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Tears of an Angel

Summary:
This is a missing scene from New Moon told from Edward's perspective. It's when Edward calls Bella's house to find out from Charlie whether or not she's dead, but talks to Jacob instead.


Notes:


1. Chapter 1

Rating 3/5   Word Count 1414   Review this Chapter

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Preface: “Thou detestable maw, thou womb of death, / Gorged with the dearest morsel of the earth, / Thus I enforce thy rotten jaws to open, / And in despite I’ll cram thee with more food” (Romeo and Juliet, Act V, Scene III).

She can’t be…she just can’t be…I couldn’t think the word. I couldn’t even consider the possibility.

I could feel myself going numb, almost as if I was going into shock. This didn’t seem real to me. If she were really gone, I would feel it, wouldn’t I?

I needed to know the truth.

Without thinking, I flipped open my cell phone and dialed the number that would either save my life or end it. For if by some miracle, Alice’s vision turned out to be some hideous mistake, I would make my way back to Forks immediately and beg my reason for being to forgive me. However, if by some sick twist of fate, the vision turned out to be true, I would find a way to escape the unbearable pain that would be mine.

“Swan residence,” a husky voice answered low and intense. I wasn’t expecting this voice, but I didn’t take the time to ask who it was. I had much more pressing matters to clarify.

“This is Doctor Carlisle Cullen,” I used my father’s name to avoid any hostility. “May I please speak with Charlie?”

The voice on the other end paused for a moment. I didn't know why, but I had the strangest feeling that this person knew he was speaking with a vampire.

“He’s not here,” the voice replied, and the words were menacing, seeming to confirm my prediction.

“It’s very important that I speak with him. Could you please tell me where he is?”

“He’s at the funeral.”

I automatically cut off the phone.

No…oh, please no! Not her!

I turned into an ice sculpture, unable to contemplate the impossibility of his words.

I didn’t need my dead, frozen heart to live, but I felt like it had been violently ripped from my chest, leaving a gaping, open wound. I wanted to tear it out myself.

So, it was true. The most beautiful living thing imaginable had been ripped away from this world. I couldn’t even think her name because I couldn’t wrap my mind around the atrocity of such an idea.

I barely noticed the weight of my body buckle beneath me as I slunk to the floor, burying my face in my hands.

How could this happen? How? I was absent from her life as was my entire vampire family. The danger that had been omnipresent had been taken away. That was the one truth that had kept me going through these last agonizing months. She was safe. The one I loved more than my own life was safe from me and from the danger of my world. How then could this have happened?

Through my tortured and unwilling mind, I remembered Rosalie’s words:

“It’s too late for her, Edward. She’s gone. Alice saw her jumping from a cliff and landing in a riptide. She didn’t break the surface again.”

Her words had seemed guilty, remorseful even. Rosalie had never liked the pale-skinned, dark-haired human girl I had fallen in love with, so for her to show even an ounce of remorse told me that it must be true.

As I ran the detestable words back in my head, I picked up on a verb that had escaped me before. I had been too caught up in the statement to notice anything particular, but now it screamed inside my head.

Jumped?! She had jumped from the cliff?! For the love of all that is holy! It was suicide! It wasn’t some hateful, out-of-control van that crushed her in its path. It wasn’t a group of vile, repulsive gang rapists. It wasn’t even a sadistic, hunting vampire that had made her his target. She had willingly jumped from that cliff and ended her own life!

To anyone watching me, I would appear blank and lifeless; like a soldier who has just witnessed the most violent, appalling massacre. Inwardly, I shrieked and writhed in agony.

WHY?! WHY did she do this?! What could possibly have been happening inside her head?! She was young…she was beautiful…she was PERFECT! She had everything in the world to live for, and she had been free to live her life without any interference from me!

“I’d rather die than stay away from you,” the words resounded in my head as clearly as if they had been spoken in my ear.

Instinctively, I whipped my head around, looking for the source of the voice, but I could see nothing.

“I’d rather die than be with anyone but you.” Again, her words rang as audibly as if she were standing right here.

I recalled her words with perfect clarity, and then it hit me like a lightening bolt…

She had everything in the world to live for…except me. When I left, she had everything I thought she would need to live a long and happy human life. She had her family and friends, she had health and strength and most importantly, she had her humanity safely in tact. She had everything she had had before I came into her life. As far as I knew, she had always been reasonably happy. So, it must have been my absence that had driven her to this extreme.

“I dream about being with you forever,” her voice was nothing more than a beautiful memory.

What had I done? Even without my physical presence, I was a danger to her. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to be! She was supposed to forget about me and find happiness again with someone else…someone human.

But maybe…maybe my carefully laid-out plan had been hopelessly flawed from the beginning. Maybe the only real danger to her had been my absence. My memory of her declarations took on a whole new meaning. I couldn’t deny the possibility that perhaps she had been in far deeper than I would have believed possible for a human. Maybe she really did love me as much as I loved her. Impossible, I had thought. But perhaps this had been the truth all along, and I had been too stubborn to realize it.

A strange combination of devastation and fury raged inside of me. All she had wanted was a life with me. I had denied her that and now there wasn’t anything I could do to change it. She was gone…and so was my reason for being.

I had killed her. I may not have had any physical hand in it, but it was still true. With my departure, I may as well have signed her death warrant. I was a monster who didn’t deserve to live. I always knew I would never outlive her by long, and now the only thing I could think about was planning my execution.

But how to do it? Emmett and Jasper would never help…

My thoughts immediately returned to her ill-fated birthday, when we had watched Romeo and Juliet die. I had told her about the Volturi and how they were the best means for one of my kind to die.

I also remembered how vehemently she had opposed the idea of me killing myself.

“No matter what might ever happen to me, you are not allowed to hurt yourself!”

I’m sorry, Bella. I don’t want to dishonor your request, but what am I supposed to do without you? How am I supposed to live everyday of forever, knowing that you’re not here? I can’t do it. I don’t even want to try. At this point, no one could do worse to me than what I’d done to myself.

And so my mind was set. I would make my way to Italy and provoke the ancient ones into ending my miserable existence. I could only hope they would oblige.