Edward must save Bella from the dangers around her and also from himself as Victoria and a desire for blood threaten their fragile world.
This is the Edward POV of my original fic 'Suspicions'.
Rating 5/5 Word Count 1185 Review this Chapter
I sped away from the house and just drove as fast as I could, no plan in my mind of where I wanted to go. I gasped, panicking, uncertain of what had just happened.
How could I have lost control? I had been so careful for so long, how could I still be vulnerable?
If I knew what was good for me I would just keep driving now. Leave it all behind and leave Bella for good. She would never be safe around me, not ever. We were both lying to ourselves if we thought we could continue our relationship this way. We were constantly balancing on the edge of a blade, teetering and just barely holding on. Someone was bound to fail. That is just the nature of life and in my experience, the longer it takes for things to fall, the more disastrous the fall becomes.
I don’t know how long I drove or even where I drove to. I just kept playing the scene over and over in my head. Uncertain of what to do I could only decide on what I wanted. What I wanted was Bella. I stopped the car then and for the first time I took a good look at my surroundings. Somehow, I’d looped around and now was parked in front of my house. I drove quickly to the car park deciding that driving absentmindedly was not going to help sort out the situation. Getting out of the car I ran up to my room avoiding everyone on the way.
I sat down on the couch and put my hands over my face. All I wanted was to just block out everything, all the people, the memories, the scent of Bella that seemed to linger all around me…
A light knock sounded on the door and I ignored it but Carlisle opened it and entered my room anyways.
You can’t lock the world out Edward. What happened?
I glared at Carlisle but didn’t answer. I knew he had nothing to do with this foul situation, if anything it was him and my desire to please him that had saved Bella’s life, but I didn’t want to talk yet.
Please Edward, talk to me. You need to get whatever happened out of your system. I’ll be in my office.
His eyes were full of meaning and stressed a sense of urgency but he turned around and left.
“Aaaargh!” I yelled out of frustration, snarling as I swept my arm across the middle shelf of CDs sending them all crashing to the floor.
EDWARD! MY OFFICE. NOW.
I snarled at the sound of Carlisle’s thoughts ordering me but I trudged towards his office and slumped down in the chair, covering my face with one hand.
“So, what happened? You can talk to me Edward.” Carlisle spoke softly, calmly, with a reassuring sound to his voice. I refused to look at him out of shame but I was sure he was probably smiling the same smile he uses to calm his patients.
I shook my head slowly, my head hanging in shame as I sulked in my guilt.
“Is Bella okay?” he asked, trying to sound casual, but there was a bit of edge to his voice.
“I think so,” I croaked, my voice breaking as I tried to speak.
“You think so?” he asked, a slight sense of alarm in his voice.
“I lost control,” I sobbed, my guilt and pain overwhelming me, “I almost bit her. I could almost taste it and I wanted it so badly… then I ran away. I don’t know how I got here.”
I sensed another’s thoughts then and could smell her. I clutched the arm of the chair and could feel the wood beneath the arm begin to give way but I kept my face in my hand and did not look towards the door. I couldn’t face Bella nor could I face Alice, certain now that she had had a vision of what happened. It was replaying in her mind right now and I shuddered at how cold and monstrous I had been. I had been a cold-blooded killer, nothing more. There was no trace of the humanity I had worked so hard to preserve.
“You can come in Bella.”
Bella stepped into the room and her movements sounded awkward, uncertain and weak, and her heart raced. I stopped breathing not wanting to smell her partly for fear of temptation but mostly out of guilt and shame of what I had become. I didn’t move but I could feel hear gaze upon me.
It’s going to be okay Edward. Alice reassured me in her thoughts as she closed the doors and left.
“Bella, please sit,” he said, I could see out of the corner of my eye he was gesturing at the armchair next to me. Bella cast a nervous glance towards me and her fear twisted my insides with revulsion at myself. How could I do this to her? She feared me.
“Edward was just telling me about certain… events of the past few days and I think I’ll leave you two alone to talk them over,” he said jovially as he left the room.
The silence was unnerving as we sat there. I didn’t move though I felt the uncomfortable awkwardness as the silence blanketed us, suffocating us.
“Edward… I’m… I’m sorry,” she croaked, her voice dry and uncooperative, “please, talk to me.”
I whipped my head up in surprise but I could see from her reaction and her expression that I looked as pained and broken as I felt. I avoided her glance at first but this was unnecessary as she quickly looked at her own feet. Her eyes welled up and soon tears cascaded down her face.
“Sorry!?” I exclaimed, incredulous, “what could you possibly be sorry about?”
“I don’t know what I did, but I’m sorry” she choked out through her tears.
“You have nothing to be sorry about Bella, you haven’t done a thing. I’m the one who is sorry.”
I buried my face in my hands again, unable to look at her. I couldn’t believe that she actually thought that she had done something wrong. She still didn’t understand how tempting she was, or how fragile.
“Bella… I almost… we were… and I… I…” I started but was unable to speak the words, “I almost lost my control. I almost did it, you were so alluring and your scent was everywhere. I let my guard down, I became myself, the real me, the monster! I almost killed you Bella! Don’t you understand!?”
She just stared at me shocked. We both knew what happened but only now had it been confirmed. She then got a strangely calm, cool look on her face and I raised an eyebrow suspiciously.
“Then end it Edward,” she replied softly, “end this all right now.”