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second chance

Summary:
what if... Jacob was not in the story... Bella would have died while cliff diving... what if... Edward had not been able to commit suicide... he would have to endure life alone... what if... Bella came back somehow... Edward would have a second chance to re-write history...


Notes:
i normally don't try my hand at anguished love stories but this one ate at me...screaming to be written...so here it is.. written in Edward's POV...coz 'midnight sun' is obvioius not getting published and i'm fed up with Bella's love sick attitude..lol disclaimer: i own nothing! and i don't plan on repeating this endlessly!


2. Chapter 2

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I walked alongside Alice and Jasper towards the office desk of Edward R.Murrow high school. I had accepted to return to high school as long as it was fairly crowded and Brooklyn was large enough too.

I wonder who they are…

Those guys are definitely gorgeous…

Is she their sister…

I tried as best as I could to shut out the voices. I was not used to them. Staying mostly at home, I was only used to the voices of my family and the voices of those strangers were like a violation to my mental health. I did not want to hear their thoughts.

Bella.

She had been the only one whom I had not been able to hear the thoughts. The only one whom I had really wanted to read.

"My mind doesn't work right? I'm a freak?"

Those words flashed through my head. She had accepted my difference as if it was normal, thinking she was the lucky one.

It was my turn to take my timetable, the office clerk, Mrs Branson her badge read, smiled as she gave it to me. I did not bother to return her smile.

How rude!

Esme would disapprove my behaviour but I did not care.

“What’s your first class?” Alice asked.

I looked down at the sheet of paper in my hands.

“French.” I muttered.

“Me too.” Jasper replied.

“We’d better go then.” I murmured.

We walked in silence. I knew I was poor company, that my family was distressed by my attitude. I could not change it. I had tried.

Two years after Bella’s death, Carlisle and Esme had started to press me to start living again, to let go of the grief. To appease them I had pretended that I would be fine. I had pretended to laugh, to smile, to pay attention to conversations being held. But they had seen through it and I had felt it when they had slowly let go of their expectations. So I had stopped pretending.

Freesias.

Was I going insane? I had clearly inhaled the scent I had associated with Bella. Impossible! I had most likely been entrapped by my memories. Her floral smell, my personal brand of heroin, the memory made my throat burn and I welcomed it, it felt as if she was close by me. Waiting for me to join her before class. I inhaled more deeply but the smell was gone, mixed with that of perfumes, markers, dust, sweat and fresh paint.

We reached our class before most students. I sat next to Jasper and concentrated on counting the cracks on the desk surface. I did not want to cause him pain through my misery.

Wow who are they? Well well…nothing better than first hand knowledge.

A thought louder than those of the other students intruded my mind. I glanced up and felt distaste as a blonde girl strutted her way towards us. She wore too much makeup and her hair was obviously bleached, the overwhelming smell assaulted me.

“Hello I am Sophia,” she purred as she leaned forward trying to provide a glimpse of her cleavage in a too tight t-shirt.

I wonder if they have girlfriends. Never mind, I’ll make one of them forget other girls…now which one do I prefer.

I felt a low rumble start in my chest and a fury that I had not felt in many years seep through my skin. Venom spread in my mouth. Then I felt calm at once. Jasper’s doing.

The girl kept looking expectantly. I ignored her.

“I’m Jasper, this is my brother Edward.” Jasper said impatiently.

Oh ! Bad boys…this is so exciting! When I’ll tell Mandy and Carol, they are going to be so jealous.

The teacher’s arrival stopped me from trying to break through the calm and try to prove the girl just how bad I could be.

Are you all right Edward?

I nodded swiftly.

What happened?

“How could she think she could compete with Bella!” I muttered under my breath.

Jasper was puzzled at my words.

What do you mean?

“The girl has a dirty mind.” I murmured simply.

Jasper nodded. I felt so much anger from you…! You were doing fine then suddenly I felt the fury…

If I had not felt so empty inside I would have been able to appreciate the irony of the situation. Eighteen years ago, I had been the one looking out for Jasper, making sure he could control himself.

I’m sorry Edward.

It was not the first time Jasper had thought those words. Since Bella’s eighteenth birthday, he had felt responsible about my decision. After her death I had not felt the need to appease his guilt. Not that I had really held him responsible. I had simply not cared if those around me were happy or sad. I realised now how selfish I had been. It was one thing to relish in my own misery, another to impose misery on those around me.

“It was not your fault Jasper. I’m the only one to blame. I was stubborn and selfish in my need to keep her safe, for all the good it did to everyone.” Sadness overtook me.

Edward you should really let go! The guilt is eating at you. Bella would not want you to live like this.

I nodded in silence. Nobody was paying us attention. The teacher, Mademoiselle Francoise, was lecturing on the origin of the French culture. Things I already knew.

“It’s not just the guilt Jasper. I miss her. Her presence made me whole, now I feel totally empty.”

I felt his uneasiness at my words and emotions. I usually did not confide on my thoughts.

The bell rang. I walked away towards my maths class. Away from Jasper I could dwell on my memories.

We were studying Romeo and Juliette. Mr Berty was insisting tragically on the passion that drove Romeo. The other students were having their own thoughts on the subject and the mere mention of the word ‘passion’ was driving their imagination wild. I could not blame them, with Bella sitting next to me it was as difficult for me to concentrate too. She looked my way and noticing that I had been watching her, she smiled tenderly. I could not stop myself from taking her hand in mine under the table. Her warm hand was a blissful torture for me. The burning in my throat was easier to control than my desire for her. I groaned and swiftly pressed my lips against her wrist.

“What is it Edward?” she asked in a worried voice.

I shook my head and placed her hand back along her lap. I pressed the bridge of my nose in my thumb and forefinger trying to block out the voices and my own imagination.

“Are you in pain?” she was truly concerned now.

I chuckled, “No its just that the imagination of those adolescents is getting to me.” I could not confess what truly bothered me.

“Oh!… I understand.” she sent me an impish look before looking away. Then she turned red.

“Mr Cullen?”

I turned towards my math teacher who was obviously waiting for an answer. I picked from his mind and replied just as the bell rang. One more class before lunch.

Bella…

Her name registered at the same time I was again hit by the sent of freesias. It couldn’t be my imagination. The scent was getting concentrated as I neared my history class. I entered following the scent. The only seat left unoccupied was next to a girl. The girl from which the scent drifted in massive waves.