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The Adventures of Seth the Tailless Squirrel

Seth was killed in battle (specifically the one in one of my other fics Chasing A Sunset but it doesn't make much difference) and somehow ended up in the body of a tailless squirrel. How did he end up there, and how will Stephanie, Alyssa, Lexi, Robyn, Miley, Sam and Madison (with the help of some sparkly and wolfish friends) get him back where he belongs? It is rated Teen for whatever language might come up in the story, and not much else. Banner made by the awesome (and slightly insane) cocoa-luvah, who also happens to star as Alyssa in this fic. Rate, Review and Enjoy! :)

In the story, I changed all the names but two, because a lot of the characters are my friends. The ones that didn't change were Alyssa, who is not only my insane friend, but also cocoa-luvah here on Twilight Archives, and of course I didn't change my own name. I'm not sure it comes up in the beginning, but Stephanie is the narrator, as well as myself. Also, it would be helpful (but is not necessary) to read Chasing A Sunset (one of my other fics). Finally, this story is dedicated to Alyssa (cocoa-luvah), because she is my awesome Beta (with her crazy red pen) and she forced me to bring back Seth in one form or another, so just for you, Alyssa, he became the mysterious Tailless Squirrel. :) I know I said "finally" earlier, but I promise this is the last thing. I am not Steohenie Meyer, so obviously, I own nothing but my own characters and plot lines (and not really even the characters, because it's a fairly accurate portrayal of my insane friends). I do not own Edward, I do not own Jacob (no matter how much I wish it) I don't own any of her characters! And I know some canon characters go a little OOC sometimes, but that's okay, right?

2. Explanations

Rating 0/5   Word Count 1609   Review this Chapter

All six of us went onto a frenzy.

"WHAT?!" I shrieked. Alyssa had started her dance-bounce thing and ran circles around me.

"I told you so! I told you so! Lalala I told you so!" Damn! This could go on forever if I didn't stop her quickly. But technically, she hadn't told me Seth was the rodent, just that she had named it after the poor wolf. It was a complete coincidence! I tried relaying this information to her, and didn't get through. All I got was another round of bouncing and "I told you so"s.

Looking at poor Seth for the first time since Edward had revealed his true identity, I became very worried.

"Um, Alyssa?" I asked, "You're strangling poor Seth," she looked at me, then at Seth's bulging eyes, then at Edward.

"So, why is Seth a squirrel?" She hadn't released the creature, but at least she had loosened her grip so that he could get some air. And she was talking some sense, finally. Between the rabid possessiveness a few minutes ago and the hyperactive "I told you so"s of the past minute, I was wondering if she had finally cracked. Sadly, that was not the case.

"I'm not completely certain how, though I've got my theories," Edward replied, trying not to stare at the diminutive girl who was nearly strangling a rat thing.

"Okay," I said slowly, "well, if you're not certain, you could at least tell us your guesses." I wasn't sure if he would tell us or not and never got the chance to figure it out, because suddenly, my cell phone rang.

"Steph, you have the crappiest ringtone I have ever heard! You have got to get a new one." That was Lexi, of course.

"At least I've got a phone!" I snapped as I answered my phone, stopping the ringtone. "Hey Sam, what's up?" All I got was static. "Uh, Sam, I can't hear you. Sorry, bye!" I hung up, eager to get back to our previous conversation.

"As I was about to say, I believe Seth is a squirrel because -"

"RIIIING, RIIIING, RIIIING, RIIIING!" Damn cell phone! With all these distractions, we'd never find out what the hell was going on.

"Excuse me for a minute," I said in the most polite voice I could manage. I walked away a bit, and answered the devil-phone.

"What is it now Sam?!" Caller ID is wonderful. You can start yelling at someone before they have even started talking.

"Sorry you couldn't hear me before, the reception was crap, I had like, one bar."

"First of all, when did you get a cell phone? Second, where was the reception so awful? And third, why are you interrupting me in the middle of an important discussion?"

"Okay one, I got a cell maybe two hours ago. Two, I'm at the bandshell, and that brings me to three, Alyssa is supposed to be here for rehearsal, but isn't picking up her phone, so I figured she was with you. Am I right?" Crap, I had forgotten about rehearsal. Alyssa's phone must have shorted out when she fell in the water, then the goat turds. I told Sam that.

"Okay, I'm not even going to ask, just get her over hear ASAP. Later cheese grater!!" I grimaced at her cheesy (pardon the pun) farewell, then sighed. I had a sneaking suspicion that this day would end in a squee-induced headache.

Returning to the group I sighed. Jacob had phased, and Robyn was still hanging off of him, Alyssa was still clutching the squirrel, and I hadn't noticed before I left, but Madison, Lexi and Miley were slowly creeping towards Edward. That wouldn't turn out well for anyone.

"Edward, change of plans. We have some friends to meet, and are already late, so we have to go. You are welcome to come along if you wish, but I doubt you want to be around these nutcases any longer than you need to be," I turned toward my three friends, "And you may want to listen to them a bit closer. I've got a feeling they are planning something that involved you, a kidnapping and a hell of a lot of feathers." He looked to his right, where Lexi was in a hunting crouch, looking almost as ridiculous as the time she had tried to chase and catch some wild rabbits. But that was another story all together. Behind Lexi, Madison and Miley were doing their best impression of spies, creeping through the bushes, trying to avoid being discovered. Listening closer, I heard the faint sounds of the Mission Impossible theme being hummed. Because I didn't hear it enough during band class...

"We'll come, and I'll explain to you what is going on," he said with a small grin, "But, I do have a few questions for you, as well as a favour to ask." Now I was really interested.

"Alright," I said, "This way to the bandshell."

Arriving at the bandshell, the first thing I saw was Sam. She was chasing butterflies. Before she was able to see us, I turned to Edward.

"You guys might want to hide," I whispered, knowing he could hear me, "Sam is about as crazy as the others." He found a suitable tree to hide behind, and waited.

"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!!!!? I've been waiting at least a half hour for you guys!" Sam was upset that we had cut into her rehearsal time. Even though she hadn't seemed so mad a few seconds ago, I didn't blame her. From what Alyssa said, they need all the practice they could get. I was glad I was just a spectator. My friends weren't as lucky.

"Lexi, Alyssa and Robyn go set up please. Madison and Miley, your costumes are in the back. Go get changed, now!" Sam could be scary when she wanted to be.

I found a seat in the audience and waited. This would be the first time I had seen what they were doing.

"I already told you, I will not play that song! I played the melody a million times already for the creeper Conrad, and I will not play a song about HIM!" This could not be good.

Once Sam seemed to be occupied with her set up, I motioned for Edward and Jacob to join me in the seats across from the concrete stage. Edward had somehow found a baseball cap and a moustache that looked as though it belonged on Salvador Dali. Thankfully, Jacob had opted for only a cap and sunglasses. They both wore their hats low over their eyes. They weren't the best disguises, but they would fool Sam. While we waited, he began to explain why he was here.

"You see," he began, "no one has ever done any research into what happens when a shapshifter from a Quileute pack is bitten by a vampire. All we knew for the longest time was that they died. But now, I don't think that's entirely true. When Seth was killed in battle, it seems that his spirit form was released from the wolf that held it, and so the body dies. But his spirit was wandering, just like Taha Aki's spirit wandered so many years ago. He found this creature," He gestured towards Seth, who was nibbling a pinecone, "and asked it to share its body. It was the first one that agreed. Now, he doesn't know how to transform back into a human, because he hasn't totally accepted that he is human, since he has been in this form for months now. Seth thinks he actually is a squirrel, and that is stopping him from returning to us." Edward had finished his story, and I was about to ask what would happen next, when I was distracted by what was going on onstage. Apparently, it was not only a rehearsal, but a dress rehearsal.

Onstage, front and center were Miley and Madison. They were dressed in sparkly, feathered showgirl costumes, complete with the giant headpieces, practicing the cancan. The entire time, Madison and Miley were arguing.

"No! You're not doing it right! You have to kick higher!" Madison yelled.

"I can't! I'm not as flexible as you! And this costume is so TIGHT! It's giving me a wedgie!" Miley answered.


They kept going like that, until Sam shut them up.

"Okay now, let's try it with the music!"

By this time, Robyn had joined me in the stands and was shaking her head.

"I'd escape while you can," she said, with a sympathetic look, "I would, but I'm staying with Jacob." And it was true; she hadn't left his side since she had returned. This didn't bode well at all.

Then it started, after the first few notes, I knew exactly what it was, and had no way to stop it. It was the "We Love You Edward" song Miley had been singing. Now I knew why she had been singing it. She had been practicing for this.

Edward was laughing beside me, obviously remembering the scene not ten minutes ago. Ugh, this was embarrassing. Sam had no idea of her audience. At least that was what I thought. Unfortunately, I was wrong. This fact was made apparent to me by the screech of "EDWARD! WHERE'S EMMETT?!?!?!" That I had just heard.