It's been six long months now since Edward was killed by James. The rest of the Cullens have long since moved away. I feel more and more like this hole in my heart will be the death of me. They say everything happens for a reason, but I don't believe that anymore. Rated Adult for later chapters. This is not going to be one of those Bella's in love with Jacob by the fifth chapter, things are going to get bad before they get better. :D
This story takes place as if James killed Edward and the rest of the Cullens killed James. Bella's safely back in Forks, and she's starting to emerge from her loneliness, venturing outside the safety of her own thoughts.
3. It Was Only A Dream
Rating 5/5 Word Count 1417 Review this Chapter
My eyes opened slowly, and I realized that I had dozed off on Jacob's couch, snuggled down under his arm. Immediately, I sat up and looked over at Jacob, who was also sleeping, sort of slumped over where I'd been leaning. My movement pulled him out of his sleep.
“Huh? What? What's going on?” he said, sleepily. I couldn't help but smile at him, watching him as he reached up to his long, tousled hair. He smoothed it the best he could before he sat up, looking down at me.
“Good morning, sleeping beauty,” I said sarcastically, smiling still. Jacob just grinned, that charming, happy grin of his. We both sat up straight and stretched a bit. I pushed the blanket away from me, suddenly much warmer than was comfortable. Jacob picked it up and folded it neatly, pushing the folded blanket into the corner of the couch, against the back and sort of wedged between the cushion and the arm.
“Wow, I didn't realize it was so close to dinner time,” Jacob said, patting his stomach as it growled, quite loudly. I glanced at the clock that hung on the wall, noticing that the time was just before 6:30 now. I sighed and stood up, looking down myself at the button down shirt of Jacob's, and his sweat pants, that barely clung to my hips. I looked back up at his face, and he was watching me, too. I blushed, and turned to walk to where my damp clothes were piled by the door.
“It's alright, Bella, you just wear my stuff home, I'll come get it from you later,” he said, and I turned to look at him. I nodded slowly, and just picked up the wet clothes.
“Okay. Sure,” I said, and smiled again, holding the clothes to my stomach as I started to walk out. Jacob jumped up and walked outside with me, walking me to my truck. He reached out and opened the driver's side door once we got there.
“When do you think you'll be coming back down to visit?” Jacob asked, his voice hopeful but nonchalant, as if he was trying to hide his enthusiasm. I watched him for a moment before I turned to push my damp clothes across the seat and into the passenger's side floor. I thought for a few second before I turned back around to Jacob.
“I'll visit again soon. I promise,” I said, smiling to him. The twinkle in his eyes grew significantly when I promised I'd come back sometime soon. He grinned and threw his arms around me, crushing me into his chest, hugging me tightly. I gasped and hugged him back then pulled away.
“See you later, Bella!” he said happily as he helped me into my truck, shutting the door behind me. He couldn't contain himself, I guess, because he ran back to the house, sprinting up onto the porch and into the house. I didn't know what he was up to, but I couldn't help laugh at him to myself. Shaking my head, I fished my key out of the wet pants, cranking the truck. The engine roared to life, and I drove away from his house, headed back to Charlie's.
By the time I got back to Charlie's house, he'd already decided to order pizza. I shook my head as he offered up some crazy excuse about not knowing how long I'd be gone. Of course, I just assumed he knew I'd be home in time to fix dinner. Something healthy, something sensible. Not pizza. Charlie had also already eaten before I got home, and was sitting in front of the television, watching an old rerun of Matlock. I ate, cleaned the kitchen and went to my room, dropping the wet laundry into my hamper. I heard Charlie trudge up the stairs and into his room. I sighed a little and sat down on the bed, looking out my window. I still hadn't really gotten over the lonely nights. I was far too used to Edward being here, holding me while I slept.
A force of habit, I guess it was. I opened my window. I knew he'd never show up, but I still had to open my window, just in case. I knew without a doubt that he'd never come to my house again, he'd never sneak into my room again. I watched as James tore him into pieces, and set them on fire. I could still hear the maniacal laughter of the vampire as he tore my love apart. With every wet pop I heard as he dislocated Edward's extremities, then tore them apart, my heart broke that much more. All the pain came flooding back, and I choked back a sob. No, not now. Please, not now, I tried to reason with myself. Things were beginning to look up for me. I wasn't constantly in pain anymore. The hole in my chest had begun to stop burning so sharply. I lifted a hand to my mouth to try to contain the sobs I knew were coming. I couldn't help it. I walked to the bedroom door and turned my back to it, staring out the window. I wondered to myself if the fall would only hurt me, or if it'd do more permanent damage. Maybe I'd break my neck. Then it would all end.
Horrified at my thoughts, I pressed my back against the door and slid down, silently crying now. I couldn't believe that things could all come back so easily. I remembered Edward begging and pleading with James not to hurt me, but to take him instead. Spare my life. He did, at least the physical aspect. With Edward gone, true happiness was a foreign subject. Smiling was difficult, if not impossible. When I was with Jacob, I was a ghost of what I used to be. I was not nearly as happy as I should have been. I didn't know what it was like to be happy anymore.
I sat there on the floor of my bedroom, crying into my hands. Slowly, I pulled my knees up to my chest and hugged them tightly, still silently sobbing. In my mind, I replayed every moment with him, every look, every touch. I remembered what his cold skin felt like, his eyes, the sparkle of his skin in the sunlight. Even his voice came back to me. The soft, velvet voice that would sing me to sleep on the nights I was so restless. I missed his bronze hair, and his little smirk. More than anything, I missed him humming my lullaby as I snuggled against his chest.
Before I knew it, I'd leaned over on the floor, still curled in a ball, crying. Eventually, I drifted off to sleep, dreaming about the night Edward was killed. The memory replayed in my mind, every detail exaggerated, dialogue that hadn't been there now surfaced. In my dream, the Cullens had turned on me as well, aiding James in his quest to end my life. Of course, I knew that wasn't how it happened. James killed Edward and then came after me, going against what he said. I should've known when we made that agreement, I should've offered myself to save Edward. Instead, he killed Edward and began pursuing me again. Alice jumped on him, wrenching his head off of his body with little effort, throwing it into the same fire that ended Edward's life for good.
I woke up as the image of James' face laughing at me came into view. I screamed, scrambling against the door, looking around the room in sheer terror. I realized I was safe, in my bedroom, and calmed down.
“Bells?” I heard Charlie call my name from outside my door, his voice thick with sleep. I stood up and opened the door, shaking like a rattlesnake's tail. My Dad looked at me like he'd seen a ghost.
“I'm fine, Dad. I promise. I just had a nightmare, that's all,” I said matter of factly before I nodded to him and turned away, shutting the door behind me. Without another word, I climbed into my bed, hugged my pillow, and tried my hardest to go back to sleep.