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You Don't Know The Half Of It

He would've helped. He really, honestly would've. How was The Famous Edward Cullen supposed to know that his high school girlfriend had given birth to his daughter? How was he supposed to know that his ex-girlfriends brother, who was also her best friend, got in a car accident and the hospital wasnt child friendly? How was he supposed to know that his six year old daughter had to stay with him until her uncle recovered? And how was Emmett supposed to know what stupid was a mean word? AN: A little OOC. Oh, who am I kidding? Bella and Edward are so out of character, its not even funny! Well, I hope its funny. But still. You get what I'm saying. Oh, and banner courtesy of lunamoon!

This is kind of based off the Game Plan. I watched it with my brother and liked the idea of it so I made it a story. Some of the stuff in her is straight out of the movie, but most of the stuff is mine!

4. Thanks For That, Jack

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"How?" Emmett snorted.

"Alicia! That's Alice if you take out the e and add an i and an a." She explained in a 'duh' tone.

"That's so stupid." Emmett rolled his eyes. Lila glared at him.

"Stupid is a mean word." She said through her teeth. Jasper laughed at her scrunched up face.

"It is not." Emmett argued.

"Is too."

"Is not."

"Is too."

"Is not."

"Is too!"

"Enough!" I snapped.

"She started it!" He exclaimed the same time Lila yelled "He started it!"

"I don't care who started it! I'm ending it!" I growled.

"That's what Grandma says when Uncle Jacky and I argue." Lila told me matter-of-factly.

"Jack argues with a six year old?" Alice was amused.

"Stupid is a mean word!" Lila yelled.

"I didn't say stupid!" Alice said, kind of scared of the raging little ankle biter.

"But you implied that I was stupid which is worse then saying out loud that I really am stupid." Lila told her, crossing her arms. Alice stared at the kid in awe.

"You are your mother's child." She gave a little laugh.

"Straight up." She said, giving her a glare. Then it softened and she giggled. "Uncle Jacky taught me that!"

"Everyone, quiet!" I hissed, setting up the mic. They obliged and Emmett and Jasper set up as well. We tuned the instruments and started.

"What are you gonna sing?" Lila asked. "Mommy sings me fun songs."

"Like what?" Jasper asked.

"Songs her and Uncle Jacky write." She answered. Jazz shrugged and we started up.

We practiced a few of our sketchy songs while I watched Lila dance around the room in a surprisingly graceful motion. Was she in ballet? I knew Renee liked that sort of thing, but Bella was more of a tom boy. She was into music and hip hop dance. Well, she liked some country too and even sang a little of it, considering she was from Tenessee.

I remembered how she used to talk about Tenessee all the time. She moved to Forks when she was ten, after her dad left the family. Her mom just couldn't handle being in the house they bought together. Bella missed Tenessee terribly. It was where all her family was. Well, except Jack and Renee.

When we took a break, Esme came rushing in, followed by Carlisle. Hmm. I suppose Alice called them.

"Edward, where is she?" She asked with the biggest grin on her face. I rolled my eyes. Why was she so excited? It was just a little kid. I pointed to where Lila was twirling. Esme ran over and swooped the girl up in a second. Lila's eyes widened in surprise.

"Hey!" She exclaimed. "I know you!"

"Really?" Esme looked confused, but thrilled nonetheless.

"Yeah!" She seemed bewildered my Esme's face. "Mommy has pictures of you! And Aunt Alice and that guy over there," She gestued toward Carlisle. He smiled a small smile to himself. "And daddy!"

I froze when I heard daddy. So did everyone else. Oh jesus help me, I'm a father!

"I'm daddy's mommy." Esme explained, recovering quickly.

"So you're my grandma?" She asked.

"Exactly." Esme chirped. Lila threw her arms tighter around Esme's neck.

"Are you done yet? I wanna go home and see Lila's clothes!" Alice complained somewhere behind me. "Fine. I guess the infant is more important than my career." I muttered, quietly to myself. Good, no one heard me. Alice and Esme would have a field day. I then answered louder. "Yeah, sure, whatever."

We all bound out to our cars. I tossed Lila in the seat and closed the door. Everyone else had already left for my apartment. I kicked a puddle of oil left from Emmett's Jeep. It splashed up and got all over my pants. Fan-fucking-tastic.

I stomped over and got in the car. Lila was humming and it was a good soothing thing for me to focos on as I frove. Bella would murder me if she found out I crashed with Lila in the car.

"Do you have a girlfriend?" She asked suddenly. I'd heard that question a lot. But never from my six year old daughter. Oh god, my daughter...

"Yes." I answered. She stared at me with those electric little eyes before sighing a small sigh.

"What?" I asked, irritated. Not that I care. It was a knee-jerk reaction task someone the reason for their mood.

"Mommy and Uncle Jacky told me you were very not difficult." She huffed. Not difficult? Huh?

"What are you talking about?" I snapped. She looked around, as if to make sure no one was listening. She leaned closer to me and whispered softly.

"Unlce Jacky said not to say this around mommy cause she would do some not nice things to him, but he told me you were a man whore. What's a man whore?"

Oh. I got it now. I was easy. Not difficult, easy. Same thing. I sighed. Jack had felt the need to tell his neice that her father was a man whore. Real nice, man. Thanks.