We Are Broken
Even vampires aren't perfect. They make mistakes. As her anger evaporated, I nodded my head, "I'm sorry Bella." I started, "I wish you would let me explain..." I left my sentence hanging in the air. She began to shake her head violently, her breathing coming in short gasps again. This was the part I had feared the most. The part I knew was inevitable. The part I knew I deserved. I asked the question I wanted so badly to avoid, everything in my body seizing up, waiting for the inevitable, "Do you want me to...leave?" My voice broke on the last word, and my breathing became gasps as I awaited her answer.
8. Over My Dead Body
Rating 4/5 Word Count 1890 Review this Chapter
I see my vision burn,
I feel my memories fade with time.
But I'm too young to worry.
A melody, a memory, or just one picture.
Seize the day or die regretting
The time you lost.
It's empty and cold without you here,
Too many people to ache over.
Trials in life, questions of us existing here,
Don't wanna die alone without you here.
Please tell me what we have is real.
So, what if I never hold you,
Or kiss your lips again?
So I never want to leave you
And the memories of us to see.
I beg don't leave me.
-Seize The Day by Avenged Sevenfold
The days passed painfully slowly when I wasn't with my one love. It had been five excruciatingly long days, and for someone who had an eternity ahead of him, that said something. No, it screamed something. It yelled and swore and screamed, demanding my attention. I knew if I didn't get Bella back, then my wait for the end of eternity would somehow be longer then eternity itself. The past few days had brought with it a routine. Jasper stayed at Bella's side every waking moment - and some sleeping ones as well - and I still came to stand outside her house every night, if only to watch her sleeping.
So here I was, yet again, doing exactly that. Only, Jasper had been allowing me to come in and watch her - allowing me my guilty pleasures - despite how wrong it may have been. He had felt an increasing amount of pity for me as I came to Bella's house night after night, climbed her tree, and peered in her window like some freak peeping tom in vain hopes of climbing through her window and crawling into bed with her.
This had become an almost overwhelming idea, imagining the full force of her warmth against my chill. I remembered how if felt, but I still yearned for it more then almost anything. Instead of climbing the tree this time, I bounded towards the front door, gliding through without so much as a knock now, just purely anxious to see Bella. Jasper knew it was me coming in anyways, on account of my present emotional state as well as the vampires keen sense of smell and hearing.
"How's she doing?" I inquired as I rounded the corner into the living room where he sat with one of Bella's books in his hands. Examining the front cover of the book I read 'The Great Gatsby'. Ah, my Bella. Lover of classics, I speculated, amused. Jasper looked up from the book. "She is the same. She does just fine during the day, she certainly knows how to hold her own, but she still sleeps so restlessly." He clarified for me, morose apparent in his voice. I had no desire to hear that Bella wasn't improving, so I changed the subject - I decided it was time for a little brotherly bonding.
"Your reading?" I pointed out, unnecessarily. "Huh?" He looked up from the book again, "Oh. Yeah. Great Gatsby. It's actually a rather...well, sensitive book." He claimed, "It's pleasant." He declared, nodding. "Yes, actually, it is a rather congenial story." I agreed. I walked across the room, closing the distance between Jasper and I, and took a seat in the old worn chair next to the couch he monopolized.
He regarded my emotions and stared at me expectantly. I looked back at him, my endeavor to procure the answer to my unasked question from his mind failing; I had to resort to using speech. "So, how are you then?" I questioned, truly curious. He looked away, trying to decide how to answer that. Finally, after a long moment, he found the words. "I..." He began enthusiastically, failing considerably afterward and hunched his shoulders, "I could be so much better." He breathed, "I miss her so much, Edward." He consummated in a shaky voice, his eyes focused on his hands for support. Jasper was never one to admit his weakness.
I wanted to be there for him. I wanted to be as helpful as I could. I wanted to redeem myself; to be his brother. Unfortunately, I wasn't at all sure of what to say. I'd never been in this situation with him. Bella would know what to say, I ruminated, proudly. I tried to understand the situation, picking his thoughts hoping to come across his greatest covet. After finding it, I was thoroughly pleased and not just for the situation but for myself as well. If I could persuade him to go, I'd have alone time with my Bella.
So, I attempted to convince him, "Jasper...Alice misses you as much as you miss her." I began in my most assuring voice, unsure myself if it would even work on a vampire the way it did on our intended prey, "She is hurting, too, she needs you." I pushed my case further, "Jasper, go to her. Tonight. Now. I will look after Bella until you get back." His aplomb seemed to falter for a moment, but at the mention of Bella, his fortress-of-altruism held tightly. I sighed, knowing I wouldn't be able to penetrate it.
I was perplexed, though, as to why he refused to leave Bella. That confusion rapidly and obliviously transformed to anger. Who does he think he is? She's my Bella, not his! Does he think he has a chance with her? Absolutely not on my watch! Over my dead body!
My breathing had become raspy and my emotions put Jasper on alert. "Edward, are you all right?" Caution traced every syllable. My fists clenched in anger, trying acrimoniously not to lose my control, I stood slowly and turned to face Jasper. He stood as well, assuming I was sensing danger. He didn't even realize that it was him I was so close to tearing to shreds. I stared at him, my face a dangerous mask of anger; my vision blurred to a red haze. It wasn't until Jasper looked at me directly that he inferred that it was him that had set me off.
"Edward, take it easy, man. What's going on?" He instructed when I took a step towards him. "You love her, don't you?!" I spat. He was bewildered; even his thoughts had become a jumbled and confused tangle. That brought me up short. "Alice? Of course I love her. Why are you so angry about that?" He asked, his thoughts finally coherent enough to speak. The red haze lifted from my vision as confusion took its place again. That was when it donned on Jasper that I hadn't been speaking of Alice. "Bella?!" He gasped.
I was completely perplexed now. My tense stance loosened. "Why don't you want to leave her then?" I inquired, the confusion crystal clear in my voice. He took on a knowing look and relaxed his stance as well. "Edward, you have it all wrong." He began, shaking his head slowly, "I only want to stay because...well...because I know how she has been feeling and acting these past few nights." He tried to explain only confounding me further. He recognized the emotion and sighed. "Sit." He commanded, gesturing to my chair.
I sat down and he did so as well. "Edward, I know better then anyone that Bella is strong. She holds her composure extraordinarily so. I don't even see how she does it." He said, amazed, "But for some reason unknown to me, her guard comes completely down at night. She is vulnerable. I don't want to leave her, Edward, because I worry that if I'm not here to offer the comfort that she has been depending on, well...I just worry that she might do something rash." He finished his speech, and I found no trace of a lie in his tone, his thoughts, or his eyes.
I sat quietly, absorbing what he just said, unsure of what to say myself. I'd acted completely out of line. "Besides, I'm not so sure I'm ready to forgive Alice just yet." He said, glumly. I knew he would never admit this to me, but I could hear in his thoughts another reason he was so unwilling to leave Bella's side.
Jasper had become pretty dependent on her for support as well. He wasn't only afraid that she might act out if she awoke to an empty house and no shoulder to cry on, but that if he had an emotional breakdown while he was away from her, he may do something equally rash only with more damaging force. He, too, needed a shoulder to unload his emotions onto, and Bella had become his perpetual savior. Try as he might to hid that from me, I could still hear it in his thoughts; if only just barely.
"Jasper, I'm so sorry for behaving so rudely." I tried to make amends. I felt horrible for jumping to such drastic conclusions. He shook his head, "Don't worry about it, Edward. Alice is the only woman for me, but in this difficult time, it's easy to lose sight of things. I forgive you." I nodded and looked out the window, up at the stars. My guilty pleasures were long over due. I had an appointment with Bella.
I hurried out of the room without another word to Jasper and flew up the stairs at vampire speed. When I entered the room I was I was glad to see Bella was fast asleep. She was still a bit restless, but somewhat calmer tonight. Taking the risk, I walked across the room and sat gently on her bed next to her sleeping form. For days now I'd wanted so badly to touch her, and the little time we had in school, wasn't ever going to be enough for me.
I placed my hand on her hair, softly stroking the length of it, loving how silky it was. The I - very lightly - traced the shape of her nose and her lips with my long white fingers. Her skin was so vibrant; her lips plump and soft. I couldn't resist any longer. My resolve crumbled in her presence and I leaned forward, placing my lips on hers. This was not a passionate kiss, or a kiss that demanded attention; no, this was the softest most gentle kiss I'd ever placed on Bella's lips. This was the kiss that promised better days and warmer nights; a brighter sun and the most beautiful sky full of stars. This kiss warmed hearts and changed lives. This was the kiss that shouted from the highest mountain how much one truly cared for another; how much I truly, unconditionally loved Isabella Swan. This type of kiss need not an introduction; simply, the privacy that two lovers share until the end of time.
I reluctantly pulled away from Bella, as she began to stir. The sun would rise soon, and there was school tomorrow. I needed to go home and get ready. I had the strangest feeling that tomorrow was going to be a big day. Saying my farewell's to Jasper, I left Bella's home and ran, full speed, to my own.
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