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Decisions

Summary:
What she said next I would never forget. "If he dies Edward, I die too... and it will be your fault." Then she left and I knew what I had to do, even if it was going to kill me.


Notes:


4. Chapter 4

Rating 0/5   Word Count 1752   Review this Chapter

“What for?” I ask, more panicked now as Bella backs out of her driveway wearing a very angry and determined look on her face. “We’re about to find out,” Alice says.

Everyone starts to move immediately. Jasper picks up the remains of the television, Emmett flies downstairs to get a broom and has the glass from my window swept up in seconds. Esme grabs the two pieces of mattress up and runs downstairs to throw them out. Carlisle leaves the room and is back in it in a second with another mattress. Alice flips the bed-frame back over and Carlisle sets up my bed. This is the best we can do for now. So we move into the guest bedroom that we never use next to mine and I’m taking deep breaths to calm down when I smell Bella outside.

I freeze. I’m still frozen as I hear the door to her truck slam. I finally move to unclench my fists as I hear her footsteps coming up the stairs. I focus on her heartbeat; it’s beating fast but in a steady pace, as if she’s nervous but determined. Turning around to look at her as she stops to see us all in this room, I see that not only is she determined, but she’s frustrated. She walks in and her eyebrows are pulled down towards her nose and her jaw is set, as if she’s trying not to scream. She’s too preoccupied to care why we’re in the bedroom we never use.

“Bella, how nice to see you,” Esme says. Alice is too busy going over the Chinese alphabet in her head to run over to hug Bella. Right now, I’m too focused on Bella to worry about what Alice is hiding from me. Bella looks away from me and smiles at Esme. I cringe as I see that the smile was forced and that it was difficult for her. Alice, now reciting some bible verses in Latin finally moves to give Bella a hug.

Bella lets out a breath and gives Alice a genuine smile as she accepts her hug. She wraps her arms tightly around Alice and closes her eyes as she visibly relaxes into her arms. “It’s been too long,” Alice whispers in her ear. “That’s your fault, you didn’t have to leave,” Bella whispers back. She opens her eyes to glare at me after she says this and I know she blames me for this. That’s fine, it is my fault.

“I’m sorry,” Alice whispers. Bella leans out of the hug to look at Alice. “Why didn’t you come to see me when you first came back?” Alice sighs at this question, “I wasn’t entirely sure you wanted to see me,” she answers.

“I always want to see you Alice, you were my best friend,” Bella says. Everyone notices the were part. Alice cringes. “Yes, I was your best friend, when am I going to get to be your best friend again?” Bella purses her lips and stares at Alice for a moment. “I don’t know,” Bella finally answers as she steps out of Alice’s arms. I’m surprised when Alice doesn’t try to apologize or argue with Bella. “What’s up Bella, it seems like it’s been forever!” Emmett says, grinning as he picks Bella up from behind and hugs her to his chest, swinging her around in his arms.

Jealousy comes to me as she laughs in Emmett’s arms. She hasn’t laughed for me since I came back. I clench my fists and fold my arms across my chest and try to remain calm. It’s ridiculous that the situation with Bella and I is bad enough that I am jealous of Emmett. Jealousy flares again as Bella hugs Emmett after he sets her down and I grit my teeth.

“It’s nice to see you Bella,” Jasper smiles, and I noticed how he shoots a quick look at me. He must be able to feel my jealousy. She looks over to Jasper who now has his arm around Alice and grins “You too Jasper.” After this, Bella goes up to Esme and hugs her “I’m sorry about my earlier greeting,” she whispers. “It’s okay Bella, I understand.” Carlisle is next, “I hope you’ve been taking care of yourself, Bella,” he says. Bella blushes and nods. She looks over to Rosalie “Hello Rosalie.” Rosalie nods her head, “Bella.”

There’s an awkward silence after this and then Bella looks at me. Everyone follows her lead but I don’t return any of their stares, I only look at Bella. “I would like to talk to Edward alone, if ya’ll don’t mind,” she says, without taking her eyes off of me. “No, that’s fine,” Carlisle says and everyone moves to leave. Esme squeezes Bella’s arm reassuringly before leaving and Alice kisses Bella’s cheek before she shuts the door behind everyone. Bella looks at the closed door for a moment before turning to look at me. There’s an uncomfortable silence for a minute.

“Bella, I’m-” “Have you thought about my proposition?” she interrupts. I grit my teeth, “Yes,” I say through them. She waits a moment and seeing that I’m not going to answer any farther says “And?” Her face is calmly composed, but I can see that this is difficult for her. “Are you really willing to do that?” I ask, disbelievingly. She stares at me for a moment, “Yes.” Her facial features do not change. “I don’t believe you.”

“Does that mean you want to say yes to my proposition?”

“No.”

“No, you don’t want to say yes or no that’s not what it means?”

I’m not sure how to answer that since I know that a part of me wants to say yes, so I walk towards her slowly until I’m standing a foot from her. I can tell that she’s fighting to keep her calm façade now from our close proximity. “And you’re ready now?” I ask, not because I would, but just to see her reaction.

She looks down at my lips and swallows, I can see the fear in her eyes now. But instead of saying no and backing way, she nods. I’m surprised and a little taken aback, but I don’t let it show. I debate with myself for a moment and then I softly catch her face in my hands. I look down at her for a second and then I kiss her softly. I’m still not planning to go along with it; it was never my plan to begin with. I’m still testing her. But when I deepen the kiss she still doesn’t pull away. So I run one of my hands through her hair and pull her hips to mine with the other and still she doesn’t stop.

Is she really willing to do this? The thought scares me. I don’t want to be the one to stop though, Bella has to do that herself, so I gently push her towards the bed. When her legs hit the bed post, she gasps a little but I don’t stop kissing her, if she wants to stop she has to do more than that. I move my kisses down to her throat while I push her shoulders down so she’s laying on the bed.

Without taking my lips off hers, I get on the bed too so I’m laying on my side next to her. I pull away to see her expression. She has her eyes shut and both her fists and her jaw are clenched. I almost stop there but I decide that I won’t stop for her, she’s going to have to decide for herself. I pull off my shirt and she still doesn’t look at me, so I press my cold chest to hers. She gasps again and her eyes fly open.

I wait for a moment, but she still doesn’t pull away. So I move so that I’m on top of her. My forearms are holding my weight on either side of her head, so that I have her partially caged. Her heart is beating erratically by now. I give her a few seconds and when she doesn’t say anything, I wrap my hand around her calf, right below her knee and I pull it over my own leg, thus spreading her legs a bit. I take this to my advantage and push my erection in between her legs. God, that feels good.

Her eyes widen and her fear is now showing crystal clear in them. She starts to shake but she still doesn’t tell me to stop. I’m becoming scared myself. How far is she going to let me go? I start to unbutton her shirt, bottom to top. She gasps when she feels my cold hands on her stomach. I’m careful not to touch her breasts, not wanting to scare her too bad, I’m still certain she’s going to stop me. When it’s completely unbuttoned, I gently slip it off her shoulders. She lifts up a little so that I can pull it out from under her.

She pulls her arms up from her sides and covers her bra-covered chest. I look anyways. She’s wearing a lacey white bra and even through her arms and the bra I can see that her breasts are beautiful. I’m starting to get nervous. I move so that one of my knees is bent and lean my weight on it. I spread both of my hands out on her lower stomach.

They cover her whole stomach. For some reason, this scares me. I slowly move them up to where their just below her arms that are covering her chest. I look at her face. Her eyes are still wide and she’s breathing through her open mouth. I wrap my hands around her wrists and gently pull her arms away from her chest. I exhale shakily. “You’re beautiful,” I whisper to her reverently.

She lets out a soft sob and I look at her face. A few tears roll down her cheeks and I grimace, it’s painful to see her like this. I lace my fingers with hers and I look down at our hands when I feel her ring on her third finger. This makes me stop real quick. I groan and pull off of her.

“Jesus, Bella! I thought you were going to stop me!” I say as I cover my face with my hands.

“I thought you were going to stop yourself,” she whimpered.

I laughed at how messed up that was. It wasn’t a funny laugh.