Text Size Large SizeMedium SizeSmall Size    Color Scheme Black SchemeWhite SchemeGrey SchemePaper Scheme        

I'd Know You Anywhere

Summary:
It's been 6 years since Edward left in New Moon. Bella and Jacob are still friends, but Bella has been thinking of Jacob as more. While looking at pictures from a night out, she notices someone in the backround from her past. **I'm not allowed to post my stories on here, anymore...due to the Lemons. Read my last chapter of this story.**


Notes:
I haven't really ever written a story that didn't have some sort of lemony goodness in the first couple chapters. They're coming...I promise! :) I hope you enjoy. Vampire Edward, of course.


8. Jaded

Rating 5/5   Word Count 2261   Review this Chapter

EPOVWhere do I start?

I took a seat in the grass and pulled Bella into my lap. My arms gripped her tight as I breathed in her intoxicating scent.

“I’m so, so sorry.” The whisper barely escaped my lips as I pressed them to her temple. “The guilt I’m feeling for…for…leaving you is eating away at me. I…” I couldn’t find the right words, but I’ll be sure to show her how sorry I am every day for the rest of her life.

“Don’t, Edward.” She turned her face to rub her nose against mine. “Every time that you apologize it reminds me of that day.” Her voice caught in her throat and the rhythm of her heart changed. She was choking back a sob. “I don’t want to remember that day.” Tears spilled over her eyes and her mouth started to tremble.

That is what I’d been waiting for. I didn’t want her relive the painful memory that I had scorched in her brain, but if we were going to get past it we had to talk about it. We had barely been back in each other’s lives for 24 hours and I felt like she had picked up where we left off. She hasn’t been showing me her true feelings. In fact, she should hate me. She should have thrown me out of that club the second she saw my face and cursed my name for having the nerve to show myself. But, no…she didn’t. Bella accepted me back into her life without question. I’ll never understand this woman.

“Bella,…we have to talk about it.” I wiped the tears from her cheeks and held her head in my hands. “It will help us move on. Please?”

Bella’s bloodshot eyes tentatively looked into mine. I tried my best not to dazzle her at that moment. If I tried, I’m sure she would reprimand me. She was a much stronger woman than she used to be. But then, I’m sure that had a lot to do with me. Idiot.

“Let me go first before I lose my nerve.” She situated herself in my lap so that she was facing me. It hadn’t slipped my mind how close she was to a certain part of my anatomy. I didn’t have to heart, literally, to start that discussion, yet. Besides, I’m sure her intentions were completely innocent. Well, seeing as she wasn’t as innocent as I remember, I could be wrong.

“The floor is yours, Miss Swan.” I brushed her hair away from her face and waited for her to begin. After taking several deep breaths, she ripped into me.

“You left me. You left me lying on the floor of the forest in 40 degree weather. You left me lying on the forest in 40 degree weather feeling like I was dead to the world.” Her eyes hadn’t met mine since she started. They focused on my chest. “It sounds cliché, but I lost my will to live. I swear I didn’t eat an entire meal for months. I’d make Charlie dinner and just pick at my food, waiting for the moment I could go back up to my room and sleep off your memory. You broke me.”

I saw her eyes flicker up to mine, but I was a coward and looked the other way. I deserved everything she was throwing at me, but…I hated to see her in pain.

“From that day forward my life has been jaded. In the beginning, I didn’t want to honor your requests to live and be happy. I did everything I could to not live…and to be as miserable as I could. On the days that I had to pull myself out of bed, I would be reckless. At one point, I convinced Jake that we should get motorcycles. If you can imagine, I’m not a very talented driver.” A slight smile crept to her face and, in an instant, it was gone. “Bleeding started to feel good. The pain actually made me feel better. I could never bring myself to use blades or a knife, but…but…I’d tare at my flesh until it would break through the skin.”

I flinched away at the thought. She had actually resorted to hurting herself. I’d spent many days while I was away wishing that I could do the same. God knows, I tried.

“Then something happened. It dawned on me that the more time I spent alone, the more time I spent in my depression. Charlie tried to take me to a psychologist, but I didn’t want to talk about it. Besides, what would I say: ‘My vampire boyfriend left me and I’m trying to kill myself.’? They would have sent me to an institution. So, I spent time with Jacob. He has always been there for me even when I didn’t deserve it. I learned that the more I was with him, the less I thought about us. I actually started to have fun, again.”

“Bella, I’m sorry.” I rested my head on her collarbone. It had been decades since I had sobbed in front of anyone, but there I was, sobbing like a baby. “Keep going…I’m sorry.”

Her hand rested on the back of my neck, caressed it.

“When I finally graduated, I spent the summer with Jake, avoiding looking through college applications. It caused me so much anxiety to choose a future. The future that I wanted wasn’t an option for me, anymore. If I got what I wanted, I would have had an eternity to choose something that would make me happy. I wasn’t sure that I wanted to be happy. The one person that made me happy wasn’t old enough for college. I would have to choose. So, reluctantly, I decided to stay close to Charlie and Jacob and go to school in Seattle. I chose the one thing that made me happy: English. I did what everyone is supposed to do in college. I roomed with Samantha. As you know, she and I are complete opposites. In a way, she reminded me of Alice. Sam had her own way of playing Barbie with me. But, she has a good heart and didn’t offer me enough time to sulk and feel sorry for myself. She would drag me from party to party. I dabbled in some minor drugs and a lot of alcohol. Alcohol had two different effects on me. If I were in a good mood, it would loosen me up and I would dance and socialize.” She laughed. “I know,…Bella…dancing. For once, it didn’t matter that I was uncoordinated. I could blame it on the booze. Jake never joined me in college, but we would visit it each other nearly every weekend. He never pushed me. He never made me feel like I was wasting his time. But,…he also never dated anyone. It broke my heart every time I thought about what he was sacrificing in hopes of being with me. He doesn’t deserve the heartache I’ve been putting him through. He really does love me…and I really do love him. He’s my best friend. He and Samantha are my best friends.”

I winced at the mention of her loving him. It was my own fault, but…I didn’t want to share her love. I wanted all of her. Forever.

“The rest is history. No matter what is going on in my life, I would still think about you every second. You are the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I think about before I go to bed. I dream about you every night and prayed every day that you would come back to me. I’ve always been yours, Edward. Always.”

That was the light at the end of that dark, dismal tunnel. She loved me. She couldn’t love me half as much as I loved her, but she loved me.

“Bella, I…” Say something, stupid!

“Edward…will you do something for me?” Her eyes were closed and another tear slid down her cheek.

“Anything, love…anything.” I leaned forward and nuzzled my face into her neck.

“Kiss me…” It was so soft that I barely heard it.

“Always.” Slowly, I ran my left hand up and cupped her cheek. My lips slid across her cheek as I inched towards her sweet lips. I brushed my lips over hers a few times, inhaling the delectable scent of strawberry awaited me, there. Her control surprised me. The old Bella would have latched on by now. The new Bella was savoring the moment. I could get used to this new Bella. Finally, I firmly pressed my lips to hers. Comfort spread over my body when she moaned at the contact. This felt familiar. This felt nice. This felt like home. I belonged here. I belonged in her arms, wrapped in her embrace. I wanted to be here. I wanted a life with her.

Slowly, I left small, chaste kisses all over her mouth. With all my strength I planted one long kiss on her beautiful mouth and pulled away. Bella looked beautiful. Her eyes were lazily closed and her mouth hung open. I couldn’t help but notice how her beautiful breasts were rising and falling from her erratic breathing. I wanted more. I’m not sure if it was the time I lost with her or the fact that she had blossomed into a strong, sexy woman, but I wanted more.

As if reading my mind, Bella whimpered, “Don’t stop.”

“Bella…” I grabbed both sides of her face and held her close to mine. I was pleading with my voice for her to stop asking me. If we were this tense with each other in only 24 hours, how would we be tomorrow…and the next day…and the day after that? Then again, she may not want me back after I explained my side of the story.

“One more, Bella…just one more.” I didn’t mean for my lips to attack hers, but they did. I sucked her bottom lip into my mouth, avoiding my teeth, and ran my tongue along it.

“Mmm…” The sounds she was making weren’t doing good things to my composure. It also wasn’t doing good things to the state of my manhood. She was seducing me without her knowledge. She’s bewitched me.

Her hands slid over my chest and gripped my shoulders, pulling me closer. Instinctively, my hands went to her hips and pulled her lower body flush against mine. She had to have felt me straining against my jeans. The pressure was to continue was causing an aneurysm. Must stop!

“Stop…please.” I pushed her hips back and detached my lips from hers.

“No…more.” She captured my lips, once again, and slid further into me. The force of her pull caused a moan to come out of my mouth. My need for her was taking over my good judgment.

“Please…” I pushed her hips back, again, but kept my lips on hers. Bella bit my lower lip and sucked it into her mouth, massaging it with her tongue. So good…

This had to be stopped. I had taken things too far last night when we got back to her place. I’d actually been happy that she blacked out because I was rounding second base, which was further than I’d ever gone with any woman. It wouldn’t be such a big deal if her delicate bones wouldn’t crumble under my lightest touch. But, I was a danger to her. My body wanted to show her the kind of love that she deserved. If I were being completely honest, my body wanted make-up sex. It was to make up for a 6 year absence with slow, sensuous love making. Oh, the things I could do to that body.

The minute that thought entered my brain, a flood of imagines started pouring in. They weren’t of our love making, however. The things I saw myself doing to that body were breaking rips and bruising her beautiful skin. The worst image was my mouth attached to her luscious throat, stealing her life from her. Stop, Edward!

Her vein seemed to pulse in her neck. It was tempting me. It was teasing me. It was challenging me. Bite her! She’s so close, just do it! You’ve missed the delicious scent of her blood. You’ve void of it for too long. Bite!

“Bella stop!” I pushed her onto the ground and backed into a tree.

“I’m sorry.” Her heartbeat was entirely too fast. I was afraid she would pass out.

That didn’t take long to reign in your control. Huh…that’s true. My bloodlust was pushed aside for my concern for Bella. Hmm…

In a flash I was at her side.

“Did I hurt you? God,…I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to…” I check every inch of skin that I touched to make sure she wasn’t injured.

“Edward, I’m fine. That was my fault, anyway. I didn’t mean to push you.” She looked scared. I didn’t want her to be afraid of me.

“No, no…” I kissed her forehead and massaged her hips. “I shouldn’t have pushed you away so roughly. Forgive me?”

“Always.”

I don’t deserve your generosity.

“My turn?” Bella laid down beside me and I rolled to my side to look at her.

“Tell me everything.”

“Everything.” I sighed. Don’t run away from me. Please, don’t run away from me.