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Oblivion

Summary:
Set during New Moon. After the cliff diving incident, Bella was changed into a vampire and was kept in the dark for months. She doesn't remember anything from her human life and she became Victoria's precious pet who does all her biddings. What Bella doesn't know is that there's a bigger plan that involves killing each of the Cullens. Isn't revenge sweet?


Notes:


19. The End

Rating 0/5   Word Count 6385   Review this Chapter

Chapter 19: The end

EPOV

“Carlisle, please go to Alice. She needs you” Bella said softly as she continued to face Victoria.

Bella was crouched halfway down in front of me. Her stance was defensive and ready to attack at a moment’s notice. My fists curled as I watched Victoria go down on her own crouch. She had a smirk on her face. She was actually enjoying this. I could see myself behind Bella in her thoughts. Bella’s gaze was glazed once again.

I felt Carlisle hesitate behind me.

Son, should I go?

“Please” Bella said as she heard Carlisle’s hesitation.

I turned my head towards him and nodded. Carlisle gave a curt nod then ran towards the direction Jasper brought Alice. My attention went back to Victoria.

I do hope you enjoy watching his, Edward.’ Victoria said in her head.

What the hell was she playing at? Couldn’t she see that Bella was going against her? What else did she have up her sleeve? This couldn’t still be part of the plan. Could it? I searched her mind for anything else she had planned but I couldn’t see anything else. Her thoughts were a haze and it was hard to pick out anything out of the ordinary.

I took a step forward. I couldn’t just stand there and do nothing. Bella must have noticed my movement as she put a hand in front of me.

‘Like I said, Edward. Enjoy the show’ Victoria smiled wickedly in my direction.

I snarled at Victoria but Bella still had her hand in front of me. I wanted to lunge at Victoria and snap her head off.

“No, Edward. Leave it to me” Bella said firmly.

“She’s up to something Bella” I tried to reason out.

Upon hearing my statement, the wolves took a step forward. I watched Bella’s eyes roll back and close as her lips curled in Victoria’s mind. She gave out a feral snarl that made all of us take a step back.

“You better listen to her or she might turn around and kill all of you” Victoria sneered.

Bella growled back at her and Victoria just rolled her eyes.

Victoria was definitely up to something. I suddenly had an odd feeling that even if she would be finished today, it still wouldn’t be over. Whatever it was, I was going to make sure that it would end today.

My thoughts were suddenly brought back to the present as Victoria stood up from her crouch. The smirk was still present in her face.

“Really, Bella? You think you got this? You think you got everything figured out?” Victoria taunted as she started to walk back and forth in front of us.

“It doesn’t matter anymore” Bella said as her fists clenched.

Victoria stopped walking and looked at Bella again. She raised an eyebrow in her direction.

“Doesn’t matter anymore? What made you say that?” Victoria asked curiously.

Bella’s statement made me curious as well. How could she change her mind so quick? About a couple of hours ago, she was willing to snap my head off and now she was on our side. She destroyed most of the newborns herself. Maybe running away for a little while helped.

I took the chance to take a peek at the wolves. The russet colored one had a smug look on its face. His thoughts were pretty smug as well. The other one I recognized. He was the one Carlisle talked to years ago. He was more mature and serious. He was analyzing each of Victoria’s moves. They had no motive of attacking Bella at all. It was amazing how Bella got them to fight with us. I looked back at Bella’s figure. I wonder how she did it. She really was unpredictable.

“Because you lied to me” Bella replied through gritted teeth. Her knuckles turning white as her clench tightened.

Victoria raised an eyebrow as she studied Bella’s stance.

“Oh? How did you know?” Victoria asked.

It took a few moments before Bella answered.

“Because I remember…” her voice drifted.

“Do you? Then you should remember the pain you felt when he left you!”

The russet wolf growled lightly. I flinched at the images that the wolf was projecting. A flash of Bella curled up in the forest floor then Bella looking lifeless as she stared into oblivion and then… Bella smiling. Her smile didn’t reach her eyes. There was a hint of pain but she was trying to cover it up with happiness.

What have I done?

“No… But you knew all this time why I was feeling the way I did and you never told me!” Bella growled at her.

I took a step back. She was feeling it all this time? Was that why Jasper had to runaway when we first saw her?

Victoria’s thoughts went into over drive as she played images of Bella convulsing on the forest floor. Bella unable to move. Bella breathing heavily. Bella in pain. I winced again as the images played over and over again. Each image was the same but the location was different.

“But I did tell you why… Don’t you remember? I didn’t just give out names but it was a theory” Victoria snorted.

Bella just gave her a hard look as Victoria started to pace again.

“So tell me what you actually remember… I could clear some things up for you…” Victoria’s voice drifted.

I didn’t hear the rest of the things she said as she started to replay the day she found Bella.

The trees were a blur as Victoria ran. She was running as fast as she could try to get rid of the wolves who were tracking her down. There was a flash of red that came from the road. And then suddenly Bella’s scent assaulted her nostrils. She stopped briefly and then ran towards the opposite direction. She was running all over the place confusing the wolves.

After a few minutes of running around, her lips curled as Bella’s scent was blown her way again.

‘You’re mine’ she thought to herself.

She followed the direction of the scent but was confused when she didn’t see her anywhere. Her eyes searched the trees then the beach. She couldn’t find her anywhere but her scent was so strong. She looked towards the beach and watched the big waves reach the shore. There was a storm coming and the waves were getting bigger and bigger. The sound of the waves hitting the rocks caught her attention and then she looked up towards the cliffs.

It started to rain then. Bella was stood by the edge of the cliff with her eyes looking to the horizon. Her eyes were glazed but she had a smile on her face. Her arms were raised straight out as she lifted her face towards the clouds.

‘What is she doing?’ Victoria was puzzled as she looked at Bella’s form.

And then Bella jumped.

Victoria’s thoughts were surprised but then it changed.

‘This is going to be easier than I thought’ Victoria thought to herself as she lunged for the water.

She was going to get to her before the dogs. She was lucky that no one had caught the real trail yet.

‘Stupid dogs’ she muttered to herself.

She continued to head towards Bella. She looked for her in the water but couldn’t see her through the big waves. And then she caught something bobbing up and down about thirty feet away from her.

Victoria swam towards Bella. She watched Bella fight the waves for a bit and then give up as she started to go under. Victoria went under the water just as a big wave pulled in. She saw Bella starting to sink deeper into the black water. Victoria followed her sinking figure then the current slammed Bella towards her. Bubbles came out of her mouth as her eyes started to close.

Victoria got hold of the collar of her shirt and swam parallel to the shore. There was no way she was going to bring her to the shore where she knew the dogs would be. She swam for a few minutes until she resurfaced.

She couldn’t let Bella die that way.

No.

She had to have it her way.

After making sure that the dogs weren’t near at all, she dragged Bella’s body towards the shore. She picked up her unconscious form and then ran. She made a fake trail knowing that the wolves would somehow cross her trail. And then she ran north. She didn’t stop until she was high up in the mountains where the wolves scent ended for a few hundred miles.

She was sat across Bella’s unconscious form. Her thoughts kept playing the event that just took hold. It looked like she was trying to kill herself. The peaceful look on her face before she jumped was very different from the one she saw a month ago. And the way she stopped fighting the waves when she hit the water.

Victoria shook her head. She smacked Bella’s back lightly for a few minutes to try and clear her lungs. Her heartbeat was starting to grow faint.

She couldn’t let her die that way. It was way too easy. She had to die by my hands. She had to feel the pain and the torture. Then she would look for him and she would show him how his beloved died. Even if he would kill her, he would still be alone.

Suddenly, Bella started to cough out the water. Victoria continued to hit her back lightly and then stopped. Bella continued to cough out the water that filled her lungs. When Bella stopped coughing, Victoria stood in front of her. She watched Bella’s eyes flutter open then close. Her eyes remained closed so Victoria kicked her at her side. Bella’s eyes shot open and then widened as she took in Victoria.

Bella swallowed visibly as her figure shook. She tried to get up but her knees buckled beneath her.

Victoria gave out a hysterical laugh as she watched Bella cower beside the huge boulder.

“There’s no sense in running away human. You are too far for your precious wolves to save you”

“W-what do you w-want f-from me?” Bella’s voice was raspy as she croaked out the words.

“I think you know what it is I want human. I’ve been trying get to you for months now but your stupid pets were always in the way” Victoria paused to look at Bella.

“Not anymore…” she finished.

It took a few minutes for Bella to understand what Victoria was trying to say. Then the look on her face changed. She looked determined.

“Then kill me” she said softly.

Victoria’s head snapped towards her direction. Bella was looking at her straight in the eye.

“What did you say?” Victoria asked bewildered.

“Kill me”

Bella’s voice snapped me back to the present.

“You told me I was jumping the cliff to kill myself when I wasn’t”

“And how did you know you weren’t trying to kill yourself? It looked pretty clear to me that you were trying to do just that… Don’t you think so, Edward?” Victoria’s gaze landed on mine.

Bella turned around to look at me. She had a slightly confused expression on her face.

What is she talking about, Edward? Emmett voiced out Bella’s question.

“See, I showed Edward the day I found you standing by the edge of the cliff” Victoria answered everybody’s question.

The same scene played out in the wolves’ thoughts but in their perspective. They saw Bella jump off the cliff. They tried looking for her but they couldn’t find her anywhere. They got all the wolves to search for anything that would lead to Bella but they couldn’t find anything. They found the trail that Victoria made but they ended up empty handed.

Bella shook her head as if she was trying to get rid of the thoughts. She clenched her fists again and then looked at Victoria straight in the eyes. Victoria had a haughty expression as she continued to watch Bella.

“It doesn’t matter now” Bella muttered.

“But it should… Maybe you were right about not wanting to kill yourself when you jumped… but you gave up too easily when the waves devoured you…” Victoria started to taunt as she circled Bella.

“You didn’t even fight the waves off when you started to sink… And then…” she paused dramatically.

“I took pity on you… I couldn’t let you die that way… No… You didn’t deserve that kind of death… It was too… Easy” she breathed out the last word.

“When you woke up, you asked what I wanted from you… But you knew what I wanted… Of course you knew… You were a smart human girl…”

“What are you getting at Victoria?” Bella asked through gritted teeth.

I could see Bella’s expression getting irritated with every step that Victoria took. She was breathing heavily and her fists were still clenched.

“So impatient…” Victoria shook her head then Bella growled.

Victoria sighed deeply then continued her walk.

“And then, you asked me… to… kill you” Victoria finished dramatically.

“LIE!” Bella roared.

Victoria shook her head.

“Unfortunately, no… It was the one thing I wanted you to remember… Pity you didn’t”

“Why do you insist on bringing it back? I made my choice… You’re outnumbered Victoria… Why don’t you just give up?” Bella challenged.

Victoria cackled hysterically. She was meters away from us now.

“That’s the one thing I would never do” she said as soon as her laughter died down.

“Tell me one thing Bella… What made you say it didn’t matter if he left you? What made you think he would take you back? You are a monster after all… But you didn’t become a monster because of me… You became a monster because of him… All those years ago when he left you… Helpless… Alone… Unwanted… If he hadn’t left, you would still be human… or if you were changed you would be less than the monster you are now… It was all because of him Bella… You are a monster because of him!”

I was about to attack Victoria when Bella pushed me. I stumbled a few feet back.

“This is the end for you Victoria… I will no longer be a monster” Bella growled and then lunged for her.

It’s not yet over, Edward. This is just the beginning…

Victoria’s voice faded in my head as she moved to dodge Bella’s attack. Both of them were moving fast but Bella was quicker. Her movements were faster for my vampire eyes to see. Victoria’s moves were lithe as she avoided each hit that went her way. They chased each other around the clearing leaving us dumbfounded as we watched. Nobody wanted to interrupt the fight. We were all too curious how it was going to end.

And then suddenly, Victoria stopped. The image of James played in her head. It was like he was waiting for her. He was leaning casually by the tree and he was smiling at her wickedly.

“James” Victoria whispered.

Bella growled then all too quickly it was over.

BPOV

It was all over in a second. Victoria knew very well that she was no match for me. All the hunting. All the taunting. All the control. All the lies. Gone. For eternity. In a swift second.

I watched Victoria’s body fall down to the ground. Her decapitated head rolled down a few feet away from me. I hadn’t realized that I had let go of it. I flinched as it stopped rolling with her face facing me.

Somebody threw a lit match towards the squirming body. The fire burned and I watched her hair caught fire.

She mocked me until she knew I would snap. The chase was very similar to what we had done years ago. But this one was for real. She caught me off guard when she suddenly stopped. But she didn’t flinch when I growled at her. She didn’t move when I dove for her. She just stood there as I ended her existence.

James.

It was the last thing she said before my hands snapped her neck off. I had never heard her use that tone before. The way she said his name was full of longing. Something she never used when she would could call for Riley. I stared at the burning expression on her face. She looked peaceful compared to what I was used to seeing. It was like she welcomed the end with open arms.

I stood frozen to the spot as another realization hit me. She knew. Somehow, she knew that her existence would end today. I didn’t know if it was part of her plan but it was what she wanted all along. All this time, all the mocking she had done was just for me to snap and destroy her. That was the bigger plan.

She brought up all the things she knew I would react to. I felt the pain in my chest linger as I recalled all the things she said. The last words that she said made me angry. I was angry because I was afraid for them to be true.

A soft velvety voice called out to me snapping me out of my thoughts. I turned around to see Edward looking at me. He had a worried look on his face.

“Bella” he said softly as he stretched out his hand for me to take.

I looked at his hand then back at him and back to his hand.

How could he not see what kind of monster I am? I just killed the leader of my coven and an army of newborns in front of him in less than an hour. I killed humans. I killed my own kind without any second thought. How could he not see that?

Edward lowered his hand. A flash of pain etched his face but he quickly replaced it with a small smile.

“That was awesome Bella!” Emmett exclaimed as he bounded over and pulled me in to a hug.

My body stiffened as his huge arms enveloped my body. Edward must’ve noticed my discomfort. He hissed quietly for Emmett to let me go. Emmett looked at him questioningly then looked at me. My expression must’ve been something he wasn’t expecting since he backed up slowly then gave me a sheepish grin.

“Sorry… I got carried away” he said apologetically.

“But seriously, you were awesome” he said as he continued to grin at me.

My gaze wandered back to Edward. He was watching me with wary eyes while his hands were in his pockets. His bronze hair was more disheveled than usual. It had dirt all over it. I suddenly had the urge to run my hands through his locks and get rid of the filth.

“Well, well… Who knew that Bella Swan could actually kick ass?” a husky voice brought me back to reality.

I turned around to see Jacob and Sam in their human form. I gave them a small smile as I put all my attention towards them.

“Thank you for what you did earlier. I know it’s not your nature to help vampires but you helped us out anyway… I’m sorry for growling at you earlier”

“Please do not apologize Bella. It was your instinct. Please take our help today as our apology for not searching further away from our lands. If we searched further, we could’ve prevented this from happening” Sam said sincerely.

“There’s nothing to forgive. What’s done is done. We should leave the past where it belongs”

“I totally agree. But let’s cut the serious crap! There’s too much drama today! We should celebrate!” Jacob grinned.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this but I’m with you dude” Emmett said.

Jacob looked at him then shrugged.

“Fine by me…” Jacob said “Just for today”

Emmett nodded along with him.

“Just for today”

*****

Everybody had gathered back at the Cullen’s house. Sam and Jacob stayed for a little bit to talk with Carlisle. Before they left, Jacob walked over to me and gave me another hug.

“It’s so weird seeing you like this… But I’m glad we got to make up for the mistake back then. I’m really sorry Bella” Jacob said sincerely.

“I’m sorry too you know” I said quietly.

“What should you be sorry about? You didn’t become like this because you wanted it”

I sighed as I looked at him.

“I know… But I’m sorry I couldn’t remember you properly… Maybe if I did hold on to my memories then –“

Jake put a finger on my lips. It felt so warm against my cold lips.

“Don’t be sorry about that. It’s just the way things are. You can’t help it. Anyways, like you said the past should stay where it belongs” he grinned at me.

“Thank you” I smiled at him.

“No Bella… Thank you. I better get going… Sam’s waiting for me”

I nodded.

He gave me another hug before turning around towards Sam.

“I’ll see you around Bella!” He shouted then waved.

I watched both of their figures disappear in the trees. I was sat outside by the stairs of the Cullen household. It still didn’t feel right for me to be going inside their house. It made me feel uneasy being with them. Maybe it was the fact that I knew I didn’t deserve to be in their welcoming presence. I think that if I was a wandering nomad who they never knew before, they wouldn’t be as welcoming.

“You shouldn’t be too hard on yourself” a voice said behind me.

I turned around to see Jasper standing there. Of course he would be the only one who would have any idea what I was feeling. I pulled the different emotions and replaced them with nothing. He winced at the sudden change.

“You should really stop doing that. It isn’t normal” he said annoyed then grinned as he sat down beside me.

“Yeah… Well, you should really know me by now” I grinned back at him.

He chuckled at that then turned his gaze towards the trees.

“So, how are you really feeling? Your emotions were a mess before you pulled them away” he asked.

I shrugged.

He was right. My emotions were a mess. I was confused because I didn’t know what to feel right now. I was relieved because everything was over. I was glad Victoria was finally gone. I was sad because I would be wandering now on my own. I was nervous because I didn’t know what the Cullens thought of me now especially Edward. I was ashamed of the things that I did. I felt out of place in their household. I didn’t belong with them.

I had to stop thinking about these things. This really wasn’t the place for me to ponder on especially if there was an empath who was very much aware of the raging emotions I felt.

“How is Alice?” I asked trying to change the subject.

Jasper looked at me pointedly. I knew the conversation wasn’t over yet but he was willing to let it go for now.

“She’s doing fine. We were able to put her arm back quickly… She kept on worrying about what was happening in the clearing because she couldn’t see anything. But she’s glad that all of you were okay”

I nodded.

There was silence for a few minutes before Jasper spoke up again.

“Thank you” he whispered.

I tilted my head giving him a questioning look.

“If you hadn’t killed those newborns, Alice would’ve been in more pieces. I almost lost it when…” his voice faltered.

“I owed you that much… No need to thank me. If I hadn’t run away then who knows… It could’ve been me doing that to Alice” I winced at my own words.

Jasper shook his head.

“No… You would’ve stopped. You would’ve never done that” he said.

“What made you say that? I almost snapped her neck off before…”

“Before what?”

I shook off my head as I remembered the different voices that assaulted me.

“Forget it… It doesn’t matter now… How can you say that there was no chance that I would kill Alice or you or any of your family for that matter? It would’ve been so easy for me” My voice slightly raised.

I felt calming waves soothe me.

“Because you won’t allow it” he said simply.

I looked at him confused.

“When we are changed into what we are now, we think of ourselves as monsters because of all the horrible things that we had done. I used to think myself of a monster because of all the things I did before. I was just like you. I was a tool for a vampire. Maria, the leader of my coven, had an army of newborns. It was for a different purpose of course but it’s almost the same as yours. You were used for something and you realized that it wasn’t right. You see yourself as a monster despite what everybody else tells you.

“What I’m trying to say is, even if there’s a monster inside of us, you have to remember that you are in there as well. Your real self is inside of you. You don’t have to remember your human life to be able to say that. Look at Alice, she doesn’t have any memory of her human life at all but she’s still who she is. She doesn’t see herself as a monster. She holds on to the humanity that she sees and knows.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. You have eternity to figure out who you are. Every single day is just another that would be full of choices” Jasper finished thoughtfully.

I tried to grasp everything that he said. Every single thing he said was true. I was surprised to find out that he had a very similar experience as mine. Maybe he was right. Maybe I did have a chance not to be a monster. Maybe someday I could convince myself that I wasn’t the monster I used to be. I could change. I would change for Edward. Maybe someday I would be good enough for him. Enough to be accepted into the family.

But I need time. Jasper was right. I need to find myself so I could overcome the monster that takes over.

“Somebody wants to talk to you…” Jasper stood up and smiled at me.

I gave him a questioning look.

“Oh I think you know who it is. He got jealous when the dog gave you a hug. Actually, Emmett did too when you didn’t flinch away from the dog” he smirked.

Realization dawned on me.

“Right… I almost killed Jacob when I ran across him… Only way I could apologize without saying out loud” I explained.

“Hey, your call not mine” Jasper said as he raised his hands. “Anyway, I should go inside and check on Alice again”

I nodded at him. I heard the front door open then close. I took a deep breath as the wind blew. There were so many things going on in my head but I was sure of what I had to do now. That one thing is clear. I had to find myself.

After a few minutes, the door opened then closed again. A small smile played on my lips knowing who it was. His scent was blown towards my way and I knew for certain it was him. I could feel him hesitating behind me. After a couple of minutes, he finally gave up and sat where Jasper had earlier.

“Hey” I greeted him softly.

“You don’t mind do you?” he asked hesitantly.

I shook my head softy then turned my gaze towards the skies.

“Jasper said you wanted to talk?” I asked.

“Um… Yeah…” he said nervously as his hand ran through his hair.

“I was… um… I…” he struggled with words for a few seconds then he took a deep breath.

I placed my hand on his to calm him down. I felt the jolt of electricity that ran up my arm the moment my skin touched his. He was surprised at the gesture then looked at me. I wonder if he felt it too? I looked him straight in the eye and urged for him to go on. I didn’t move my hand away from him. He took my hand on his. When I didn’t flinch or move away, he took it as a sign to move on.

“There are so many things I want to say to you but I realize that none of them would really make sense. So I would stick with the one thing that I know that would make sense the most” He paused and took another deep breath.

“I’m sorry Bella. I’m sorry for leaving you. I should’ve never left. I thought I was doing the right thing when I left. You were always in danger because of me and I thought it was best if I left. I should’ve realized that there are other vampires out there. And Victoria! Of course she would be back! I didn’t even –“

“Stop it Edward. What’s done is done. Whatever we say about how we want to change the past would go nowhere. Stop thinking about the “what if’s” because you would just be wasting time… I may not remember most of my human life but I forgive you. I understand why you did it… and I forgive you… even if there is nothing to forgive”

“But Bella –“

I shook my head at him.

“Let it go Edward. It’s all in the past. We should all move on now. Victoria’s dead. She won’t be bothering us anymore”

Edward hesitated for a bit then nodded.

“You’re right…” He sighed.

I nodded at him. We sat there in silence going over the events of the day. The sun was setting and the smoke from the clearing was starting to fade away in the twilight sky.

A small smile slowly crept Edward’s face.

“What you smiling about?” I asked curious.

“I just remembered something… a conversation” he said smiling at me.

“About?” I urged.

“Twilight… We were talking about how twilight was the easiest and the saddest time…”

“Why the saddest?” I asked.

“Because it’s the end of the day… The return of the night… But you told me once before that you liked the night because without the dark we would never see the stars… But then we don’t see any stars in Forks…” he answered with the same smile still playing on his lips.

“I agree… It’s too cloudy… And it’s always raining” I said giving him my own smile.

We sat there staring at each other. The intensity of his stare was too much. After a while, his smile faltered and it looked like he was hesitating once again.

“Bella, I – “ He was suddenly cut off by the door opening.

“Bella!” Alice squealed.

“Do you mind Alice?!” Edward said annoyed.

“Sorry, Edward… Whatever you’re planning, it’s better if Carlisle does it” she said giving him a knowing look before turning to me.

Alice walked towards me before pulling me into a hug.

“Thank you” she whispered.

“Um… No problem… It’s the least I could do for you” I said.

“Oh but you’ve done more than that Bella. Not only did you save my arm but I want to thank you for Jasper as well… I’d never seen him as happy as he was compared to before… Thank you” Alice said pulling me into a tighter hug.

“You’re welcome Alice” I said softly.

“You’re the very best friend I have!” she exclaimed excitedly.

Alice still had me in a tight hug when Edward cleared his throat.

“Oh shut up Edward. It’s the only time I get to hug my best friend” Alice huffed.

“Anyway, Carlisle wants to see Bella and he said you should go inside too” she said pointing to Edward then turned around towards the door.

Edward ran his hand through his hair.

“Well, it’d be best if we go inside” he said standing up offering his hand.

“Okay” I nodded at him and took his hand.

The both of us followed Alice inside the house. I felt slightly nervous for what was about to come. Alice said that Carlisle wanted to talk to me but why? We talked earlier already. What else was there to say?

Jasper must’ve felt my nervousness because I suddenly felt a boost of confidence. I looked in his direction and he gave me an encouraging smile. Edward squeezed my hand as if to assure me. With Edward’s assurance, I took the urge to look up at the rest of the Cullens. They were all smiling at me welcomingly.

“Bella” Carlisle addressed me.

I turned around to face him. The rest of the family has sat down by the sofa and the floor except for Edward. He stood beside me as if it was the two of us being judged.

"I would like to say for everyone that we thank you for what you have done for us, especially for Alice. We don’t know how or why you changed your mind but whatever it is, we are very thankful for it. I’m sorry you lost a friend and a leader in this fight. We don’t know how Victoria had treated you in the past few years but a loss is still a loss...” Carlisle paused as he had a silent conversation with Edward before continuing.

“We know our kind normally travel alone but we are inviting you to join our family so you don’t have to be alone. We won’t force you to make any decisions now but you are always welcome to join us. Please take this as our gratitude. We owe you our lives and this is the best we could offer. We want you to be part of our family”

After the small talk, Carlisle and the rest of the family left me to think about what was said. I was outside the house again with Edward by my side. We were just sitting quietly. I knew Edward was letting me think.

They wanted me to join them. They wanted me to be part of their family. But could I really be part of their family? Joining them would mean I had to change my diet. I had to change my way of living. This could be my chance to change.

Could I do it though? Could I change? What if I fail? What if I end up disappointing the whole family? What if I disappoint Edward? What then? They would force me to leave their coven. The Cullen family was known for having very good control around humans that was why they associate with them. I had good control around humans when necessary but once the monster inside me takes over there would be no second thoughts. I could lose myself in a second.

No. I couldn’t do it. I had to make sure I could control myself around humans before I could even think of joining the family. I need time. I need to make sure I would be good enough for them. Right now, the monster inside of me was taking over.

Time.

Time was what I needed.

It was almost dawn before neither of us had said anything.

“Bella”

“Edward”

We both said at the same time. We glanced at each other then smiled.

“What were you going to say?” he asked softly.

“No… I want to hear what you wanted to say first” I told him.

“Okay… I wanted to say you don’t have to make a decision now. I know it’s hard to think about. Change is hard. And I understand that. We don’t want to force you into doing something you don’t want to do” he explained.

I nodded at him.

“I know… And I’ve made a decision… I’ve decided I want to join your family…” I paused to look at him.

His eyes lit up at what I said then it went away just as fast.

“But?” he asked.

“But I need time… I need to control myself first before I could control my thirst” I gave him a knowing look.

He nodded his head solemnly.

“I will come back to join your family but right now isn’t the right time” I explained.

“Then I’ll come with you” he said looking me in the eye.

I shook my head at him.

“No, Edward. This is something I have to do by myself”

Pain flashed on his face for a second before he looked away.

“I understand” he whispered.

I felt a stabbing pain in my chest as I watched him. I really was a monster. How could I hurt the most wonderful caring creature in front of me.

I put my hand on his face and I turned it around to look at me.

“I will be back, Edward. I promise.” I said as I watched him close his eyes then lean his face towards my hand.

“I just need time”