You're Not Sorry

You're not sorry.

I walked on La Push beach. The sand in between my toes felt relaxing but it didn't help my broken heart. The ripped hole grew and grew every day. Soon, I would be nothing. I was already a zombie, one with a shattered heart replaced by a black hole. My life had grown dull. I met Jacob but he wasn't Edward. Ouch, even remembering hurt me. I thought he loved me but he didn't. It was to be expected. I was a dull, plain, clumsy human that tempted him every step of the way. He was a gorgeous, gracious vampire that struggled not to bite me. I was walking on a beach, alone. And he was probably with some hot vampire girl that didn't tempt him. He was too busy with his distractions. He gained my trust and then broke it. He made me think he loved me when I truly did and then destroyed my life. Maybe that was what vampires did. They befriended you, then destroyed your hopes and dreams. What ever it was, he's not sorry. I don't blame him. I'm a stupid, worthless human. I'm a no good, rotten old person that doesn't deserve life. Well, I was left for the dead.

I walked towards the Blacks' house but never went there. I went to the cliff where cliff diving occurred. I wanted to think and be free. I wanted to look at the waves over lapping the rocks as they splashed against them. I loved the sound of the sea, of sea gulls and the trees swaying in the wind. It was soothing.

I reached the cliff in time to see the sun set on the horizon. The colors splashed a rainbow across the sky. The sky was made up of magnificent colors. They danced along the waters and reflected light. It was a peaceful sight.

"Edward Cullen, You're not sorry. You made my heart grow and then popped it like an overfilled balloon." I said to the sky. I knew he would hear me but it felt good to say it. It was to let loose of my anger. I felt free when I released my emotions now. If I told someone how I felt, I couldn't handle it. If I told the sky, I felt healed a little bit. It was like I was praying to God, to heal my heart.

"I hope you're happy. Even though I know you don't love me, please know I care for you and I hope you will have a great life." I said again. The feelings released from me but they were brought back.

No, Bella, you've got it all wrong. I never meant what I said. I love you and I want you to forgive me. It wasn't true. It was all a lie. I do love you. I'm not happy and I am sorry. You must believe me. Don't give up all hope. I love you, you must know that! Don't suffer! I only wanted what was best! The voice of the only love of my life was loud and fierce yet apologetic and depressed. I knew he didn't mean it and I knew it was only my conscience.

"No, you are not sorry, Edward Cullen. YOU'RE NOT SORRY!" I yelled to the sky. This would be me for the rest of my life. I would never get married or have kids. My heart was too crushed for a life.