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Reshaping History

Summary:
A collection of song fics from scenes you heard about, but never saw during the Twilight series.


Notes:


2. I'll Never Love Again

Rating 0/5   Word Count 1428   Review this Chapter

You don't have to settle for me at all
I'll never be the one you want
I'll never ever be the one under your arms
and I don't have the face to turn heads
or the body that cuts loose ends
I swear I need to get a hold again

I can't get to you
(I swear I've tried)
If I can't get to you
(I'll never love again)

One, two, three, four.

One,two,three,four.

I worked to maintain as steady rhythm as I ran, one paw hitting the ground after the other. Keeping my mind blank, to keep the rest of the pack at bay was one of those most difficult things I had ever done. They were my friends, my brothers. Since phasing, we had shared everything. But this was something I needed to work through myself.

My heart had been torn through my chest, ripped to shreds, doused in acid and gasoline, and set on fire, before being shoved back into my chest. I missed my friends, my family, but most of all, I missed her.

Bella. Her face flashed in my memories, flushed and smiling, laughing in delight. Bella, laying in my arms that night in the clearing.

Bella, her eyes crimson red, her skin marble smooth, her bloodlust insatiable.

The steady rhythm of my paws failed as I stumbled over a root, before skidding to a stop. Letting out a low growl, I dipped my head, and tried to ignore the constriction in my chest, the burning sensation in my eyes.

I'm not comfortable in my own skin
I'm ashamed of being myself
I wear my shame I wear it all too well
And I don't have the words to work this out
Your reactions fill with doubt
I am shallow this is what I've found

I can't get to you
(I swear I've tried)
If I can't get to you
(I'll never love again)

I couldn’t tell you where I was. Since that day, I hadn’t phased once. I had become the wolf. Eating, sleeping, running, thinking. I had given my human self up to the animal in me. I thought I was somewhere in Canada, but I couldn’t be sure.

“Jake?”

I growled, swiping at my ear with my huge forepaw, although I knew it was futile. I had relinquished enough of my mind to the human me, and the pack knew.

“Jake, come home, man. Please.” Sam’s voice echoed in my mind, soft, kind; unlike the sonorous Alpha voice he could use if he so desired. I was surprised he hadn’t done so yet.

“I know you’re mad. I don’t blame you; the leech had no right sending you the invitation-“ I growled at the sound of Leah’s voice, my hackles raising at the reminder. Before I could let loose on her however, Seth cut it.

“HEY! Leah, watch it.” Seth cautioned, before continuing. “I know you’re pissed man, we don’t blame you. But Bella misses you; she calls me all the time looking for updates.” Leah spit a string of expletives in my mind; which I ignored. I slumped to the ground in a puddle of mud, not caring. My russet fur was already filthy from weeks without a proper washing.

Bella. My Bells missed me. Maybe there was hope yet?

I'm not comfortable in my own skin
I'm ashamed of being myself
I wear my shame I wear it all too well
And I don't have the words to work this out
Your reactions fill with doubt
I am shallow this is what I've found

I can't get to you
(I swear I've tried)
If I can't get to you
(I'll never love again)

When I woke, the sun was just setting; I must have been asleep for hours. I stood, shaking out my fur, stretching my sore muscles. All was quiet in my mind, and I set off into the forest, walking slowly, looking for dinner.

I felt my mouth stretch into a grin, as a feeling of warmth rushed through me at my dream.

***

I was lounging on the couch back in La Push. The house was quiet, except for the low murmurs emanating from the kitchen. Sue had dropped by with food for Billy and I, and not a second too soon, because I was starving. The scent of tacos reached my nose, making my mouth water. I stood, my bones crackling as I did so. I had taken no more than two steps towards the kitchen, before I heard the knock at the door. I paused, cocking my ear in that direction. How had I missed the sound of the approaching footsteps, or car.

The knocking continued, and I headed for the door.

“I’m coming, I’m coming. Hold your horses!” I called, yanking the door open.

Bella stood on my porch, a sweet little smile on her face, her cheeks flushed.

“Hello, Mr. Black.” She said cheekily, placing a hand on her hip. “Aren’t you going to invite me in?”

“Uhh…sure?” I replied, opening the door, and stepping back, confused. Where were the leeches? How’d Bella get here without them on her tail?

“I bet you’re wondering where Edward is.”Bella said, as if she had received his mind-reading ability. “You’re so obvious, Jake.” Bella laughed, her sweet laugh surrounding me, enticing me. She dropped down onto the worn couch, and patted the cushion next to her. I dropped down, and she scooted over, curling into my side. I draped my arm over her shoulders, and she let out a delighted little sigh.

“You’re so warm, Jake. It’s so nice. Unlike him.” Bella said, before looking up at me. I felt my brow furrow at the expression on her face; she had been so relaxed and happy, but now she was serious. She bowed her head, staring at her hands.

“What’s wrong, my love?” I asked, placing a hand under her chin, to redirect her focus. I knew I was pushing my limits, but I had to try. Bella took a deep breath, and picked up one of my hands in both of hers.

“Jake, I can’t be with him anymore. I’ve tried, and tried, but I just can’t do it.” My heart leapt, at Bella’s words. “He denies me everything I want, he treats me like a child, I can’t take it!” Bella said, biting her lip, her cheeks flaring in color.

“I’ve missed you Jake. So much. It’s been torture not being able to be with you.” Bella whispered, burying closer into my side. I wrapped my other arm around her, and pulled her into my lap, my heart beating a mile a minute. Bella rested her head against my chest, winding her arms around my neck. She looked up shyly.

“I love you Jake. I always have, and I always will. Please say you love me too?”Bella pleaded, her voice just above a whisper. I cleared my throat; it was dry as the desert. Ignoring the pounding of my heart, I bent down, until just an inch separated our lips.

“I love you Bella Swan. More than you could ever know.” I whispered in reply, before claiming her lips with my own.

***

For the first time since I had received the invitation, the anger and pain flowed from me, and I felt myself relax. Focusing my mind, I reared up on my hind legs, and phased back into human form, looking around the forest surrounding me.

For once, I noticed the brilliant greens of the trees, instead of the darkness, the desolate, cold areas.

I had a reason to want to be human again. Bella cared for me still. That must mean something, right?

I mentally counted the days, and swore under my breath. Her wedding was just a day away. Phasing back to wolf form, I took off, pushing myself harder than I had in a long time.

If I hurried, I could get there in time to stop Bella from making the biggest mistake of her life.

And you leave me with no choice
But to blow this out of the water
Now you leave me with no choice

If I can't get to you
(I swear I've tried)
If I can't get to you
(I'll never love again)
If I can't get to you
(I swear I've tried)
If I can't get to you
(I'll never love again)