Text Size Large SizeMedium SizeSmall Size    Color Scheme Black SchemeWhite SchemeGrey SchemePaper Scheme        

Mono

Summary:
Bella gets mono. Edward blames himself and feels guilty for hurting Bella again. Bella still is paranoid that Edward will leave her and starts to have convincing dreams that he will leave while she is recovering.


Notes:
i wrote this a long time ago, just for myself. review and tell me if you like it and i'll keep posting. its 8 chapters now but i might tweek the end a tad. Set after Edward comes back at the end of new moon.


8. Chapter 8

Rating 5/5   Word Count 2275   Review this Chapter

Ch. 8

EPOV

As I lay in my bed holding Bella against my chest, I watched her peaceful face, deep in sleep. She was breathing deeply and had the faint trace of a smile on her lips. I knew she was happy she had won. She wanted me to go hunt. She worried about me way to much. I wanted her to worry about herself for once but I knew this was a lost cause so obviously I would have to worry about her instead.

Right now I had a lot of things to worry about. I worried that I wasn’t taking good enough care of her. I worried that she was feeling constrained by my watching her so closely. I worried that my family would slip and say something that would stress her out, like Emmett had, or make her feel more like she was imposing on us. I worried because I had to think about these things. She shouldn’t have any type of troubles in her life.

I promised her I would hunt. I wouldn’t break my promise and I knew I couldn’t lie to her anyway, even if I wanted to. She would see my eyes and know.

I gave her forehead one last gentle kiss, careful not to wake her, and smoothly rolled out of bed, not shifting the mattress at all and just barely repositioning Bella out of my arms.

Once downstairs, everyone was ready to go, Alice had warned them. Everyone needed a good hunt so we all went except Esme, Jasper, and Rosalie. They stayed with Bella. As fast as I could get done, just enough to satisfy Bella, I would run back and the other three would join Carlisle and Alice. Emmett still felt guilty about the other day and wanted to come back with me. I rolled my eyes at his thoughts that he tried to hide. I had already forgiven him and now I felt guilty about yelling at him so much.

Emmett and I stayed close to the house, just a few miles out. I didn’t want to risk not being there for her if she woke up and I wanted to be close so that if something happened, I could be back at the house within minutes.

We only took an hour or so and ran back to the house right away. Once the others had left, I headed straight for the stairs to go back to Bella.

Hey, wait a sec. will you? Emmett’s thoughts stopped me. I hesitated, listening for Bella to make sure she was okay. I heard her steady breathing and decided that she was fast asleep. She wouldn’t miss me yet. I turned to face Emmett.

“You know I’m sorry about the other day, right?” Emmett asked as soon as I was in the room.

“I know, Emmett. You already apologized. It’s okay, really,” I said, a little impatient.

“I know, but I feel horrible. You warned me not to stress her out and the first thing I do is say something stupid and worry her. Is she still upset about it?” he asked, concerned.

“I don’t know, Emmett. But it’s probably best not to mention it. She knows you were kidding. Maybe she’ll forget. She is human,” I said with a shrug and a smile. I knew she wouldn’t forget.

Right at that moment, when I turned for the stairs again, I heard the worst sound I could ever hear in my entire existence. My Bella’s scream. I froze for a portion of a second at the bottom of the stairs, in complete shock. Then I ran, faster than I had ever run before, up to my room. I was there within a second and had to use a lot of restraint not to rip the door out. It banged against the wall and I could see my room.

Bella was sitting up in my bed, tears coming uncontrollably down her beautiful face, her breath coming in huge gasps. She stopped screaming when the door opened. I leapt onto the bed, kneeling next to her and taking her face in my hands. I doubted she could even see me through all the tears.

“Bella! What’s wrong?!” I yelled, over her sobbing. She couldn’t answer. She couldn’t even breathe. Her heart was going so fast I thought she was going to have a heart attack. She was shaking violently and taking in huge gulps of air, trying to get it into her lungs, without much success.

I turned to Emmett, who had followed me upstairs and was now standing, dumbstruck in the doorframe. “Call Carlisle! Tell him to get back here as fast as possible,” I yelled, snapping him out of his trance. He pulled out his phone and flipped it open at once, going out into the hallway.

I turned back to Bella. She was still gasping for air around her sobs. “Bella! Calm down. You need to breathe!” I yelled so she could hear over her sobs again. She didn’t calm down. I tried to wipe the tears off her face with my fingers. She blinked quickly, trying to get the tears out of her eyes. Seeing me for the first time, she gasped and started to cry even harder. Her heartbeat went even faster though I didn’t think that was possible.

She threw her arms around my waist and cried into my shirt. Through her sobs, she started trying to talk. “Don’t go. Please stay. Please, don’t go,” she said, barely audible through her tears.

“Calm down, love. I’m not leaving. I told you I wouldn’t go anywhere.” Although slightly relieved that she wasn’t physically harmed, I didn’t understand where this had come from. A few hours ago, she was begging for me to go hunting and now she was holding onto me like she would never be able to touch me again.

“Don’t go! Don’t leave me. Not again. I love you,” she wailed into my stomach. I rolled back into a sitting position so I could see her better. When I moved she gasped again and tightened her grip. I quickly pulled her into my lap, holding her shaking frame against my chest. She again wrapped her arms around me and took hold of bunches of my shirt.

Edward, he’s almost here. Alice saw this and they started running a few minutes ago. They’ll be here soon. Emmett’s thoughts were a small relief. Her heart was going dangerously fast and I knew it wasn’t good for her, now especially. If I couldn’t calm her down, I would need help.

“Shhh, Bella. I love you. I’m not going anywhere. Calm down, please Bella. You can’t panic like this. I’ll stay with you forever, don’t worry,” I tried yet again to sooth her. It did nothing to stop her panic. She just shook her head into my chest, like she thought I was lying to her. I didn’t know what to say.

I’m here Edward, Carlisle thought to me. I heard him and Alice race up the stairs and enter the room behind me. Emmett explained what had happened to them, softly and swiftly. I was sure Bella couldn’t hear him, especially over her heavy breathing and her sobbing.

Alice came over to the side of my bed. I shifted positions so that I was holding Bella by the side of the bed. Again, when I moved, Bella tensed and tightened her hold on me. In my new position, if she would open her eyes, she could see Alice. Maybe she could comfort her better than I could.

“Bella, honey, calm down please,” Alice said in a soft voice. “He’s not leaving, you. I can see both of your futures and you’re always going to be together. I promise, he’s staying. I won’t let him leave,” she begged Bella to believe her. When it didn’t work, Alice turned away and went to Emmett who was leaning against the doorframe. Emmett wrapped his big arms around Alice’s tiny body, trying to comfort her as she cried tearless sobs, upset that Bella was so panicked.

“Edward, her heart is going too fast. You need to calm her down now, or else I will,” Carlisle told me. I knew he would have to give her a sedative if she did not calm down.

“How far out is Jasper?” I asked urgently. He could calm her down in a matter of seconds if he was close enough to get here soon.

“Too far. She can’t wait that long,” Carlisle told me and then he went out of the room to go get his bag. If I wanted to keep her conscious, I would have to calm her down now.

“Bella! You need to stop this. Look at me,” I took her face in my hands again and directed her face so she could see mine. Her eyes were open but filled with thick tears and I had so idea if she could see my face clearly or not. “I love you, I need you. I can not leave you. Please believe me. I won’t even let you go until you tell me to. I promise. Just please calm down,” I begged.

This time she made an obvious effort to stop her panic. She gasped in a huge breath and closed her eyes tight. She held in the breath and the tears stopped coming, because her eyes were closed. After a few seconds, she exhaled and opened her eyes, the tears flowing freely again and her breathing as strained as before. Her face was beat red and she was sweating. She was gasping for air that was not getting to her lungs because of her violent sobbing.

I decided I needed to try a new tactic, other than talking to her. I bent down to her face and pressed my lips to hers. I kissed her for a few seconds, hoping that she would snap out of it and see that I truly did love her. This didn’t work either. It only made her heart speed up even more.

“Edward, I need to give her a shot. This is bad for her,” Carlisle told me when he was back in the room, ready with the sedative for Bella. I nodded and admitted defeat. I shifted Bella towards Carlisle, her back to my chest and turned her face into me, putting my hand on her face, in her line of vision so she couldn’t see what Carlisle was doing. Her fear of needles would only make her panic worse.

I tried to hold her shaking body still while Carlisle lifted her shirt up over the bottom of her stomach and gave her the shot. When he was done, I pulled Bella back into my lap and wrapped my arms around her tiny body, rocking her slowly back and forth.

She continued to cry and said, “I love you, don’t leave me again, I won’t survive.”

Her words seemed to tear into me. I wouldn’t survive either. I wish she would believe that. I knew she wasn’t accepting that right now so I simply kissed her forehead and held her tighter in my arms.

Bella’s heart rate slowly decreased and her breath became more even and deep. Her shaking and crying didn’t stop, but became less violent. After a few minutes, that finally stopped too.

I looked up into Carlisle’s face, shocked. “What was that?” I asked him. I simply did not understand what had brought that on. It was like all her tiny fears in life had come up and flooded all her reasoning and what she knew was true all in one moment.

Carlisle shook his head. He couldn’t tell me what I needed to know but he still tried to explain. “I don’t know what brought it on but she just had a panic attack, obviously. She can’t do that again. She is supposed to be resting and getting better. Her heart shouldn’t be working that hard right now.”

“Charlie told me she used to have dreams,” Alice spoke up from where she still stood, in Emmett’s arms, not turning to look at me or Bella. “While you were gone, she had dreams and she would wake up, screaming,” she almost whispered.

I hugged Bella tighter to me. I couldn’t believe that I had hurt her this much and was still hurting her. I closed my eyes kissed Bella’s hair and then leaned my head on hers.

“How long until Jasper gets back?” Carlisle asked Alice.

“Not long, a few minutes. He’ll be here before she wakes up,” she answered.

“Good. Well, we will need to make sure he’s in here when she does wake up. She can’t do that again,” Carlisle said.

I held Bella in my arms, letting the misery seep into me. This was the girl I loved with all of my silent heart, and I was hurting her. I had left her and almost killed her, I had let her get sick, and I was continuing to hurt her. After all this time, she still believed I would leave her. I thought I had made my love plainly clear, but how could I have if she let one dream reverse all I had told her? I rocked the love of my existence back and forth in my arms, trying to convey the deep love I felt for her through to her sleeping mind.