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Choices

Summary:
Being rewritten.


Notes:
When reading New Moon, I had always wondered how the story would be different if Alice never showed up, and instead the Cullen's simply came back to school one day. I know this has been tried before, but I would like to try my version. I hope you enjoy it, reviews are loved, but not expected.


2. A 'Simple' Return

Rating 5/5   Word Count 902   Review this Chapter

In history, there are angels. Beautiful, mythical creatures that descend to earth.

No angel was as beautiful as he was. So much more beautiful because I knew the face, and because I could remember a thousand different expressions on it, each happier then the one that currently graced its features. The one it held now was worried, pained, but just slightly indifferent – but the indifference was forced, like a mask he couldn’t quite manage. I could not speak, because his eyes had already captured mine.

It was the pain, rather then anything else, that brought me back. Looking into his eyes and remembering hurt, it was like a thousand knives stabbing into my chest at the same time, like the hole ripping itself open all over again – fresh, because I remembered he didn’t care. I remembered he didn’t want me. I remembered his distractions.

My hold on my chest wasn’t tight enough, so I tightened it, looking at him. I couldn’t speak, my lips felt blue, cold.

“Bella?” He spoke again, and my mind automatically memorized his voice for later, even the worry it held, the slight tight sound that echoed through it. I forced my eyes closed and took a deep breath, wishing that Jacob were here – I needed something to focus on, something that wasn’t the man in front of me. I was struggling with the sobs in my throat and I was fast losing, in a few seconds he would realize how hurt I was, if he hadn’t already. I had to appear indifferent, like he hadn’t hurt me as much as he had. I needed anger not hurt. But my emotions weren’t complying, I had no anger for him. I loved him. I had never let go, and I knew I could never let go now.

This time, when he said my name, I felt his hands on my shoulders, gripping me as if afraid I might disappear. I heard other sounds now, people were moving. But when I opened my eyes, all I could see was Edward. His eyes looked fearful, and I numbly raised one hand and just touched his cheek. I was starting to wonder if he was real, or if my sanity was breaking, could he really be here? I could still feel the hole, waiting, but he felt so real to me. I tested my throat, could I say his name? Maybe. “Edw-,” No, I couldn’t. Even if he wasn’t real, even if this was just a daydream, even if he was real, “H-hi.” That word hardly covered everything I wanted to say. I wanted to ask a thousand questions, I wanted to tell him everything, but my voice was cracking and… well, he had his distractions, didn’t he?

A pained smile came across his lips and I wondered if he was regretting coming over, speaking to me. Talking to the freak, as I literally was. My months of ‘zombie’ had made sure of that. “Are you alright, Bella?” He asked now, his voice gentle. Maybe he was trying to let me down easy.

In a second I had asked myself so many questions, ones like ‘Does he really care?’ and ‘Should I tell him the truth?’ For the first question, I was sure he didn’t. I could all too well remember what he had told me when he left…

“Bella, I don’t want you to come with me.” He had spoken the words slowly and precisely, his cold eyes on my face, watching as I absorbed what he was really saying.

“I’m fine.” I choked out, trying to focus on the words only, not on the memory that had just passed before my eyes. I tried – and failed – to force a smile, some ghost of one even. I was so obviously not over him, it must have shown in every fiber of my being. I could feel telltale, betraying, tears in my eyes and I closed my lids again to hide them. I felt him hovering there, trying to make a decision.

For the rest of my life, I would probably regret my decision. But I couldn’t stay here, I couldn’t wait for him to reject me again. I wouldn’t survive a second time. It took all my energy to almost yell “Bye” at him before I bolted from the room, skidding across the floor towards the door. For once in my life, I did not slip. Behind me, the stunned silence spread out like a cloak as I ran across the wet grass towards my truck.

I had no idea where I was going when I turned onto the road, but it didn’t take long for my to decide. I needed Jacob, for what small comfort my personal sun could offer. I needed that.

My truck refused to go any faster then roughly 60 mph, but I couldn't really notice. I couldn't summon up anymore room to process even an annoyance at it. All I could process was his perfect face, the way his voice said my name. But I could also process the pain, and I could feel every stab of it in my being. It felt like the hole was being ripped open all over again, again and again. He was back. But he still didn't want me. He would never want me, he had made that clear all those months ago.