Edward must save Bella from the dangers around her and also from himself as Victoria and a desire for blood threaten their fragile world.
This is the Edward POV of my original fic 'Suspicions'.
5. Beneath the Surface
Rating 4.5/5 Word Count 1137 Review this Chapter
The human girl whose blood screamed to me became even more enticing as her heart beat increased. It was rapid, pounding through her veins and I hungered for it. Still, the nagging feeling wouldn’t go away. For some reason I could not end her short life and drink of the blood I craved.
I looked into the girl’s eyes and saw reflected back at me a hideous sight. A monster. Out of pure shock of what I saw, I gasped and held my breath. In that single human reaction the civility of what I’d tried so hard to achieve came rushing back at me. I stopped breathing, and in the clarity that surrounded me, free of the siren’s blood, I realized where I was and who the girl was that sat so tantalizingly close to me.
Horror and shame filled me instantly, quelling any sense of the murderous craving I had felt before. I closed my eyes, my jaw clenched tightly, afraid to breathe for fear and guilt that the hunger would return. In the madness of her overpowering smell I’d forgotten everything and gave myself in to instinct. I had let down my guard and had almost succumbed to my own deadly weaknesses. There were no words to explain the guilt that I felt, twisting my insides and filling me with shame. If I were human I would probably be red with embarrassment but at least now I was spared that physical sign of my near betrayal.
I could sense Bella studying me and hoped that she would be wise enough to stay away from me now. Eventually she steadied herself and watched silent and unmoving, no doubt questioning what had happened. I sat their like a statue and waited without breathing until I heard her heart slow back to where it should be. There was a palpable tension in the room, so thick it was almost suffocating.
Slowly, I opened my eyes and felt Bella relax by my side, surely thinking that this small movement meant everything had gone back to normal. I looked into her eyes and briefly, the monster in me registered how visible her pulse still was in the veins of her neck. I could see my own reflection in her eyes again and was still repulsed by what I saw. The face seemed innocent enough, more my face now that the monster that lurked beneath its marble-like surface, but my eyes were still fierce, wild and deathly cold. There were the eyes of a murderer and a monster, betraying the angelic appearance of my face. Fear flashed across her eyes as she registered the look in my own and I felt panic fill my chest as I realized she might finally have seen enough of the real me to reject me for good.
Quickly recovering from that panic, I realized that that was exactly what I had wanted for the first time and resigned myself to the fate the most assuredly awaited me. Nonetheless, I would never be enthused by the grim idea of life without Bella.
“I have to go…” I said darkly, noticing the hard edge present in my usually smooth voice.
I got up then and left quickly before she could say or do anything. I just had to go and get away. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Bella put a hand to her throat protectively and I felt myself shatter inside.
I raced home and quickly brushed past the others in my haste to get to my room. Slamming the door shut I collapsed onto my couch, my hands flying up to cover my face.
I’d let myself get too close to her. Too insanely close. I shouldn’t even be in the same room with a girl whose blood is so tempting let alone try to get close to her. Every day with her was a battle of extremes. I loved her so much, more than I could have ever thought possible. Around her I felt so complete, as if before I met her I had only been a shadow of a being, slipping through life like a wisp of fog. To return to that was an unthinkable idea and yet here I was again, debating how best to separate myself from the only thing I could truly love. It was just too dangerous. Every time I let myself escape the harsh barricades of civility and truly experience the emotions Bella brought out in me, I also let out the hellish demon I could barely contain these days.
One thing was clear to me; I had to get away from here, away from Forks. At least until I could figure out what was really happening to me and whether or not I could really keep myself restrained. Throwing on my light tan leather jacket, I rushed back down the stairs intending to leave without a word but Alice wouldn’t have any of it as she stood waiting for me in front of the silver Volvo.
“Please, just leave me, I need to go. Now.” I said shortly, not caring how harsh I sounded.
“Edward, what’s going on, I thought I saw… I mean…” Alice stuttered, concern evident in her eyes. “Please tell me what happened.”
I made a move to get around Alice but she was too quick and kept in the way. I rolled my eyes at her, trying to indicate my impatience with her behavior, but my fist clenched with anxiety and anger.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” I growled menacingly and narrowed my eyes as I glared at the small pixie-like girl standing before me.
“You’re not going anywhere until you tell me what happened,” Alice replied, a strong conviction giving her words a firm tone.
We continued to glare at each other for a moment, both of us refusing to move.
“Did you do it or not Edward?” she questioned me, her eyes like daggers boring into my soul, “I mean, I don’t think you did but you’re acting really strong. What’s going on?”
“No I didn’t. I need to go now though. I’ll be back soon. I just need to go now.”
With that I started to push her out of the way and she complied, sensing my urgency and understanding me in a way only she could.
“You promise that you’re going to come back?” she asked tentatively before I could shut the door.
I hesitated for a second, looking evasively at the steering wheel.
With that I drove off in the distance, no plan of where I would go, just knowing I needed to get away.