Text Size Large SizeMedium SizeSmall Size    Color Scheme Black SchemeWhite SchemeGrey SchemePaper Scheme        

Mono

Summary:
Bella gets mono. Edward blames himself and feels guilty for hurting Bella again. Bella still is paranoid that Edward will leave her and starts to have convincing dreams that he will leave while she is recovering.


Notes:
i wrote this a long time ago, just for myself. review and tell me if you like it and i'll keep posting. its 8 chapters now but i might tweek the end a tad. Set after Edward comes back at the end of new moon.


7. Chapter 7

Rating 4/5   Word Count 1626   Review this Chapter

I quickly settled into a routine at the Cullen’s house. I slept the majority of the time. Edward didn’t seem to care if I thought I was tired or not. If he thought I had overexerted myself for the day, he quickly carried me upstairs to his bed. My protests were completely unheard when I told him I wasn’t tired or I didn’t want to sleep yet. And if it ever got to the point of me yawning, that was it. I was in bed before I could blink. I tried not to yawn much. When I woke up from my long naps, sometimes I would pass Edward’s inspection if I looked energized enough or if I had slept for a particularly long time. Other times I didn’t pass and he would insist I stay in bed for a while longer. If I passed, Edward carried me downstairs and Esme or Edward would cook me my meals. They were always very good and I was always very hungry. I spent the rest of my time talking to Alice or other members of the family, always under Edward’s watch. He never wanted to let me out of his sight, worrying that I would do something to stress myself out or injure myself in my weakened state. The only times that I knew of that he had actually left the room I was in was when I was in the bathroom and once when I was sleeping, to yell at Emmett. I called Charlie usually once a day, I made sure to tell him that Esme was taking good care of Edward and me. As far as he knew, we barely saw each other because we both were sleeping so much. I also spent a lot of time with Edward watching movies or TV, curled up next to him on his couch. He seemed to think that watching TV was one of the only acceptable activities for someone with mono. I didn’t really mind this much, I was tired and I enjoyed anything where I got to be close to Edward. One night, after I had eaten dinner and Edward and I were sitting in the living room. I was starting to wear out and Edward would notice any minute and I would be off to his room for the night. We had been watching a movie and now that it was over, I could here Emmett and Jasper talking in the dinning room. They were planning a hunting trip for the weekend. Edward hadn’t been hunting in too long. His eyes were pitch black, with purple bruises underneath. I knew he was uncomfortable, but I doubted he would leave me for that long. My getting sick really had come at the most inconvenient time. Normally I had to force him out of the house to hunt. When I managed this, he wouldn’t go far and always came back within a few hours, to prove to me that he wasn’t going to leave me again. I tried not to show him how necessary this proof was to me. I tried to be strong and tell him to go because it would make it easier on him when he was around me. Now that I was ‘sick’ I was pretty sure there was no hope at all for him leaving me. He took Carlisle’s advice of ‘not stressing me out’ to unimaginable extremes. Leaving me for any amount of time would surely constitute a stressor in his book. Being Edward, I knew his other motivation for not leaving me. He wanted to make sure that there was absolutely nothing that could possibly harm me in any way. He wanted to make sure that there was nothing wrong with me. The only way to make sure of this was to watch me 24/7. I knew his family would do just as good of a job but he didn’t like having this job outside of his control. “Ready for bed?” he asked me because I had suddenly gotten quiet. I nodded and let him pick me up, cradling me in his stone arms to carry me upstairs. Emmett and Jasper yelled good night after me before I was gone. Edward folded down the blankets and set me down underneath them, tucking me in like a little kid before lying down next to me. I snuggled up close to him before I could fall asleep. “Edward, I want to talk to you,” I told him quickly. I wanted to get this out before I was out for the night. “What about, love?” he asked, stroking my hair with his chilly fingers. “I want you to go with Jasper and Emmett on their hunting trip.” Edward froze. “Don’t worry about that, Bella. I’m fine and I don’t want to leave you now.” “I don’t want you to leave me either, Edward. I also don’t want you to be uncomfortable around me. Don’t lie to me; I know it’s harder for you than usual. You haven’t been hunting in weeks,” I tried to reason with him. “Please don’t worry about that, Bella. I don’t like that you even think about it. If you were unsafe, I wouldn’t be around you,” he promised me. I wasn’t worried about my safety; I knew that wasn’t a problem with him. That didn’t change the fact that he was unnecessarily uncomfortable. “I know but I don’t want you to think that you can’t leave me when you need to. I’ll be fine. It’s just a few days and I won’t be alone. I sleep most of the time anyway,” I pointed out, hoping this would sway him. It didn’t. “No. Bella, I can tell that you still are afraid I will leave you. I’m not going to leave you now, when you are sick and need me the most,” he told me with finality. I looked away from his face, ashamed that I made it so obvious. I didn’t want to hurt him because of my own irrational fears. It wasn’t his fault that I thought those thoughts. I hated that he blamed himself for my own fears. “Will you at least go while I’m asleep then? If you come back before I’m awake I won’t even know you’re gone. Please?” I didn’t like this offer as much because I knew he wouldn’t enjoy himself as much as if he went with Jasper and Emmett. But it was better than nothing. “I’m fine, Bella. I don’t need to hunt, I need to stay with you,” he said but I could tell his reserve was weakening. “And I need you to be comfortable with me. Go hunt tonight, Edward.” He was silent for a while, knowing I won. He could see that his attempt to not stress me out was clearly stressing me out more. “Get to sleep, Bella. I’m distracting you,” he said, leaning over to kiss my forehead. “Don’t worry about me so much.” “When I wake up these will be gold again, right?” I asked, reaching up to brush my fingers along the bottom of his eye, where purple shadows had formed. He sighed but nodded and began to sing my lullaby to me. I quickly drifted off to sleep, satisfied that I had won. * * * * * * * * * * * I was in a very familial place. A place I used to visit a lot. I was in the woods, where Edward had left me. He was standing in the same place that he did on that fateful day. I knew what was coming. It was like I was watching the scene from someone else’s body, not mine. This couldn’t happen again. Edward loved me, he told me everyday that he loved me. I trusted him. He would never leave. “No. I never loved you. Never.” I shook my head. “Yes you do. You love me, I know you do.” He smiled a mocking smile while he said, “No. I never loved you. I lied. This whole time, I have been lying to you.” I shook my head faster. It was then I realized my whole body was shaking. This couldn’t happen, not again. But it was. “I’m leaving you, Bella. Forever. I’m never coming back. I lied and now I can’t stay anymore. Goodbye.” I reached for him. I reached further and further but I never took hold of him. He just looked at me and I shook my head. Then he turned and started walking into the woods. I tried to follow but I couldn’t move my feet. I started to scream. I screamed louder and louder. Then, all of a sudden my feet unglued themselves from the ground but instead of moving, I fell face first onto the ground. * * * * * * * * * * * * I shot up in bed. I was screaming but didn’t remember how I had gotten here. All I knew was that Edward was leaving. It might be too late. He could already be gone. Edward wasn’t on the bed with me, he wasn’t on his couch. He had left me. He didn’t love me. He lied. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I yelled. The door to Edward’s bedroom banged open and slammed against the wall. There were too many tears for me to look up and see who it was. I didn’t even care who it was. All I cared about had left me and was never coming back.