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The Adventures of Seth the Tailless Squirrel

Seth was killed in battle (specifically the one in one of my other fics Chasing A Sunset but it doesn't make much difference) and somehow ended up in the body of a tailless squirrel. How did he end up there, and how will Stephanie, Alyssa, Lexi, Robyn, Miley, Sam and Madison (with the help of some sparkly and wolfish friends) get him back where he belongs? It is rated Teen for whatever language might come up in the story, and not much else. Banner made by the awesome (and slightly insane) cocoa-luvah, who also happens to star as Alyssa in this fic. Rate, Review and Enjoy! :)

In the story, I changed all the names but two, because a lot of the characters are my friends. The ones that didn't change were Alyssa, who is not only my insane friend, but also cocoa-luvah here on Twilight Archives, and of course I didn't change my own name. I'm not sure it comes up in the beginning, but Stephanie is the narrator, as well as myself. Also, it would be helpful (but is not necessary) to read Chasing A Sunset (one of my other fics). Finally, this story is dedicated to Alyssa (cocoa-luvah), because she is my awesome Beta (with her crazy red pen) and she forced me to bring back Seth in one form or another, so just for you, Alyssa, he became the mysterious Tailless Squirrel. :) I know I said "finally" earlier, but I promise this is the last thing. I am not Steohenie Meyer, so obviously, I own nothing but my own characters and plot lines (and not really even the characters, because it's a fairly accurate portrayal of my insane friends). I do not own Edward, I do not own Jacob (no matter how much I wish it) I don't own any of her characters! And I know some canon characters go a little OOC sometimes, but that's okay, right?

1. The Tailless Squirrel

Rating 0/5   Word Count 1567   Review this Chapter

"He's so cute!!" The relative quiet of the park was broken by Alyssa's shriek. "Let's call him Seth. After my boyfriend who you killed. WOLFKILLER!!" She glared at me.

"For the last time, he is a fictional character that I killed in a work of fiction. Get over it!" It was obvious that this was no where near the end of the argument. The other girls standing beside us rolled their eyes.

"But you never did really properly apologize for that, so don't bug me about what I want to name my squirrel!" Alyssa still looked mad.

We were all tired after spending the entire day at King's Park. And after getting soaking wet in the water park then tripping over a chicken at the petting zoo, and landing in the mix of mulch and goat crap on the ground, Alyssa wasn't in a good mood. I probably should have just let her enjoy naming the squirrel, but I was tired of her bugging me about killing off her FICTIONAL boyfriend in my last fic.

"OK, two things. There is nothing to apologize for, there is no way your parents will let you keep a tail-less squirrel you found in the park, and is ‘never did really properly' good grammar?"

"That's three things" Miley pointed out.

"Whatever, you get what I mean!" I replied.

Miley, Lexi, Robyn and Madison laughed. Whether it was at me, at our ongoing argument on the "murder" of a fictional character or how ridiculous Alyssa looked covered in nasty petting zoo poo trying to pick up what liked like a really skinny guinea pig I had no idea.

"I'm taking him, and there is absolutely no way you are killing my boyfriend again!!"

I rolled my eyes, and looked over to Miley Lexi and Madison.

"Is she serious???" I asked, ‘It's a freaking squirrel!!"

"Yes, but he's my squirrel now," Alyssa replied. I tried to hold back a giggle, and wasn't successful.

"I'm really sorry, but I just can't take you seriously when you're covered in goat turds." She glared at me, which only made me laugh harder. It really wasn't my fault, I mean, what would you do if your friend was standing protectively over a tail-less squirrel, covered in mulch and goat crap?

My insane laughter was cut short by a screech coming from Miley and Lexi.

There was a russet brown wolf standing less than twenty meters away from us.

"Just stay calm and back away slowly," Lexi said, quietly, "Then maybe it won't attack" That idea, however, wasn't even acknowledged when the next figure emerged from the trees.

"OHMYGODITSEDWARD" Miley shrieked.

"What the hell did you just say?" I was facing Miley, and had no idea what was going on behind me.

"Turnaroundturnaroundturnaround" Now Lexi had joined Miley in the land of incoherent thought. I wasn't totally convinced that Madison knew what was going on, so that was why she didn't join in on the insanity.

Alyssa was still trying to protect Seth the Tail-less squirrel from being eaten by the now forgotten wolf, even though the wolf showed no signs of trying to eat the tiny creature.

Finally I turned around, and was stunned. Standing right in front of me, was a guy with reddish-brown hair, super pale skin that was glistening faintly in the sunlight, and golden eyes. Why did he seem so familiar? Holy crap! He looked EXACTLY like Edward Cullen! I was beginning to feel slightly dazzled, when I realized what was going on around me, and started laughing at everyone. Apart from the scene I had been laughing at before, what made the scene even more bizarre than it would have been in any normal situation, was the fact that Miley had started singing.

"We love you Edward, oh yes we do!

We love you Edward, and we'll be true!

When we're not near you, we're blue!

Oh Edward, we love you"

I just stared at her. Hoping she could take a hint for once and shut the hell up.

"What? It's ‘Bye Bye Birdie' remember?"

"Yeah, but I was trying to forget," I replied. I knew I'd have the song stuck in my head for the next week.

"Uh, is there any chance we, er I could see that rat-thing you are holding?" the question was directed at Alyssa, but I replied, because if anything could convince me he was actually Edward Cullen, that was it. His voice was so musical, so mesmerizing, it could only belong to a fictional vampire.

"Hold on, what do you mean by ‘we'?" I chimed in. "and of course you can see it. Hell, you can eat it, for all I care!"

He looked confused.

"NO!!!! MINE!!! NO EATING" Alyssa shrieked. She looked slightly rabid the way she was standing over the rat-thing. Almost as though she might eat the poor creature herself. "MINE!! MINE!! MINE!!! YOU CAN'T KILL HIM AGAIN!!!!" At this rate, she would have no voice left by tomorrow. Maybe I should encourage her to shriek like this more often...

My thought was interrupted by Edward's question.

"What do you mean ‘kill him again'?"

God, it was the day of constant clarification!

"Uh, well you see, I kind of wrote a, fanfiction, and in this work of fiction as I am continually trying to point out to my friend here, I sort of killed off a character that she was kind of in love with." He looked puzzled.

"You do know what a fanfiction is, right?" UGH, had he been living under a rock for the past hundred and ten years or so?

"No, that's not it, it's just..." he trailed off, which was weird. Didn't vampires usually know what they were saying all the time? I mean, they had enough time to think it all out. This must be one hell of a puzzle he was trying to figure out.

I hadn't realized the chorus of ‘we love you Edward's was still going on, and Madison and Lexi had joined in, Lexi was apparently stunned and dazzled, and Madison not realizing who was standing in front of her, and not knowing what else to do. Robyn, of course, refused to praise Edward, and was probably waiting for Jacob to show up.

"SHUT UP!!" I turned to face them again. They seemed to have gone into shock, and couldn't stop singing.

"Please excuse us for a moment," I dragged Miley, Lexi and Madison over to the water park, and pushed them in.

"What was that for?!" Miley exclaimed when the cold water woke her from her dazzled stupor.

"You wouldn't shut up," I replied.

"Well, you could have asked us to," Lexi said, "Instead of getting us soaking wet. AGAIN!" I had forgotten it was me who had started the water fight in the first place. Hence Alyssa covered in mulch and goat turds.

"Let's go back," I said, trying to stop the conversation before it became violent, or wetter for me. Being overpowered three to one would not be pleasant "I think that was Edward Cullen."

"Really! We didn't notice!" I ignored Miley's sarcasm.

"I know. You were in too deep of a drugged stupor to notice he was standing right in front of us, so I had to intervene."

"Who drugged us!?" it was always the obvious with Madison. "And what do ‘stupor' and ‘intervene' mean?"

"I meant you were intoxicated by the presence of a vampire!"


I sighed.

"How's this? YOU WERE DAZZLED BY EDWARD CULLEN!" I spoke slowly, and rather loudly too, judging by the stares of several four-year-olds and their parents.

"Edward's here?! Why didn't anyone tell me he was here??!!" I sighed again, but before I could say something questioning her intelligence, we heard a shriek coming from the direction of Robyn and Alyssa. We ran back to see what had happened. I was hoping the shriek meant the wolf had finally eaten the rodent/rat/squirrel-thing so we could be done with it, and I wouldn't be blamed when it "mysteriously" disappeared.

When we got back to the others, Robyn was almost hanging off of the giant wolf.

"JACOB!!!" She shrieked.

Oh crap, now she'd never let go! Edward would have to break her arms to get her off. I smiled at the thought of Edward trying to peel her off of the wolf.

"Ok, so I think we've already established that you're Edward Cullen," I looked at him, daring him to disagree, "and I'm pretty sure that's Jacob Black, so what the hell is going on?"

Edward still looked puzzled.

"Is something wrong?" I asked, wondering if I had just accused a random guy with a wolf-like dog that he was a fictional vampire. That would be awkward.

"No, nothing is wrong, exactly," he replied, "and you were missing one person in your accurate guesses at who we are." He stopped.

"So, who else is here?" I asked, "Is Alice hiding in the bushes or something?"

"No, your friend over there has Seth in her arms," he pointed at the tail-less squirrel Alyssa was holding.