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What if the Cullens weren't the only ones who were special? What if Bella could do something they had never seen before? Canon pairings. Slightly OOC.


12. Chapter Twelve ? Confusion

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Chapter Twelve – Confusion

It was finally Saturday, but my ridiculous alarm clock was beeping at god-forsaken hours. I threw my hand in the direction of the offensive sound, and fortunately, it shut up. I took a look at the alarm clock, and groaned at the red digits.


Why did I even set my alarm that early? Mike wasn't picking me up for at least another one and a half hour. Yeah, Mike was picking me up. I let my face fall back on to the pillow as I contemplated this. Why exactly had I agreed to this? Without my car, I wouldn't be able to make a quick escape if I wanted to. I huffed, and choked myself a little with my own carbon dioxide.

"So, Bella, you do remember the beach party on Saturday, right?" Mike asked oh, so cleverly.

"Ehm, yeah. Of course, why wouldn't I?" He smiled as I said this. Crap.

I actually had forgotten, but who would blame me with everything I had going on?

Maybe a normal day with the normal teenagers would help, a little normal once in awhile never hurt anyone.

"I could give you a ride, if you'd like. You know, spare the climate the extra toxic," he finished lamely. His blue eyes seemed unsure.

"Sure," I replied sure of myself as well, he was right, there was no need to be mean to Mother Earth. She had never done me any harm.

I pulled my face from the pillow before I suffocated, and rearranged my body so I was now frowning at my ceiling. My logic seemed flawless, so right at the time, but so wrong now.

What if something happened? Would I be able to leave? No.

Not unless I got a ride from someone.

And judging them as teenagers, I'd guess they wouldn't be so enthusiastic about leaving early just for me. I wasn't sure if anyone would actually do me the favor.

I shut my eyes, trying to shut out the fact that I didn't have anyone to rely on, no matter what. No one had my complete loyalty or faith, and I hadn't earned anyone else's. It was, to be honest, saddening. Would it always be like this? Would I ever make real friends?

Jacob was my only friend, but we were at a point where I wouldn't want to bother him with trivial things like my latest worries. I seemed to worry a lot these days.

I shook myself awake, and decided to climb out of the depressing hole I had been digging. So much angst just wasn't good for you. I promised myself to banish these thoughts for the day, maybe even have some fun.

Yeah, I was determined.

Mike was in our driveway 11.55. He didn't start on the horn before exactly 12.00 p.m.

I knew this because I checked.

He was such a dork, and I couldn't help but smile at his blatant attempt at being cool, which failed.

Oh, Mike…

By the time twelve o'clock came around, I had had time to shower, eat breakfast, watch some TV, tidy my already tidy room and pick out my clothes for the day. I didn't know exactly what you wore to a beach party that really wasn't a beach party. The weather forecast told me the inevitable rain was coming, but that it would stay overcast most of the day. Where I came from, the beach was sunny, hot and had light brown sand, if it didn't have these qualities, you wouldn't go. Not that I usually went that often.

I think I just walked around the house after I was done picking out my clothes. God, time went by slowly when you didn't have anything to do. I was bored out of mind, I couldn't have been happier when Mike came.

"Hey," I said happily as I slammed the car door shut.

"Hey, you seem happy," he grinned back at me, seemingly pleased about my mood.

I shrugged.

"So, are we picking up anyone else?"

"Uhm, no. But we're going down to the supermarket real quick to get some food for the whole group." He punctuated his words by letting the motor come alive, and backing out my driveway.

Hm, so he only wanted to give me a ride. That meant the both Lauren and Jessica would not be in the vicinity any time soon. Well, not too soon.

"This will be awesome!" Mike's thoughts screamed at me.

He was beyond enthusiastic, and his anticipation was rubbing off on me. His feelings were rolling of him in buckets, drenching me and dragging me in to a blissful and highly expectant mood. It was exhilarating, I didn't want to shut myself off from his feelings either.

So, I let it be. I let Mike's whole fickle and intense teenage being pour over me as Forks' green landscape flew by. Mike droned on about… something, I reduced his constant babbling to a background sound. I couldn't focus, and I wasn't planning on trying it either. I let myself "mhm" automatically at what he was saying.

I didn't know if I'd ever been so excited about anything in my life. Not my birthdays, not Christmas. Nope, never. Was this what the normal teenager would feel? Unabashedly exuberant about something so trivial like a beach party? I basked and reveled in the feeling, it felt like my soul was taking a bath in ocean of sunshine while simultaneously being tickled by happiness. It was utterly absurd, unexplainable.

Nonetheless, I left my soul to its bath.

"We're here," his voice cut through my illusion, slicing off some of the wonderful feeling.

He was beaming himself. I grinned as I realized I must've been projecting his feelings back on him. He probably got to feel everything twice as strong. His clear blue eyes we're now glistening.

"Oh, that was fast." We wouldn't stop grinning.

It had stopped raining on the way to the beach, but the clouds still seemed threatening. I was hoping the downpour wouldn't start for at least another couple of hours. The exuberance I felt in the car hadn't worn off, and I felt great.

First Beach was not like any other beach I had ever been on. The greenery was as protruding here as in the rest of Forks. The sand was dark brown. Constantly soaked in water, it had gained a more eerie look. The area was surrounded by several cliffs with different heights. It was wet, cold.

I zipped up my rain coat as Mike and I headed towards the rest of the group. They had created a little ring around something that soon would become a bonfire. It was early in the day, but there still was a chill in the air that surrounded us. I covered myself with my arms, rubbing them in an attempt to warm myself.

The crowd's noise got exceptionally louder as we inched closer, they were all there; Jessica, Eric, Lauren, Ben, Angela and a bunch of others I still hadn't bothered to remember the names of. I also noticed a couple of boys that I hadn't seen before. Their darker complexion made them stand out.

Angela and Ben waved me over, and I steered towards them. I smiled brightly at them as I plopped down next to Angela.

"Hey, guys," my words were deafened by Eric's arrival.

"Bwella, you madd it!" he shouted at me when he was done staggering towards us.

"Yeah…" I replied hesitantly, how had he even been able to get drunk this fast? He let out a deep breath, covering me with his alcoholic stench before he wobbled off away from us. I scrunched up my nose.

Ick. I was not a fan of alcohol.

Angela and Ben laughed at me. "Yeah, he is one great pain in the butt. I'm not even sure if he's really drunk or not," she said as she smiled good-naturedly at me.

"Well, no alcohol for Bella."

"Welcome to the club, missy," Ben said.

The bonfire was lit as the beach was about to get darker. The red tinted fire licked at the already burnt wood, and I shivered. The crackling sounds it made, made sure I was attentive. The fire warmed me as much as it chilled me to the bone.

"Ben is so nice," Angela sighed next to me, I must've jumped ten feet because Angela let out her own low shriek in response.

"What's wrong?" she asked, catching her breath.

"Nothing," I answered too quickly. Nothing was wrong. Not a thing, nope. Now I only needed to whistle conspicuously , and I'd be good to go. I mentally rolled my eyes at my stupid behavior.

I scanned the beach, trying hard to escape Angela's questioning eyes.

Mike was making out with Jessica.

Lauren was lying on the ground laughing her ass off.

Eric was dancing off beat to the loud music.

Ben was helping one of his friends, the guy he was helping couldn't walk straight. I guessed this was what Angela was referring to when she vocalized her thoughts about her crush. It was so obvious she liked Ben. What was even more obvious was that he liked her. I rolled my eyes at both their obvious denial.

"Bella, seriously, what's wrong?" She seemed genuinely concerned, but I didn't what to tell her. What was I to tell her? That I was freaking out over a stupid dream I had? The beach was now so eerily similar to the one I had seen in my dream; the cold, icy feeling, the dark and the red tint, it was all there.

A shiver ran down my spine.

And for some reason, it reminded me of Edward.

Finally, I turned to Angela, the girl deserved answers.

I hope it isn't anything serious…

I gave her a careful smile, and nervously rubbed my neck.

"It's… I'm just so confused lately," I huffed out the words. It was true, I was confused. I had no idea what to do about anything, and frankly, it pissed me off. I always knew what to do.

Angela tipped her head quizzically, urging me to go on without saying anything. I liked this girl.

"Well…Okay, let me tell you something about me," my own words scared me, how much was I willing to let her know? I didn't know this girl that well.

"I…um… I'm a control freak," I breathed out, stumbling over my words. She still didn't say a word.

"And lately, I just feel like everything is out of my control. It freaks me out," I admitted.

"Bella, you can't control everything, you have to know that. Something's just aren't to be controlled. Not by anyone," she smiled gently. She was right, I had learnt that I couldn't control everything or everyone.

"I guess you're right," I sounded defeated, I was defeated. By Edward Cullen.

"Is this why you've been so jumpy?"

She could be jumpy naturally. Stupid! I shouldn't have said that, maybe she'll get upset…

I let myself watch a seagull snatch a fish out of the water before I answered.

"Yeah, I guess so. I'm just not used to it, that's all."

"Well you'll get used to it," she said with a grin. Was she implying it would be like this forever?

"That's not nice," I laughed, and gave her a playful shove.

"It's the truth!" She put up her hands in defense. Oh, so that's how she wanted to play it?

"Let me tell you something, miss I-know-everything. I think you should do something about the Ben-situation." I stared at her all the while smiling knowingly, she choked on her chuckle and did the same maneuver I did earlier; look anywhere but at me. I had her now.

"What do you mean?" she squeaked out, obviously embarrassed.

"You know what I mean. You should do something about it, it's so apparent that he feels the same way," I said these words softly, noticing how her cheeks were burning with embarrassment as she stared at the fire.

"Am I that transparent?" God, I wonder if he knows, too, this is awful! I hope no one else has noticed.

She seemed panicked, so I placed one of my hands on her shoulder, attempting to calm her down I said, "No, come on, relax. I'm just very perceptive." I felt bad, I was cheater. I didn't even know if I was perceptive without my "gift".

Abruptly, she turned to face me, "So, what do you think I should do?" She was pleading with her eyes for an answer, and I understood that she didn't want to discuss the nature of her feelings. Just a good old Dr. Phil session. I smiled, I could do that.

"Do you have any classes together? I mean, classes where there's no Mike or Jessica, or god forbid, Lauren?"

She grinned against herself before she spoke, "We do actually, English."

"Great! Just start a stupid conversation with him. After you've done that once, it'll just seem naturally to speak with him more and more. And before you know it, bada-bim-bada-bom!"

We snickered at my outburst together, "Thanks, Bella."

"No problem."

I only wished I could follow my own advice.

At the end, Angela was the one to give me a ride home. Mike and Jessica were all over each other, and I was pretty sure things would get overly awkward in the car with them. Throw in the fact that I could read both their minds and emotions, I shivered; I didn't want to get scarred for life.

Ben was driving many of the teenagers home, and Angela sighed at the fact.

"He really is good guy," Her eyes had gotten a weird dreamy coating, I could only agree.

The rest of the drive went by in comfortable silence, I couldn't have been happier. The day turned out to be fun, when my crazy emotional roller-coaster with Mike ended when we arrived, I decided to put up the guard again. There is such a thing as too much of the good thing. The loss of Mike's feelings, was awful, I felt like a junkie suffering from withdrawal. Several times I was tempted into tapping in on him, but I was repulsed by all the other things I would encounter in his mind.

He was with friggin' Jessica. Ick.

Oh, yeah, and it was wrong.

The non-present sun had set without leaving so much as a trace. My morals had followed and gone elsewhere for the evening.

I said my goodbyes to Angela, and trudged inside the house, slamming the door a little too hard.

"Bells?" He sounded a bit surprised.

"Yeah, dad, it's me." I walked to the living room, where my dad was watching ESPN. Maybe it was baseball, or basketball, or football; I couldn't have cared less. I dumped myself on the couch, stealing some of Charlie's pizza. I hadn't noticed before, but I was starved.

"How was the beach?"

"It was actually kind of fun," I offered a smile as I took a bite of the pizza.

After half an hour with baseball reports, I got bored. The chit-chat was nice, but there's just that much of baseball I can take.

"Dad, I'm not really tired. I think I'll go for a walk."

"Okay, kiddo, don't be gone for too long."

The air outside was fresh, I loved how clear and unpolluted the atmosphere was up here in Washington. Phoenix was whole different story, the air was always crisp and dry, if not, it would be damp and moist. To be honest, it was uncomfortable. Forks was a stark contrast to my former surroundings.

I sauntered slowly around the house, in the back yard I knew there was a little path that lead you deep into the forest. I found the trail easily and followed it. The night was peaceful, the moon had peeked out and was glowing above me. The trail wasn't well used, but it was defined enough for me to find my way home again.

I ran my fingers through my hair, the strands were chilled by the cool wind and I found delight in this. My hair felt silky because of the wind's touch.

I let out a breath, I was relaxed by the silent night.

At last, I found a quaint and serene-looking spot. The grass covered the area, and I could faintly hear the sound of a tiny stream. I settled down in the middle of the area, my back was facing the slightly damp grass, but I didn't care.

My eyes closed by their own accord. I decided to listen in on nature.

To my left I heard movement in the trees. It was an owl going about its nocturnal business. I thought about how this particular, and probably very other owl, always lived alone. How they hunted alone, ate alone and spent their nights and days alone. Always. The only thing they didn't do alone was mating, for obvious reasons.

I bit the inside of my cheek as I thought this.

The owl would sit in his tree forever, alone.

The wind blew past me at that moment, as if it was whispering reassurances to me.

It was okay. I don't think I had been that relaxed ever since I moved to Forks, it was marvelous.

All of the sudden, I heard a twig break not too far from me. My body went rigid. It was my right ear that caught the sound first, I deduced that it had to be coming from the right.

I opened my eyes to the former blackness of the night with the exception of the round moon right above me. My head turned bit by bit, so my eyes could scan the area.

It wasn't an animal, it couldn't have been; I would have known.

I can't hear the thoughts, or anything really, from animals, and I thanked my lucky star when I found this out. Can you imagine the mundane thoughts of an animal? Can you imagine hearing these thought over and over and over again? Eat, sleep, hunt, mate…


Point is, I would have known if there was an animal in the woods right at that moment. The animals give off a vibe, a unique vibe for each species, and these vibes are rather easy to pick up upon. The animals, each insect, mammal and so on, in that forest were radiating their vibes, and I knew where they were located.

I know, my life sucks. It's one great annoying mess.

And there wasn't an animal that broke that twig.

I was sure of it.

I rose from my spot, taking a defensive stance. I wasn't sure what I was defending myself against, or if I even would be able to fight it off.

The weird thing was – there were absolutely nothing coming from the black spot between the trees were I had trained my eyes.

No vibes. At all.

Humans would usually give off vibes that were ever changing, it all depended on their mood. Which, for me, was a good thing; I would always know somewhat what I was dealing with.

"Who's there?" I shouted the words, but they came out more broken than I would have liked it.

Rule number one when dealing with enemies; do not show weakness.

I mentally cursed myself, never breaking my intense glare at black abyss.

I'm not going to lie, I was afraid. Who would lurk around in the bushes at this time? And furthermore, why wasn't this "who" human?

"Who's there? Would you come out?"

The silence that earlier calmed med down, was now killing me.

I took a step forward, determined that I would in the end unveil this mysterious creeper.

As I approached the edge of the surrounding trees, my hands were shaking. I was about to delve into the dark the trees created, when I heard movement ahead. I froze in position.

The steps where getting closer to me.

The twigs broke under the steps, and the wet moss made squishy sounds.

When his glorious face appeared, I fell to my knees.

My beating heart was in my ears, and I covered my face with my hands. My breathing was shallow. Relief flooded through me.

"Why would you do that to me?" The words came out as a shriek, my heart was still thumping painfully in my chest.

His feet were mere inches away from me, I saw as he shuffled back a step.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you," Edward said.

"You scared the living crap out of me," I whispered, still catching my breath.

I dropped my hands, and left my eyes drift toward his.

He was leaning against the trunk of a tree nearby, for some reason, a smile danced across his features.

"Why are you smiling?" I didn't get this boy.

"Oh, nothing." He was still smiling. I rolled my eyes, and let myself fall back on my back.

Why was he here? And how on earth did he know I'd be here, unless he looked for me? But why would he want to do that? What was I to him?

"Why are you here?" I said bluntly. I didn't care, I wanted to know.

He hesitated meanwhile staying very still, I knew this even though I didn't bother looking. Peripheral sight, you know. My question might have been harsh, but I had the right to ask. He was the one randomly showing up to… I didn't know what he wanted.

I stayed quiet, admiring the stars that were nicely spread across the sky.

"So, are you going to answer?"


"Wow." I was amazed at the audacity this boy had.

I kept staring at the stars.

"Listen, can't we ever just have a normal conversation?" he asked tentatively, like he knew I was in charge tonight.

"I'm not sure I can do normal," I huffed back. I was being difficult, but then again, so was he.

He sighed, and yet again, I heard movement. He laid down next me.

I was so aware of his closeness, it was a struggle to just not look at him.

"Haven't you ever felt ambivalent? Like your own being wants two entirely different things?" he asked exasperated. I turned my head to look at him, I had to.

His eyes narrowed on the sky when he felt my stare on him, I didn't look away. He looked different, vulnerable, like I could hurt him with my mere words.

"I have, it's difficult. You feel like your soul might leave you, and then divide itself in two and so they could go their separate ways," I whispered the words to him.

What was he saying, was he just volunteering random information, or had this anything to do with me? After all, his ambivalent nature was more that clear to me.

"Yeah," his eyes met mine, "I haven't heard it put like that. But, my thoughts exactly."

His golden orbs were intense, if I could read eyes, I'm sure he would have been telling me something. Our gaze didn't falter for a couple of minutes, and I fell back to my relaxed state.

"I think I could do normal conversation now," I barely whispered the words, but I was sure he heard them. A careful smile was what I got in return.

He broke our gaze, going back to the stars above.

I did the same after I shook myself back to reality.

"What kind of music do you listen to?" He didn't take his eyes of the numerous constellations over us.

I almost giggled at the absurdity, we were doing normal.

"I like the old rock and roll bands. They're genuinely fresh, and they have an aura to them, they're unique, something special. I don't think music like that can be created today, not in a million years with the mass production."

"So fine this day
all your problems has gone away
but tomorrow, when you wake up
all your problems are back to stay."

I started singing without considering the boy lying next to me.

I waited in anticipation while he processed my random nature.

"Your life,
a game
turn it up, turn it up with cocaine
And every time that you live is a time when you feel
and the only time you heal."

He sang the next verse while staring at my right cheek until it was burning red under his gaze. His voice floated to me, putting me in a tranquil state of mind.

The voice of an angel.

It went along nicely with the rest of him.

"Not a lot of young people feel this way." He was still staring.

"I like the lyrics. I like what they want to achieve with their songs and lyrics, I feel like a lot of this has been lost over the years," I sighed the last words.

He kept staring, and my cheeks would only deepen in color. The atmosphere between us would shift every couple of minutes, it went from the dangerous and gut-wrenching to the electrically charged and exciting in a blink of an eye.

Maybe this was the ambivalence he was talking about?

I was sure it was he who set these different moods between us. I briefly wondered how he did it.

"I need to get home!" I exclaimed as I noted where the moon now was placed on the sky.

I jumped up, frenzy coloring my moves. Charlie would freak out, I must've been gone for hours!

"I'll follow you home."

He grinned at my quizzical expression.