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Fear and Fantasy

Summary:
There is no doubting how much Edward yearns for Bella. There is also no way of doubing the struggle he is going through to give into his desires while not killing her. This is the telling of their first night together on Isle Esme told from Edwards point of view. It starts from when they first get to the island. Please note that it is rated adult for a reason


Notes:
I have never written any kind of story before so please be kind. And as much as I would love to take credit for the characters and the story line, those honours go to Stephenie Meyer.


3. Chapter 3

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 2357   Review this Chapter

This is it , I thought. Just keep her safe!

I looked down at her, questioning her with my eyes. She knew exactly what I was asking her.

She stared deeply back and without a word, she nodded ‘yes’.

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I refused to take my eyes off her worried face. I put my left hand back down on the bed, both to brace myself, and more importantly, so that I wouldn’t accidently crush Bella. I gently pressed my body tighter onto hers and with one measured and cautious movement of my hips, I was inside her. We were together, connect as one.

Bella was immediately tense.

Her body jerked up slightly and quickly dropped back to the bed. Her beautiful brown eyes fell shut, forcing her eyebrows to pull together making a crinkle on her forehead. Her fingers were squeezed tightly into agonizing little fists and her mouth had fallen open as if she were about to scream or cry in pain, but nothing came out.

She was not breathing, but holding in the large gasp of air she had just inhaled.

I didn’t move. I was struck with more fear then I had ever felt in my entire existence. I was afraid that any movement I made would cause her even more agony.

I waited the longest 3 second in the history of the world before she started breathing rapidly, letting out fast gust of air and quickly drawing in more while biting her bottom lip. Her chest was unevenly shuttering and pulsing up and down with each sharp and panicked breath she was taking. Every so often, she held in a breath for a couple of seconds before letting it out, with a sharp, agonizing whimper leading it.

She released her hands from the angry fists and reached up to tightly grab my wrists, which were still beside her face. Slowly, she let her head roll to the side, resting it upon the back on my left hand. Her eyes peeked open.

“Bella?” It was all I could say, my voice cracking and breaking with fear and apology.

“Umm hmm”, she grunted. It was the first audible sound she made between her shaky breaths. “Just…give me a minute”. Her breathing was still intense and accelerated but was at least evening out.

“But you’re in pain. We shouldn’t…” I was completely torn. The part of me that loved Bella more than my own life was petrified that I had hurt her already. Scared that I would only keep hurting her and hurting her even worse if we continued.

But then there was a part of me that was feeling every part of Bella that I ever wanted to feel, a part that only wanted to push deeper inside her and never stop, a part of me that knew that there were no words for this feeling, that this was going to be a greater pleasure then I could have ever imagined, a raw, wild, uninhibited and yet unbelievably passionate moment. This part of my brain growled at my more sensible side, telling it to shut up and listen to my wife. She was asking for a minute, not yelling at me to get off her.

“I’m ok Edward,” she breathed, interrupting my two thoughts. My attention was immediately back on her. Her body was gaining control of itself. Her voice was almost steady and her eyes finally met mine. Although there was clear discomfort in them, her eyes shone with hope, and yearning. “This is a good pain. I want this.”

A good pain? Is Bella masochistic?

Before I could say anything, she moved her hips upward, ever so slowly, as if to test her own pain threshold. The movement made me slide deeper within her. A rush of intensity streamed through my body. This was the most amazing and powerful experience imaginable. Both the animal and human desires were being fed but screaming inside me for more.

I uncontrollably let out a gust of air, while Bella’s eyes snapped shut and she bit her bottom lips again. A soft sound escaped from her throat, a sound that was both a whine and a moan. I kept my eyes glued on her face, constantly searching for the sign that this was too much for her to handle.

After a couple of seconds, she gently thrust again. I matched her movement this time, making our bodies move together. We were slowly grinding our bodies together, over…and over…and over again. It was very slow, but indescribable. With each movement, I was being pushed even deeper into the woman I loved.

Each move we made caused Bella to react. Every time I pushed into her, her body would contract and quiver, which was causing mine to do the same. We were truly one at this moment. Equals.

I kept staring at her closed eyes, hoping she would finally open them and let me see her, see what she was thinking and how she was feeling. But instead of opening her eyes, her tiny, precious, soft lips slowly turned up into a delicate smile before parting and let out a breathy sigh.

Her smile was pure, full of pleasure and desire. She was not hurt or in pain, she was happy. But happy was not the right word, happy did not encompass everything that her smile held. There were signs of pleasure, passion, desire, yearning, ecstasy and above all, absolute craving. She had only gotten a taste of what our love could be and she was hungry for more. She wanted more of me and I wanted her in the exact same way.

I had never been so close, so intimate with Bella, but greedily, I only wanted more. I wanted more of her. I was yearning for it. The feel of her softness and her warmth around me was more powerful and amazingly more alluring than even her blood. I wanted it, I needed it. I could not get enough of this moment. I was craving her so much that I was worried I was going to lose control.

Bella’s eyes finally met mine. We were locked into each other’s gaze. I was staring deep into them with intense hunger and her look told me the exact same. Our bodies were moving together faster and with slightly more intensity. I wanted to push our bodies together even faster and harder, but every time I pushed into her, it reminded me of how fragile she actually was.

I had to take this slowly, with caution, as much as I wanted to throw that caution out the window and ravage my wife.

Bella’s hands slid up my arms, across my shoulders and wrapped around the back of my neck. She slowly pulled me closer to her until our lips met.

It was a very deep kiss. Our lips were moving together with each thrust of our bodies, only stopping when Bella’s breath would hitch and she would breathe soft moans into my mouth.

I tasted her warm breath and uncontrollably let out an animalistic growl against her lips, capturing them once again with mine. My body started moving faster against hers while my left hand gripped around her shoulder, then slid down the left side of her trembling body. It came to rest around her ribcage, holding too tightly and pulling her closer.

Careful!!! I roared at myself. Bella wasn’t complaining but I could feel the pressure of my hand against her body. I could feel each of her ribs under her skin and each erratic contraction of her lungs. The control I had always had around her was almost gone.

My lips and hips were crashing harder into her causing her body to shudder. I could feel her quickening breath against my lips. I removed mine from hers immediately and moved my lips and my tongue along the right side of her jaw, slowly down her neck and rested on her collarbone.

Her body was starting to sweat with the intensity of our intimacy, and it only made her taste more intoxicating.

I wanted more. Wanted to taste every inch of her pulsing body, to feel her shake and tremble with desire under my touch. Her head fell back as I continued to taste her neck. Her breath was so erratic that her whole body was slightly shaking.

“Edward” softly slipped out between her swollen lips.

I pulled my mouth away from her to look into her eyes. I needed to see her, to see what if I was still causing her pleasure, or if my touch was too much, too rough.

Her eyes were crinkled shut and her bottom jaw was loose. There was a look of pain on her face but her hands were moving down my back and pulling our bodies impossibly closer together.

I could tell that she was trying to hold herself together. I ran both my hands, one by one, up her strained arms, removed them from behind my back and threw them hastily above her head. This caused her body to arch, pushing her tighter around me. She let out a loud whimper that was pure ecstasy to my ears.

I pressed my lips against her neck once again, not wanting to stop the erotic sounds coming out of her mouth. I vigorously kissed her, once again letting my tongue taste as much of her as possible. The feel of her body, her scent and her taste were completely addictive and I just couldn’t contain myself. My body uncontrollably started to move with more urgency against hers.

“Edw…” gasped out between breaths as I could feel Bella tightening around me.

I pushed deeper into her, each motion craving and intense. I could feel her insides contracting against me. Until this moment, I didn’t think that the pleasure of being with Bella could be any more powerful or any more challenging.

My hands slipped away from her wrists, immediately bracing themselves against the pillows surrounding Bella head, ripping them apart. At the same time, Bella’s hands fell to her side and grabbed fistfuls of comforter.

With the last few hungry thrusts, Bella’s body went rigid, pressing itself tightly against me. She let out a desperate cry that was as if her body could not contain itself and a hot rush flew throughout my entire body, eliminating any control that still remained.

I could feel my lips pulling back over my teeth as I quickly moved my mouth from her neck and sank my teeth into the pillow that was inches away from her face. I stayed there, pressed tightly into Bella’s body until the rush I felt escaped.

Both our bodies fell back onto the bed. We stayed there, my body still on top of Bella’s, both of us trying to catch our breath. Bella was still slightly shaking and I still had my face buried into the now non-existent pillow.

It took me a couple of second to regain control of myself and my mind immediately raced with thoughts of Bella.

Is she ok? Did I hurt her? Is she broken? I can’t believe I didn’t stop this. What if she never forgives me for hurting her, for taking advantage of her?

What have I done?

I slowly pushed myself off of her, noticing for the first time the consequences of our actions. Bella’s white and glistening body was completely assaulted. Her lips were swollen, and there were bruises on her cheek and chin from where I was kissing her too roughly. The rest of her body had bruises everywhere, which, to my horror, looked exactly the size and shape of my hand and fingers. I gently placed my left hand over the bruise against her ribcage. The markings on her body matched my grip exactly. Oh no!

Bella had gained control of her breath and her body as I started to push myself completely off of her to examine the extent of the damage I caused.

“Edward”, she whispered, looking me deep in the eyes. She looked tired and weak. She reached up and cupped her hands on the side of my face.

I couldn’t look at her. I was so full of shame. My eyes fell to her body, but landed on the bruises. I winced and turned my head away from her. “Bella, I’m so…” I didn’t know how to finish the sentence. What do I say to my wife who is now covered with bruises from my lips and hands? I’m sorry? Sorry is not good enough. You can’t say or do anything to make this better. The only thing that you can hope for is that she doesn’t run or cower away.

“I love you” slipped out of her mouth as her hands fell from my cheeks and she nodded off to sleep.

The last thing I wanted Bella to think about before her dreams came was how sorry I was and how much I loved her. I rolled onto my side, being extremely careful as I gently wrapped my arm around her naked body and whispered with as much sympathy as I could into her ear.

“I love you too. I’m so sorry, Bella.”

She rolled over into me, pressing her body against mine and resting her head against my shoulder. She breathed a sigh of relief and comfort onto by chest before drifting deeper into her sleep.

We stayed there all night, our bodies wrapped together. I would sporadically kiss the bruises within my reach, whispering apologies with each kiss. Tonight I would comfort and hold her. She was happy in my arms and I would not disturb her peaceful slumber. Tonight both our desired had been satisfied, but I did not know what consequences the morning would bring.