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Emmett and Rosalie on vodka

Summary:
WARNING: completely and utterly impossible and insane. This is what we think should happen if vampires could get drunk.


Notes:
Just in case you ignored the other warning, this is insane, please review dudes.


1. Chapter 1

Rating 5/5   Word Count 423   Review this Chapter

Emmett and Rosalie on vodka

“Uh, um, well Nessie… well, she’s fine but, she’s kind of” Jacob struggled to get the words out of his mouth.

“Jake spit it out” Renesmee whispered in his ear.

“She’s pregnant” Jacob said extremely fast, but not quite fast enough.

“She’s WHAT???” Edward roared. “You stupid irresponsible mutt!!! You knocked her up!!”

“Jasper, Edward needs a chill pill!!!” Bella shouted up the stairs. Alice and Jasper came waltzing down.

“This had better be good we’re missing the show” Alice grumbled.

“What show?” yelled Esme from the other room.

Alice grimaced, “Em and Rose stole the vodka, so now they’re drunk” she mumbled but Esme heard – oops!

Charlie chose this moment to knock on the front door, but only Bella noticed as everyone else was preoccupied.

“Hey Bells, I just thought I’d pop in after work” Charlie paused for a moment “Whoa who died?”

“Err, we’re in a bit of situation here” Bella explained through gritted teeth.

“Situation this is a catastrophe!!!!!” Edward shouted, still glaring at Jacob. Emmett and Rosalie emerged at the top of the stairs, both seeming a little tipsy.

“What’s going on Bella?” asked Charlie “Well, Nessie’s pregnant; we’re VAMPIRES, AND WE’RE GOING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!!!!!” Emmett screamed, receiving icy glares from everyone in the room. Rosalie snapped quickly out of her tipsy state and hit Emmett hard around the head

“STOP LYING EMMETT, aww now you’ve upset Renesmee and what’s all this nonsense about mythical creatures anyway? We should wash your mouth out with soap!”

“YOU STOLE MY VODKA THAT WAS SHIPPED FROM RUSSIA; I WAS SAVING THAT FOR CHRISTMAS!!” Esme screamed, and then ran back out of the room at the same time Alice came back in.

“Hey, Jazz, we haven’t got any eggs, fancy coming shopping?” Alice squeaked. Jasper nodded eagerly, so they left the room quickly. Rosalie and Emmett hurried back upstairs – probably to drink more vodka.

“Bella, explanation now!!” Charlie yelled.

“Need to know Charlie need to know!” Emmett called from upstairs slurring his words.

“Well Dad, Rose and Em have been drinking Esme’s vodka, so they’re a little…well drunk.” Bella explained gently.

“I meant about mythical creatures!” Charlie shouted, jumping up and down like a toddler.

Edward stepped in to save the day “He was joking Charlie, for goodness sakes you didn’t actually believe him did you?”

“And what about Nessie?” Charlie said, pressing the subject further

“Nessie” Edward paused to glare at his daughter menacingly “ is in deep trouble with a capital T!”