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The Dark Light Stories

“You created me as your toy and now you’re forcing me to sleep with a ghost. Can you still tell yourself that you’re not selfish?”*** Warning: This story is Carlisle/Edward slash. There will be sexual scenes between these two characters. If that bothers you, as they should say in marriage: run now or forever hold your peace. These stories will follow Carlisle and Edward through ten life-changing events, from Edward's transformation to meeting Bella. They will explore the love that evolved between the two men and the betrayal that 87 years together can bring.

Each section will be set to a song from HIM's "Dark Light" CD, which I recommend you listen to: A) because it rocks and B) because it follows the story. The chapters will be as follows: 1. Killing Loneliness: Edward’s Beginning 2. In The Nightside of Eden: Lovers 3. Rip Out The Wings Of A Butterfly: Carlisle’s Doubts 4. Dark Light: Esme’s Turning 5. Vampire Heart: Edward’s Rebellion 6. The Face of God: Carlisle’s Regrets 7. Under The Rose: Edward’s Return 8. Drunk On Shadows: Rosalie’s Turning 9. Play Dead: Edward’s Regression 10. Behind The Crimson Door: The Last Kiss

3. Rip Out The Wings Of A Butterfly: Carlisle's Doubts

Rating 5/5   Word Count 2434   Review this Chapter

Rip Out The Wings Of A Butterfly: Carlisle's Doubts

They went to the Amazon and Carlisle had a home built for them made of Brazilian wood and tall glass windows. The home was a wide-open space hung up with hammocks and masks, hours from the nearest town. They didn’t build a kitchen or a bedroom and no one questioned it because Carlisle’s money spoke volumes for them. Edward learned to swim in the wide, brown rivers with an unnatural ease and laughed when the piranhas tried to bite him. Sometimes when the rains came, and they came often, Edward pulled Carlisle out into the torrential downpours and ruined his good linen clothes. Edward gave up his affinity for trying to sleep and accompanied Carlisle on long walks through the darkened forests. Carlisle pointed out things, ferns and small frogs, and told Edward about what they were and where they came from.

“Where did you come from?” Edward asked one day.

Carlisle stopped talking about the caterpillars that covered a tree like moss and glanced at Edward. He could feel that soft pressure between his eyes that meant that Edward was reading his thoughts forcibly.

“Edward, stop that, if I want to tell you I will,” Carlisle chided. The pressure receded but didn’t disappear. Edward huffed and walked a few steps away.

Above them, the green canopy was black and the air was thick and moist. The forest was loud with the sounds of animals.

“I’m very old,” Carlisle sighed. Edward’s demand for knowledge was inexhaustible. He wanted to know everything at once, and his mind-reading skill didn’t help. He invaded Carlisle’s thoughts constantly, fishing for any little piece of information he wanted. Carlisle had been alone for hundreds of years and now, suddenly, he felt surrounded by this one man.

“How old?” Edward pressed.

“Almost 400 years.”

Edward stayed silent and stared at Carlisle. “Where did you come from?”

“London,” Carlisle paused. “Edward, there are a lot of things I want you to know that I don’t want to say out loud. Do you understand?”

“No,” Edward said, shaking his head stubbornly. “No, I don’t know. Let me read them. Why can’t I read your thoughts all the time?”

Carlisle gave him a pointed glance. “Because I don’t always let you.”

Edward frowned and opened his mouth to speak and Carlisle readied himself to have to fight with the younger man. Instead, Edward looked away and walked up the hill back to the house. Carlisle listened until he heard the front door close. He rubbed the spot between his eyes where the pressure had disappeared and walked deeper into the woods.

“We’re going back to America,” Carlisle announced one day.

They had spent two years in the Brazilian rainforest, with time passing only the way it can for those who will live forever.

They were outside on their wraparound verandah. It was a rare day of sunlight in the rainforest and light bouncing off the wet leaves and made Edward’s skin glitter sporadically. Edward didn’t stop turning the pages in his book.

“Why?” he asked finally.

“I miss practicing medicine,” Carlisle said. Edward tried to listen to Carlisle’s thoughts but all he heard was Gregorian chant. This was what Carlisle did whenever he wanted Edward out; he simply repeated mindless songs or noises until Edward stopped trying to listen.

“Of course you do,” Edward murmured. He closed the book and looked up at Carlisle. “Where in America are we going?”

“New York.”

Edward burst into laughter. He stood up and stretched his arms above his head and walked to the edge of the verandah. The fog was moving in over the valley below, coating the tops of the trees in wispy, white fingers.

“What is it?” Carlisle asked, coming to stand behind him.

“New York? You’re taking me from a place where I see maybe, three humans a month, to America’s largest city?” Edward said, incredulous.

Carlisle wrapped his arms around Edward’s waist and kissed his ear. “I have faith in you.”

Edward turned in Carlisle’s arms and kissed him with a greedy force. Carlisle sat down on the edge of the deck chair and pulled Edward into his lap.

There were still moments when Carlisle had to go slow with Edward. The boy was haunted by the judgments of his time, by a dead family ruled by Christian scrutiny that he never spoke of. Sometimes he still pulled away for a second before Carlisle kissed him or got up abruptly after anything got too out of hand and wandered around the room naked, his eyes flashing from Carlisle to the door, as though he was timing his escape.

“Can I cut my hair?” Edward asked, his face pressed to Carlisle’s neck.

He stroked Edward’s face and ran his fingers through the boy’s hair. His hair was longer than the 1920s style, just brushing his shoulders.

“You can but it will never grow back. I cut mine 72 years ago,” Carlisle said.

Edward seemed to think this over. He touched the tips of his hair and then smiled.

“Will you cut it for me?”

Carlisle laughed and looked up at the darkening rain clouds moving in.

“What if I make a mess of it?”

Edward kissed him softly, hovering there against his lips. “You won’t.”

A thunderclap rolled through the valley. Edward could almost feel the storm crawl through his skin as lightening flashed nearby.

“Come on,” Carlisle murmured, pushing Edward off his lap. “Let’s go inside. I’ll cut your hair for you if you want.”

Edward sat quietly in a teak chair in the middle of their wide living space as Carlisle scrutinized his face.

“I want it shorter,” Edward said. “To here.”

He motioned with his hand to a spot above his ears.

Carlisle moved behind him as rain started to hit the windows, a pair of shiny scissors in his hand.

“I’ve never done this before,” Carlisle warned.

“I think that phrase sums up our relationship,” Edward said.

Carlisle laughed and ran his fingers through Edward’s hair. He moved the scissors forward and snipped a short piece of the bronze hair and watched it float to the floor. Growing bolder, he snipped a larger piece. Outside, the sky had darkened as the sun set and the storm moved over them. Lightening flashed again, lighting up the valley in a blue wave of electricity. Carlisle let his hands move at their natural speed, flying over Edward’s soft hair, as it got shorter and shorter.

“Okay, you’re done, just let me shave the back of your neck,” Carlisle said. Then he frowned. “I have to do that, right?”

Edward nodded. “Every time I had my hair cut as a human they did that.”

Edward didn’t flinch when Carlisle touched the cool razor to the back of his neck. He could hear the worry in Carlisle’s mind, the soft waves of compassion and love radiating off him as he scraped the razor down the back of Edward’s pale neck.

“You’re done,” Carlisle breathed. He ruffled Edward’s short hair and smirked as a shower of hair fell down.

Edward jumped up and ran to the massive ornate mirror in their entry hall. Carlisle watched his face as his eyes registered surprise and then glee.

“I look completely different,” he said. He touched the soft waves of his hair with uncertainty. “You wouldn’t even know I’m the same person.”

“I would always know you,” Carlisle said and shared a gentle smile with his lover.

Edward watched New York City approach for miles before the train stopped. He had left the private car that Carlisle had reserved for them early on in the trip.

The smell of human blood had been overwhelming at first. The thirst was an almost undeniable force that screamed for sacrifice. It lapped at his throat and had him almost begging Carlisle for some kind of relief. Even though he and Carlisle had gorged themselves on animal blood before the trip, the need was still insistent. Human blood reminded him of the smell of cooking meat when he hadn’t eaten for days coupled with the sight of a bubbling, fresh stream when he was dehydrated to the point of death. Carlisle helped him as much as he could. He kept Edward tucked away in the car and told the other passengers that he was recovering from an illness and couldn’t be bothered, but eventually, the thirst became more of an aggravating ache then anything else and Edward itched to speak to other people.

He exited the car and followed Carlisle’s voice to the dinner car. Carlisle was seated at a large, round table, surrounded by several men and women. He looked up, startled, when Edward entered the car. Edward read from Carlisle’s thoughts that he had told the group that the two of them had already eaten in their private car and that they were brothers. Edward gave a playful grimace at that piece of information but continued approaching.

“Everyone, this is my brother, Edward,” Carlisle announced.

The women in the group turned to look and blushed bright pink at the sight of Edward. He smiled, his eyes seductive and golden in the candlelight, at each of the women. The flush of blood in the their cheeks seemed both tantalizing and endearing.

The men stared openly at the stunning being who was supposed to be so ill he hadn’t left the car for three days. Edward saw his image reflected in their thoughts and was shocked to understand how easy it would be to seduce any of them. He appeared to all of them as tall and lithe, pale as his supposed brother with clean, porcelain skin and strong features. He shook the men’s hands and kissed the women’s before sitting down beside Carlisle.

“Can we get you anything to drink, Edward?” One of the men asked. His name was Dominic. He was younger than the others, dangerously attractive for a human, with dark brown hair and pale green eyes.

“No, thank you,” Edward said. “My doctor has recommended I stay away from drink.”

Dominic seemed taken aback. “My God, what were you ill with?”

“It was a tropical fever I picked up while Carlisle and I were in Brazil,” Edward said. His eyes were locked onto Dominic’s with that crooked grin playing across his lips.

Carlisle cleared his throat and the two men broke eye contact, a sly smile playing across Dominic’s lips.

“Edward,” a young woman with a blunt pageboy haircut said. “Carlisle told us that you were going to be attending university in New York.”

Edward cut his eyes at Carlisle, whose mind was filled with the sound of a ticking clock.

“I haven’t confirmed that yet,” Edward said.

Back in the car, Edward and Carlisle stared each other down before either spoke. The train was scheduled to arrive in New York in minutes

“You can’t plan my life for me,” Edward said.

“I’m trying to guide you, not control you,” Carlisle said. “I’m going back to work and you need to occupy your time somehow.”

Edward turned to him and stared him down.

“And I can’t choose how to do that? I’m not a child, Carlisle.”

Carlisle huffed out a laugh and turned to finish packing his bag.

“You may not be human but I’ll be damned if I’m going to call you anything but a child.”

Carlisle felt Edward’s approach more than anything else. He turned quickly and caught Edward’s hand mid-air. He squeezed the younger man’s wrist until Edward started to frown at the pressure and then he opened his mind so Edward could hear his fury and his annoyance. He wanted him to know how much he longed to be alone inside his own mind and inside his space. He released Edward’s wrist at the same time he closed his mind off and Edward stumbled backwards against the bunk. The train lurched to a stop and Edward grabbed his bag. Carlisle expected him to run off into the night, make him look for days, but again Edward surprised him. He stood stoically beside him as they departed the train. While saying goodbye to the people he had met, Carlisle noticed Edward give Dominic a card. The two men shared a small smile before Edward turned towards Carlisle to leave.

It was January and New York was bitterly cold. The wind came tearing in off the Hudson accompanied by a wet snowfall that turned to slush on the sidewalks. The cold felt ugly against Edward’s skin.

Carlisle had a home purchased for them before they left Brazil, a gracious old townhouse near the hospital where Carlisle would be working. Inside, the home was calm and spacious with wide wood floors and massive stone fireplaces. Edward put down his bag and looked up the curving staircase. Carlisle kept waiting for the pressure to come, for Edward to try to see if he wanted to make up, but nothing happened.

“Our room is upstairs to the left," Carlisle said.

Edward nodded but when he went upstairs, he put down his bag in a different room.

“Edward? What are you doing?” Carlisle called from the base of the stairs.

Edward appeared at the landing, looking painfully beautiful and resigned. Carlisle forced himself to look into his eyes and saw a profound darkness there that startled him. For a moment, he let his guard drop and Edward could read his thoughts. He thought he saw him wince.

“I’m giving you your space,” Edward said.

Carlisle looked down at the floor. "I have a late shift at the hospital I agreed to take tonight. I--"

"I'll see you tomorrow then," Edward murmured. His voice sounded distant. He turned and walked away down the hall.


Heaven ablaze in our eyes

We're standing still in time

The blood on our hands is the wine

We offer as sacrifice

Come on, and show them your love

Rip out the wings of a butterfly

For your soul, my love

Rip out the wings of a butterfly

For your soul

This endless mercy mile

We're crawling side by side

With hell freezing over in our eyes

Gods kneel before our crime

Come on lets show, them your love

Rip out the wings of a butterfly

For your soul, my love

Rip out the wings of a butterfly

For your soul

Rip out the wings of a butterfly

Don't let go

Rip out the wings of a butterfly

For your soul

-"Rip Out The Wings Of A Butterfly" HIM