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Decisions

Summary:
What she said next I would never forget. "If he dies Edward, I die too... and it will be your fault." Then she left and I knew what I had to do, even if it was going to kill me.


Notes:


1. Chapter 1

Rating 0/5   Word Count 1061   Review this Chapter

“Edward,” she said, turning to me. Her beautiful brown eyes were wide with longing. I swallowed as she came closer, nervous of what she would do. She hadn’t looked at me like this since I came back and I was filled with hope, but confusion quickly overcame hope when she got on her knees without breaking eye contact with me and grabbed my hands.

She startled me into immobility for a moment and I was just about to lean down with her when she whispered, “Edward, you could keep him safe,” tears brimmed her eyes. I froze at what she meant. Dread, anger, and jealousy came to me in crashing waves.

No. She wanted me to leave her to protect him. I grabbed her shoulders quickly and roughly and pulled her off of her knees. “Please, Edward, he could die, you could keep him safe,” her voice rose and shook with desperation. I shook my head and exhaled as I looked away from her tear-stricken face.

I couldn’t look at her. Her tears would always be my downfall. She softly grasped my face and I couldn’t help but close my eyes and lean into her touch. She hadn’t shown me this much affection since I left. I almost jumped when I felt her lips on my cheek and I automatically grabbed her hips and pulled her closer.

When I felt her lips on mine I groaned and like an animal I pulled her completely to me, not an inch between us. I attacked her lips with a passion and desire that had been almost at a boiling point for months now because of not being able to touch her since I came back. I pushed my tongue out to meet her lips and I groaned again as she allowed me entrance and ran her fingers through my hair. Yes. She broke the kiss only to start kissing a path up to my ear.

“Please Edward, for me. I’ll give you whatever you want,” she whispered seductively in my ear. I pulled back quickly, angrily.

That was why she was kissing me. I snarled “When? Before I leave or when we both come back?” Her eyes widened, panicked, but I knew she wasn’t afraid of me physically, she was afraid of what I would tell him.

“No,” she said quickly, shaking her head frantically. “No, he could never find out, you can’t tell him,” she said. I pulled my lips back from my teeth, but she was unaffected by my anger.

“Before. If I gave myself to you before, right now, would you go?” she said, desperate. I studied her for a long moment. She was really willing to do that, she was really willing to give herself to me in order to protect him. My stomach knotted and I felt sick. “

And would I be your first?” I said sarcastically. Her eyes clouded as if she just realized that.

“Yes,” she choked.

I ignored her, I had to get this out. “So if we did make love,” I spit out the words, because it wouldn’t be making love, at least, not for her. She didn’t love me, anymore. I continued, “and I did go and protect him and we both came back, what are you going to tell him when he finds out you’re not a virgin anymore?” I grabbed her left hand. “What would your fiancé think of that?” I sneered, running my fingers roughly over her ring on her third finger.

She snatched her hand back and I knew I had hurt her, but Damnit! That was supposed to be my ring on her finger! I was now seeing red and out of my hundred and eight years I had never felt so angry, never felt so much uncontrollable jealousy. It must have showed too because Bella’s eyes grew wide and this time it was because she was physically afraid of me.

Her fear of me made me angrier but it also made me realize that I needed to come down. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Even though I didn’t need to breathe, it did help me calm down. I counted to sixty and then held my breath for twenty more seconds. When I felt that I was calm enough I opened my eyes. Bella was standing shock still against the wall, her eyes still wide, and I grimaced because I was the cause of her fear.

I ran my hands through my hair and Bella relaxed a little. I looked at her and I thought. I wanted her, and I wanted her now, but I knew that I couldn’t have her, because if I did it wouldn’t because of a deal, and right now that was the only reason why she would give herself to me. There was no way I would be able to keep my end of the bargain and not just because I didn’t want to, but because it was physically impossible for me to be away from her.

Besides, I couldn’t make love to her because of a deal anyways. It would kill me to know that she was doing it because she felt like she had to, not because she loved me. I wouldn’t do that to myself. I wanted, no I needed all of her. I needed her to love me when I made love with her.

“No,” I said. I set my jaw, I was determined. At this she started to panic again.

She came towards me, “No please, he could die. I need you to go,” she said, her voice breaking.

I shook my head looking at the wall behind her. If I looked into her eyes and saw her pain, I would cave and if I caved I would have to leave her. My chest clenched at the thought, no I couldn’t cave, it would be too painful. I didn’t look at her when she came towards me, not even when she grabbed my face. I let her pull it down until it was level with hers, but I closed my eyes. I couldn’t look at her.

What she said next I would never forget, “If he dies, Edward, I die too… and it will be your fault.”