Falling for You
After nine months I could finally hold you in my arms; what could possibly go wrong now? When Esme lost her child.
1. Falling for You
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Giving birth was probably the most exhausting experience of my life, but rewarding all the same. After hours of contractions and lying on the floor of my lower-income home, my husband beside me, my child finally saw the world through his young, beautiful blue eyes. “I love you.” I said down to him, incredulous to the fact that this miracle was a part of me. His veins flowed with rich blood, the same blood that ran it’s course through me, creating an unbreakable bond between mother and child.
My hands gently ran through his short toughs of caramel hair and over his soft rosy cheeks. Cradling my new son I pressed his small form closer to my face and breathed in a scent of lemon mixed slightly with the blood that covered his body from the birth. A local nurse saw my aversion to the mix of smells and momentarily took my child from me to wash him down and return him safely to my awaiting arms. “He’s beautiful.” she said with a warm voice.
“I know.” A tiny hand reached for my pinky and latched on tightly. I began to laugh quietly making a stream of giggles erupt from his chest.
“What will you name him.” I turned to the nurse unsure of my answer and then focused back on my baby.
“I’m not sure, my husband and I hadn’t agreed on one name yet.” I looked around to see that I was alone with the nurse and my child, that my husband had left. “Where is my husband?”
“Oh, he left to talk to the doctor. There was something that he had seen about your son when he had checked his pulse.” fear washed over me. When a doctor wanted to take you aside to give you news it was usually something you didn’t want to hear.
“Could you please leave us be if you don’t mind.”
“Of course.” she aid and headed for the front door but turned back to me. “Don’t worry, there’s nothing to fear for going wrong.” with that she left giving me more fear than before which was ironic as that was opposite of her intentions. What’s going to happen to you? It was wrong of me to assume the worst but it was human nature to do so. What could the doctor have seen wrong? I remember him coaching me through the birth, and that he was unmistakably handsome. Also there was a desire in his eyes when he first looked down at my son, like he too wished for a child as I once had.
“Lucky I have you.” I said and snuggled my nose onto his. My hand yet again stroked his face and went still at his neck. A tiny pulse beat against the net of skin that was thin enough to feel the vein beneath it. Lubb dubb…lubb dubb… Slowly a felt the beats grow farther apart, the red blush fading from him delicate cheeks. A stiffness came over the small bundle of life in my comforting arms raising my panic to it’s extremes.
Lubb dubb… then there was nothing. Blood began to trickle out of his tiny mouth emptying the body of any hope. By now I think I was in shock as all I could do was rub the crimson liquid from those moist, pink lips. I could feel the unlived life seeping out of him like the overpowering joy I had drain out of me. Leaving the corpse on the wooden floor I began walking to the door. Each foot in front of the other felt more anguishing like each was trying to carry more and more of the weight of my loss.
Sharp rocks cut into my feet, making a disarray of diamond figures across the soles. Rain drizzled lightly onto my hair soaking it through causing it to stick straight down my shoulders and back. None of it mattered though for what I was going to do would make everything disappear; evaporate to a meaningless state. The sea cliffs were over 200ft high and even a mile away you could hear the pounding of the waves against it’s base. Everything looked small from the edge, the sharp rocks still terrifying even when minimized. I wanted nothing more than to be reunited with my baby no matter what I had to do to get my resolve. Spreading my arms I felt the wind burst past me, water splashing my gown, still bloody from labor. Rocking back on my heels I then flew off the cliff the air passing by me, self falling out of the sky, awaiting my child that I would be able to keep forever.