what if... Jacob was not in the story... Bella would have died while cliff diving... what if... Edward had not been able to commit suicide... he would have to endure life alone... what if... Bella came back somehow... Edward would have a second chance to re-write history...
i normally don't try my hand at anguished love stories but this one ate at me...screaming to be written...so here it is.. written in Edward's POV...coz 'midnight sun' is obvioius not getting published and i'm fed up with Bella's love sick attitude..lol disclaimer: i own nothing! and i don't plan on repeating this endlessly!
5. Chapter 5
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I climbed rapidly the tree along Bella’s room. I had began thinking of her in terms of Bella too even though Charlotte was different. My family had been happy too even though most of their happiness was due to the fact that I would no longer mope around the house.
I jumped the short distance between the tree and the window, opened it and climbed in. Her smell had helped me in locating her room easily. It was nearly eleven o’clock she was already deeply asleep. She was on her side with a hand under her pillow. Her hair was splayed on her pillow and her blanket had slipped downwards. I sat down on the ground. Her room was as expected; disorganized but not unclean. In this moment I was thrown back in time. She was beautiful, just like she had been the first time I had seen her sleep and realised how beautiful she was.
“No please don’t go.” she muttered.
I smiled. I had wished for that. To be able to hear her thoughts through sleep again. I felt peaceful not like the first time. This time I knew Bella was meant for me. My happiness was duplicated hundredth fold at that thought. Mine. Bella was mine and I could keep her. I no longer had to fear about being separated from her. She stirred in her sleep and reached for her blanket. I moved closer, settling myself at the side of her bed. I placed my chin on it. The desire to hold her boiled in me. I approached my hand close to her face absorbing her heat without touching her. She looked so fragile, so breakable. She had gone through so much, and survived. I took deep breaths inhaling the scent I had missed in so many years yet it seemed not so long ago, as if I had awoken from a coma.
She edged closer to where I was seated. I could not stop myself from holding a strand of her hair before letting it slip through my fingers.
It would take time before I would be able to tell her who I was or even before she accepted my presence in her life. I did not care… for once I felt assured about my future and looked forward to it.
I wanted to hold her close but I would be patient. I planned on the best course of action. I would learn from my mistakes and not try to push her away. I smiled as I realised I was now her guardian. I would protect her and keep her safe with me, not away…no never away again. The guardian of my angel. I had already changed from the lost being I had been barely hours ago. Her warmth and light had already left its mark on me. This time I had no right to fail. Failure would be the end for me as well, if I lost her a second time I would simply not survive.
I watched her sleep till the sun rose before leaving regretfully.
I arrived home in time to change for school. Nobody asked me questions as I drove to school. Bella was not there yet I guessed. I did not even know in which car she drove.
“What are you going to say to her?” Alice asked quietly.
“I don’t know yet. Maybe I’ll just introduce myself.”
“Don’t mess up Edward!” she warned.
I chuckled. However I was just as nervous that things might go wrong.
I walked with Jasper towards French.
I could not concentrate, my thoughts wandering to where I could hear about Bella. She was in her maths class with her three other friends. I concentrated on Max’s mind, he was seated next to her and I had been enough acquainted with his voice to read him quite easily.
He was thinking about buying new clothes and other from some random thoughts he was paying attention to class. I sighed in frustration.
What can I get Charlotte for her birthday. At last he was thinking about something. Bella’s birthday was in two weeks now.
I absorbed her features in as he looked closer at her, still wondering. She seemed to be preoccupied, biting the end of her pencil.
She was on her own for the next class, she had biology. I watched from whatever angle I could, having to shift from one mind to the other as attention diverged. She was as good at biology as she had been. Other students were peering at her answers for the quick quiz her teacher was giving. At last the bell rang for my history class.
I walked as rapidly as I could without drawing attention. I met her halfway to class.
“Hey” I called out.
She turned around with a surprised look on her face, then she brightened up and smiled.
“Hi.” she replied.
“You mind if I walk with you?”
“No.” she looked thoughtful then she faced me again. “You’re Alice’s brother right?” she asked.
I nodded. I felt a pang of intense pain. I could not understand why…
She does not remember you
That thought infiltrated my mind. Yes it hurt me that the one being I had loved unconditionally did not remember me or the love we had shared. But I could not blame her.
“Yes I am her adopted brother, my name is Edward.”
“I’m Charlotte.” she replied automatically but I saw a sad shadow cross her features. “You are adopted…”
“We all are, Carlisle and Esme our adoptive parents could not have children.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.”
I nodded again. I had had years to deal with the grief of losing my parents and in my dull human memories their loss had never remotely equalled what I had felt when I had lost Bella.
“It’s okay, it was a long time ago” I replied truthfully.
We had reached the class. I pushed the door open and let her walk in first. I noticed at once that Mandy was sitting at my place. Sophia had on a smug smile. Bella had on an angry look. Interesting, she had looked forward to sitting next to me or was she furious to sit next to Mandy?
I walked close behind her. Sophia looked up and sent me an engaging smile. I ignored her. As Bella neared her she shifted lightly in her seat and stepped on Bella’s left foot. Bella plunged forward. I grabbed her from behind before she hit the floor.
I felt her body heat seep through my skin where my hand ensnared her waist. She turned her face around and her warm breath blew over my face. She did not look like she found my cold skin repugnant, in fact a look of recognition swept across her features. Did she remember me from her past life? She looked down at my lips. I could feel the response sing through the venom in my veins. I leaned in slowly, not willing to frighten her. My own breath brushed over her face, her gaze grew unfocused. Dazzled. That thought made me laugh.
She suddenly shook her head and seemed to get angry before pulling back. I followed her to our table. She did not say anything as she took her seat besides Mandy. Mandy looked up surprised as she saw me approach too.
“I believe you are seated at my place.” I said sweetly, sugar-coating the steel in my voice. Mandy had on a startled expression as she scrambled to her feet and went to sit next to Sophia, who looked murderous.
“Why do you want to sit next to me?” Bella asked directly. I was happy that she had kept that trait, her directness. I sat down before replying.
“Why would I want to sit next to Sophia?”
She did not looked amused by my statement. She seemed to be over thinking something. I waited, hoping she would tell me what bothered her.
“Where you just about to kiss me?”
“Seemed like it.”
She frowned once again. She did that a lot it seemed.
“Because you are attractive”… and I love you.
I felt the need to caress her cheeks as they tinged my favourite shade of red.
“Why did you laugh then?” she seemed very perplexed by that fact.
“Is it why you pulled back? Because you think I was making fun of you?”
She squirmed in her seat. “I’m not really used to people being nice to me… least of all to guys wanting to kiss me.” she whispered.
That surprised me. In Forks I practically had to beat off guys. It seemed all those horny adolescents had fell in love with her, but she had chose me.
“Well I find you very attractive…and desirable.” She could not guess how desirable she was to me.
She grunted. Clearly the conversation was making her uncomfortable. I let it go. I would have all the time in the world to declare my feelings.
The teacher came in then. Class began but more than half the class was not paying attention. Bella was drawing on a notepad, trees it seemed.
“Why isn’t anyone paying attention?” I asked.
She looked up guiltily, “Most of us download the lessons of Mr Vaclav from the school’s website. His class is mainly for show, he lost his wife last year and the school director kept him instead of putting him to retreat as he was supposed. Mr Vaclav mostly raves on the war because that’s when he met his wife so his assistant puts the real notes online.”
I looked more closely at Mr Vaclav, yes a kindred state to the one I had been in for eighteen years. He was indeed talking about the 1990’s Persian Gulf war. He was lost in his own world it seemed.
I peered back at Bella, she looked away turning red. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail again today and her neck seemed delectable in that shade. Not to the monster, the monster was dormant. She was desirable to the man. 18 years was a long time and even though I had made sure to keep my physical reactions from Bella in her previous life, her long absence seemed to have increased my desire. I let my mind wander for a while. I anticipated being able to sleep with her again. If anyone heard my thoughts I would probably pass for a pervert, but I really enjoyed those moments when Bella would sleep in my arms.