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Renesmee Cullen Goes To School

Renesmee in school... I AM BACK, BETTER THAN EVER!!! Well, that's the theory.....


3. Wow, he's stupid.

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1010   Review this Chapter

Ohmigosh, I'm sitting in the OFFICE.

I didn't do anything I swear!

Ok, I broke that boys nose.

And that other boys arm.

And all the girls noses.

And another boys arm.


Dis what happened:

I stood in the playground, lookin around, then this boy came up to me and kicked his ball at me, so I caughted and and popped it by squeezing it.

Then he punched me and broke his hand.

Then he started callin me stuff sooooo....I broke his nose.

He screamed for backup then went to the nurses room.

Then I was surrounded.

They TRIED to punch me, but all they did was shatter the bones in their arms.

Then I punched the girls in the nose and walked off.

I'm suspended for a month.

And grounded.

That sucks.

I blame them.

School and me will NOT go together.

Heyho, I'm at home now, sitting infront of the TV with Alice chattering about something.

Haven't a clue what though, but I betcha, she'll dress me up after. Or take me shopping.

Oooh, an advert.


I logged onto my laptop, typed in the pass (P.s my pass is mongoose, don't tell anyone, but without the comma k?)


I got on as fast aas possible and then typed in

Cheeze shop sketch (Without a Z though)

Then I clicked one and a person came up.


Then he opened the door, walked in, closed it.

He went to the counter and rang the bell, and the shop owner came up to him.

Customer: Good Morning.

Owner: Good morning, Sir. Welcome to the National Cheese Emporium!

Customer: Ah, thank you, my good man.

Owner: What can I do for you, Sir?

Customer: Well, I was, uh, sitting in the public library on Thurmon Street just now, skimming through Rogue Herrys by Hugh Walpole, and I suddenly came over all peckish.

Owner: Peckish, sir?

Customer: Esuriant.

Owner: Eh?

Customer: 'Ee, ah wor 'ungry-loike!

Owner: Ah, hungry!

Customer: In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, "a little fermented curd will do the trick," so, I curtailed my Walpoling activites, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles!

Owner: Come again?

Customer: I want to buy some cheese.

Owner: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the music.

Customer: Oh, heaven forbid: I am one who delights in all manifestations of the Terpsichorean muse!

Owner: Sorry?

Customer: 'Ooo, Ah lahk a nice tuune, 'yer forced too!

Owner: So he can go on playing, can he?

Customer: Most certainly! Now then, some cheese please, my good man.

Owner:(lustily) Certainly, sir. What would you like?

Customer: Well, eh, how about a little red Leicester.

Owner: I'm, a-fraid we're fresh out of red Leicester, sir.

Customer: Oh, never mind, how are you on Tilsit?

Owner: I'm afraid we never have that at the end of the week, sir, we get it fresh on Monday.

Customer: Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, four ounces of Caerphilly, if you please.

Owner: Ah! It's beeeen on order, sir, for two weeks. Was expecting it this morning.

Customer: 'T's Not my lucky day, is it? Aah, Bel Paese?

Owner: Sorry, sir.

Customer: Red Windsor?

Owner: Normally, sir, yes. Today the van broke down.

Customer: Ah. Stilton?

Owner: Sorry.

Customer: Ementhal? Gruyere?

Owner: No.

Customer: Any Norweigan Jarlsburg, per chance.

Owner: No.

Customer: Lipta?

Owner: No.

Customer: Lancashire?

Owner: No.

Customer: White Stilton?

Owner: No.

Customer: Danish Brew?

Owner: No.

Customer: Double Goucester?

Owner:(pause) No.

Customer: Cheshire?

Owner: No.

Customer: Dorset Bluveny?

Owner: No.

Customer: Brie, Roquefort, Pol le Veq, Port Salut, Savoy Aire, Saint Paulin, Carrier de lest, Bres Bleu, Bruson?

Owner: No.

Customer: Camenbert, perhaps?

Owner: Ah! We have Camenbert, yessir.

Customer:(suprised) You do! Excellent.

Owner: Yessir. It's..ah,.....it's a bit runny...

Customer: Oh, I like it runny.

Owner: Well,.. It's very runny, actually, sir.

Customer: No matter. Fetch hither the fromage de la Belle France! Mmmwah!

Owner: I...think it's a bit runnier than you'll like it, sir.

Customer: I don't care how extra runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.

Owner: Oooooooooohhh........! (pause)

Customer: What now?

Owner: The cat's eaten it.

Customer:(pause) Has he.

Owner: She, sir.

Customer:(pause) Gouda?

Owner: No.

Customer: Edam?

Owner: No.

Customer: Case Ness?

Owner: No.

Customer: Smoked Austrian?

Owner: No.

Customer: Sage Darby?

Owner: No, sir.

Customer: You...do *have* some cheese, don't you?

Owner:(brightly) Of course, sir. It's a cheese shop, sir. We've got--

Customer: No no... don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.

Owner: Fair enough.

Customer: Uuuuuh, Wensleydale.

Owner: Yes?

Customer: Splendid!, well, I'll have some of that!

Owner: Oh! I thought you were talking to me, sir. Mister Wensleydale, that's my name.

Customer:(pause) Greek Feta?

Owner: Uh, not as such.

Customer: Uuh, Gorgonzola?

Owner: No.

Customer: Parmesan,

Owner: No.

Customer: Mozarella,

Owner: No.

Customer: Paper Cramer,

Owner: No.

Customer: Any Danish Bimbo,

Owner: No.

Customer: Czech sheep's milk,

Owner: No.

Customer: Venezuelan Beaver Cheese?

Owner: Not *today*, sir, no.

Customer:(pause) Let's keep it simple then...Aah, how about Cheddar?

Owner: Well, we don't get much call for it around here, sir.

Customer: Not much ca-- it's the single most popular cheese in the world!

Owner: Not 'round here, sir.

Customer:(slight pause) and pray, what IS the most popular cheese 'round hyah?

Owner: 'Illchester, sir.

Customer: IS it.

Owner: Oh, yes, it's staggeringly popular in this manner, squire.

Customer: Is it.

Owner: It's our number one best seller, sir!

Customer: I see. Uuh...'Illchester, eh?

Owner: Right, sir.

Customer: All right. Okay. 'Have you got any?' he asked, expecting the answer 'no'.

Owner: I'll have a look, sir........nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno.

Customer: It's not much of a cheese shop, is it?

Owner: Finest in the district!

Customer:(annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.

Owner: Well, it's so clean, sir!

Customer: It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese....

Owner:(brightly) You haven't asked me about Limburger, sir.

Customer: Is it be worth it?

Owner: Could be....


Owner: Told you so....

Customer:(slowly) Have you got any Limburger?

Owner: No.

Customer: Figures.Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place. Tell me:

Owner: Yessir?

Customer:(deliberately) Do you have any cheeze at all?

Owner: Yes, sir.

Customer: Now, I'm going to ask you that question, once more and if you say no, I will shoot you through the head. Do you have any cheeze at all?

Owner: No.

(The Customer takes out a gun and shoots the owner)

Customer: What a *senseless* waste of human life.

I laughed at that, I laughed so much I fell off the sofa.

Everyone watched it and started laughing to.

I know what I'm gonna do tomorrow.....