What she said next I would never forget. "If he dies Edward, I die too... and it will be your fault." Then she left and I knew what I had to do, even if it was going to kill me.
6. Chapter 6
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8 months earlier
“Please Jacob, don’t go. Why are you doing this?” I begged him, clutching his hands in both of my own. A few tears broke through and rolled down my face, even though I tried my best to hold them in.
His eyes were hard and set, unrelenting.
“I won’t lose you to him. I won’t be able to bear it.”
I shook my head, “You’re not losing me to him, the only way you’ll lose me is by leaving- don’t do this. Think rationally!”
“I have Bella! Oh, I’ve thought about this ever since he came back!” he said, his voice rising with frustration and emotion. Then looking down, away from me, he huffed and regained his composure. He nodded to himself, and when he looked back up at me, his eyes were determined and placid. At that moment, he reminded me so much of Edward it almost made me sick.
He was not Edward! They’re complete opposites! That’s why I liked him so much in the beginning; it was what I needed, after Edward left me. I needed something completely different, and Jacob was perfect. He is perfect, perfect for me. But now he’s choosing to wear a mask, and force his emotions away?! That’s exactly what Edward would do, what he did do, and I wanted to retch.
NO! Jacob- my Jacob is not emotionless and cool and collected. He’s passionate and loving and caring and light and sunny and easy going and hot-headed. Where was my Jacob now?
And then he took the cake with what he said next.
“Bella, this is the only way,” he said imperturbably.
“No! No it’s not! You’re not even going to give us a try?” I cried.
“I have tried-”
“No you haven’t! You’re giving up! You’re looking for a way out and you’ve found it!” I said throwing my arms in the air and turned away from him. I exhaled loudly. He was going to make me say it, I didn’t want to lie to him, but it was the only way that he might stay. I turned back to face him and clenching my fists, I made my decision. I was going to lie.
“Jacob, I love you. I’m in love with you,” I said, sincerity ringing in my voice. It wasn’t a complete lie, I do love him, and I even was in a way in love with him, but somewhere deep down I knew I would never be able to love completely again.
Jacob’s eyes widened in pure shock. I’ve never told him that before. He stares at me until I start to twitch from anxiety. And then his eyes narrow and he peers at me, suspiciously. After seeking into my soul for a moment he sighs.
“No you’re not,” he says quietly, but I can tell that he wants to believe it.
“Yes, I am. Don’t tell me how I feel,” my voice lowers with his.
“Fine. You might be in love with me now, but even if I stay… You’ll fall in love with him again.”
“No I won’t,” I said truthfully. I always kept my emotions in check when it came to Edward. If I was to fall in love with him again, it would be because I let myself.
That wasn’t going to happen.
He laughed without humor. He didn’t believe me.
I grabbed his face forcefully and made him look at me. “He’s been back for a month now Jake. Tell me, when I first saw him, which was with you, did I seem in love with him or even happy to see him then?” I asked.
It was a rhetorical question.
If you thought that was a happy or polite conservation, if you could call it that, you are thoroughly mistaken. He knew that, hell anybody within a mile’s range when Edward and I first talked knew that.
He sighed again and pulled his head away from my hands. “It doesn’t matter now, I’ve already enlisted… active duty. My Dad’s already signed the parental consent form. I can’t revoke it,” he said, he wouldn’t look me in the eye.
My eyes widened in shock. I froze. No.
“NO!” I said, my voice rising again in desperation. “No! Jake, there must be a way. If you explained the situation-” he shook his head. “No! There has to be some way.” I cried, tears running down my face.
He was crying now too. “No, Bells, I’m not just doing this because of that bloodsucker and you, even though that’s part of it. I’m doing this for me. I’m leaving for boot camp in a week.”