What if the Cullens weren't the only ones who were special? What if Bella could do something they had never seen before? Canon pairings. Slightly OOC.
11. Chapter Eleven - Fixation
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As he spared me a two second glare, I saw the worst part. His golden orbs had transformed entirely and were now coal black, showing me nothing else but pure animalistic anger and agony.
My own eyes went wide and I turned frightened away. My heart beat against my chest as I tried to remember what the colors of his eyes meant.
He seemed perfectly normal this morning when his eyes were golden, like he was usually when his eyes were sporting that color. But at both occasions where I was left scared, his eyes were a menacing black.
He was hungry.
My inner voice divided and they all talked at once, confusing me about which one was me or if all of them were me.
My instincts were telling me to run, run far away from the boy sitting next to me.
They room was freezing over, just like the dream and the only thing missing was Edward himself lunging at me.
Chapter Eleven – Fixation
For a moment I really believed that my nightmare had come to life, Edward took the shape of the deadly beautiful and dangerous butterfly while the rest of the world blended in with the red tinted sky. We were alone, and I wanted us to be alone, even though I knew within myself that it probably wasn't a good idea. I couldn't help it; he had me wrapped around his finger. An unbelievably sweet scent pervaded through my nostrils, trying to calm my nerves, telling me nothing was wrong. His beauty, just like the butterfly, drew me to him. My body was willing to give in to the unknown, yet persuasive, thing, but my mind was alert and reluctant.
I shook myself awoke from the bizarre trance Edward put me in, and quickly diverted my gaze to the blackboard. My mind and body were racing, both trying at their highest ability to reassemble what was left my conscious presence. I felt cold, and a chill ran down my spine as if to confirm the coldness emanating from the boy next to me.
I knew I was the only one feeling like an arctic wind had just blown through the classroom, the rest of the students were minding their own mundane business. But the chilly air wasn't just a figment of my imagination, I was positive about that. I had felt it before.
I wanted to close my eyes, maybe fall into an easy slumber to escape the nightmare my school day had turned into. I wanted to convince myself that since my nightmare really had come to life by the hands of the last person I wanted to, maybe in sleep I'd flee and outrun what haunted me. But I couldn't, no I wouldn't, dare. I was afraid, afraid of what he'd do. As much as I'd like to put my trust in Edward, he really hadn't given me any reason to, and I didn't know the boy. Not really.
In reality, Edward was starting to scare me. One second he was smiling, laughing and conversing in the car, and the other he would wince and glare at my arrival. My original suspicions about his mental health arrived just in time with Mr. Banner.
Mr. Banner rushed in and stumbled on his way to his desk upfront. He was late, again, oversleeping once more. His jumbled thoughts told me he was afraid a student would report his constant tardiness, worried he would get fired. I cursed under my breath as I 'heard' what the plan was for the lesson. We were doing a lab, which meant we'd have to work in pairs.
I cursed the day I decided to pick my seat next to Edward, I cursed Mr. Banner and his annoying schedule and I cursed Edward Cullen and his fickle emotions.
I desired, so much, to believe that all vampires were naturally fickle and aggravating, but I was sure this boy had problems, not just with himself, but with me as well. For some reason, that single fact stung more than anything.
From the corner of my right eye I saw him shift himself rigidly. He took a deep breath before he grew impossibly more rigid. I was mimicking his posture, and it was straining. I had difficulties understanding how he could sit so still, but then again, he wasn't like me. He wasn't human.
"Well, class, today's lab-day!" Mr. Banner was excited enough for the whole class that the collective groan that resounded from his students didn't matter.
"Oh, don't be downers!" Yeah, nothing could ever kill his joy over our labs.
I rubbed my face in anxious anticipation. Edward groaned once again. I really didn't want to do this, and clearly neither did he.
As Mr. Banner handed out our work sheets and the necessary equipment for the experiment, we remained quiet. Thankfully, the lab wasn't very difficult; I had done the exact one before. On the down side, this meant we had to cooperate. I swallowed hard before I chanced a peek at Edward.
He was staring a little too hard at our work sheet, like he really found what was printed interesting, and didn't want to storm out of class. Or, as an alternative, lunge and feast on me.
I shook the thought away, he wouldn't do that. Probably…
Or would he?
I ran both my hands through my hair apprehensively.
I wasn't sure, but hushed and ushered my skeptic voice to the back where I meant it belonged.
I summoned the courage to speak first, "So, shall be begin?"
He nodded, still not looking at me, but instead opting to stare at the microscope between us.
I seriously didn't understand him. I sighed and reached for the slides we were examining today.
Edward obviously had the same thought in mind, and reached over himself, causing his fingers to grace my knuckles. My eyes flitted to his, and we made eye contact for the second time that class. I stopped breathing as I felt a sensation made of prickling and non-existing warmth on where he had touched me. He looked stricken…by something, and I imagined I looked the same as we gawked at each other aimlessly. Eventually he came to, and withdrew his hand quickly, snapping back to his place.
I blew out the breath I'd be holding.
I was blushing fiercely while putting the samples under the microscope, and taking the liberty to examine them first. He had touched me before, but on both of the occasions I had been quite busy, saving lives and whatnot. This time though, I had time to recognize what the crazy bronze-haired boy did to me.
He set my body on fire with a single touch. My heart was positively racing.
He coughed a very unnatural cough, and with that successfully waking me up from my own thoughts. I had been looking at the sample for too long.
Yet again, I flushed the characteristic crimson before I pushed the microscope towards him. He studied the same sample for approximately two seconds before he returned to gaze at me.
Mystified, I let myself stare back at him. In just the span of five minutes, he had gone from looking like he'd been absolutely repulsed by me, to actually let himself stare. He had to be bipolar; he must have lied to me. This again didn't make any sense.
My eyebrows knitted together and, while still staring, I bit my lip.
His eyes went to my lips.
"What's wrong with you?" I finally croaked out.
"Nothing," he answered briskly after breaking his gaze aimed at my lips.
His voice betrayed him, he didn't even believe his own words. I raised a brow in question.
The air between our bodies was cracking.
He was sitting a foot away from me now. He had leaned in.
His hair was tousled, and like never before, I wanted to run my fingers through it, feel the silkiness of Edward.
His darkened eyes stood as a contrast to his pale skin, while he stared intensely, his orbs glittered and glimmered.
And his lips.
His lips were pink. I tried to memorize each and every crack and crease.
He was beautiful, and I thanked the heavens my mind eluded his gift.
I wanted him to touch me again, anywhere, it didn't matter, I just wanted to feel the same sensation one more time.
In the end he huffed, but didn't answer the question I had almost forgot I asked.
"Prophase?" If he didn't want to answer to his strange behavior, we might as well get back to work.
"Prophase," he confirmed.
I scrawled the answer down on the sheet, stole a swift glance in his direction before we really got down to business.
The rest of biology was awkward and tense. Instead of the hostile atmosphere it all started with, it ended with something entirely different. The air was charged at all times, something that caused me to be on my watch and scrutinize every move he made.
I guess I should have been freaked out about the way he suddenly came around, and suddenly would not stop staring, but I was excited and curious.
You know what they say; curiosity killed the cat.
But satisfaction brought it back.
Oh, yes, the satisfaction.
I came to think about him in a different way, these thoughts hadn't been an issue before, but that was all before he touched me. As he touched me, I came to the realization that I was attracted to him. There was a reason my body and a part of mind was drawn to him; he had a physical hold on me.
The thought made me nervous; this was something I wasn't used to.
And it made me crazy contemplating it as I was trying to focus on driving. I know they say that women are able to handle two tasks at the same time, but when it came to boys, this was not true.
Edward Cullen now had a part in every freaking moment in my life. It annoyed me beyond belief that he was on my mind at all times. Also succeeding to banish all other thoughts and worries from my mind; I was becoming an unilateral teenage-girl. Typical, stupid boy.
I had promised to visit Jacob at La Push and I was on my way as these thoughts were dominating.
Things hadn't been awkward with Edward before, not before today.
I hated awkward.
I was used to having complete control over myself, and usually everyone else as well. When you can read people's minds, you can pretty much steer the conversation to your liking. With Edward I felt myself losing control, and as for him, I couldn't predict a single thing he did.
He annoyed as much as he intrigued me.
I was glad Jacob had called earlier, and asked me to come down to La Push, I desperately needed a distraction. I knew Jacob would without doubt provide it.
"Don't do it, you stupid girl!" I shouted at the screen while I covered my eyes just enough to peek through.
"She still will," Jake answered mechanically, he was engrossed.
The girl opened the door, and as I predicted, she started shrieking profanities and screaming for help before she inevitably got slaughtered by the horrible creature I really didn't know what was.
"I knew it, she should have taken my advice and stayed the hell out of that house in the first place," I declared as the movie ended. When I arrived hours earlier at Jake's house, he insisted we watch a new DVD he'd gotten, of course it was horror movie. His favorite, mentally rolled my eyes at this.
"Bella, if she hadn't found the creepy house, there wouldn't have been a movie for us to watch right now," he gave me look that said 'I'm-so-right-and-I'm-aware-of-it'.
"What, doesn't she ever watch scary movies then? They always end like that, they die. Always. Just because she's in a scary movie, doesn't mean she doesn't watch them," I returned the look he just gave me.
He interpreted it as a challenge, and he was right; it was. His eyes showed me that he was in for a long discussion as he mentally readied himself to start shooting arguments at me.
I rolled my eyes, and smirked, letting him know it was on.
"Scary movies suck anyway."
"They do not!" He sounded offended, which sweetened the deal.
"They do, Jake, it's a well-known fact. The only genre of film that sucks more is romantic dramas," I shuddered at the thought of the ton of god-awful movies my mom had tortured me with through the years. I knew why I didn't like these two genres; the plots in them were always transparent, you could always guess how it would end. I didn't want this, I needed my element of uncertainty and excitement.
"You're full of bullshit, scary movies are awesome," his eyes were glowing.
"Tell me why," I challenged.
We must have spent an hour debating the pro's and con's of horror movies, we were both incorrigible, and wouldn't even consider defeat.
"Now that's a blatant lie!" he exclaimed. I laughed at his outburst, he stood up and I realized for the first time exactly how tall Jake had become. He had to be nearing 6"4. He was huge.
"Jake, wow. You've gotten really big," I said seemingly random, he stopped pacing before me and smiled a cocky smile. He was obviously very happy with his own growth spurt. But as he remembered why he'd grown so much, his smile faded and his features were pulled downwards.
I felt his pain, seriously I felt his pain. He was unhappy with the turn of events when he really found out the tribe's longest and biggest secret and became living proof of it. He wanted to be the same old 16 year old Jacob that didn't have a care in the world. He wanted to be normal.
I felt it stab my heart, we were alike in so many ways.
He looked down at me from where he stood, and we both understood the change in the atmosphere. We were getting serious. I felt that he needed to tell me something, well he wanted to tell me something, but he couldn't.
His face contorted as he tried to speak the words, but he seemed to gag on them. I would have laughed at the sight, if I hadn't been worried about his need of oxygen consumption.
He rubbed his face in exasperation. Even though I didn't have a clue about what was restraining him, I decided to give him a break.
"Jake, I already know. I even knew before you did," I staring directly at his lively and warm brown eyes. I gave him a somewhat sheepish grin.
Confusion played across his features before his eyes were lit alight with understanding. He sat down next to me and only uttered a single word, "Oh."
Yeah, oh. I was immensely glad I had told Jacob about my little abnormality, there weren't anyone else to discuss matters like these with.
And even though Jacob always helped me out and listened when I needed to talk, the thought depressed me. I had no one in my life, other than Jake, that I could trust one hundred percent. Not even my freaking parents.
I sighed as I studied Jake's face, he was troubled. Sad, even. Jake wasn't a kind of person who got sad very often. It depressed me.
"I know you've become a werewolf," I said gauging his response.
His eyes immediately found mine, and he looked at as if he had done something wrong. His eyes were of a little who had just been caught with his hand down the cookie jar stealing a snack before dinner.
And what did that make me in his eyes to make him react like that? The mother? Did he seriously think I would judge him? His brown orbs were still pleading with me.
"Jake, there's nothing wrong with being what you are. Don't look at me like that." He diverted his gaze, looking down as if he was ashamed.
It angered me.
I took a hold of his chin and lifted it up, like it at least looked like he took pride in himself, like there was any pride left in him.
Why is she looking at me like that? I, I..shouldn't even be in the same room as her according to Sam. What if I hurt her, what if I hurt someone? God, why did you do this me?
His thoughts consisted of only self-loathing, it was unbearable.
"Bella, I'm a monster," he finally whispered with a pained voice.
I shook my head, disagreeing with his statement.
"You're not. Jake, don't you get it? You're a protector, the whole purpose of this whole arrangement is for you to protect the people who need you. Don't you understand how special you are?"
He wasn't convinced. I let go of his chin before I started my speech.
"The universe always has a purpose for things, you weren't dealt the cards in front of you for no reason, you're meant to play with them. Maybe you'll get a full house, or maybe you'll lose all of your chips," I smiled at my own stupid poker metaphor. A faint smile danced across his face as well when he heard the smile in my voice.
"My point is, if you're chosen for something else than everyone else, you need to understand that it's not because you're a freak of nature, you're just special." As I spoke the words, I knew I fell under the same category as Jacob, but for some reason it was easier to think great things about him and not me.
I couldn't say the same things about myself, how was I helping people? The only thing I did was to eavesdrop on peoples most treasured and hidden thoughts and memories. What I did would be looked upon as a treachery, or trespassing. They'd probably make up some new laws that would only apply to freaks like me.
"No mind reading under a test!, No emotion reading…ever!, Don't look in my eyes!"
I bet I would have been ostracized from the community in a blink of an eye.
"If all that applies to me, then it sure as hell applies to you too," he somehow picked up on my own internal self-deprecating moment without cheating like I did. I smiled at him, thanking him for believing in me.
It was obvious that neither of us believed in ourselves, it was nice to have someone else to the job for me. Jake must have felt the same.
For a moment we felt completely tuned into each other's feelings, and it was strangely relieving. I could see Jacob as my best friend. I think he was my best friend, no matter how long I'd truly known him.
I grinned at him, and him at me.
"Jake…," I started before he interrupted me.
"What's bothering you, Bella?"
I bit my lip, nervous, and a little annoyed I was that easy to read.
After a pause, I just spat it out, "School," I huffed.
His big eyebrows pulled together, "A lot of homework?" he asked simply.
I snorted. I only wished things were that simple. Instead I was crushing on a hundred year old vampire that might or might not eat me sooner or later.
My eyes widened as the thought hit me; was I really crushing on him? I hadn't thought about like that at all, but my immediate and initial assessment was indeed right. The more I thought about it, the more sure I became that I was in fact infatuated with Edward Cullen. I wanted to slap myself silly. Maybe I would.
I shook my head as I retold my pathetic story to Jacob that was waiting expectantly, "It's this guy at school." I sighed, and pause for dramatic effect. "He annoys me, and yet I'm strangely…,"
I didn't want to utter the words out loud, it would make them true, and another soul would know about them, which meant I was forever screwed.
"What?" He was impatient.
"Infatuated. I'm strangely infatuated, and it bothers me beyond belief, but I can't help it. It's like he's a magnet and I'm a random and insignificant metal," I buried my face in my hands, I was the queen of stupid metaphors today.
"Ugh, and it's so stupid," I continued, "I really don't want this." I knew I was lying, I wanted it more than I'd ever wanted anything.
Jake comforted me by rubbing my back, but he was happy. Happy I didn't tell him I had cancer, or moving away. Instead I was babbling about some guy at my high school, he was relieved.
"Bells, you just need to get to know him, when you do, no one will be able to resist your charm."
"Ugh, shut up," this wasn't remotely funny, but I couldn't help but smile when he burst into laughter.
"Seriously, Jake, shut the hell up. This isn't funny," I said sharply, trying again when he winded down from the fit of laughter the left him breathless and flushed.
"It actually is," he swatted away a tear with back of his hand as I glared at him.
"Okay, okay, Bella, c'mon. I was serious, he just needs to get to know you, because you're too awesome for anyone to refuse you anything."
I sighed, if it only was that simple.
On my way home, I pondered on my newfound honesty, both with myself and with Jacob.
I usually kept things to myself, it was uncanny to think about all of stuff I had voluntarily shared today. I won't lie and say I had a ton of friends in Arizona. I didn't, it was as simple as that. People thought I was weird, I thought they were stupid. I didn't understand them, and they didn't want to understand me. I was classified as the weird kid the second they compared my fair complexion to theirs almost sun burnt one. People and I left each other alone. Sometimes I would be pleased with that fact, while others loneliness sought me out.
It was the same with boyfriends, I never had one. You see, boys tend to be people, and like I mentioned, people and I don't get along. So, I had zero experience when it came to this area of expertise, and it really never had been an issue seeing as I never met a boy I truly liked.
Until now. Forks was quite a change. I flushed just thinking about it, Edward was different. He triggered something in me, something I hadn't felt before. Maybe this was what made all the people I had met so far in my life, so stupid and reckless? It had certainly classified me as a fool once or twice this short amount of time.
I really hoped it would just blow over, to get the whole phase over with. But deep down, I knew it wouldn't. The worst part was still the fact that he wanted nothing to do with me; you didn't have to be a mind reader to know that.
- Chapter One - Dead on Arrival
- Chapter Two - Forks High School
- Chapter Three - Turns
- Chapter Four - Waiting
- Chapter Five - Information
- Chapter Six - Confrontation
- Chapter Seven - Explanation
- Chapter Eight - Contamination
- Chapter Nine - Recognition
- Chapter Ten - Contemplation
- Chapter Eleven - Fixation
- Chapter Twelve ? Confusion
- Mallory Marvel
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- 23 May 09
- 04 Aug 10
- In Progress