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Set during New Moon. After the cliff diving incident, Bella was changed into a vampire and was kept in the dark for months. She doesn't remember anything from her human life and she became Victoria's precious pet who does all her biddings. What Bella doesn't know is that there's a bigger plan that involves killing each of the Cullens. Isn't revenge sweet?


12. Thoughts

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 2762   Review this Chapter

Chapter 12: Thoughts


It was already morning by the time the heavy rain settled to a soft drizzle. I was still in the Cullen household when the darkened sky started to lighten up. It was hard to believe that I had a relationship with him. I was hoping that it would trigger something in my brain and get flashbacks like the past week but it nothing happened. It was like listening to a story. Just a story. I didn’t feel any connection to it in any way.

Edward mentioned how we met in school and how he wanted to kill me on the first day. He continued on to the first time we talked, the almost accident, Port Angeles, how I told him I knew what he was, meeting his family for the first time and he continued on. But they were just words to me. They didn’t mean anything.

I didn’t hear the rest of his story though. Everything stopped the moment he said Victoria’s name. I didn’t hear anything else. I didn’t know if he even realized that I stopped listening to him. All my senses stopped functioning. In fact, it seemed like time froze and everything just stopped but my mind. It kept on working. Trying to figure things out.

Was it possible that the Victoria he mentioned was the same Victoria I know? But that’s impossible. It can’t be her. If it was, she would’ve told me that she knew me, right? I mean, why keep things away from me? It wasn’t as if I was going to turn away from her if she told me she knew me when I was human. It would probably make me stay on her side and not question her motives. Her motives. I don’t understand her motives. Could it be possible that Victoria wants something from the Cullens that she would send me here to spy on them? Wouldn’t she have done something about it already? But then, it could be another Victoria. Edward said that she was with some vampires called James and Laurent. I don’t know anyone named James or Laurent.

“Bella… Bella!” Edward shook me.

I looked up at him to see his worried face.

“Are you alright? I’ve been getting your attention for the past ten minutes and you weren’t answering me back” he said with a worried tone.

I closed my eyes and shook the thoughts away. I opened my eyes and looked at him.

“Sorry. My mind was just going over everything you said”

“I thought you were having another flashback” he paused. “Did you?”

I shook my head and looked away.

“I have to go. I’m sorry” I said and stood up. “I have to think”

I walked towards the door and stopped midway to turn around to him.

“Thank you for letting me stay inside” I said softly.

He nodded and looked up. His face was pained as if somebody just punched him in the stomach but he quickly put it away and gave me a small smile.

“You’re welcome”


I watched Bella’s retrieving back head towards the door and after a few seconds the front door opened and closed softly. I sat on the rise of the floor and put my head in my hands. I wanted to hit something but if I do that I knew I would regret it later.

I knew I should’ve taken it slowly. I shouldn’t have told her everything at once. How could I’ve been stupid? I knew I was going to scare her away with the story but I still continued. I let the selfish side of me continue and tell her what happened to her. She doesn’t even want to believe that we had a relationship. How could she believe the story I just told her? It probably confused her even more. It probably just sounded like a story to her. Not her past but just a story.

Stop torturing yourself, Edward. She’s just confused. Let her think it over and give her time.

I sighed. Alice was right. I would give Bella all the time in the world to think things over.

That was odd. I wonder why she shielded herself again. Jasper thought.

Shield? What was Jasper talking about? As if reading my thoughts, Jasper answered.

Halfway through your story, I felt Bella take back her emotions and I haven’t felt anything coming from her since then. It felt like she wasn’t there with you at all. I don’t even feel her outside right now. Something you said made her all defensive. I don’t know if she was aware of it or if it was instinct but it was strange.

Something I said? But what did I say to make her defensive? I thought of the expression on her face as she listened to my story. Her face was confused but at the same time she looked eager to know about her past. That was something to be expected though with somebody who has no idea about their past. I know Alice would be eager to listen to the story of her past. But then Alice was always … eager.

I peered through the window to see if Bella was there but I didn’t see any sign of her. If only I could read her thoughts then maybe I would at least know she was still in the area. I sighed again. It doesn’t matter. I don’t even know why I was thinking about that. I should just leave Bella alone for now and let her think things over. All your memories being told in a story could be disorienting.

I closed the lid of my piano and closed the door. I made my way to the stairs and slowly climbed to the third floor to my bedroom. Once there, I closed the door behind me and walked towards my CD player. I pushed play on the player and lied down on my couch. Classical music filled the room and I closed my eyes.

Good things come in time.


I went back to the same tree where I stayed when I was watching the Cullens. Everything was still dripping wet but at least the rain stopped. I perched myself on the largest branch of the tree and pulled my knees towards my chest. I wrapped my arms around it and put my chin on top of my knees. I had a perfect view of the house but they wouldn’t be able to see where I was sat.

Everything was confusing. I didn’t know if I should believe Edward or not. It seemed too impossible but at the same time possible that everything he said was actually true. I wouldn’t forget the pained look he had on his face when I told him I had to get out of the house. I just had to. It felt like I was being suffocated in there. I know they weren’t forcing me to remember but I needed time to think. If he said that he knew me, then he would know that I needed time to think it over. I wonder what they were all thinking right now. I wonder what they thought of my sudden departure.

I let my mind wander back to our conversation. It was small talk but it was comfortable. I didn’t feel any uneasiness. In fact, I felt like I belonged there with them. Then, there was the flashback when Edward was playing. It felt so real.

At that same moment, something clicked on my head. The flashback on the dark alley, it actually happened. Now I know why. Edward mentioned something about some men threatening me in Port Angeles. It made perfect sense. It fit his story exactly. Of course, he was telling the truth. Why would he lie? He was being sincere about everything he said.

I felt a slight tugging on my chest as I thought of the pained look on Edward’s face when I left. I had the sudden urge to go back inside and tell him I believed every single thing he just said. That I would stay with him and never go back to Victoria. I swallowed and pushed back the urge. I was being ridiculous. I could never turn my back on her. She was the one who taught me everything. She made me into who I was right now.

Yes. A killer. A monster. What would Edward think of that? Do you really think he would take you back?

I shook the thought out of my head. But it continued to linger. It was true. I was a monster. I kill humans, I kill newborns, and I kill my own kind. How could they accept me if I was a killing machine? How would Edward feel about it? I felt ashamed of myself as I thought over the past years. All I knew was to kill and to follow orders like my life depended on it. What if I changed that? What if I try and follow the Cullens? Would they accept me then? Would I be good enough for Edward? Would I get to be the same person I was when I was human?

I spent the whole day trying to bring back memories but I wasn’t having any luck. It was the same as it was before but this time I had the memory from Port Angeles and my first visit in the Cullen house. Everything else was still blank. I was hoping that going back to Edward’s story would trigger some flashbacks. Then it occurred to me that I only get the flashback when I was on the same situation as the story. For some reason, that triggered my memory. Maybe I could ask Edward to bring me to some of the places that he mentioned. Maybe then I could get most of my memory back.

I shook my head at the ridiculous idea. I was human back then so that means that most of the places would be around humans. Not such a good idea for me. I could control myself around humans but I’m not around them all the time. I could lose control any moment. I gave up that idea and looked over the house again.

At least none of them were bothering me about what happened. I still had four days left with them. I wonder what would happen then. My eyes lingered on the third floor. I could hear the soft music playing from Edward’s room. I smiled softly as I thought of the crooked smile he gave me. I wonder if he gave me the same smile before. I felt an unfamiliar yet familiar knot on my stomach.

Stop it. I told myself as I pushed the feeling away. I tore my gaze away from his room and concentrated on the leaf that was about to fall. I can’t have any feelings for him. It wasn’t right. He wouldn’t want me back. Although there was some sort of longing on his face, I know he would recoil away from me if he found out what kind of monster I was. The whole family wouldn’t want me with them. They had a reputation they had to keep up with. They were the most human I had ever met who were vampires. They still hold on to their humanity up to this day. I won’t be good enough for them. I would just ruin their reputation. I would end up revealing what they were to the humans and they would hate me.

A familiar pain tugged on my chest. They would hate me if I ruin things for them. I can’t be part of their coven. And I never would be. I was too much of a monster inside. I thought to myself as I watch the leaf fall down to the ground.


I was getting a headache from the different visions I was getting from Bella. None of them ever settled and everything flashed so fast I don’t even know what it was about. After Bella left the house, I tried focusing on her but was having no luck. I did that for the whole day and I was finally successful after a few hours but she was just making my head hurt. No wonder I wasn’t getting anything from her this past week.

“Stop focusing on her” a southern accent took me out of my thoughts.

I turned around to see Jasper looking at me concerned. I sighed and leaned my head against his chest. I breathed in his scent and I felt calming waves soothe me. I looked up to him and smiled.

“It seems like she couldn’t make up her mind. Too many flashes of things I don’t even understand”

“Well, she probably doesn’t understand either” he said softly as he wrapped his arms around me.

“She’s probably so confused about everything Edward told her. Wouldn’t you be disoriented if your human life was told like that?”

“At least, she’s lucky enough to have somebody tell her of her human life” I muttered.

I was still in the dark when it comes to my human life but I never really bothered about it. The past was the past. There was really no point in thinking it over. It would be great if somebody did tell me about it and it might be disorienting but I wouldn’t want to linger over it. I would let go of it. My past didn’t matter to me anymore. I am who I am today. I won’t let my past change anything about me. Not that there was anything wrong with the Bella now but should she really think it over too much? It had been hours since she left the house. There were a lot of different things about Bella now but I know we would get use to it. After all, she was still Bella.

Jasper played with the ends of my hair as we laid there in silence.

“She confuses me too, you know” he said softly.

I looked at him confused but he just smiled back.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well, there are times I could feel her emotions and then once she realizes I’m aware of it, she takes it back”

“She takes it back?”

Jasper nodded.

“She does it so fast it leaves me confused for a few seconds and then I get nothing out of her. It’s very disorienting especially earlier” I felt him shudder slightly under me.

“She was having a lot of emotions going through her while she listened to Edward. Something Edward said made her stop feeling anything. It was odd. I don’t know if she did it on purpose or if it was her instinct. I had never met anyone who ever controlled her emotions the way she does”

“That is odd… Do you think she’s hiding something?” I asked.

“I don’t know but I’m sure whatever it is, Bella would tell us in time. She just needs to trust us”

I nodded. If we wanted Bella back, we would have to make her trust us. We continued to lie down in silence when an idea struck me. I felt a huge smile slowly making its way to my lips.

“Whoa… Easy girl. What are you thinking of?” Jasper asked. He probably felt my sudden excitement.

“I’m going to invite Bella back in. If we would ever make Bella trust us, we should make sure she knows that she’s welcome to our house any time. We should make her feel comfortable so that she would have a reason to come back in. I mean, how long could you last outside in this damp weather?”

“You’re right” he said. “Just don’t bother her with clothes. She doesn’t like it” Jasper chuckled.

“Some things never change” I shook my head and stood up.