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Living Without You

Summary:
Edward left her but this time she could never get him back. When Bella finds the Cullen's after 50 years of solitude and thirst she finds her worst imagining when the number of Cullen's has changed drastically.


Notes:


1. Living Without You

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 1370   Review this Chapter

emp·ty [emp-tee] adjective, -ti·er, -ti·est, verb, -tied, -ty·ing, noun, plural -ties.

1. containing nothing; having none of the usual or appropriate contents: an empty bottle.

2. vacant; unoccupied: an empty house.

3. without cargo or load: an empty wagon.

4. destitute of people or human activity: We walked along the empty streets of the city at night.

5. destitute of some quality or qualities; devoid (usually fol. by of): Theirs is a life now empty of happiness.

6. without force, effect, or significance; hollow; meaningless: empty compliments; empty pleasures.

7. not employed in useful activity or work; idle: empty summer days.

8. Mathematics. (of a set) containing no elements; null; void.

9. hungry: I'm feeling rather empty—let's have lunch.

10. without knowledge or sense; frivolous; foolish: an empty head.

11. Informal. something that is empty, as a box, bottle, or can: Throw the empties into the waste bin.

12. to make empty; deprive of contents; discharge the contents of: to empty a bucket.

13. to discharge (contents): to empty the water out of a bucket.

14. to become empty: The room emptied rapidly after the lecture.

15. to discharge contents, as a river: The river empties into the sea.

16. completely spent of emotion: The experience had left him with an empty heart.

There’s a funny thing about being empty; even though your filled with organs, veins, blood you still feel hollow. Like your just skin and air and if a large gust of wind happened to come by you, you would be as helpless to blow away with it.

Why Edward, why did you this too me?

I was willing to do anything for him, die for him. I guess that wasn’t enough. You could love someone but if they didn’t reciprocate those feelings it was hopeless to expect a happy ending.

He had no reason to love though; I was plain, nothing all that special. There was nothing about me that could hold him, make him want to stay with me. I had been just another human in a sea of measured time. But even now, with eternity in front of me I didn’t matter. Sure he felt guilty about not being able to save me that didn’t give him the right to steal my heart no matter how silent it now was.

A dormant heart, I thought. My heart did sleep but not just from life. It slept for it had nothing more to do but close it’s eyes and await the coming day.

Oh Edward. My thoughts came like sentences for although my jaw hang open not a sound seeped through.

My chest began convulsing again and I had to wrap a strong arm around it as I fell apart anyway. Silently I sobbed awaiting the hot tears that I knew would never come. By now I was use to my constant sobbing even the unexpected times when I would find myself writhing on the floor with no memory of becoming that way. My jaw use to clench in the pain and my fingers would wrap tightly on whatever surface they could grasp. Now I just gave in and let the pain have it’s way with me.

For fifty years now I had been saving away an image of his beautiful face. Freely I’d let myself see it, take in it’s perfect angulature and imagine it’s velvet smooth texture.

Why couldn’t you wait for me? I tried to recall why he had done what he did, what caused his drastic actions. The Cullen’s told me I had died when I last saw them. Sure I had died inside and out but in the way they had thought.

Flashback-

The house was exactly how I remembered it; grand with it’s three stories illuminating from the sun against it’s white surface. The windows were spotless but I didn’t dare look in. walking stealthily up to the door my hand was raised to knock but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I knew he wouldn’t want me, no fifty years of reasoning with myself could change that, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t try to be his friend if nothing else.

A cold presence came closer from the other side of the door probably wondering why I was just standing there. The knob turned slowly lengthening the suspense of finding out who was on the other side of the door. A near silent creek echoed in my ears from the opening portal. “Bella,” Alice’s soprano voice called to me. Before I knew it I was wrapped in her arms and I thought I heard her say “oh no.” At that I pulled back, my arms still at her waist, and I looked her straight in the eye.

One of her dainty hands lifted to my cheek. “Bella, is it really you?”

“Yeah,” I said a little exasperated and close to falling apart right in front of her.

“What-how did this happen?” my gaze darted to the floor away from her anxious eyes.

“I don’t know.” It was the truth. I didn’t know how I was changed or who changed me. To be honest I knew almost nothing about my life.

“Why don’t you let her come in Alice.” Esme said from the couch where she was sitting with Carlisle. Placing a hand on the small of my back Alice ushered me to the couch. I sat down on the soft, white leather and looked around to the six solemn faces surrounding me.

One, two, three, four, five, six I counted again in my head not trying to think about who it was that was missing. A powerful wave of calm washed over me and I looked up at Jasper who was obviously subduing my worry. “Bella,” Carlisle began to speak in a low voice, “many years back we had gotten word from Forks that there was a fire, specifically one at your house.” I bit my lip expecting the worst. “When we flew back in there was nothing but ashes and a funeral was in procession for you and your father. Edward-” I winced at the mention of his name,” my son, he did not take the news well. I tried to sooth him, ease his pain. Maybe if I tried harder, or done something different then maybe he wouldn’t have went to Italy.”

The world froze at that moment and I didn’t think it would ever start again, much like my heart. My head shook back and forth and I covered my ears like a little kid trying not to believe what they were saying. “I’m so sorry.” I heard someone say but I was barely conscious too tell where it came from.

-End Flashback

After that conversation I ran, ran anywhere I could while fighting the expolsion of pain erupting inside of me. Somehow I had ended up in this cave, unaware of where I was, when it was, or how I would have the ability to go on with my existence.

Standing up I walked over to the wall of rock and pounded my fists into it’s hard surface. “Damm it Edward. Why did you have to be so stupid. Why did you have to leave me here alone? Why couldn’t you have just killed me yourself and spared me this pain.” I began sobbing again but this time mad at Edward instead of myself. I knew he always felt the need to shoulder the blame but killing himself, how did that do any good? All he did was leave his family and me to be sullen for all eternity.

“I love you.” I said for no matter how mad I was it was true. “I’ve always love you, even when you left me. I know I sound stupid talking to you even though your not here…it’s just…I just wanted you to know that.” a breeze came into the cave and rustled my hair making it feel like someone was caressing it. I smiled out to the open land and for the first time in what seemed like forever I stepped out into the open air. The wind continued to circle around my face, along my collarbone and across my lips. “I’ll see you soon.” I said and headed for the next airport.