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Anguish

Summary:
Edward finally finds out what he did to Bella, and when he does, it isn't pretty... Set in New Moon, on the plane home to Forks. MAJOR ANGST


Notes:
Okay, this might sound like the mad ramblings of your average lunatic, but I swear I am not addicted to any illegal substances: When I read New Moon, I got really mad at Edward for leaving Bella. I just thought he was so stupid. Then I read Eclipse and Breaking Dawn, so I cooled down a bit. But I still nursed that old grudge. This story was a way to vent out my anger and for Edward to get the telling-off he deserves. This story is short, but majorly angsty and hopefully good. Enjoy!


1. Chapter 1

Rating 5/5   Word Count 918   Review this Chapter

Anguish

The plane ride was long, and Alice had a lot to tell me.

Bella was asleep, and I liked it that way. She hadn’t slept for over twenty-four hours, according to Alice. I needed time to think, as well. I was in the middle of this process when Alice piped up again. Edward. We need to talk. NOW. Her tone surprised me. She sounded…well, furious, which is an emotion only displayed on her features when Carlisle or Esme prevent her next shopping spree.

I glanced toward my favorite sister, sitting beside me on the first-class upholstery. Her arms were crossed, her head tilted back, her eyes closed. Edward, I have something to tell you.

Then, she opened her eyes.

Eyes filled with emotions I had never seen my sister direct at me. Hate, fury, loss, but most dominant of all, anguish. Before I had time to feel shocked, she was screaming at me in her head. I can’t believe you. You leave Bella, thinking up lame excuses to cause her pain, then just waltz back into her life like nothing ever happened! Well, guess what? It DID. So you and I had just better get some facts straight. You are an IDIOT, you don’t deserve Bella, and you should never have left!

I was overwhelmed. “Alice, I –”

Save it! I don’t care what you have to say! Here’s WHY I think you should just crawl into that corner and shrivel up like the monster you are!

I didn’t want to hear this. I didn’t want to absorb the truths Alice was shouting at me. But before I had time to do anything, my mind was filled with a torrent of memories, thoughts, feelings, images.

An old, cozy kitchen, Chief Swan sitting across the table.

“How bad was it, Charlie?”

Charlie sighs, a spasm of pain shooting across his worn face. “Real bad.”

Tell me about it. I want to know exactly what happened when we left.”

The Chief pauses to heat up his food, then speaks. "I've never felt so helpless," he begins slowly. "I didn't know what to do. That first week—I thought I was going to have to hospitalize her. She wouldn't eat or drink, she wouldn't move. Dr. Gerandy was throwing around words like 'catatonic,' but I didn't let him up to see her. I was afraid it would scare her.”

"She snapped out of it though?"

"I had Renee come to take her to Florida . I just didn't want to be the one… if she had to go to a hospital or something. I hoped being with her mother would help. But when we started packing her clothes, she woke up with a vengeance. I've never seen Bella throw a fit like that. She was never one for the tantrums, but, boy, did she fly into a fury. She threw her clothes everywhere and screamed that we couldn't make her leave—and then she finally started crying. I thought that would be the turning point. I didn't argue when she insisted on staying here… and she did seem to get better at first…"

“But?”

"She went back to school and work, she ate and slept and did her homework. She answered when someone asked her a direct question. But she was… empty. Her eyes were blank. There were lots of little things—she wouldn't listen to music anymore; I found a bunch of CDs broken in the trash. She didn't read; she wouldn't be in the same room when the TV was on, not that she watched it so much before. I finally figured it out—she was avoiding everything that might remind her of… him.

"We could hardly talk; I was so worried about saying something that would upset her—the littlest things would make her flinch—and she never volunteered anything. She would just answer if I asked her something.

"She was alone all the time. She didn't call her friends back, and after a while, they stopped calling. It was night of the living dead around here. I still hear her screaming in her sleep…"

The memory changes. Suddenly, it is in the living room, and the sun is setting. There is the jangle of keys, then Bella comes through the door. But I hardly recognize her. Her beautiful hair is limp, her translucent skin sallow, her shoulders sagging. And her eyes; they hold no emotion whatsoever on that terribly emotional face that I so loved to read. It was, quite simply, the face of a dead person.

A vision, this time; Bella clutching her chest, pain spasming across her delicate features, twisting them, ravaging them with despair and anguish. It is the single most heartbroken expression in this world, and my cold, dead heart freezes. I wish I could die; it is bad enough seeing this expression on my Bella’s face, but knowing that I am the source of her suffering makes it a thousand times worse. In that instant I realized just how foolish I had been to think Bella could move on. If I could not, then neither could she. It was as simple as that.

But another thought was making itself known. And it consumed my whole being, my every cell. I would never, ever be the cause of this suffering. Never again would I be the reason for Bella to feel such pain.

Never again.

And I am lost in the anguish of my only love.