Stranger Then Fiction
Alexandra never thought she would do anything special with her life. She assumed the only way she would get the adventure she desprately wanted was in books, especially Twilight. When Alex sees a shooting star, that all changes and she is thrown into the world she thought was only fiction. Now, Alex is battling a greasy haired Aro who wants nothing more than revenge, keeping a relationship together with her favorite russet brown werewolf, and her penpal, Lor, who just can't seem to leave Rosalie alone. Sometimes, reality can be stranger then fiction. Co-Written with LoveIsACookie
3. A key, a jackhammer, an axe, and Rose's car
Rating 5/5 Word Count 1756 Review this Chapter
"Hey Alex?" Lor asked.
"What?" I mumbled as Alice slathered something on my face.
"I want to go to La Push!" I sat straight up.
"What?!" I asked.
"Your crazy! The werewolves will kill you!" Alice put in.
"Too bad! If they think that they are going to kill me, then they have another thing going! I am going to see the dogs and there is nothing you sissies can do about it!" Lor said strongly and stood up. She offered her hand to me. "Are you coming?"
"Hell yeah!" I told her and used her hand to pull myself up. I then grabbed a towel to wipe of the gunk on my face.
"Your not serious, are you? You cannot go to La Push!" Alice shouted.
Um, I think this is the opportune moment to make our getaway? I asked in my thoughts, knowing that Lor would hear me. She nodded very slightly and we started to tiptoe away.
"You will get torn into pieces by-don't you dare walk away from me Gloria Jennifer Robyns!"
"Okay, so who are we going to see first?" I asked Lor when we were in the car. Her eyes grew cloudy, as if she was imagining something.
"Embry," She sighed as she spoke the word.
"Embry?" I laughed. "You're kidding, right? Embry is definitely the least hot of the werewolves." I told her through giggles. She punched me hard in the stomach.
"Oh yeah? And who, exactly, do you think is the hottest werewolf."
"Jacob," I told her with a grin. I could see that Lor was skeptical. "What? He's the funniest!"
She rolled her eyes. "To each her own, I guess."
"Whatever, just turn up the radio." I told her.
"Elphie, now that we're friends, I've decided to make you my new project!" Galinda, the good witch of the North sang.
"Ugh, I hate this song." Lor said, and reached to change the station, but I slapped her hand away.
"You really don't have to do that..." Elphaba, the wicked witch of the West, told her
" I know, that's what makes me so nice!" Galinda said modestly.
"Whenever I see someone less fortunate than I,
And let's face it, who isn't, less fortunate than I?
My tender heart tends to start to bleed.
And when someone needs a makeover,
I simply have to take over!
I know, I know exactly what they need!" I sang, while Lor plugged her ears and stopped the car.
"Please stop! I'll do anything!" Lor screeched.
"And even in your case,
Though it's the toughest case I've yet to face,
Don't worry, I'm determined to succeed!
Follow my lead,
And yes, indeed, you will be... " I continued as if she hadn't spoken.
"What did I every do to you?" Lor sobbed.
You're gonna be popular!
I'll teach you the proper poise,
When you talk to boys,
Little ways to flirt and flounce,
I'll show you what shoes to wear!
How to fix your hair!
Everything that really counts to be... " I sang with Galinda, my favorite witch.
"Please Alex, please stop!" Lor moaned, hiding underneath her seat.
I'll help you be popular!
You'll hang with the right cohorts,
You'll be good at sports,
Know the slang you've got to know.
So let's start,
'Cause you've got an awfully long way to go!"
"Alex, I will pay you to stop." Lor squeaked from her hiding place.
"Don't be offended by my frank analysis,
Think of it as personality dialysis,
Now that I've chosen to become a
Pal, a sister and advisor,
There's nobody wiser!
Not when it comes to... " I shook my head and continued.
I know about popular.
And with an assist from me,
to be who you'll be,
instead of dreary who you were...
There's nothing that can stop you,
from becoming popu-ler... lar... " Lor was squished into a little ball underneath her seat now, and was shaking and sobbing. Was I really that bad? Nah, she's just making fun.
"la la, la la!
We're gonna make you pop-u-lar!"
"When I see depressing creatures,
With unprepossessing features,
I remind them on their own behalf
To - think - of
Celebrated heads of state,
Or specially great communicators!
Did they have brains or knowledge?
Don't make me laugh!" This was my favorite part of the song.
"They were POPULAR!
It's all about popular.
It's not about aptitude,
It's the way you're viewed,
So it's very shrewd to be,
Very very popular
like ME!" I stopped and waited while the characters spoke.
"Why, Miss Elphaba, look at you. You're beautiful!" Galinda said.
"No, she's not! She's freakin' green!" Lor moaned from underneath the seat.
"I- I have to go... " Elphaba said.
"You're welcome... " Galinda said to empty space.
"I just realized who Galinda reminds me of!" Lor said. "Alice! She also gives people makeovers against their will!"
I rolled my eyes and began again. "And though you protest,
I know clandestinely,
You're gonna grin and bear it!
Your new found popularity!
"La la, la la!
You'll be popular!
Just not quite as popular as MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" I sang.
"Thank goodness that's over. I swear, if I never have to listen to you sing again, I won't replace Rosalie's toothpaste ever again with my own concoction." Lor said, getting up.
"You were going to play a prank on Rose without telling me?" I asked, incredulous. Lor opened her mouth, but just then someone opened her car door.
"Are you two all right? I thought I heard something dying." The someone said. It was a teenage boy, but he was huge. He had russet skin and jet-black hair.
I pouted. "I'm not that bad of a singer, am I?" I asked.
"Uhm, sure." Lor said, but her eyes were only for the intruder. I looked at the guy, and noticed he was also only looking at Lor.
"You're kidding, right? This is just fantastic! Everyone gets there stinkin' happy ending, but me!" The guy, who I had just realized was Embry, opened his mouth. "Don't you dare compare me to Leah!" I told him and he shut his mouth quickly.
"Hi, I'm Embry Call." He told Lor.
"Gloria Robyns, but you can call me Lor." She told him.
"Okay, I'll leave you two lovebirds alone. I can tell when I'm not wanted." I said getting out of the car and walking away. I knew where I was headed. Jakes house. I ran over to the house that was most likely his, and fit the description given in New Moon.
I rang the doorbell. Sure enough a few seconds later; Jacob answered the door.
"Hi Jake!" I told him, but he seemed to be miles away. "Jacob?" I asked and he shook his head, as if clearing it.
"Hi." He said without emotion.
"I'm Alex and I'm your biggest fan!" I told him with a grin.
"Fan?" He asked.
"Yeah," I told him. None of us spoke for a while. I looked at my watch. "I've got to go. Heaven knows what Lor and Embry have gotten into."
"Embry? What's he doing with your friend?" He asked. I rolled my eyes.
"Embry imprinted on Lor." I said.
"Lor? But isn't she a le-, I mean, a vampire?"
"Yes, now I'm leaving. Are you coming with?" I asked.
"Uh, yeah. Sure. Hold on a moment." He said and ran into the forest.
A few moments later, a russet brown wolf came out. Now, I know that Stephenie described the werewolf shape-shifters as huge, but these were way bigger then I imagined them to be.
"Okay, let's go." I said and we set off.
Finding Lor was a lot harder then we expected it to be. We followed her scent through the forest, but apparently they went swimming at a stream, so we lost the scent. What we did find was what seemed to be tractor tracks. Yes, tractor, as in big, yellow, and destructive. Then I caught a whiff of the scent of who was driving the tractor.
"Shit." I said.
"What?" Jake said, obvious.
"Shit, shit, shit. Lor, what did you do now?" I asked.
"Uhm, it had to do with a key, a jackhammer, an axe, and Rosalie's convertible." A voice answered me.
"Lor!" I said sternly. "How many times have I told you? If you are going to throw a big prank, at least call me and invite me to help!"
"Next time?" Lor asked from behind Embry.
"Next time." I told her.
"Okay! So who's up for some pizza?" I asked. They all looked at me weirdly.
"Alex? Have you forgotten the one tiny detail that WE CAN'T EAT?!" Lor asked.
"No, while you were hiding from Alice and Rosalie, I was figuring out how to make a kind of pizza that we can eat." I said patiently.
In my human life, I had loved to experiment with new kinds of food. I had always considered how much human food that was bearable for vampires to eat. After I became one, I had simply tested this out. Apparently, as long as what you are making is more then 60% blood, we vampires can eat it.
"Of course, I made some normal stuff for you two." I told the werewolves.
"How much of this pizza did you make for us?" Asked Embry hesitantly.
"Does six pizzas sound like enough? I've heard about your wolf-sized appetites."
"Yeah, it does! Let's go, Lor, food!" Embry said, pulling Lor in the general direction of their car.
"Is Embry always like this?" I asked, turning to Jacob."Is Lor?" He answered and followed Embry.
- When you wish upon a star....
- Hairdye, a smug Alex, and a failed prank
- A key, a jackhammer, an axe, and Rose's car
- The Royal Greasy Haired Dumb...butts.
- Her Royal Highness, The Dumb Butt
- Alexandra The Great To The Rescue
- What the Hell?
- ....Uh, that's so...S'Wonderful
- The dumbasses return
- Ding Dong, The Wicked Witch is Dead!
- Within Temptation
1 2 3 4 5
- 08 Apr 09
- 23 Jul 09
- In Progress