A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes
Jacob stops Bella from cliff diving. Alice never sees it, Rosalie doesn't call Edward. Edward decides to come back anyway, to check on Bella. What will he hear when he listens in on her sleep-talk? Will he reveal himself to Bella?
Obviously, if this was of my creation, I would be famous. And I'm not. So, no, I don't own anything.
5. Chapter 4: EPOV: Edward Reveals Himself
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“Bella?” I asked, tentatively. I hopped on to the end of her bed. She looked up, shocked. She seemed to be thinking about something.
When she didn’t respond, I was a little worried. Why wouldn’t my angel reply to my questions? Was I that hideous in her mind that she couldn’t even bear to respond to my question?
“Bella? Say something!” I wanted to hear her voice so badly. I again asked myself why I had ever wanted to leave.
She finally responded. “Edward.” It sounded very different from the way she had said my name during her sleep. Her sleep talking had a very longing tone in it. This was worse… she sounded breathless. After the word had come out of her rosy lips, she curled back up on the bed and shuddered. Her face twisted in pain. I was horrified. What had I done?
“What’s wrong? Bella? Are you OK?” I finally voiced my concerns. I took a deep breath and inhaled her scent, waiting for her response. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her… She was the most beautiful thing in the world, but as I looked closer I could see that she had lost about 20 pounds and had deep circles under her eyes. She looked like she had been through an extended illness or something of the sort. I wasn’t sure what it was, but whatever had caused this was a big deal. I looked up to see tears running down her face. She was sobbing.
“No, I’m n-not OK. L-like you c-care.” What did she mean? It was obvious that she wasn’t “OK” per say. However, how could she sit there and say I didn’t care?
As soon as I thought about the question I had just asked myself, I knew the answer. Not surprisingly, my subconscious answered with Alice’s voice.
“You left her, Edward! You basically told her you didn’t want her in your life. And now you are shocked that she doesn’t think you care? Ha!”
I looked back at her and saw her still crying. She opened her mouth again to say something and I waited to see what she would say.
“I’m definitely crazy. I’m answering a question asked by my hallucinations. Great.” Apparently this thought made her cry harder. I wrapped my arms around her, hoping that she wouldn’t push me away. I needed to make her understand that I did care, more than she would ever know, and it was for that reason only that I had left. Not that it mattered. She would never take me back after what I had done. Hallucinations! She said she was having hallucinations. She believed herself to be crazy. And I still saw that immeasurable pain in her eyes. Here goes nothing…
“Bella, I’m so sorry. I lo-“ Before I could apologize, she cut me off.
“No! Don’t lie to me, Edward. I can’t take it anymore. You don’t have to pretend for me. I know you would rather be out enjoying your distractions, and I can’t take any more of your games. Please. Save it.” Don’t lie to me? She thought I was… lying? Pretending for her? As if. I never played games with her, and there were definitely no distractions. I wanted to understand what had led her to this conclusion.
“You think I don’t love you?” It shocked me that she could even think that. I pulled back slightly to look her in the eyes. I felt wounded. She doubted my love for her!
“I don’t think you don’t love me.” OK… “I know you don’t love me. You told me so yourself.” She believed me? That was… impossible. Unbelievable. I had to intervene, prevent her from her misguided thinking.
“Bella, look at me.”
She ducked her head down and shook it, violently. Ouch. I deserved it, though. I was such a monster that she couldn’t even bear to look at me. I lifted her chin up with my hand and continued.
“Bella, I am coming back to Forks. I am not strong enough to survive without you. I only left for your own good. Your safety. Your happiness. Nothing else matters to me. But I can’t do it anymore. I don’t care if you have moved on, as long as I am not too far away from you anymore. I just want you to tell me if you could ever forgive me for what I have done.”
She stared at me for a minute, thinking. It appeared she was making a choice. Finally she responded. “Edward, there is nothing to forgive.”
Oh no. The moment that I had been waiting for. I dreaded it, but at the same time I was glad that she had seen the light and wouldn’t want me in her life. Because she should be safe. Still, I didn’t want to leave until I was forced out, so I decided on getting some clarification.
“What do you mean? Does that mean you are over me? Is Jake your boyfriend now?”
She looked confused for a moment. Then she responded.
“There is nothing to forgive. Jake is a friend who won’t take no for an answer. I am not dating, nor do I have any immediate plans to change that status.”
I had been so hopeful when she had brushed away Jake. My heart had leapt when she mentioned she was not dating. However, when she said she had no immediate plans to change that…. I tried to decipher the look on her face, but I couldn’t figure out her emotions. Probably she was just fed up with talking to me.
“Well, I guess I should leave then.” I knew that my face betrayed my sadness, but there was nothing I could do about that. I watched her face carefully to see her reaction. Something flitted across her beautiful face…. I couldn’t tell what it was. It looked like… panic.
“No! Don’t leave!” She sounded almost desperate. Desperate for me not to leave? I had to ask. Unfortunately, I knew that my face was too hopeful, and she would surely think that I was overanxious….
“You want me to stay?” I dreaded the response. It would put me out of her reach forever, because if she told me to leave I would have to do exactly as she said. I was, as Emmett would say, whipped.
“I would like you to stay. Please.” My heart swelled. This was unbelievable… I decided to keep my answer simple so as not to betray my excitement.
“I will stay then.” I walked over to the rocking chair and sat down. My next few hours would be spent watching Bella sleep. My favorite hobby. I still wasn’t sure exactly why I had left her… and the reasons were growing less clear with every second I watched her.
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