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The Coven That Knew too Little

Summary:
When an odd new coven that has weird conditions shows up in Forks that's on the run from a group that makes the Volturi look like pushovers, anything can happen.


Notes:
The title is a varitation of the movie title, "The Man Who Knew too Little," Starring Bill Murray.


1. Dart's Coven.

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1864   Review this Chapter

The Cullens Point-of-View: CRACK! The sound reverberated through the humid Washington air. Rosalie had hit the baseball again, and it had gone flying off towards the woods. She started running from home base, heading to first. Alice grinned, but smelled and odd scent on the wind, which was blowing from the woods. She turned to that direction and concentrated on the smell. It smelled like . . . more vampires, three at least. “Carlisle!” She yelled out. “I think that we’ve got visitors!” Carlisle turned to get a better look at the new arrivals. There were three of them, two males and one female, and they were walking out from the woods in a somewhat triangular formation. They had heard the Cullens’ game and were walking towards them. When suddenly, out of the blue, a man literally appeared next to the lead male and had knocked him over. A female had fallen out of the trees and crushed the one female of the three vampires. Two more males had come out of the brush, and one of them jerked his arm and the second male vampires head flew from his shoulders. The Cullens were mortified at this spectacle. Who where these strange people? Why hadn’t the other vampires realized they were there? The odd people looked as shocked as the Cullens were that they had killed the other vampires, and then one turned and saw the Cullens. He waved at them, but his arm looked odd. They started walking towards them. Also, more people had come out of the woods. There were a total of four males and three females. There was an extremely short guy and a giant walking next to each other, one female was clutching her stomach like she was sick, another female was hopping towards them and there was a Goth female. The male that had waved looked like he was constantly stuck in a strobe light because of his rapid movements, and the last male looked like he was whipping his arm at invisible bees. The strobe-light guy “walked’ up to Carlisle. His mouth immediately changed to a smile and his hand appeared in front of him to shake hands with Carlisle. “Hello, fellow. My name is Dart. The two behind me,” He gestured to ‘Miss Hopper’ and the invisible-bee guy, “Are Sheila and Jerk. I’ll introduce the other four in a moment.” Carlisle put on his most believable smile and replied, “Nice to meet you, um, Dart. I’m Dr. Carlisle; this is my wife, Esme, and our children, Emmett, Jasper, Alice, Rosalie, Edward and his girlfriend Bella.” Dart’s mouth started moving again. “Nice to meet you, Carlisle. Have you any idea who those people were that we had an…um, accident with? If they were your friends, I’m so sorry. We really had no idea!” “Oh no, we have never seen them before.” He assured them. “But how were you able to do that to them? They were vampires, like us. Like you.” Dart was quite for a moment. “Well, all seven of us are burdened with strange afflictions. Lots of vampires have powers, we have problems. For some unknown reason, I can only move in short rapid movements. I am sure that you have realized this by know, right? Well, Sheila here thinks that she’s a talking vampire kangaroo. Jerk—“ “A kangaroo?! HAHAHAHAHA!! That’s hilarious!” Emmett was doubled over from laughter. Sheila hopped up to him and kicked him square in the gut. Needless to say, Emmett wasn’t laughing anymore. He leapt back up and crouched over, ready to fight. Sheila was hopping all around him, arms up and ready to fight, like those boxing kangaroo’s from the cartoons. “Sheila! Down!” Dart barked at her. She stopped for a second, glared in his direction, and hopped back over. “He laughed at me . . .” she said sullenly. Dart responded, “Yes, I know, sweetie, but you have to stop kicking people. Remember that midget named Ponsbury in Helsinki?” Her eyes widened. “Oh. Yeah. I was used to kicking their stomachs, but he was a human and was so short . . .” Dart grimaced. “Yes. That’s why you have to stop.” The Cullens were getting really weirded out from this bizarre coven. Jerk was still swatting at invisible flies. “So you’re Dart, and she’s Sheila, and this is Jerk, right? Why do you call him that?” Emmett laughed and said, “Maybe ‘cause he is one!” Jerk just glared at him. Before any violence could ensue, Dart said, “He’s called Jerk because of his arm movements. He has absolutely no control over it.” q95; Carlisle asked, “Now how about introducing the rest of your friends. I’m should we’d be glad to meet them.” He could hear Emmett mumbling under his breath behind him. “Why sure. You’ve already met Sheila and Jerk. This is Carl,” he said, and an extremely short guy stepped forward. “Guy.” He pointed at the giant dude, who smiled and said “Hi.” “Andrea.” The female who was holding her stomach waved meekly. “Illoete.” The Goth girl smiled and started talking. “. . . nice to Meet YOU! ADFERGITY!” Dart looked embarrassed. “She always starts talking in whispers, but then she ends up yelling, and then she babbles incoherently.” Now the Cullens were very freaked out. Emmett thought that they were retarded or something, Carlisle thought that they were a Volturi hit group sent to kill them, and Jasper was checking out the Goth. “Well, everyone, it’s nice to meet you . . . Do you have a place to stay? I’m sure we could make room for you at our house.” “That’s very generous of you, Carlisle. We don’t really have anywhere ever to stay. We tend to just wander around and camp wherever because of our ‘conditions.’ If you really want us to stay at your house, then yes, we accept your invitation.” ‘Their’ Point-of-View: They trudged on through the muggy forest. Dart was in the lead of the group, with Shelia hopping though the trees behind him. Guy had Carl on his shoulder and was, as always, bringing up the rear since they were the best fighters, and Andrea and Jerk were in the middle. They were keeping up a reasonable pace, since they were sure that The Family was not far behind them. Dart was beside himself with nervousness. How was he supposed to know that the Family controlled and protected that town? If he had known, he was certain that he wouldn’t have fed there. The came into a small break in the forest, which was not more then five feet wide, and there were three people there. No, not people--vampires. Adrenaline and instincts kicked in, and before he realized what he had done, he had knocked down and killed the lead vampire. Sheila had seen this and leapt out of the trees and landed on another of the vampires, while Jerk had come out and whapped the third. Carl and Guy had come running when they heard the fighting, and were disappointed that they missed out on it. They all looked down at the dead vampires, worried that they were from The Family, when Andrea went running back into the forest, and moments later a retching sound was heard. Carl started crying when he heard this, and then Sheila started hopping around again. She began grunting and pointing down the forest break. There were several people, at least seven but maybe more, they couldn’t tell from this far away. Dart said. “Ok, guys. I don’t think that these vamps were from The Family, but those out there might be. Sheila, Jerk, you stay behind me, and the rest follow at about five yards behind us. Let me do the talking. And Sheila,” He looked straight at her. “No kicking.” She looked disappointed. “Oh, alright.” A minute or so later, they had walked up to the other vampires and said to the one in front, “Hello, fellow. My name is Dart.” He then introduced Sheila and Jerk, and mentioned the others. The other vampire introduced himself as Carlisle, and his wife and kids. ‘Now this is interesting. A human with these vampires?’ Nice to meet you, Carlisle. Have you any idea who those people were that we had an accident with? If they were your friends, I’m sorry. We really had no idea!” He assured him that they hadn’t and asked him about their ‘powers.’ Dart explained, but when he got to the part about Sheila and her kangaroo-ism, one of them, ‘Emmett wasn’t it?’ started laughing and making fun of her. Before Dart could stop her, she had hopped over and kicked him. He fell over but got up again, ready to fight. Dart almost panicked, but kept his cool and said”Sheila! Down!” She reluctantly came back over and complained. Dart politely reminded her, “Yes, I know, sweetie, but you have to stop kicking people. Remember that midget named Ponsbury in Helsinki?” Her eyes widened. “Oh. Yeah. I was used to kicking their stomachs, but he was a human and was so short . . .” Dart smiled. “Yes. That’s why you have to stop.” Carlisle asked why Jerk was called Jerk. The one called Emmett laughed and said, “Maybe ‘cause he is one!” Jerk just glared at him. Before any violence could ensue, Dart said, “He’s called Jerk because of his arm movements. He has absolutely no control over it.” ‘I’ll have to keep an eye on this “Emmett”’ Carlisle then asked him, “Now how about introducing the rest of your friends. I’m should we’d be glad to meet them.” Dart could very easily hear Emmett mumbling under his breath behind Carlisle and glared at him. “Why sure. You’ve already met Sheila and Jerk. This is Carl,” Carl stepped towards them, and Dart could have swore that he heard Emmett snicker. “Guy.” Guy simply said “Hi.” As usual. “Andrea.” Andrea was still holding her stomach and waved meekly. “Illoete.” She smiled and started talking. But only Dart and his group could hear the whole sentence “Hello, it’s very Nice To MEET YOU! ADFERGITY!” Dart was very embarrassed. “She always starts talking in whispers, but then she ends up yelling, and then she babbles incoherently.” He explained. And was it just him, or was that Jasper character checking out Illoete? “Well, everyone, it’s nice to meet you . . . Do you have a place to stay? I’m sure we could make room for you at our house.” Carlisle offered. “That’s very generous of you, Carlisle. We don’t really have anywhere ever to stay. We tend to just wander around and camp wherever because of our ‘conditions.’ If you really want us to stay at your house, then yes, we accept your invitation.” Dart smiled. Now he doubted that these were Family agents. And if they did show up, they might have a little extra help in the certain upcoming battle.