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How I Scored A Pound of Ganja in an Attempt to Get My Fiance the Perfect Wedding Present

Summary:
Bella tries to get Edward a creative gift for their wedding, but things don't go as smoothly as she hopes. Just for laughs!


Notes:


2. Chapter 2

Rating 0/5   Word Count 793   Review this Chapter

The nearest butcher shop smelled terrible. I tried to keep my nose from scrunching up in disgust. This was for Edward. I could endure. It was in Port Angeles and had a little wooden sign reading, "Butch's Butcher's." There was a little bell on the door that dinged when I came in. A huge fan in the ceiling made the room seem very small and imposing. I hoped Alice was too preoccupied to be checking up on me. No one was behind the counter. I bit my lip, "Um, hello?" No answer. After a deep sigh, I tried again, crossing my arms over my chest, "Anyone here?"

"Give me a second!" a large, booming voice sounded although I still couldn't see anyone.

I inhaled quickly, a little frightened. Then, I calmed myself so that Alice wouldn't see me scared. "Okay," I said meekly.

"Yeah, what do you want?" a skinny man appeared wearing a white beater, low, baggy pants, and a red trucker hat.

"Uh, hi," I stammered. "I was just wondering..."

"Yeah?" he crossed his arms.

"Um, do you carry? I mean, are you willing to sell me?" I sighed, trying to find the words, "I was wondering if I could buy something a little unorthodox from you."

He narrowed his eyes, "Unorthodox? I don't sell no house pets if that's what you mean."

I widened my eyes in horror. "No," I shook my head. "Nothing like that. I was wondering if you would sell me some..." Just say it, Bella. Then you can leave. "Some blood?"

He narrowed his eyes at first, then nodded, "Pig's blood?"

I sighed in relief, "Yeah. That'd be great. You'll really do that?"

"Sure," he shrugged. "But you gotta come back later. I don't give that stuff out during business hours."

"Okay," I said. "When do you close."

"9:00," he said. "And come alone. I don't need a big crowd of excited teenage brats around."

"I'll come alone," I nodded. "Uh, how much do you want for it?"

"Depends on how much you want?" he shrugged. "How much you want?"

"Oh," I hadn't thought of that, "Well, however much you can give me, I guess."

He shook his head, "Uh uh. I'm not giving that much to a first time customer. Just tell me how much you wanna spend."

I paused for a moment to think of that. This was Edward's wedding present, in a way, and that was a big deal. I still had my useless college fund to spend. I could afford to be a little reckless for Edward. "500?" I gulped. That was a lot of money.

"You asking me or telling me?"

"Oh, sorry," I shook my head. "Telling. I'm telling you. 500. I'll have it for you at 9:00."

"All right, kid," he actually gave a little smile. "You're not going to do anything dangerous with it, are ya?"

I smiled at that. I guess he did think it was for some kind of religious sacrifice or something. "Nope," I smiled as I headed for the door. "I can assure you, I'll be very safe."

As soon as I got home, I left a message on Edward's phone saying that I was going out with Angela tonight and that I wouldn't be home until eleven, so he shouldn't expect me until then. I settled in, shooting an e-mail to my mom about how she shouldn't worry about supplying me with my something new or borrowed or soggy or whatever I was supposed to have, that Alice would take care of everything.

She and Charlie had taken the news incredibly well. I think it finally got in their heads that Edward and I were not going to go away if they ignored us long enough. I had reminded Charlie of how he had defended the Cullens when I'd first asked about them, and how he should be happy that I was joining such a polite, well-mannered family. And I had pointed out to Renee that that feeling she was getting from Edward was exactly what a man in love should be feeling for his object of affection. Of course, they were both a little hesitant, but they'd both accepted the marriage as a good thing and were trying to be supportive.

The hours were going too slowly, and I had no one to entertain me. Lazily, I found myself flipping through an old book of Shakespeare's classic plays and set my alarm to 8:30 when I felt my eyes getting heavy. I fell asleep soon after, the book lying open to A Midsummer Night's Dream.