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The Beginning of Forever

What if Bella had went back to Phoenix after Edward left her? What if Laurent had found her and Jake and the other wolves weren’t around to protect her? My version of New Moon. Picks up after Edward and the rest of the Cullens leave Forks. R & R!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of it's characters. All credit goes to Stephanie Meyer.

1. Depths of Despair

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The sun is something that I try to avoid at all costs, like the plague. How odd that was when only a year ago it was what I loved the most. But that had been before... Now, I avoided it as much as I possibly could, which was terribly difficult in sunny Phoenix, Arizona. Difficult, but not impossible. I’m nothing but determined.

When I agreed to come back to Phoenix with my mom, I had some conditions. I already had more than enough credits at my old high school to graduate early. So my first condition was that I wouldn’t have to go back to school. My parents easily agreed to this, considering the fact that I would still receive a diploma.

My next condition was a little harder to sell them on. I didn’t want my mom to have to move back in our house in Phoenix and leave Phil in Jacksonville. The whole point in me moving to Forks in the first place was so that she could have some time alone with Phil and not have to worry about me. Just because that had fallen through didn’t mean that I was going to give up on that hope for my mom.

I had won out in the end. My mom’s want to be with Phil on the road and Charlie’s need to get me out of Forks made them accept my condition. And the fact that I “already act like a middle-aged woman” as my mom put it helped my odds.

My third, last, and most important condition: no one ever speak to me about the reason as to why I was now back in Phoenix. No one was ever to mention his name or any of their names ever again. Hell, I couldn’t even think of them to myself without having a panic attack. Not that that didn’t stop me from falling apart all the time. Which is why I always tried to keep myself busy, keep my mind from being able to wonder. The worst part was at night, when I crawled into bed. Well, technically I guess I should say day. Somewhere along the way of trying to avoid the sun as much as possible, my days and nights had gotten reversed. Which didn’t bother me. I loved the darkness.

I knew that I had changed in the year that I had been away, and not all for the good. Most of the changed had happened in the last 4 months. Ever since they left me... I was quieter. I didn’t socialize at all. The only people I ever talked to were Charlie and Renee’, and on the rare occasion, Phil. Even then I didn’t talk too much. It hurt to talk, mostly because then I could hear how different my voice had become. It had a hallow quality to it, empty. Even I noticed there was no emotion in it. It made me shiver to think about it. But that really was the only thing that even semi scared me anymore.

Dark alleys, walking by myself in the middle of the night, shadows, all of the stuff that would have scared my shitless 4 months ago didn’t anymore. I just couldn’t find any real reason to be scared. I knew what was out there, the real monsters that stalked the night. And to tell the truth, even the thought of them didn’t scare me anymore. Part of me was starting to think that I had dreamed up the past year of my life and all of the things that happened. But then all I had to do was look down at the crescent shaped scar on my hand and feel the coldness of it compared to the rest of my skin to know that it had not been a dream.

I didn’t have a job. My mom’s house was paid off, and Phil’s salary was large enough to pay the few bills that accumulated here. I usually slept most of the day, keeping the curtains drawn tight against the windows so that I wouldn’t let any of the sun in. By night, I would usually wonder around the city, searching for something but not quite sure what it was.

Okay, that’s a lie. I know exactly what I’m looking for every night when I walk the streets of Phoenix. Some sign of them. Well, not them exactly, but more like some sign of their kind. Something, anything to make me positive that I didn’t make up all of the events of the past year. With every passing day it seemed more and more like a dream.

As I left the house, I decided to go the one place that I had been avoiding since I’d been back in Phoenix. Not because I was scared, more or less because I knew it would remind me of them, of him. But I knew that I couldn’t avoid it for long.

As I rounded the corner, the ballet studio came into view; I felt the hole that seemed to be forever gaping open inside of me rip open even more. It looked so creepy, so forlorn against the dark night sky.

It looked completely unstable. The outside walls were blackened and burnt. All of the windows were blown out.

My feet seemed to have a mind of their own. Next thing I knew, I was standing at the studio’s door. I knew I shouldn’t go in. The thing looked like it could collapse at any given moment. But I did anyway.

The inside looked a million times worse than the outside. It was almost unrecognizable. The fire had totally gutted out the place. There were broken pieces of the mirrors everywhere on the floor. It smelled of burnt wood and gasoline.

As I walked further in, I saw the bloodstains that were on the floor; my blood. I looked closer, and saw that some of the mirror shards were covered with blood, too. It all came at once.

Finding out that James had my mother. Ditching Alice and Jasper to go “save her”. Coming here, to the studio, to find out it had all been a ruse that James had came up with to lure me to him alone. James throwing me across the room, the sound my leg made as he stepped on it and the bone snapped like a twig, the blinding hot sensation I felt as his venom swept through my veins.... His sweet lips as he sucked the venom out of me.

Somewhere during my flashbacks, I had sunk to the floor. I was kneeling with my arms wrapped tightly around my torso, as if I could hold myself together and keep the hole from tearing me in two. I could feel it coming on, the hysteria. I couldn’t control it. Whenever I thought about them it was inevitable that the falling apart would happen soon after. I was about two seconds away from being a balling lump on the floor when I heard it; the sound of footsteps.