged my throat in an attempt to suffocate me. But I didn't need air, so the end couldn't come.

I wanted it to.

I wanted to die.

The pain was unbearable. It felt like I'd been torn in half. Like my unbeating heart had been ripped mercilessly from my chest. I wanted to scream, but I was too busy choking on the guilt and pain.

"You... don't... want me?"
"No."

How could I have said that? What evil force had pulled that vile, digusting answer out of my mouth? Of course I wanted her! How could she have believed me? How many times had I told her I loved her? How could I have possibly said no? It was the most horrific lie in the history of lies.

I should die. I was a monster.

"...you are not allowed to hurt yourself!"

Curse the vampire's perfect memory recall!

That one sentence was what kept me from running to Italy. I had already caused her enough pain.

But she would get over it, right? She was human.

I wasn't.

The pain... the excruciating pain... was never going to go away. But I wasn't going to run to Italy.

I curled up into a tight ball in the middle of the clearing, folding my legs against my chest and burying my face into my knees.

Then I let out a wail of agony.

"BELLAAAA!"

I barely noticed the flutters in the forest made by all the animals that were startled by my cry. I was in too much pain to care.

But I deserved this pain.

I had done so much damage. If I hadn't been so selfish, if I had just stayed away from her, none of this would have happened.

I let the misery have me as I choked out each tearless sob. I longed to have my beautiful Bella in my arms. To take in her delicious smell that set my throat on fire. And I would welcome it. The burn of thirst was nothing compared to this.

Nothing.

Snow began to fall. First as nothing more than simple specks of ice, then thick feathers that whitened the ground in no time at all. A force sent from heaven to bury me alive for my transgressions. To bury me into my own personal hell. The hell I had built for myself.

But behind that voice screaming that I was a monster for leaving her was a voice whispering that I had done the right thing, that she was better off. I was too dangerous to her.

The voice wasn't enough to stop the misery.

I laid there curled into a ball.

I couldn't move.

I couldn't die.

I couldn't even sleep.

I laid there and let the snow bury me alive, wishing that it could somehow kill me. But all it did was create darkness. And with the darkness came pain-filled milk chocolate eyes.

"You... don't... want me?"

Of course I want you, Isabella Marie Swan. Forever.

And there I lay, eternally wounded.