In this story Bella is torn between two guys, but will she pick the right one?
I hope you like it. This is my first fan fic so please review!
11. Love Loss
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The next three days past slowly, it was the same routine everyday: get up, make breakfast, hug Jake, pretend that everything was ok, have dinner, still pretend everything was ok, go to bed. It was a drag. All through them three days though I couldn’t stop thinking about Edward. Why was he in the back garden? Why was he always so kind? And why cant I get him out of my head?!
I woke up dazed to find the curtains where wide open and the bed was made on Jake’s side. I got up and walked over to the window, still half asleep. I was even more amazed to find Jake outside by the car, what was he doing?
I quickly pulled on some clothes and went downstairs and outside. It was sunny, for the second time in Forks. Wow!
“What are you doing?”
“Fixing the car,” Jake greeted me with a smile and pulled me close to him. “Since you locked yourself in, there’s been a big dent where I had to get the crowbar.” He laughed to himself amused.
“I’m sorry,” I put on my puppy dog eyes and batted my eyelashes.
“It’s ok.” He pulled me in closer and smashed his lips into mine.
I cant believe I’m saying this, but it didn’t feel natural, it felt forced. There was no sparks like there’s supposed to be, just deadness, although I loved Jake, of course I did he was my husband. When we pulled away I was somehow relived that it was over.
“I love you,” he reminded.
“I love you too,” my voice was thick. “Well I’m going out, I cant be stuck in this house all day.” I was dying to get away from the cottage, Jake and guilt.
“Ok see ya.”
I grabbed my purse from off the side counter and headed down the road. The sun burned on my back as I walked, although I was too deep in thought to notice it.
Had I actually admitted to myself that I wasn’t in love with Jake, I loved him, but I wasn’t in love with him. My heart didn’t flutter every time he was close and my knee’s didn’t knock when he touched me. I cant believe I would betray him like this, there’s no way he would ever do that to me. But, I could never tell him, that would just hurt him too much, and I couldn’t take watching him suffer.
The sun was at its hottest when I came across a small, coffee shop, it looked like it was made out of ginger bread. I was expecting to see Hansel and Gretel skip out of there at any moment, but then I was brought back to the real world. I decided to go inside to prevent my back from actually catching on fire (yes, it was really that hot).
The inside was just as cute as the outside, the chairs and table’s looked like they where antique and by the looks of it so was the waiter. I sat down in the corner next to the roaring fire, and placed my purse down on the coffee table in front of me. The waiter walked slowly over to me and smiled.“Hello, what may I get you?” he looked happy and full of life even though it looked like it was nearly over. He had a light grey hair and bright blue eyes, the waiter’s outfit he was wearing looked brand new. The badge on his T-shirt clearly read Matthew, it was obviously handwritten.
I looked at the board over the counter and searched for something desperately.
“I’ll have a cappuccino please, Matthew,” I said politely.
He smiled with a grin that reached from ear to ear and walked off nodding.
I know it sounds weird but I love old people, their just always so happy, with not a care in the world. Just getting on with their lives as it comes, I don’t see why I cant be like that, carefree.
Soon Matthew was back with my cappuccino, he held it with two hands, making sure not to drop it (the cup was the size of his head!).
“I hope you enjoy it,” he said happily and carefree.
“Thank-you,” I said and handed over a five dollar bill. “Keep the change.
“Why, thank you,” he said and stared at me puzzled. “You look down, is there anything wrong.” He invited himself into the opposite seat and looked at me closely. “Is it boy trouble?”
“Yeah,” I said. It was like having a chat with your Grandpa, you always knew that he could sort it out and even if he didn’t you felt much better anyway. “I’m married but when I’m with him there’s no spark or feeling. There’s this other guy. I’m not sure if I like him of not, but whenever I see him I feel alive, then when he’s gone I feel worse.”
“Well, it sounds like you need to tell to tell your husband you don’t love him until it gets worse, but as for the other guy you need to see if he really likes you back.” He smiled again appreciably. He was about to get up when he said: “It looks like your husbands behind you though.”
I looked behind me to find Edward’s glare on me, oh no!
“Oh god! That’s not my husband, that’s the other one,” I hid my head , although he had already seen me. Ohmygodohmygod! Save me.
“Remember what to do,” Matthew said as he walked off to behind the counter.
Why cant my life be like that?! I hid my head again hoping that if I did Edward wouldn’t come over, so that I wouldn’t feel anymore depressed. Why did I have to have these uncontrollable feelings for him, I didn’t want to. It was all his good-looking fault!
I waited for five minutes with my head held down in my hands, he must of not come over, good. Slowly I raised my head up and he was sat in the seat opposite just staring at me, with a crooked smile. Why me!?!
“Hello,” he said and laughed to himself.
Just when I wanted alone time he shows up and ruins in, again.
“Hi,” I said back and avoided his stare, although I could already feel my cheeks heating up. I completely turned my head so that he couldn’t see my complete embarrassment.
“Bella,” he said in a calm and soothing voice, trying to turn my attention back to him. “Bella, you’ve got to tell me what’s going on in your head, your so hard to read.”
“Oh, I’m hard to read am I?! Your hard to read, Edward.” I found myself snapping at him for no reason, but I just couldn’t control myself.
“What’s so hard to understand, Bella?” He said in a calming, musical voice.
“Why do you follow me everywhere?” I said more quietly to avoid unwanted stares. My heart was pounding at 100mph.
“I feel very protective over you, Bella.”
My heart pounded more and I could feel myself turning completely red. Why did he feel protective over me! I was just like any other human, well I was clumsy. Does that mean he likes me, he cant I’ve only known him for two minutes. That didn’t stop me having this massive crush on him.
“Bella, what’s going on in your head? I need to know,” his voice was more louder and demanding than before.
“I cant tell you, it just hurts to think about it,” and it did. How could I stop loving Jacob, he would be hurt if I told him that. I can imagine the scene in my head, and it doesn’t turn out well.
He glare at me intensely and lovingly. My knee’s started to knock even though I was sitting down, I think I’m hyperventilating. I took deep breaths and looked straight back into his liquid topaz eyes.
“I….I….I don’t love Jake anymore,” tears where creeping up into my eyes. He looked taken back and stared at me confusingly.
“Because…..because…..because, I cant tell you.” One single tears made its way down my cheek but I wiped it away before it hit my chin.
“Its ok, Bella,” he tried to comfort me.
“Its all your fault!” I snapped. “Up until I came here I was happy with my life but now its nothing but one big super massive black hole. You’ve turned me against Jake. I’ve finally realised that I don’t love him, I love you!!!” Why the hell did I just say that?
Before I even had time to look at him I grabbed my purse and quickly walked out of the coffee shop. Whenever I went out in public, why do I always have to make a fool of myself, specially in front of him. When I got outside I ran as fast as I could down the winding road, the sun was still hot on my back. I don’t know why I told him, but now he knows, at least he will never come near me again. At least I hope not.
After a long time of running my feet couldn’t carry me anymore, so I slouched down against one of the tree’s beside the road, surly he wouldn’t catch up with me. I hid my head in my hands and cried manically. I have actually told someone that I didn’t love Jake, what if he found out. What would I do then? I looked at the shiny gold wedding ring on my finger, I couldn’t even bare to look at that. I ripped it off and shoved it deep into my purse. All Jakes ever done for me was good and now its all just gone down the drain, because of this one other guy who I was in love with. I was in love with him wasn’t I, completely and utterly in love with him.
“Bella?” Edward was walking quickly over to me.
I quickly wiped all the tears off my cheeks before he could see, then I got up looked at him straight on, even though it hurt.
“Bella,” he grabbed my hands with his ice cold touch.
“Don’t listen to me,” I said before he got a chance to talk.
“Bella,” he looked at me and suddenly there was no need for words.
His molten-brown eyes twisted into mine, his mouth was squeezed closed, as if he was trying not to say something.
“Could this be more humiliated,” I muttered to myself, but he must of heard because he answered.
“Bella, I don’t know why your so embarrassed, I’m the one who should be embarrassed. I’ve been following you around, constantly watching you.” He ran his fingers over my bandaged arm. His touch was so warming, yet he was ice cold, it was addictive. “I’m obsessed with you, Bella.”
I went completely red. I cant believe he liked me back, somehow it was a relief. Like I wasn’t the only one who was crazy here. A relief that someone who had only known me for under a week had fallen in love with me, instead of someone who had known me for their whole life.
“I’m obsessed with you too, Edward,” somehow I said that without turning bright red. My heart fluttered as his topaz eyes filled with joy.
We started walking hand in hand down the twisted road, to the cottage. I don’t know how I could face Jake, his great smile and loving eyes. How could I tell him that I didn’t love him anymore, it had only been less than a week we had got married. I could picture in my mind his big black eyes filling with sadness and disappointment. I could picture him saying everything would be fine when really he was falling apart inside. I could picture me standing there helplessly, knowing that I’m the one who has caused all of this.
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