A day in the life of the Cullen family. Will Alice get her way? or will the Cullen boys finally decide that enough is enough? *fluff*
This is set 10 years after Breaking Dawn. BPOV. *I don't own anything. All the wonderful characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. I also don't own Pretty Woman... I wasn't even born when it came out.*
1. Chapter 1
Rating 4.5/5 Word Count 2659 Review this Chapter
Edward and I were in our room listening to some 50’s music. I was sitting on a large cream sofa staring at Edward while he organized his music collection. As I curled up on the sofa I could hear some of the others in the house- Emmett and Jasper were outside trying to build a fort, except they couldn’t agree over the offensive and defensive limitations of its current location. They took this very seriously: Emmett argued that they needed some type of natural frontier; Jasper kept trying to tell him that if they moved a mountain someone would notice. Alice and Rosalie were in the living room discussing their latest discovery in the world of fashion. Alice wanted a certain designer whose name I had never heard to design a lavish green silk dress with intricate beading at the hem for her; Rosalie wanted a full length gown made of red satin with black lace on the back. The last sound I could hear was two distinct heartbeats. I didn’t really need to hear them to know where they came from- I could actually see Renesmee and Jake in the room opposite. They were drawing portraits of each other, I laughed softly- Jake’s face was so funny, the concentration he put into the task was remarkable, he clearly didn’t want to offend Nessie by drawing a bad portrait of her.
Edward started to chuckle quietly as he changed the CD, I soon joined in. Jasper had had enough of Emmett’s insane suggestions, and went into the living room leaving the big oaf muttering to himself. He had become very passionate about fitting a certain mountain range into the backyard.
“Bella, Alice is thinking of playing some family games, want to join them downstairs?” Edward’s voice was soft as he turned around to look at me.
“Yeah, sure. Do you know what we’re playing?” I asked before getting up from the sofa.
“She’s thinking about truth or dare” He grimaced, I was sure he was remembering the last time we played that game. It had become quite uncomfortable answering some of the questions in front of Nessie. Of course, Emmett had found it absolutely hilarious and after Jasper had joined in there was no way of stopping the infectious laughter.
I kissed Edward’s cheek, slowly tracing his jaw, “That game is definitely out of the question. No one needs to know that many details, especially not our daughter.”
He linked his fingers with mine and leaned in for a more passionate kiss, “Especially not our daughter.” He murmured.
I could hear Alice calling our names and after a few seconds we were all in the living room. Alice was already getting very annoyed with Emmett and Jasper.
“Well, if you don’t want to play any of these games then I have no idea what we can do.” She crossed her arms to show how displeased she was with them.
“Sweetheart, it’s just that all of those games became boring ten years ago.” Jasper was trying, and failing, to get Alice to be reasonable.
Jake had just stuffed a second cup cake in his mouth and was still chewing when he made a suggestion. “Well, what about we go to the cinema? I think they’re showing some classics or something like that. I’m sure it won’t be sunny today. Right, Alice?”
“Yes. Yes, that will be great. I can’t wait.” Alice was jumping up and down like a child who had just discovered the wonders of Paris fashion week.
Jasper was equally as enthusiastic, “That’s a great Idea, Jacob. Do you know what they’re showing?”
Before Jacob could respond, Alice was already pouting. She had seen something she didn’t like.
“No. No, absolutely not. You men are just impossible! What’s wrong with Pretty Woman?”
At her question I saw all the men in the room grimace at the idea of watching Pretty Woman. Edward, Emmett, Jasper and Jacob looked ready to bolt.
Jasper tried to be diplomatic, “Umm. Alice, I don’t think that’s a good idea...” he said softly.
Emmett lacked Jasper’s diplomatic ability. “No, not in a million years am I watching that again. The last time I had to sit through that film I was bored, it took me nearly thirty years to forget it. But at least Rose made me try some very weird things afterwards.”
He was very soundly smacked for that comment. “Babe, you know it’s true!” Rosalie just glared.
“Err, yeah I don’t think I’m up for that either... you know, very sleepy and all that.” Jake’s excuses were terrible- as was his fake yawn. I was just about to tell him that he would survive when Nessie beat me to the punch.
“What do you mean you’re tired? You slept for ages last night... ” Nessie suddenly stopped and bit her bottom lip. I groaned. She really put her foot in it this time. I had taken Edward hunting for two days so that she could have some quality time alone with Jacob, but Edward wasn’t meant to know that. She was meant to have spent her nights in her room, sleeping, alone.
Edward was furious, and took a menacing step toward Jacob, “Mongrel, if you...”
Thankfully, Alice jumped in before Edward could finish his threat. “There’s no way any of you are getting out of this. You stupid males are going with us, or you will face some major repercussions.”
I tried to hide a smile. Rose, Nessie and Alice adopted a war stance - legs apart, hands on hips. I joined them. I was already having a lot of fun, not because I particularly wanted to see Pretty Woman, but because I loved how Alice made all the men in our family squirm. They knew exactly what consequences they would face if they didn’t do what we wanted.
They all just nodded- defeated. Alice did a little victory jump, squealed, kissed Jasper and ran upstairs to undoubtedly pick out the perfect going-to-the-cinema outfit. She was hastily followed by Nessie who grabbed Jacob’s hand; I suspected she really didn’t want Edward and Jacob in the same room right now.
“Bella...” Edward’s expression and tone told me that he really wasn’t happy but I knew that it wasn’t about the cinema.
“Edward, we need to give them some space. You know they love each other, and she’s all grown up. We can’t keep treating her like she’s five forever.” I kissed him quickly to try to soften the truth; he was having even a harder time with Nessie growing up than I was.
Moments later we were in the car. We had to take two cars, so both Edward and Rosalie were driving. I managed to get Alice and Japer in our car before Edward could demand that Jacob sit with us where he could keep a close eye on him.
The drive didn’t take long. We actually got there in record time, something that didn’t surprise me, the streets were empty and Edward was anxious to get back to glaring at Jacob. As Rosalie got out the car I could hear her muttering to herself about how she was never going to be able to get the dog smell out of her brand new BMW.
As soon as we stepped through the entrance of the cinema all eyes were on us. Not that I could blame them; if I saw four perfect looking couples walk in I would stare too. Even knowing that, I still felt somewhat self-conscious, so I leaned closer to Edward as he put his arm around my shoulder.
“So who’s getting the tickets?” Alice looked expectantly at the four men- she received blank stares.
“Fine, if there are no volunteers then I will just assign jobs. Edward you go and get the tickets, Jasper and Emmett get some drinks, and Jacob you are on popcorn duty.” Alice was serious, pointing her little finger as she dished out all the various tasks that would make us appear normal.
I tried not to laugh but it was getting harder to keep my face blank. Edward, Jasper, Emmett and Jacob were the biggest guys in the foyer and yet they were being masterly managed by a girl who was half their size.
None of the guys looked happy, but only Emmett was brave enough, or stupid enough, to disagree.
“Come on Alice, you don’t really want to watch it with us. We’ll just complain the whole way through. Plus I never understood what’s so amazing about a guy with an umbrella instead of a sword. Really Rose, someday you are going to have to explain it to me.”
Rose started to lose her cool, it was clear that she didn’t want Emmett to keep bringing that memory up. “Emmett, so help me God if you don’t stop talking about that...”
Jacob interrupted, mainly to get under Rose’s nerves, but also because he looked desperate to get far, far, far away from Pretty Woman. “This should constitute as torture.”
After Jake’s comment all the men joined in, their voices grew louder and louder. And after ten years I knew that somehow this would end up with Jasper and Emmett on the floor wrestling- even if they were on the same side.
I tried to keep the smile off of my face, “You know Alice, maybe we should let them watch something else. I don’t think its worth all this bother. There is just nothing we can do. So, let’s go and watch Pretty Woman and restore our faith in men; I think that Richard Gere can accomplish that.” Rose was in complete agreement with me but Alice looked like she was going to argue; just as she was about to open her mouth to disagree, her eyes went unfocused and she smiled.
“Fine. We’re watching Pretty Woman. You idiots can go and do whatever it is that idiots do.” Even though she was frowning I saw the sparkle in her eye, she was definitely up to something.
We left the men discussing whether to see ScarFace or The God Father.
“Alice, what are you going to do?” I asked, not because I was worried, but because I was curious.
“I’m not going to do anything, Bella. But I’ll bet my entire Dior collection that those stupid oafs will see Pretty Woman with us.”
Nessie looked uncomfortable; she knew never to bet against Alice, especially when she started talking about designer clothes. “Auntie Alice, I really don’t think they want to watch it. It will be fun, we can have girl time... right, momma? Aunt Rose?” Both Rose and I nodded but Alice just humphed and got in a queue.
The guys were still looking at some of the classic posters, laughing. They looked more relaxed and somewhat relieved after having escaped torture by way of Pretty Woman, but I could tell that Edward was going to have a serious talk with Jake; I could see him inching closer and closer to where Jacob stood.
As I was about to ask Nessie exactly what she was thinking when she let it slip that she had spent time with Jacob alone, four men started walking towards us.
I cringed. Why did this always happen when we had some girl time?
The tallest of the group took a step forward towards Alice, “Hi, I’m Dave. This is Matt, Dan and Joe.” He indicated with a nod, “So, what are you ladies going to watch?”
Alice’s face broke into a huge grin. “Hey guys, I think that we’re going to watch Pretty Woman. What about you?”
I knew what she was doing but I could still have punched Alice for that. She knew that they wouldn’t leave us alone now- I didn’t need to be able to tell the future to know that they would be joining us... and Joe? Was that his name? Was already taking a step towards me, grinning like a moron.
At that precise moment Edward was in front of me, holding my hand tightly. Emmet put one of his massive arms possessively around Rosalie’s shoulders. Jacob wound both his arms around Nessie’s waist, and Jasper looked like he was about to rip Dave’s head off if he didn’t take a step back from Alice.
Menacingly and yet completely composed, Edward spoke, “How may we help you gentlemen?”
“Yes, we would love to help.” Emmett didn’t accomplish Edward’s coolness, but he had certainly mastered the art of looking menacing.
I felt really bad for the guys, they couldn’t really help their reaction to us: we were designed to attract our prey, after all. “Edward, I’m not in the mood to watch Pretty woman anymore. Didn’t you want to pick up some CDs on the way back? I think we should go before the store closes.” I pulled on his arm hard; his temper could be volcanic and I didn’t want to see it explode right now.
“Yeah, let’s go,” I was so relieved he’d agreed with me. The four guys were shaking with fear, and one of them looked like he might lose control of his bladder any moment. I wanted to get the angry mythical creatures away from the breakable humans. But, as always, Alice saw things differently.
“No. I’m not going home! I came to see Pretty woman and I’ll be damned if I leave without watching it.” Edward was right: for someone so small, Alice was hugely annoying.
“Alice, please...” I would try to be reasonable, but I would carry her myself if she didn’t begin to shuffle her feet towards the door.
Alice shook her head, “No. No. No.”
The four guys started retreating knowing that the conversation no longer involved them.
“Fine, we’ll watch the film, but we are doing something very manly next weekend.” Jasper looked exasperated but willing to compromise, plus he loved how excited Alice got when she had her way.
Alice jumped, squealed, and kissed Jasper.
Emmett wasn’t exactly pleased – he was pouting like a little baby. But as always his good humour was instantly restored “Yes. I have the best Idea...” As soon as he started speaking I knew that he would suggest something stupid. Edward confirmed my suspicions.
“Emmett, we aren’t going to duplicate a Norman castle- the backyard isn’t that big and I’m not moving a damn mountain, so just forget it. Now, go and get some drinks.” Emmett just glared and stomped away, he wasn’t going to regain his good humour as easily as before but at least Alice looked content, actually she looked rather smug.
She gave me a little secret smile. This was typical Alice: complete stubbornness, with a dash of premonition and voila- we got to see Pretty Woman and snuggle up with the men we love, even if they didn’t like it.
After returning home we were all in pretty good moods. We were laughing, joking and it seemed like the guys had gotten over their Pretty Woman ordeal. But Alice was still bombarding me with questions about what I thought of the film.
“I loved that movie, it truly is a classic don’t you think? I’m really tempted to watch it again right now. Hey Jasper, is our DVD copy down here or in our room?”
Jasper froze, as so did the others.
“What do you mean by ‘our DVD copy’?”
“The copy I bought some years ago...”
Just as Alice answered three things happened simultaneously: Edward punched the Plasma TV, shattering it into small pieces. Jake phased; shoes and clothes flying across the room- a shoe hit Rosalie’s head with uncanny precision. And with a deafening growl Emmett threw himself at Jasper- they were wrestling on the floor within seconds.
I grabbed Alice’s hand and ran out the door with her - the guys loved Alice, but I didn’t want her near three angry vampires and a werewolf before they remembered that.