Dance, Dance, Dance
When you leave someone you love for the better, they should just stay away right? Well, what if it was what you needed, but just couldn't get him out of your mind?
Get out of my life
I beg you to go now
For I can no longer stand your face
You're cold as ice and so frustrated
Now I get on my feet again
There's nothing more to say
You're out of your mind
You're losing control now
I've never mistreated you before
You slammed the door, while I was waiting
Remember how it was before
"Les nuits, l'amour, Paris"
Dance, dance, dance dance
'Till the night has gone
Dance, dance, dance dance
'Till the night has gone
3. I Can't Take This Anymore
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I woke up in the early morning to a creaking sound. It was kind of like the opening and closing of a window, but doing it repeatedly. I lifted my head up and looked around the dark room, but didn’t see anything. I slowly untangled Billy’s arm that was draped over my stomach, and got out of bed. I found my baby doll, and slipped it back on, and then grabbed my white robe and draped it on my shoulders.
I found my way out of the bedroom and down the stairs quietly, using the walls for support. I didn’t hear the creaking anymore, but was too awake to go back to bed. I found the kitchen without difficulty, and opened the fridge. I pulled out an apple, and as I closed the door, I nearly screamed.
Standing right there was none other than Edward.
“Edward! What the hell are you doing here?” I whisper yelled.
“I can’t believe you. You two aren’t even married!” he whisper yelled back.
“Well, you wouldn’t with me because you wanted to wait until we were married.”
“Well you also left me before, and are, oh what’s it called? Easily distracted?” He didn’t reply. So in continued, “you also could have left me again if I gave in easily, and I wanted to keep you as long as I could.”
“Oh, don’t forget you left me, Isabella.”
“Don’t forget you wanted to suck my blood.” I shot back.
CRACK! Edward slammed his fist down on the granite counter.
“Oh! My! God!” I yelled.
He clamped his hand over my mouth, “What are you trying to do? Get us caught?”
I trashed my head from side to side. He finally let go after a while.
“Get out of here!” I said in a tone slightly louder than a conversational one.
“Not without you.” He whispered.
“LEAVE!” I said a tad louder.
“Bella?” I heard Billy call from the stairway.
“Tell him every thing’s alright,” he whispered to me, his eyes fierce and threateningly dark.
“I’m fine, just dropped something on my foot. Go back to bed.” I said calmly.
“Okay?” he said walking back up the stairs.After we made sure he was back up in bed Edward pulled my face towards his.
“He must not really care about you.”
“Excuse me?” I asked incredulously.
“He doesn’t care. He just went right back to bed.”
“Just because you followed me everywhere doesn’t mean that you cared.”
“Bella. How many times do I have to tell you? I love you. And always will.”
I huffed a sigh, “Ugh. How do I explain this to you?” I asked myself. “This is like the Victoria situation.”
He growled, and I felt his whole body vibrate. “What is that supposed to mean?” he said trough his teeth. I could feel his grip tighten on my chin. I winced and held back a yelp, but he didn’t let go or loosen his hold.
“An eye or an eye.” I whispered through the pain; closing my eyes slightly.
“What?” he asked.
“You left me, I left you. An. Eye. For. An. Eye.” I said through clenched teeth.
He threw my jaw to the side, causing my neck to make a popping noise. I reached up to rub my neck, staring at him in disbelief.
“Bella, oh my god, I’m so sorry.” He said reaching for me again.
“Edward, just please, get out.” I said, as some traitor tears slipped down my face.
“Bella, please. Just give me another chance.”
“You’ve hurt me, in so many ways… just stop trying to fix things. You were my first love, and nothing will take that away from you, ever. But that was a long time ago. I’m sorry.” I said, and I turned my back and started to walk towards the stairs, but then added “Let yourself out the same way you came in.”
“I will always love you. And I will always want you. When this ends, give me a call.” He said right behind me, but then I felt my hair get slightly ruffled by a cold wind. And then there was nothing.
I took the stairs two at a time, and smiled when I found Billy, splayed out on the bed, looking so cute with his hair all in disarray.
I climbed into bed and rolled on my side to place a kiss on his neck, and I placed a few more on his chest. I felt his body shake with laughter. I smiled and placed my lips at the side of his throat. I gently sucked at it as I heard him moan.
“Mhmm,” I placed a few more kisses on his throat.
“You don’t know how much I love waking up to you kissing me, but it’s four in the morning, and quite frankly, because of you I’m still super tired.”
I giggled, but rolled onto my back. I laid there with my arms over my head and heaved a sigh.
He rolled onto his side, to face me, I looked at him and he had his head resting in his hand. “You’re gorgeous.” He said.
I giggled again, “Thanks?”
“I just thought that you should know.”
“Well you wanna know what I think?” I said starring up at the ceiling.
“I think that you are the sexiest guy ever, especially with your hair like this.” I said ruffling his hair, and ended up busting with laughter.
“Well, have you looked in a mirror?” he said chuckling.
“I think that you should give me a reason to not get out of bed and want to look in a mirror.” I said finally making eye contact with him.
“And how should I do that?” he asked with a smile.
“Well, you could start with…” I started as I crawled on to him, with a knee on each side of him, and leaning down with a slow closed mouth kiss. “Or…” and I kissed him a deep and passionately. “Or…” I leaned back in and place a wet kiss and as I pulled away I took his bottom lip in between my teeth. “Or, I could just…” I said as I rolled off him and started to get up off the bed.
“Oh, no you don’t.” he said as he grabbed my hips and pulled me back on the bed. He rolled on top of me, and held my arms above my head and sloppily licked and sucked at my chest and neck. I closed my eyes and shivered.
When he stopped I opened my eyes, but I didn’t see Billy’s blonde hair and bright eyes. I saw Edward starring back at me. Deep yellow eyes, copper hair, and his lips set in what looked like a grimace.
I tightly closed my eyes, and willed the image to go away. When I opened them again I nearly yelped. Edward was still all I saw. I felt him place light kisses on my cheeks and forehead, but every time I closed my eyes, he wouldn’t turn back into Billy.
I sat up and pushed this illusion off me. As I climbed off the bed, I faintly heard Billy asking me what I was doing, and what he did wrong. But I couldn’t turn around. I couldn’t risk seeing Edward again.
“I’m going to take a shower.” I said as I turned the bathroom light on.
“Is that an invitation?” he joked.
But when I didn’t answer, he got out of bed and grabbed me by the shoulders. Now he was Billy. He is Billy, the one that I want. The guy that I just spent the night with. The one I have been with for months.
“Are you okay?” he asked, his eyes showing genuine concern.
“I- I- I really don’t know.” I said grabbing him by the waist and laying my head in his chest. He rubbed soothing circles into my back.
“Shh. It’s okay. Bella, just relax.” He cooed in my ear. “I’m sorry I put you through this.”
He blamed himself? “For what?”
“I shouldn’t have pressured you so much-”
“No, this has nothing to do with the sex.” I felt him take a breath of relief. “It's just I need to take a shower. I’ll be fine afterwards. Just go back to sleep.” I kissed him on the shin and untangled my arms from his waist.
I took a long, hot shower and took my time with getting dressed afterwards. I ended up choosing a deep red long sleeve, with a black p-coat and dark wash jean, with my black high heeled boots. Ha. High heels; but they looked good and made me seem taller. I brushed my hair slowly and did my nails red as Billy slept.
When the clock hit eight thirty I decided that it was time to start making breakfast. I went down the stairs and when I got to the kitchen I remembered the broken granite, but when I turned the light on, it was fixed. But I could have sworn I heard a crack last night from Edward.
I shrugged it off and just went to grab the skillet so it could pre heat while I prepared everything else. I got the pancake stuff out first, then stuff for eggs and sausages out.
Pancakes were always the easiest to make to me. I had been making them for Renee when I was little, and started making them for Billy whenever he came over for breakfast. He said they were his favorite breakfast food. When I was done with them I put the sausages on the skillet to cook.
While I waited I looked around the scene around me. I went over to the windows and opened up the curtains that showed the backyard. The backyard was big and clean. There was a huge pool off to the right that was lined by chairs and a bar all black and white. But to the left was a huge grass area that Billy explained as being the place where he hoped they would keep a dog, but it got too cold in the winter time so they never got around to building or buying a dog house. In the center, was a plain cemented area with a mural painted on it with charcoal and black colors. It was covered in a gloss that protected it from ever coming off.
I turned and went back to the skillet when I started to smell the meat cooking. I flipped and moved around the links so they could cook on all sides. When I looked back out to the windows I saw a small note hanging from the only window I hadn’t gotten around to opening. I went over to it and written on it in elegant script was Bella. I knew it was Edwards writing, but I wouldn’t open it here. I will wait until I get home. I stuck it somehow in my bra and went back to cooking.
When I was just starting the eggs I heard a yawn come from the stairway. I giggled when Billy walked in and rubbed at his eyes. In the light of the morning I could see the definition of his stomach muscles as he stretched. His light gray sweatpants showed off his butt and I almost had to smack myself to stop from checking him out.
“Pancakes are in the oven, along with some sausage. The eggs are almost done.” I said.
“Good morning to you too.” He said coming behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist and setting his chin on my shoulder.
“Good morning,” I answered.
“Do you feel better?”
“Yeah,” I said, the embarrassment about how I acted last night hit me full force now. I shrugged him off of me.
“Come on Bella. Seriously, something must be going on.”
“It’s nothing. I’m just embarrassed now.”
“What? Why are you embarrassed?”
“Cause of the way I acted last night. I’m so sorry.”
“Baby, its fine. You were just adjusting.” He said as he grabbed me into a hug.
“Adjusting?” I said with a humorless laugh.
“For lack of a better word. What I mean is, you just had a lot of emotions and hormones going through you. It’s natural. My first time, I kept on thinking about my ex girlfriend.” He chuckled.
“Are you serious? Aw poor girl.” I giggled back, but then I stopped when I noticed that the same thing happened with me. I could not stop thinking about Edward.
“Better news, I have the day off today, so we could go walk around Times Square, or go see a Broadway show, or we can just go shopping somewhere.”
“Hmm, shopping sounds fun.” I said with a smile. Shopping could distract me, and I know that Billy loves to shop.
“Cool.” He said a huge grin taking over his face.
We ate quickly and got ready to go; we were out of the house by noon.
“Can we go to my house, so I can get my wallet?”
“Yeah, for sure baby. But please let me buy you a few… things” he said grabbing the hem of my shirt and rubbing it between his fingers.
“Just not as much as you did last time. You didn’t even let me buy myself anything.” I ended with a laugh.
“Maayybee I’ll let you buy some stuff.” He said still smiling.
When we pulled up my house, I fished my keys out of my over night bag and clumsily went up the stairs. I turned around and Billy wasn’t following me. “You not coming up?” I called.
“No, I’ll just be in the way. Go ahead.”
“Okay?” That’s weird, but true.
I went the rest of the way up the stairs and when I got inside I remembered the note that was still uncomfortably in my bra.
I’m so sorry about this morning. You know I would never intentionally hurt you. Even though I know I have repeatedly, and it has never gone without severe hatred towards myself. But now I understand that the only way to stop from hurting you is either to leave completely or change you. We both know from past experiences that neither of us can leave the other alone for too long, and we both know very well exactly how I feel about the differences of your soul and my lack thereof.
My heart can’t take the fact that I can’t hold you in my arms and last night, hearing you with HIM… it nearly killed me. And I almost killed him. Isabella, please rethink everything. How happy did I make you throughout high school? And compare it to how happy he has made you in these past however many months.
Every moment I hope that something will change your mind and you will come back to me. Every moment I pray to whatever God there is for a cure to this heartache, and I hope for your eternal happiness.
I love you and always will,
You’re my only reason,
I hadn’t notice the shaking inside of me until I finished reading. I cant take this anymore.
I went to my room and put the note at the bottom of my bra drawer and grabbed my wallet and cell phone.
I ran down the stairs and hopped into the car. But not without sending a text first:
Hey, I’m coming home for a while J see you in two days. Don’t tell my dad or yours, it’ll be a surprise.